Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 37

Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer.... Maybe self-destruction is the answer. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

 

***

“This is the last place I can think of,” Emmett yelled above the hideously loud music of “Squirts”.

James frowned and looked around the dank club. This club was definitely a dive amongst dives. It was amazing it hadn’t been shut down. Drugs flowed freely and sex acts were being performed in the open. Several times he and Emmett were offered to participate in some drug induced sex act. James wanted to get Emmett out of there as quickly as possible.

If Brian wasn’t here, or any of the other places Emmett dragged him too all-night, where was he? James was getting a bad feeling, and James always listened to his feelings.

“Something is wrong, Emmett. Think. There must be some other place Brian would go to. We know he wouldn’t go home with anyone,” James yelled back into Emmett’s ear.

The music was ridiculously loud and giving him a headache.

“Honey, we’ve been to every gay club in Pittsburgh! We’ve been to the Baths, we checked out all the back alleys, sex mobiles and the pit stops. I can’t imagine where he could be! I know he has never before went home with a trick, but maybe he made an exception this time,” Emmett spoke into James ear.

James grabbed Emmett and guided him to the door. They had to get out of the club before they both went deaf.

Once outside Emmett shook his head trying to get the ringing in his ears to stop.

“How do they stand that!” he yelled, still deaf from the loud music.

James looked around. Emmett was right. They checked out every possible place Brian could be. No one had seen him. He hadn’t been to any of the clubs all night.

“Emmett, how long have you known Brian?”

Emmett put his hand on James shoulder. “Sweetie, I’ve known Brian since the first day I moved to the Pitts. He was, shall we say, my welcome wagon.” Emmett grinned slyly.

James ignored the implication. “I mean do you know him well enough to know his habits? He has to be somewhere. Where does he go, what does he do when he’s deeply troubled?”

They had spoken to Justin several times during the night. He had suggested a few places, but each came up cold. Justin was frantic; he had no idea where Brian could be. And if Justin didn’t know, who would?

Emmett sighed. “I haven’t a clue baby.” He looked around dejectedly.

“Wait!” Emmett said, his face brightening. “Let’s call Michael! He might know. He’s known him the longest out of all of us.”

James could have kissed Emmett. But they were in public, and that wouldn’t do. Instead he smiled at him and winked.

Emmett glowed. A smile and wink from James was like a full-blown make out session in public.

Emmett pulled out his cell phone and called Michael.

“Hello?” A groggy voice answered after about ten rings.

“Hey, Michael, I’m sorry for waking you up, but we got a problem here that I think you can help us with.”

“Em, is that you? What the fuck time is it?”

“Sweetie, I don’t wear a watch, you know that! Way too conventional. It’s late, lets just leave it at that.”

“What’s wrong?” Michael asked.

“The short version is, Mel told Brian that he can’t see his son anymore, Brian freaked and went out tricking, or whatever, and Justin called me to keep an eye on him. Problem is, James and I have been everywhere, I mean EVERYWHERE honey, and no Brian. No one has even seen him all night. We thought maybe you knew where he could be.”

“FUCK, FUCK, FUCK,” Michael screamed into the phone.

Emmett pulled the phone away from his ear and winced. “I think he knows something,” he told James.

“Michael, what’s wrong?” Ben said coming out from the bedroom.

Michael put his hand over the receiver and looked at Ben, his eyes already tearing. “Brian’s missing, and I think I know where he is.”

Ben moved over to him quickly and held him. “What’s wrong?”

“Mel told him that he couldn’t see his son anymore.”

Ben made a shocked sound. “He can’t be taking that well.”

Michael shook his head. “No, he’s freaking out. I know him. The last time he got this freaked was when a year went by and we didn’t hear anything from Rena. Brian was convinced something terrible happened to her. For days he was on a self-destructive binge. One night, I found him at this private club….”

Michael paused, his voice catching in his throat.

“Michael!” Emmett’s voice screamed into the phone.

Michael took his hand off the receiver. “Where are you Em? I’ll meet you. I know where he is.”

Emmett gave him their location and Michael hung up the phone after telling him he’d be there in half an hour.

“I have to go get him,” Michael said firmly.

Ben nodded. “Let’s get dressed. I’m going with you.”

Michael smiled up at him. God, how did he get so lucky?

Half an hour later they pulled up to Squirts in Ben’s car. James and Emmett were waiting for them outside.

