Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 38

‘Walking on, walking on broken glass
And if you're trying to cut me down
You know that I might bleed
'Cause if you're trying to cut me down
I know that you'll succeed
And if you want to hurt me
There's nothing left to fear
Cause if you want to hurt me
You're doing really well, my dear’

Annie Lennox – Walking on Broken Glass

***

 

Adam gripped Shane’s shoulders gently and ran his hands down her arms. When he reached her wrists, he encircled them and pulled them up over her head and pressed up against her, his mouth never leaving hers.

Shane felt the dusty bricks of the old building dig into her back. She moaned deeply into Adam’s mouth. Her chest heaved; her breasts struggled to be free from their bonds. She tried to grasp a thought but couldn’t hold on to a single one; all she could do was feel.

She was engulfed by everything that was Adam; his body, his mouth, his hands, his scent, everything. She instinctively pushed her hips forward to press into his hardness.

Adam groaned and rotated his hips against her. They were lost in their passion, and neither cared. Somewhere in the back of Adam’s mind he remembered they were in a dark alleyway down some deserted street. It was dangerous, yet he didn’t care. He wanted Shane, now.

He released her wrists and ran his hands up under her shirt. He felt the material that was binding her breasts and made haste in unraveling it. Once freed, the soft weight of her breasts filled his hands. He massaged them, rubbing his thumbs over her nipples eliciting a response from them. His efforts were rewarded as he felt the nubs fill with blood and become engorged.

He lowered his head and took one into his mouth.

Shane gasped at the feel of his mouth ravishing her sensitive skin. Hot fire burned from her breast down to between her legs.

Gripping his hair tightly, she pressed his mouth tighter against her burning flesh. She lifted her legs and wrapped them around his waist. Her head rested against the dusty bricks as she mewled out her passion. She was wild and uninhibited and Adam was helpless to the effect it was having on him.

He was going to take her, right there in the alley. Adam reached between them and undid their pants. He lowered Shane’s legs and pulled her pants down so they were around her ankles; he then pulled out his pulsing cock.

He was ready to enter her when a nagging voice grew louder in his head. FUCK! He reluctantly pulled his mouth away from her. His breath literally left his body.

“For God sakes, please tell me you have a condom,” he gasped as he rubbed his cheek against her breast.

Shane barely registered what he was saying. “Back pocket,” she croaked out in a lust filled voice.

Adam reached around and pulled the condom out of her pocket. He tore it open and put in on. He recaptured her mouth and lowered his hands to her center, making sure she was ready for him. She was hot and wet.

He entered her in one swift movement.

“Arghhh!” Shane screamed out. She didn’t expect the pain.

She had not had intercourse with a man since she was a kid. After her mother dumped her, she donned the “boy” disguise and only tricked for gay men. She never had vaginal intercourse during that time; she was after all, supposedly a young gay boy.

She had stopped tricking all together when she met Rena. Since she’s only fucked other women and the occasional romp with gay men when she was feeling at odds with the world and slipped back into old familiar territory. She never thought she’d want another man inside her like this.

Adam heard her pain and stilled his motion. He broke out in a sweat from the exertion of it.

He pulled back and looked into her face. He could see the pain in her eyes.

“Easy, fancy face,” he said softly, trying to calm her. He was confused by her response.

Shane shook her head, embarrassed by her reaction.

“It’s ok, I’m sorry. It’s just I haven’t had sex with a straight man since I was a kid.”

Adam knew about Shane’s background. He knew her mother sold ‘him’ for drugs when ‘he’ was just six. He also knew Shane had stopped tricking for money over six year ago, but still went out occasionally. What he didn’t know was that Shane was a girl. That little revelation just came to pass, and the implications of that were just hitting Adam.

“Fuck, Shane, I’m sorry. I had no idea. I thought…”

“Shut the fuck up and fuck me.” Shane pushed her hips forward taking more of him inside her. She hissed, but the sound this time was a mixture of pain and pleasure.

Adam held her hips and guided her movements. He went very slow, making sure to keep her desire inflamed by using his mouth on her breast, neck and lips.

Shane’s body opened for him. Her pain quickly turned to pleasure and she rocked against him.

Adam still held her hips firmly, not wanting her to hurt herself in her excitement. He kept his strokes steady and controlled, until he felt her excitement build, and knew she needed more. Then his strokes became more frantic.

