Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 34

 “I want to feel passion, I want to feel pain. I want to weep at the sound of your name. Come make me laugh, come make me cry... just make me feel alive.” ~ Joey Lauren Adams

 

***


 

“Whoa there, Sunshine, we still have some unfinished business,” Brian said between the barrages of kisses Justin was raining all over his face.

“Hmmm… I know, my punishment,” Justin purred seductively and pressed his body tighter against Brian’s.

Brian carried Justin over to the couch and dropped him unceremoniously onto it.

Justin landed on the supple leather with a soft thud. He looked up at Brian with hooded eyes, his passion burning hot, turning them a deeper blue. Brian mentally groaned. His body reacted instinctively.

“You threw me out,” Brian said, struggling to reign in his mounting desire.

He willed himself to be patient. He was about to introduce Justin to his particular brand of punishment. His blond did throw him out after all, it warranted some retribution, and retribution came in many forms. Brian was feeling very much like doling out some of it, his way. He had confidence that Justin could handle it, and would find it extremely erotic.

Justin blinked at him in confusion. He knew Brian was very aroused, he could smell it. Why did he stop?

“Brian?” he whispered in a very husky voice.

“You threw me out, Justin. Now the question is, are you prepared for the consequence?” he asked, his eyes burning into Justin’s.

Justin stared at him. A smile spread across his face. He recognized the look Brian was giving him. It was the look he gave him when he wanted to try something new sexually with him.

Since Brian had taken his virginity, he had always been very patient with Justin when it came to introducing him to different variations of sex. At first he was a little hesitant, worried about how Justin would react. But that faded quickly as Justin proved to be very adventurous, sexually.

The first time Brian tied him up, Justin was a bit nervous, but that passed quickly. Since then Justin has been an eager student. Loving every new sex act Brian introduced him too. He trusted Brian with his body, completely.

“Yes, I’m ready,” he said without reservation.

Brian leaned down and placed his hands on either side of Justin’s body. “Before you say yes, understand that I want to take you to a place you may not like, at first. But if you go there I promise you, in the end, the pleasure you will receive will be like none other. Getting there though will be difficult.” His eyes softened and he leaned in and kissed Justin.

“Justin, your passion runs very deep. It truly rivals my own, and as you know, I have some pretty intense sexual needs. You’re ready for more, I feel it.”

Justin swallowed hard. His body tightened, he was a bit frightened; the kind of fright one had when first boarding the biggest roller coaster they’ve ever ridden. Anticipation filled him, fear gripped him, and he wanted the thrill of the ride. Brian couldn’t talk him out of it now if he tried.

“Take me there,” he said huskily.

Brian smiled. “Listen to me Justin, are you listening?” He willed Justin to really “listen” to him. It was important Justin knew what he was agreeing to.

Justin heard the urgency in Brian’s voice. “ Yes, I’m listening,” he said earnestly.

“There’s a certain sexual satisfaction one gets from a little bit of pain. It can be addicting. There are two types of people Justin, those who welcome the pain and the pleasure it brings, and those who fear it. But no one comes away from it unaffected. I believe you would welcome it. But you have to trust me completely, and give yourself up to me, entirely. I’ll be everywhere, in your mind, your body, your very soul. I’ll be controlling your every feeling; the pain, the pleasure, your release, all of it. Do you understand?” Brian asked.

Justin nodded. Not daring to speak, afraid he’d break this spell Brian was weaving. He hadn’t even touched him yet but the sexual dance had already begun. Justin felt it.

“Good boy. Before we start, you’ll need a safe word,” Brian said.

Justin’s breath caught in his chest. A safe word. This was really going to happen. Justin wasn’t stupid, he heard about BDSM. He knew what a safe word was. His heart quickened. God he was so ready for this.

“You do know what a safe word is, don’t you, Justin? It’s a word you use as a signal for me to stop. You must promise me to use it if you feel at all threatened, or uncertain in any way. Do you understand? I TRUST you to use it. Don’t think that because you use it that you’ve failed somehow; there is no pass or fail in this. And if you do use your safe word, don’t think we won’t try this again. We will, if you want, but if you need to use it, and you don’t, I’ll know and it will only make it very bad for both of us. We MUST be clear on this.” Brian’s eyes were intense, Justin understood perfectly. He would not disobey Brian on this.

“What if I just say stop?” Justin asked.

Brian smiled sexily. “Not good, Sunshine. I expect you to beg me to stop.”

Justin almost came at that statement. He groaned.

“Jesus, Brian, just talking about this is making me crazy. You think of a word,” he pleaded.

“No, you have to. This way I’ll know you’ll remember it. Think of a word that would come to you easily if you needed it to,” Brian said.

Justin thought for a moment. A word that would relay to Brian that he needed him to stop, that he needed help… “Rage,” Justin said.

Brian smiled. “Rage,” he confirmed.

Justin smiled. “Yes, who better to call if I need help?” He smiled.

Brian laughed. “Ok, Rage it is. If I so much as hear “Ra”, I’m stopping,” he said.