Ben looked out of the window at the establishment. The depravity inside had spilled out into the streets. “What a revolting place,” he said to Emmet as they exited the car.
 

“I know, but Justin said when he was feeling particularly self destructive, he would come here,” Emmett said.

Michael sighed. “Justin’s right. It’s one of his demon haunts, as I like to call them. I’m surprised Justin knows about it.”

“It doesn’t seem like there’s much Justin doesn’t know about Brian,” James said. He knew the boy had more insight into Brian than anyone, including Rena and Michael.

Michael just nodded. He turned to the men in front of him. “He’s at Mr. Goodbar's.”

Emmett screeched, Ben groaned loudly and James looked confused.

“What is Mr. Goodbar's?” James asked.

“It’s a private club, members only. Brian became a member six years ago,” Michael told James.

James did the math, he knew that was the time Rena stopped communicating with Brian.

“He can’t be!” Emmett refused to believe it. “I can’t believe Brian would do such a thing!”

“Em, you have to swear never to tell a soul!” Michael said.

“Will someone please tell me what this Mr. Goodbar's is?” James asked.

Michael turned to him. “It’s a private men’s club where anything goes. Anything from gangbangs, rough sex, rape, S&M, anything. Meth is the drug of choice. But you can find heroin, coke and most any drug there. To become a member you have to be initiated.” Michael paused.

Emmett put his hand to his mouth and cried, “Jesus, I knew Brian could be self destructive, but my God. I never imagined…”

James shot him a warning look. He would not let anyone disparage Brian in his presence. James had more sins on his soul than Brian could ever acquire.

“Be careful before you judge, Emmett. Men do desperate things when in desperate situations,” James scolded.

Emmett had the decency to look ashamed. “I’m not judging, James! My heart goes out to him! He must be in terrible pain to be in a place like that!”

“He is. I know because the last time he was there, he was in the worse shape I’ve ever seen him in,” Michael said to Emmett, and then looked to James.

“I’ve only seen him that bad twice in my life. The first time was when he was fifteen and they took Rena away. He ran off to New York. He spent almost a year there tricking and drugging before Uncle Vic brought him back. Vic said he was slowly killing himself. God he was a mess when he came home. He stayed with us for a few months recuperating. I never saw him so emaciated. He looked like a ghost. His eyes were sunken, and dark; there was no life or emotion in them. It was a long time before he recovered.”

“And the second time?” James asked, already knowing the answer.

“It was after a year passed and we hadn’t received any letters from Rena. Brian got frantic. Every week that passed with no word from her became unbearable for him. He convinced himself she was dead. He tried to track her down, but was unsuccessful. He lost hope. He started drinking and drugging heavier then I’ve ever seen him. I made sure to always be there, to make sure he got home safe. But then, one night he slipped out with out me knowing. I went looking all over for him. It was only by accident I found him. I was driving around and saw his car parked two blocks down from Mr. Goodbars. And I knew. I went to the club and begged the doorman to let me in. I fucking cried like a baby telling him my best friend was in there and I needed to get him out.” Michael was crying at this point, he turned to Ben.

Ben took him in his arms. “It’s ok, go on.”

Michael sniffed. “I was so fucking scared! Scared for Brian, scared for my own life! I wouldn’t leave, I was determined; I thought the doorman was going to kick the shit out of me! But for some reason, he took pity on me and told me I could go in and find him, but at my own risk. And if I wasn’t out in fifteen minutes, he was coming in after me. I went in and found him.”

All men were listening with rapt attention, enthralled by the tale Michael was telling.

“Well don’t fucking stop now! What happened?” Emmett blurted out.

James looked over at him and sighed.

Michael turned back to them. “There were all these private rooms. The sounds of flesh being whipped, men being raped, moans, screams could be heard everywhere. It was fucking awful! I looked in each room, hoping I’d find Brian. I saw men being gangbanged, others whipped. My stomach turned. Finally I found Brian. He was in a room with two other men. God knows what he had done before I found him. He was just leaning against the wall, his pants up, but unzipped. The two other men were just lying on the floor, totally fucked up. Brian took one look at me and panicked. He grabbed me and yanked me out. All the while cursing me. Man was he pissed! Can you believe he was fucking reaming ME out for coming to save him!”

“Yes, I can,” Ben said. “That’s one nasty place. Brian would rather die than see you hurt. Brian loves you.”

