Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 39

“Have you come here for forgiveness
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head”

~ One by U2

***

 

Justin stood at the front door of the newly renovated brownstone . He saw Brian’s influence in the details. It reminded him of just how much Brian kept hidden from everyone, including him. Actually, he thought, more so from him.

His reserve was shattered yesterday and last night when he broke down and let Brian fuck him. He couldn’t afford to be vulnerable to him right now, but he just couldn’t hold out. He was fooling himself thinking that part of his plan was going to hold water. When it came to Brian, his body had a mind of his own. And his body caved. Come Saturday though, he was determined that the rest of his plan would come to fruition.

Brian’s need for him was as strong as his own for Brian. Three days was a very long time for them. They fucked for hours in his office, much to the frustration of Ted and Shane. Both had business they needed to discuss with Brian but where put off because of their fucking. By the time they left the office everyone was gone. They were hot, sweaty and somewhat satisfied. Round two came later that night at the loft.

They fucked all night. Justin made a point not to talk. Brian was very happy about that, Justin thought angrily. He was content, as usual, to just fuck their problems away. Justin let him believe it worked.

It wasn’t hard really, cause when he was in Brian’s arms, all their problems disappeared. It was the one area in their relationship where everything was in perfect harmony. There was no thought involved, it was all instinct and emotion. Sex with Brian existed on a whole other realm. It was when the cold light of day came around that reality hit and their problems reappeared. It was like they lived in two different worlds. The one inside the bedroom, and the one outside. The trick was getting both worlds to coincide peacefully.

Justin made sure he got up before Brian this morning. He didn’t want to face him just yet. He was still too raw and emotional from their union. Justin knew his limits when it came to Brian. If he had stayed, he would have ended up screaming at him his frustration and fear. He couldn’t risk that. It would only cause Brian to shut down and Justin needed him as open as possible before Saturday.

The task at hand was the last piece he needed to put into place in order for his plan to be successful. Justin convinced himself it would be because the alternative was unthinkable. The truth however was that it could go either way; it could have the impact Justin hoped for and be the beginning of true healing for Brian or it could blow up in his face and leave a litter of corpses in it’s wake. Justin was desperate enough to take the chance, and so were the people in Brian’s life who loved him. He silently prayed that the woman on the other side of this door was one of those people as well.

He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. A full two minutes passed before the door was swung open. The woman on the other side of the door stared at him in shock.

“Hello, Joan. Remember me?”

Joan sneered at him. “Yes, I do unfortunately. You’re the young boy my son molested.”

Justin could smell the alcohol on her breath and it was just ten in the morning. He signed deeply.

“I think you have that backwards, Joan. If there were any molesting going on, it was being done by me. I was the one who pursued him. But I’m not here to talk about our relationship, I’m here to talk to you about Brian.”

Joan looked at him skeptically. “You still seeing my son?”

“Yes, we are still together. And that’s not going to change, but some things have to, Joan, and I was hoping you could help me accomplish that.”

Joan’s eyes lit up with excitement. “I’ve been trying to change Brian for years! You know it’s not too late. Not for you or for my son. You can both ask God to forgive you and stop committing that awful sin and you can still get into heaven.”

Justin really pitied this woman. She truly believed the shit she was spouting
He doubted she would be any help to him, but he had to try.

“May I come in?”

Joan opened the door and let him in. Without saying a word she turned and walked towards the kitchen. Justin followed her. He walked through the house noting the expensive modern furniture. He was surprised she could afford it. This was a woman who lived with a very stingy man according to Brian. It was one of the reason’s why money and success was so important to Brian. He never wanted to be a man like his father. Anything Jack was, Brian made sure he was the opposite.

Jack died last year. The only thing he left behind was a miserable $50,000 life insurance policy, most of which Joan spent on a lavish funeral. Not that she loved her husband, Justin doubted the woman was capable of love, but because Joan was all about appearances.

It suddenly hit him that the money for the furnishing, just like the money for outside renovations came from Brian. Justin shook his head. Joan had never shown Brian one ounce of love; she disowned him when she found out he was gay and told him he was going to hell and still, Brian felt obligated to take care of her. It was just another piece to add to Brian’s complex character.

“Nice place, Joan. Did Brian pay for this?” Justin asked, deciding to forego the bullshit niceties.