Shane felt something coil inside her, she never had an orgasm during intercourse before and the feeling was foreign to her. She tensed and clamped down on Adam. Her body went rigid as wave after wave of the most exquisite pleasure she ever felt ripped through her body.

Shane’s response sent Adam over the edge. He grabbed her ass and pulled her tight against him, pulsing his pleasure inside of her.

They were locked together, riding the waves of ecstasy. Spent and breathless, they laid against the brick building, each basking in the aftermath of their union.

Shane was drifting on a euphoric cloud. Her eyes were closed, her body still connected to Adam.

Adam slowly pulled out of Shane and discarded the condom. Shane felt the cold hit her body, but she couldn’t move. She never experienced anything like that in her life and she was not about to let one minute of it escape her.

She felt Adam pull her pants up and gently kiss her on the mouth. Shane slowly opened her eyes to see a smiling Adam staring down at her.

“You ok?”

“More than ok.” Shane’s eyes shone with the aftermath of her lust. “You mad?” she asked sheepishly.

“I’ve never been madder in my life,” Adam said with a roguish grin.

Shane tilted her head and narrowed her eyes, not sure of his meaning.

Adam laughed at her expression.

“I’m as mad as the Mad Hatter, fancy face. I am absolutely fucking nuts about you.” He leaned in to kiss her. When he pulled away he gave her a serious look. “I have just one question for you.”

Shane ran her tongue over her swollen lips. She didn’t want this moment to end. She was afraid of what he would ask her. “What?”

“Who the fuck is going to wear the pants in this relationship?”

Shane laughed and hugged him.

They pulled themselves together and headed back to their car. There was much they had to talk about, so much they had to figure out. But there would be plenty of time for all that later. For now, each was content to let the moment ride for as long as they could. Fate however, had other plans for them. Plans that would challenge their relationship in ways neither would have ever imagined.

 

***

Brian sat behind his desk at Kinnetik and dialed the phone for the third time that day. And for the third time, the answering machine picked up.

“Justin, I gave you the fucking cell so that you would use it. Stop ignoring me. Call me,” he said then hung up.

It had been three days since his “episode” as Justin called it. Brian had to admit he fucked up pretty bad. He got really sick that night and Justin spent it holding his head over the toilet. He didn’t go into the office on Monday; Justin, however, did make his early morning class. He was only too happy to get as far away from Brian as possible.

Brian couldn’t blame him, but he did blame Mikey. Fucking Mikey! He had to tell them where to find him. And of course, Emmett told Justin. Justin was disgusted with him. Not that Justin would actually say that to him, oh no, his little Sunshine was too polite for that. And when Justin was polite, Brian got nervous.

He’d much rather have a screaming, tantrum throwing, spitting mad Justin then a ‘polite’ Justin. For the past three fucking days Justin went about his business as if nothing ever happened. He went to work and school then came home and worked on his computer. Every night he went out. He stopped cooking dinner. He ate either at Rena’s or Daphne’s. He left Brian to fend for himself.

It was becoming painfully obvious that he did not want to be near Brian.

When he would finally come home it would be very late and he would just get into bed and turn away from Brian. At first Brian was happy to let him ignore him. He knew that eventually Justin would want to “talk” about the ‘episode’, and Brian hated those kinds of talks. Brian was glad for the reprieve. But it’s been three days now and it didn’t look like Justin wanted to talk, or fuck or have anything to do with him.

Brian was starting to get really worried to the point where he called Justin three times already today leaving messages on his cell that they needed to talk. How fucked up was that? Brian hated talking, yet right now, he’d give his left nut to talk to Justin about what happened. At least they would get it out in the open and get past it. Justin was either not willing or just didn’t want to deal with it.

Shane buzzed Brian over the intercom, interrupting his thoughts. “Brian, Robert wants to talk to you. He’s on the phone.”
 

Brian pushed the button. “Robert is fucking deaf, Shane, how am I going to talk to him on the phone?”

“Duh, his interpreter! Jesus, Bri, where the fuck is your head today?”

Brian cursed. He’d been so wrapped up in what was going on between him and Justin he’d totally forgotten about Robert.

Robert Remington, John’s deaf brother was a lawyer and just happened to be on the list Viv faxed over. Brian had checked him out and found out he was an excellent lawyer with experience in child custody cases. He was gay and he was John’s brother. He knew how close Brian and his brother were, not to mention the fact that his brother was dating his sister. It was personal for him. He wasn’t treating this like just another case. Brian was very happy with the situation. He hired him yesterday.