Michael smiled sadly. “Yeah, now if only he could love himself.”

“Anyway, we went home and I didn’t let him out of my sight again! Two weeks later we got word that Rena was ok. Brian got back to normal. We never talked about it again.” Michael ended his story.

“So, we go to this Mr. Goodbar's,” James said and turned to Emmett. “You go home.”

Emmett huffed indignantly. “I will not! And don’t pull your macho bullshit on me! Brian is my friend! One of my BEST friends! I’m going to pull his sorry ass out of that Hell pit!! He needs to know we ALL care about him!” Emmett had that look in his eyes that told James, short of tying him up, he wasn’t going to be stopped.

James contemplated tying Emmett up for just a moment, before relenting. “Ok, but I go in. You stay outside.”

“You can’t go in, James. Like I said, you have to be a member,” Michael said.

Ben flinched. James caught it. “What does one do to become a member?” he asked.

“The owner fucks you. Bareback.”

Emmett lowered his head. He and Ben both heard the rumors of the initiation of that club, but hearing Michael confirm it was unbearably harsh.

“You have to understand, Brian was truly trying to kill himself. I got so mad at him I told him it would be much quicker to just take a gun to his head. His answer was that was too quick and easy. He wanted to die a slow and painful death… Just like Andy.”

All three men sucked their breath in. Ben and Emmett knew about Andy. Michael told Ben, Justin told Emmett. They didn’t know all the details, but they knew Andy was Brian’s brother who died from AIDS at a very young age. No one, however, knew the depths of Brian’s pain over his loss.

“After that, he didn’t have sex for six months and got check constantly. Till this day you know how he is about wearing condoms and getting checked. He’s a fanatic about it. He got very lucky.”

“Yes, he did,” Ben said.

Michael looked at his partner and fresh tears filled his eyes. “Oh Ben, I…”

“Don’t,” Ben said and smiled at Michael. “I don’t question fate. Neither should you. Things happen for a reason. Right now we need to concentrate on getting Brian out of that place.”

All three men agreed.

“You don’t think Brian is barebacking do you?” Emmett asked the question that was on everyone’s mind.

“No,” Michael said confidently. “That was just a one-time thing you had to do to become a member. Once a member, you chose whether you wore a condom or not. The men I saw in there for the most part were wearing them. Besides, Brian would never put Justin in danger like that.”

All three nodded in agreement. That was the one thing they all knew about Brian. He loved Justin too much to put him in danger.

Fifteen minutes later all four men were standing in front of Mr. Goodbar's.

The doorman was a big burly fellow who was wearing a pistol on his hip. James turned to Ben and spoke in a very low voice so the doorman wouldn’t hear him.

“Go back to the car. Keep it running and don’t get out. When you see Brian and me come out, pull up as quickly as you can and open the doors so we can jump in. Understand?” James instructed.

Ben nodded. “You sure you don’t need help?” he asked, warily eyeing the doorman.

James shook his head. “Just do as I say.” He paused, looking at the three men in front of him. “Forget what you see,” he said in a tone that brooked no objections from any of them.

They nodded and went back to the car and waited, and watched.

James turned to the doorman who already had his hand on his pistol. He summed him up and approached him slowly, his hands up and in clear view so not to alarm the doorman. “I’m just looking for a friend.”

“Look somewhere else,” the burly man said in a heavy Scottish brogue.

“Sorry, can’t do that, he’s in there,” James said and nodded his head towards the club’s door, his hands still held up in front of him in a non-threatening manner.

The doorman growled, “I said, go look somewhere else.” He started to pull his gun out of his belt.

What happened next happened so quickly, none of the guys in the car were sure of what they saw. One minute, the doorman was reaching for his gun, the next, he was lying on the ground, unconscious. Or dead. Neither dared voiced their suspicions.

James disappeared into the building.

James entered the club and quickly scanned the rooms looking for Brian. He didn’t know how long that doorman would be out. He had to find Brian and get him out of there fast.

He looked in several rooms before he found him. The room was small and dark. Once James eyes adjusted he could see the walls were padded. He scanned the room for signs of danger. Two men were shooting up on the floor, naked and bruised. Brian had a man up against the padded wall and was fucking him, hard. He banged him over and over again against the padded wall. His eyes were glazed, his body was bruised. James took in the whole scene.