“That’s none of your business,” she retorted. “What goes on between me and my son is MY business.”

“You’re right. But I’m surprised you still call him your son. I thought you disowned him? After all, he’s a sinner and going to hell,” Justin said, disliking this woman more and more by the minute.

“He is going to hell, and so are you!” She screeched at him.

Justin glared at her. “And you think you’re going to escape hell after all you did to your own son!” His temper was rising.

Joan looked surprised for a moment. “I KNOW I’m going to hell!” she said, almost hysterically.

Justin stepped back stunned by her revelation.

“My lot was cast years ago. It is because of ME Brian is he way he is! I let that family take him in when I knew there was evil there. I turned a blind eye to it. And do you know why I did? Because I was trying to save him from the evil that was residing in my OWN house! I thought I was saving him, and all I did was condemned him to hell. And because of my sin against my son, I condemned my own soul.” Her eyes glisten with tears.

Justin was shocked. The sincerity in her tone of voice and the words she spoke could not be denied.

She leaned over the kitchen table and spat her words out, the booze clearly motivating her.

“Why do you think I go to church every day? I’m praying for HIS soul! Not mine! Why do you think I beg him to stop sinning? I know you may think I don’t love him, but I do. I don’t want him to go to hell!”

Justin could only stare at Joan. He was starting to understand. She truly believed that Brian being gay was buying him a one-way ticket to hell and she was to blame. She’d been spending her life trying to save him from it. It was what a mother would do for a son she loved, a sick and demented love, but still love.

“Joan, Brian is not going to change. He is gay, you have to accept that.” He knew his words were falling on deaf ears. She’d been too brainwashed.

“I can’t accept it. I won’t. I will go to my grave trying to save his soul. I may not be able to change him, but maybe with enough prayers I can absolve his soul,”

Justin’s eyes soften. This woman was truly disturbed. He wondered if Brian knew how disturbed she was. More importantly, he wondered if Brian understood that his mother did love him. Yes, it was sick and demented, but it was HER form of love. That had to mean something.

Perhaps if he heard her say to him what she just said to Justin, he might feel a little better about her rejection. If he knew Joan abandoned him in hopes of saving him it might make him feel differently about not being “wanted” by his own mother. Joan always told Brian that Jack never wanted him, that he wanted her to abort him, but Justin knew Joan never told him why she rejected him once he was born. She was, in her way, trying to save him.

“Joan, have you ever told Brian why you abandoned him at such a young age?”

Joan huffed. “Why should I? He hates me, he’d never listen. He knows how Jack was. When he did come to live with us, Jack beat him almost everyday. Jack knew what went on in that house back in New York. He thought that he could beat the “sin” out of Brian. I hated Jack for that. Only through prayer can you save a soul, not through beatings. Do you know how many times I fought with Jack so he would beat me instead? I didn’t care. By that time I lost all feeling anyway. It wasn’t enough though. Brian still got the worst of it. I was glad when he left.” Joan paused to wipe her eyes.

“And how was I repaid?! By finding out my son is gay! All the praying, all the beatings, and still he chose to defy God! I know he is doing it to hurt me.”

Jesus she was fucked up. “Joan, Brian does not CHOOSE to be Gay. He IS Gay. God made him that way.”

Joan stepped back as if she were slapped. “HOW dare you! Brian chose that disgusting lifestyle, just like you chose it. You’re both going to hell!”

Ok, they were going in circles. Justin heaved a big sigh. If nothing else, Brian needed to hear why Joan abandoned him.

“We are never going to agree on this, Joan. So let’s just not. If you love your son, and I believe you do in your own way, then you’ll tell him what you just told me. If nothing else, at the very least, you and your son will go to your graves knowing there was some love between you. Isn’t that the Christian thing to do Joan?” Justin asked, hoping some sense would sink into that booze laden, demented mind of hers.

Joan looked at him thoughtfully. “He won’t listen.”

“What if I can promise you he will? Would you tell him then?”

“How can you do that?” She asked.

“Just come to his loft this Saturday night, and you’ll have your opportunity. That’s all I ask. Don’t do it for me, do it for your son. You may not be able to save his soul from damnation on the other side, but you can make THIS life a little more bearable for him. No son should go to his grave thinking his own mother didn’t love him. He needs to hear everything you just told me. Can you do that for him, Joan? God might look favorable on you for doing such a charitable thing.” He hoped to use her fanatical religious beliefs to persuade her.