Robert had a paralegal with him at all times who was also his interpreter. That little fact had escaped Brian just now. “Busy thinking about a replacement for your sorry ass,” Brian shot back.

“Am I being fired again, boss?”

Shane had been in an unusually good mood all week Brian noted. He knew from James she’d been going out every night with the same guy. She obviously wasn’t ready to tell anyone about this mystery man, but who ever he was, he was making her happy.

“I should fire your lazy ass. Have you checked out those references yet?”

He had narrowed his choices down to two candidates to fill Claude’s position The man was truly intolerable, especially when Brian was in a particularly bad mood, and today Brian was in a very bad mood. He had fired him that morning.

“I’m on it, boss.”

“Get it done, Shane, today.”

“Put Robert through.”

Shane connected the call. She was happy Brian hired Robert; it seemed a perfect fit. She was going to ask Adam to be Brian’s lawyer but was glad Brian chose Robert instead. It was almost like family representing him. And that left Adam all to herself. Shane smiled behind her desk. She and Adam were getting along so well. They still hadn’t had a chance to talk, but who needed to talk? The thought made Shane smile.

They spent their nights fucking like she’d never fucked before. It was amazing. Adam was amazing. Afterwards they were too exhausted to talk; they’d fall asleep and by the time they woke up each had to rush back home to go to work.

He would call her during the day just to tell her he missed her and couldn’t wait to see her that night, which had been every night since she met him now. Almost two weeks! Shane never had a relationship that long.

The Empire Hotel became their little hideaway. They had the same room every night. It was kind of romantic. Shane shook her head. She must be nuts. Romantic? She never had romance. Part of her was afraid it was too good to be true, but a bigger part of her said fuck it. Adam was crazy about her and she was crazy about him.

Shane still dressed like a boy for the most part when they were together. Except for binding her breasts. She stopped doing that. Adam thought she looked hot in her sneakers, jeans and boy’s tee shirt and truth was, she was more comfortable in them. The only serious talk they had, had been about her scars. She had to tell him she used to be a cutter. But in typical Adam fashion, he didn’t flinch. He accepted her for who she was, warts and all.

Shane’s cell vibrated, interrupting her thoughts. She changed it from her old ring tone to vibrate. She couldn’t listen to “Mustang Sally” without remembering Justin’s dinner party. The song no longer had an upbeat feel to it.

She pulled the cell from her desk drawer where she kept it. She saw the caller ID number and smiled. “Hello, counselor, what can I do you for?”

“Well let’s see, you can start by talking dirty to me, I’m bored.”

Shane laughed. “Can’t do that. I’m at work.”

“Ah, your day job. I forgot.” Adam knew Shane worked as a personal assistant, he just didn’t know the details.

“Well, my night job doesn’t pay the bills, so I got to do something.”

“If you’d stop giving me my money back, you wouldn’t need your day job, and then we could fuck all day.”

“I don’t take money for charity.”

“Ouch!” Adam laughed.

“Poor baby, did that hurt?”

“Not as much as your ass is going to hurt when I see you again.”

Shane sighed. “Promises, promises.”

“Listen, fancy face, I can’t see you tonight. I’ve a late business meeting. I’m sorry, but it can’t be avoided.”

Shane felt disappointed. “Don’t tell me, you’re fucking another “boy of questionable age.” She teased reminding him of the first time they met.

“I’ll have you know you’re the only “boy of questionable age” I fuck. All the rest are of consenting age.”

Shane laughed. They had such an easy way of bantering. “Ok, you’re off the hook for tonight. I could use the sleep anyway. Besides, Rena’s complaining she doesn’t see me anymore.”

Adam knew she lived with Rena. Shane spoke very little about her family. All Adam knew was Rena saved her when she was sixteen and she’d been living with her ever since. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

The line on Shane’s console lit up indicating an incoming call. “I’ll hold you to that. Listen I gotta run, babe, work beckons.”

“Ok, I’ll call you tomorrow. Until then, think about paddles.”

“Oww!” Shane laughed. “Now there’s a parting thought.” Shane blew him a kiss over the cell then hung up. “Kinnetiks Global Advertising Agency,” Shane said, greeting the caller.

“Hey, Shane, it’s me. Put me through to Brian.”

“Justin! Thank God. He’s been a fucking pain in the ass all day. He fired Claude this morning! Didn’t’ even let him finish out the day! Now we’re in a rush to find a replacement. What’s going on between you two anyway?”

Shane was too busy with her new boyfriend she didn’t know about the episode last Sunday.