“Brian!” James shouted. Nothing. No reaction. He carefully approached Brian. He didn’t want to spook him. Brian was in the “zone”. James had seen it before. When men got caught up in the fight, or battle, they entered another realm of reality. Brian was in that realm.

Brian jerked, threw his head back and howled out his orgasm. The man beneath him slumped to the floor. Brian pushed him aside and slid down against the wall. He discarded his condom and reached for his pants. James watched him pull out something and pop it into his mouth.

James approached him. “Brian, you must come. Justin is in danger,” James said, not liking the lie, but knowing the only way he was going to get Brian to cooperate without making a scene was to give him incentive to leave on his own. His eyes were so drugged induced; James hoped his words penetrated his brain.

Brian sprang to his feet. If it weren’t for the horrific condition Brian was in, James would have laughed. Brian could be in a coma and the mention of Justin would bring him around.

Brian blinked, as if trying to figure out who was in front of him. “Justin…no, where is he?” His words were slurred.

“Follow me, we have to be quick.”

Brian pulled his pants on clumsily. James picked his shirt up from the floor and handed it to him. Brian slipped it on and followed James out of the room.

James walked quickly through the hallway, towards the door. He looked behind him and saw Brian was struggling to stand. He was pushing himself along the wall, using it for support. James went to him and grabbed him by his shirt and dragged him out of the building.

Ben saw James and Brian exit the club and gunned the car pulling alongside of them. Michael opened the back door and James jumped in, dragging Brian with him. Ben sped away. He looked in the rearview mirror and saw the doorman struggling to get to his feet. He breathed a sigh of relief.

“Brian! Are you ok?” Michael asked.

Brian looked over at Michael. “Mikey, what the fuck are you doing here? I thought I told you NEVER to come here again!” he slurred, trying to sit up straight in the car.

Michael was furious. “Fucking asshole!” he spat out at Brian.
 

Brian laughed. “Seems to be the consensus,” he said then flopped back against the seat.

Ben turned down the street towards Brian’s loft.

“Justin is going to freak out when he sees him,” Emmett said.

“JUSTIN!” Brian jerked up and reached for the car door. If it weren’t for James’s quick reflexes pulling him back in, Brian would have jumped out of the moving car.

“Get the FUCK off of me, I have to get Justin!” Brian raged.

“Jesus, he’s out of his fucking mind! What is he on?” Emmett said.

“Brian, what did you take?” Michael yelled at him.

Brian stared at Michael as if he didn’t know who he was. “Where’s Justin?”

Michael looked at James questioningly.

James shrugged. “It was the only way I could get him to leave with me willingly. I told him Justin was in danger.”

Emmett laughed.

“Justin is fine, Brian. YOU, however, are going to be in a shit load of trouble when you get home. Wait until Justin sees you. Man you fucked up big time this time,” Michael said.

Brian groaned. All he heard was that Justin was fine. He closed his eyes and let the drugs take over.

Ben, Michael and James carried Brian up to the loft. Emmett followed. Justin was waiting for them at the door. Emmett had called and told him they found Brian and were bringing him home.

Justin gasped when he saw the condition Brian was in. “Put him in the bedroom.”

The guys guided a half conscious Brian into the bedroom and unceremoniously dropped him on the bed.

Justin was right behind them. He started undressing Brian.

“Are you going to be okay by yourself?” Ben asked.

Justin looked behind him, slightly embarrassed. “I’m sorry. Thank you so much for finding him.” Relief and gratitude shown clear in his eyes. “I’ll take it from here.”

Emmett went over and hugged Justin. “Don’t worry, baby, he’ll be fine. You call me tomorrow, ok?”

Justin nodded.

Michael walked over to the bed and leaned over and kissed Brian’s forehead. He smoothed his hair away gently. Tears glistening in his eyes.

“For God sakes, find peace, Brian. Please. Can’t you see how much you’re loved?” he whispered to his friend.

Justin’s heart swelled. Brian was so fucking lucky and didn’t know it. He looked up at Michael. “Thank you,” he whispered. Michael hugged Justin and turned to leave.

“Justin, do you want me to stay?” James asked.

“No, please go. I need to be alone with him.”

James nodded.

All four men said their goodnights and left. Justin stood over the bed and stared at his lover.

Desperate times called for desperate measures.

It was time Brian learned what he risked each time he did something like this. And Justin was determined to teach him a lesson he would not soon forget.
 

Return to Before There Was You, There Was You