Joan stood up straight and squared her shoulders. Justin held his breath while he watched the myriad of emotions flitter across her worn face.

“What time?” she finally said.

Justin breathed a sigh of relief. “Seven, this Saturday.”

He turned to leave. Joan followed him to the door and let him out. Before she could close the door on him he turned around to face her.

“Joan,”

She gave him a stone cold look.

“God thanks you.”

 

***
 

Cynthia buzzed the intercom. “Brian, Robert is here to see you with Mel’s lawyer.”

Shane was down in the art department today helping out. Brian had yet to replace Claude. He hadn’t even had a chance to look at the references Shane got for him. He was a bit preoccupied yesterday afternoon. By the time Justin and he got unoccupied, everyone had left.

Cynthia was sitting in for Shane today, a job she was not happy doing. She commented that he was determined to keep her as his personal assistant no matter how many raises or titles he gave her.

“Are you in?” she asked

Brian groaned inwardly. He never got around to checking his messages last night. The fact that Robert was there with Mel’s lawyer could only mean one thing. The meeting last night did not go well.

“Give me a minute, Cyn.”

He turned his phone off last night, not wanting his time with Justin disturbed. He completely forgot that he had asked Robert to call him after his meeting with Mel and her lawyer. He hadn’t even checked his messages this morning.

When he woke, Justin was gone. He didn’t know what to make of that. Last night was perfect. They were “them” again. They fucked all night, their bodies communicating all that needed to be communicated. But then Justin skipped out on their morning shower ritual. Justin never skipped morning sex in the shower after a night like that.

If Justin was still angry, he would have started in on him as soon as he awoke, but he didn’t. He didn’t wake up angry, he didn’t wake up horny. What the fuck was up with him? Brian was getting really nervous. Justin was up to something, he knew it; he could feel it.

His mind was so wrapped around his fucked up “relationship” that he completely forgot about Robert.

He pulled his cell out and quickly listened to his messages. He needed to be prepared before allowing them in.



“Number of new messages, one. Time 12:45 am. “Hey, Brian, this is George. We need to talk ASAP. Mel’s playing hardball. Robert refused to back down and set up a meeting with you in the morning with Mel’s lawyer, at their request. We’ll be at your office at ten. He didn’t want to turn them down because he wants them to think nothing will frazzle us. If we don’t talk to you before then, just follow Roberts’s lead. Call us when you get this message.”



Brian flipped the phone shut. Fucking Mel. Figures she’d play hardball by trying to catch Brian off guard with this meeting. She’s moving fast, getting her cards all lined up neatly in a row. Robert made the right decision. They want to meet? Fine.

“Send them in, Cyn.” Brian pulled out his bottle of Beam and took a quick swig before placing it back in his drawer.

Robert walked into the office followed by George and a man in a very expensive Versace suit. He had sandy hair and slate blue eyes. It was the eyes that caught Brian’s attention. They were emotionless. They were the eyes of a man who’d been doing a nasty job for so long he’d grown immune to it. This man was dangerous.

“Hello, Brian, how is your day going?” Robert signed to Brian and George interpreted.

Brian went over and gave Robert a friendly hug. Letting Mel’s lawyer see this was more than business for them, it was personal. He spoke to Robert, and ignored the other lawyer for the moment.

“I’d be doing a lot better if that brother of yours would let me win one fucking racket ball match,” Brian teased, making sure the other lawyer knew exactly how personal this is.

Robert caught on. “Well you know John was always too fucking competitive for his own good. Your sister needs to rein that man of hers in. When are those two going to set a date anyway?” Robert signed, again George interpreted.

Brian laughed; Robert was good at this. “I haven’t a clue, all I know is when it happens, I’m going to have to foot the bill. Maybe we can talk them into eloping?” They both laughed.

The lawyer stood there, with those emotionless eyes and looked bored. Brian realized that they could go on forever and he wouldn’t be affected. He decided to end the charade. He turned to the lawyer and extended his hand smiling. “Brian Kinney,” he said in a very relaxed tone.

The man took his hand and shook it firmly. His eyes met Brian’s, determined.

“Adam Slatter.”
 

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