“Same old shit, Shane.” Justin sighed.

“Um, ok. Anything I can do?” She didn’t like the tone in Justin’s voice.

“No thanks, I’m handling it. Is he in?”

“Yeah, he’s on with Robert right now, you want to hold?”

“Yeah, I’ll hold.” He was glad Robert took Brian’s case. At least that part of his life seemed to be working itself out. Justin sat back in his car, which was parked right outside of Kinnetiks and listened to the music coming over his cell while he was put on hold.

 

***
 

“George, tell Robert I’m not surprised. Mel knows better than to represent herself. Go meet with her and her lawyer tonight and let me know what they’re proposing.”

Robert had called to tell Brian that he called Mel to tell her he was representing Brian. Mel told Robert she already had representation and they were ready to meet. It was sudden. Robert wanted to go to this impromptu meeting. He wished he could sit down and talk to Brian first, but he felt that it was important to know what their position was as soon as possible so Robert could start building their case. It was also important that they not give the impression that they weren’t prepared.

George, Robert’s paralegal and interpreter, asked Brian if he was ok having Robert meet with Mel and her lawyer without Brian being present. He wanted to give the impression that this meeting wasn’t important enough for Brian to be present. It gave them the appearance of confidence.

“Tell him I agree, he should meet with them alone for this first meeting, but I want him to call me tonight, no matter what time. I want to know how it went.”

George relayed the message and Robert responded, affirming that he would call him as soon as the meeting ended. Brian inquired as to the health of Robert’s father. Kinnetiks would never have gotten off the ground if it weren’t for Robert Senior. Brian really liked the old man. Robert said he was fine, and that he would convey Brian’s’ well wishes to him. Brian thanked him and hung up.

 

***

Shane saw the light go off and buzzed Brian.

“What the fuck is it now?” Brian barked in the intercom

“Justin.”

Fuck! Brian saw the hold light on his phone and quickly picked it up.

“It’s about fucking time! Where have you been, why aren’t you answering my calls?” Brian rambled. Shit he sounded pathetic.

“I’ve been busy. What do you want?” Justin said coldly.

Brian sighed. “Well I’d like to fuck for one thing. It’s been three fucking days,” Brian said bluntly. He was tired of this shit. The situation with Justin was like walking on broken glass. He wanted “them” back to normal.

“So go get fucked.”

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose. God he was getting such a fucking headache. “Justin, come on. It’s been three days. Let's talk. I promise I’ll talk and I’ll listen, what ever the fuck it takes to get you to stop ignoring me.”

Justin sighed. “I’ll be right up,” he said and shut his cell. Fuck, he hated being weak. He should hold out until this weekend. All his plans were coming together. God he hoped he was doing the right thing. It was too late to worry about it now; the ball was in motion. With a little luck and some divine intervention, they just might have something to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. It was only eight days away. He just had one more thing to do, and then all would be set.

He promised himself he’d stay away from Brian until his plan was executed, but he couldn’t. He missed Brian. It was hell when they weren’t together. Being near him, and not being able to touch him, or talk to him was like walking on broken glass.

Justin got out of the car and headed into the building. He reasoned that after this weekend, Brian might not want to be with him for a long time, so it was ok that they be together now. It was bullshit though. Justin just plain needed Brian. Period. Where as drugs and sex was Brian’s addiction, Brian was Justin’s addiction.

Shane looked up and smiled at Justin when he walked in. Her smile faded quickly when she saw how pale he was. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. “Jesus Christ, you look like shit!”

“Thanks, Shane, and may I say that’s a lovely shade of blue you’re wearing?” Justin replied smirking, knowing how much Shane hated dressing like a girl.

“Ok, you don’t have to be cruel! It’s your boyfriend in there that’s making us both look like shit.”

“Hey, you took the job knowing his conditions.”

“Yeah, and you took “him” knowing his conditions. So that makes us both asses.”

Justin sighed and looked at the door to Brian’s office. “No, it makes us both enablers,” he said and walked into Brian’s office.

Brian got up from his desk when Justin entered his office and walked around to the front. He leaned back against his desk folding his arms across his chest. He watched as Justin shut the door behind him. His body tightened in response. God he wanted him so bad.

Justin walked over and sank wearily into the designer chair in front of Brian’s desk and looked up at him.

“Well?” he said in a bored tone; apathy laced heavily in that one word.

