Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 5

 Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending—Maria Robinson

 

*****

“Happy birthday, Rena.” Brian couldn’t believe he was actually talking to Rena after so many years. It was the first time he had heard her voice in seventeen years. She sounded … confident.

“Why, Bean, you remembered!”

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose and lowered his head. He was still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that he was talking to Rena again. After seventeen years they were both very different people. At least when they were corresponding there was that connection. He was still in her life then. But it had been six years since he’d heard from her. A lot had happened in six years. But, hey, this was Rena. Yes, time had passed and they both had a lot of life experiences under their belts. But underneath it all, they were still family.

“What kind of a brother would I be if I forgot your thirtieth birthday?” he quipped.

“Well, apparently not the tactful kind. You didn’t have to mention my age!” She laughed huskily into the phone. Yes—that was his Rena.

“Knowing you, Rena, you’re telling people you’re forty just so people will think you look good for your age,” Brian teased.

“Hey, I’m not the label queen, Sweetheart. A hundred bucks says you're wearing Armani right now.”

‘God, was he that predictable?’

“And a hundred bucks says I just interrupted you screwing the help.” Brian smiled into the phone.

“Oh! Ouch! When did you get so mean, Bean?” she asked in a hurt little voice that didn’t fool Brian one bit.

“Never mean, just honest.” She laughed. “God, you have no idea how good it is to talk to you, Bean. I've missed you.”

Brian heard the emotion in her voice.

“Yeah … me too,” he said.

They were both silent for a few minutes. So much time had passed. Each was aware of how fragile this phone call was.

Brian was the first to break the silence. “I read your letter,” he informed her.

“And?”

“And what?” He didn’t know to which part of the letter she was referring.

“How complicated would it make your life if I came home?”

He was starting to remember what he loved about Rena. She was a lot like him—direct and to the point. Her letters were a lot like that as well. She always said exactly what was on her mind.

“Very complicated. I should tell you to go fuck yourself. What was that bullshit you wrote to Mikey? Why the fuck would you think you were responsible for my actions?”

Six years were starting to catch up with Brian and he was letting his anger show.

“Fuck, Bean! How come you didn’t tell me you spent time in rehab after I left?”

“Because it was nothing and I KNEW you would take it to mean more than it was.” Brian couldn’t explain the whole truth while Michael was sitting across from him, hanging on his every word.

“Right, nothing. Were you tricking?” Again with the bluntness.

Brian sighed deeply. His hangover was turning into a full-blown migraine.

“Rena, I can't talk to you about this over the phone. There's too much to say that needs to be said in person.” Brian then made a decision. “I’m coming to New York."

Michael’s eyes widened when he heard that. Brian shook his head as if to say, “don’t”.

“Shit. That complicated, huh?” Rena wasn’t stupid.

Brian looked around the diner to make sure Debbie wasn’t within hearing distance. He lowered his voice and spoke into the phone.

“Rena, no one here knows you exist. We never told anyone.” He paused, waiting for her reaction to that bit of news. When no response came he continued. “Mikey never told his mother.” He heard a sharp intake of breath.

“That’s not going to be an easy conversation,” she remarked.

“No, it’s not, but I’ll handle it.” Brian knew he would take the blame for that; he had to, mostly because he WAS to blame, but also because it would be easier for Debbie to believe that “big bad” Kinney had been responsible for Mikey’s actions. Brian didn’t want Debbie to feel hurt because Michael hadn't confided something so big.

“Deb has a right to know who you are before you come here. She was very good to me, Rena, after you left, ” Brian explained.

“I know …” Rena said, regret heavy in her voice.

“What about Lindsey and your other friends. Are you going to tell them, too?”

“No, they’ll find out when you come here. I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise.” Brian smiled. Oh they would be surprised all right. Brian liked keeping his friends off balance. It wouldn’t be good if they started to believe that they actually knew him.

Rena laughed. “You are so bad, Bean! You like stirring the pot, don’t you?”

“Me? Never! I can’t help it if my life is interesting, ” Brain said innocently.

“Well, then, this should be fun!” Rena said excitedly. “So when can I expect you?”

“I’ll have to clear my calendar, and there's one other person I need to tell.”

Brian closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the booth. Justin. God how he hated this. They were so distant, and this would put a bigger wedge between them. Brian didn’t want that to happen. He wanted Justin to be happy, and if that meant being with the fiddler then he was okay with that. But he needed Justin in his life. He couldn’t even think of the possibility of losing him totally. He knew he was a selfish prick, but he didn’t care. Justin was his small piece of happiness that he wasn’t willing to give up. Just seeing him, and being able to be near him … to smell him when he stood close to him in the diner … he couldn’t give that up. When he told Justin about Rena and his past, he would be risking losing Justin forever. But he also knew Justin deserved the truth; it was the least he could give the blond.

“Brian?” Rena must have sensed the solemnity in his voice when he mentioned this other person. She only used his given name when she was truly concerned. She had started calling him Bean when she was just three and had trouble pronouncing words. Then later she had kept the nickname because she said he looked like a string bean—tall and skinny.

“Yeah, its okay, Rena. We’ll talk when I get to New York. I should be there the day after tomorrow. I’ll call you,” he reassured her.

“Brian, I don’t want my showing back up into you life to cause any problems. I know you have family there. They are bound to feel hurt that you’ve not confined in them about me after all these years. Maybe it’s best…”

“Rena, just shut the fuck up already. You are my family. You are coming home. Everyone else will just have to deal. It’s time for you to come home,” Brian said with finality.

Rena was right, there were people who would be hurt, but he didn’t care. The only one he cared about was Justin, and it was about time Justin knew who he was. Everyone else could go fuck themselves.

“Then I’m coming home,” he agreed.

“Good, I’ll call you to let you know when I’ll be arriving.”

“I’ll be waiting. Oh, and Bean?” Rena croaked.

“What?” Brian asked.

“I love you.”

Brian sighed deeply into the phone.

“I love you too, Rena” He said and closed the phone.

Brian put his Razor on the counter and stared at it. He didn’t’ know how long he sat there just looking at the phone, as if it were still connected to Rena. He was totally lost in his thoughts.

“Brian, did you hear what the fuck I just said?!” Michael was screeching about something.

“No, Mikey. Refresh my memory.” Brian’s mind was racing.

“I said 'how the fuck am I going to tell Ma?” Michael whined.

“You’re not. We’ll tell her together. But first I have to tell Justin.”

Michaels face went blank. “Jesus, Brian, I’m sorry. This couldn’t have happened at a worse time. Poor Justin.”

So much for his best friend making him feel better. “Yeah, well, he deserves to know the truth.”

Michael had the courtesy to blush at his slip. “I’m sorry, Brian, you know I didn’t mean …”

Brian put up his hand to stop Michael from making it worse. “It’s okay, Mikey. I know this is going to be hard for Justin to digest.” That was an understatement.

“Brian, you love Justin. He knows that. You’ll get through this.”

‘Oh, now Mikey decides to be the supportive friend.’ Brian snorted.

He picked up the phone and dialed. Justin had given him back the cell phone he had bought Justin when he left. Brian had no idea what the fiddler’s number was; nor would he ever want to know. So he called the one person who would help him track down Justin.

“Daphne’s phone!” She answered cheerfully.

“I need to talk to Justin. Do you know where I can find him?”
 

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