Brian’s eyes blazed into Justin’s. The little twat was going to make him do this the hard way. “I’m sorry, ok, is that what you want to hear?” Brian said a little to caustically.

Justin laughed cynically. “Sorry’s bullshit, remember?”

“Fuck, what do you want from me, Justin? You know I’m under a lot of pressure with this case. I could lose my son here!” Brian yelled at him.

“Bullshit. That excuse is so pathetic, it’s truly not worthy of you. Try another one."

Brian stared at him for a moment shocked at Justin’s callousness. Justin had never been this hurtful with him. Brian was usually the one with the cruel, cutting remarks. It seemed his boy was picking up some pretty nasty habits from him. Brian physically cringed from Justin’s words. He wondered what other bad habits Justin would pick up from him.

Justin saw how his words affected Brian and was instantly remorseful. Fuck, he hated hurting Brian! But Brian had to understand how serious this was. Brian’s escalating problems with drugs, sex and booze was going to kill him if Justin didn’t do something about it.

Justin leaned forward in his chair and held Brian’s gaze. “Brian, you were at Mr. Goodbar's.” Mr. Goodbar's for God sakes! Mikey told me when and how you became a member. God, how could you?” Justin said with such reproach in his voice Brian felt sick. He looked away; he couldn’t stand to see the look in Justin’s eyes. The disgust, the disappointment, the regret…

Justin continued. “Do you even remember what you did that night? Because I’d like to know how you got all those bruises?”

This is why Brian hated talking. Talking was always a bad idea he remembered a little too late. Brian turned back to Justin. The gauntlet was thrown down. He was damned if he wouldn’t pick it up. Justin needed to understand that life was very nasty and cruel sometimes and that things happened that no one ever talked about, but too many people lived through. He wasn’t alone at that club.

“It’s a rough place, Justin.”

Justin nodded and sat back in his chair. He studied Brian for a moment. “I can’t begin to understand the pain you were in when you became a member, but I know it must have been unbearable. You were trying to kill yourself, weren’t you?”

Brian shifted from one foot to the other. He was extremely uncomfortable with this conversation. Justin was too close to the truth, and the truth was something Brian liked to keep from himself when it came to self-destructive behavior. How could he tell Justin he was so weak that he was trying to kill himself?

“I won’t go there again. Ok?”

Justin felt like the world was crushing in on him. Maybe he was making a mistake about this weekend. Maybe Brian’s problems couldn’t be solved by him, maybe he needed professional help. God he was fucked, cause if that were true, Brian would never be healed cause he knew Brian would never willingly get professional help. And that meant that Justin was doomed to a life of pain because leaving Brian was not an option. He would follow Brian into the pits of hell if it came to it. And it was starting to look like it just might.

He got up to leave.

Brian panicked. “I said I won’t go there again!”

“If not there, it will be somewhere else. Fuck, Brian, I’m not as strong as you. I can’t take the pain, and each time you self destruct, you destroy a part of me.”

Brian’s face twisted in pain from that revelation. He knew Justin was right. Brian was always causing Justin pain. He hated himself for it. “Well, then maybe you should save yourself the pain and get the fuck out of my life,” Brian spat at him. His voice harsh and filled with pain.

Justin laughed bitterly. “As if that’s an option! You know it isn’t. You can throw me out, move to another country even kill yourself Brian, and nothing will keep us apart. We’ll always find a way back to one other. It’s our destiny. We have no control over it. What we do have control over is whether we choose to live as if it is a curse or a blessing. Right now, it’s our curse.”

Brian knew Justin was right. Whether it was Brian pushing Justin away, or Justin leaving Brian, they always found themselves back together. Truth was it was more painful to be without the other, than to suffer the pain they caused each other. Right now it was Brian causing Justin the most pain. He couldn’t bear the truth of that. His instincts screamed to stop hurting Justin, he just didn’t know how.

He pushed away from the desk and reached for Justin, desperate in his need.

Justin didn’t resist, he let Brian pull him into his arms.

Brian held him tight and buried his face in Justin’s soft silky hair. “I’m trying Sunshine, honest to God, I’m fucking trying. Don’t give up on me.” His voice sounded suspiciously like he was crying.

Justin held him tight. “Never.”

A flicker of hope passed through Justin. Maybe, just maybe, this weekend would have an impact on Brian. He pulled back and brought his hands up to cup Brian’s face. He pulled his face down until their lips met.

The kiss was light, tender and filled with emotion. Justin felt tears on his face, he wasn’t sure if they were his… or Brian’s.
 

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