Justin nodded.

Brian brought his hands to Justin’s waist and pulled him up from the couch. “Time for your punishment, Sonny boy,” he said and led him to the bedroom.

 

***

“Mmmm…honey.” Justin laughed as he rolled the sweet sticky nectar on his tongue over his lips to soothe the burning from the horseradish Brian smeared on his lips just a moment before.

Presently he was sitting naked and blindfolded on the kitchen floor while Brian introduced him to various foods, spices, drinks, and condiments. Justin sighed with pleasure. When they started out this evening, Justin was prepared for anything. Bondage, spanking, maybe some hot wax play, but that wasn’t the case, so far.

The first thing Brian did was shower with him. Justin wasn’t allowed to do anything. Brian washed and caressed his body, inside and out. He washed his hair first, massaging Justin’s scalp languorously. Justin loved it. His scalp tingled and blood rushed to his head. He felt heady. Then he soaped Justin’s body up and explored every inch with his hands and fingers, making sure to linger at all of Justin’s sensitive spots. Brian would stop periodically to kiss Justin passionately, and whisper seductive words into his ear. Justin didn’t want the shower to end, but it did.

Brian then dried him off with the same consideration as he washed him. Rubbing his arms, legs and torso vigorously creating a heat that coursed through his body awakening each nerve ending.

After he was dried, his body flushed with heat, Brian cooled him down with his expensive body oil. He massaged the soft silky liquid all over him, making sure to cover every inch of Justin. The cool air in the loft hit his well-oiled skin causing little shivers to run through him. The sensation was both incongruous and vitalizing.

After Justin was sufficiently oiled, Brian pulled Justin down on the bed and blindfolded him with his Terramar woven silk bandana. Justin immediately felt a certain release of power once blindfolded. It was liberating in a way.

Brian then led Justin’s naked form to the kitchen where he currently sat on the floor while Brian introduced his taste buds to an array of conflicting flavors.

Justin discovered that the loss of one sense heightened his other senses. Justin smelled things more acutely. He could smell the faint lemon from the polish off the furniture, the hint of smoke that lingered from the cigarette Brian had before they showered and of course, the ever present smell of Brian, which filled his nostrils with each breath, over powering all other scents.

His hearing was more pronounced. The sultry voice of Etta James singing “Do I Move You”, drifted from the stereo filling his head with seductive images. The faint whisper of movement each time Brian rose to get something from the cupboard or the refrigerator reverberated all around him. And the silence, when he didn’t know where Brian was, or what he was doing was deafening.

His taste buds were also more sensitive. Foods were sweeter, or sourer, spicier or bitterer. The milk was colder, the peanut butter heavy and pungent. Being the consummate lover of food that he was, Justin really enjoyed this experiment. The variations in tastes and textures sparked his creative nature. He was mentally planning new dishes to experiment with.

Brian was painstakingly awakening all of Justin’s senses. He wanted Justin raw and open.

“You always had a sweet tooth,” Brian purred as he let some of the honey spill onto Justin’s chin and chest.

Justin flinched. His skin was very sensitive, the sticky liquid felt like warm wax hitting his skin.

Brian laughed and leaned in and licked the sweet nectar off of him. Justin sucked his breath in.

“Up,” Brian suddenly announced and took Justin’s wrists and pulled him to his feet. He led Justin into the living room.

“Don’t move,” he said. Justin didn’t know exactly where he was standing. He heard Brian walk away from him.

A few minutes later Brian returned. He took hold of Justin’s wrist and tied them together using what felt to Justin like silk ties. He then pulled Justin’s arms up over his head and fastened the ties to the beam above. The same beam, ironically, that Brian had used on his thirtieth birthday when he had tried scarfing.

Justin’s body was stretched taut. He felt totally exposed. All his senses were on overload and he waited with great anticipation for Brian’s next move.

Brian circled him. Each time Brian walked by him Justin could tell how close he was by the rush of air his movements created against his skin. Goosebumps rose and fell with each pass.

Justin felt Brian’s hand move to his cock. He strained forward giving Brian better access. He moaned as Brian slid something down his shaft, and over his balls, pulling his balls up tight against the base of his cock. It was tight, and confining. Justin realized it was a cock ring.

“Breathe,” Brian whispered to him as he released his cock.

Justin’s mind focused on the tight uncomfortable feeling of the cock ring. Though aroused, he was not fully erect. The ring would only tighten when he became erect, and Justin had no doubt he would become fully erect, when Brian wanted him too.

Justin tried to focus on breathing. Brian once again left him.

Justin had no idea how long he was left suspended, waiting for Brian to return, but his muscles were starting to feel strained.

He couldn’t discern where Brian was, but he was certain he hadn’t left the loft. He would have heard if he did. His body was tense and alive. His nerve endings were raw. His cock and balls were straining against the ring feeling heavy and heavier with each minute that passed. His body screamed for attention. Any kind of attention. The anticipation was excruciating.

Brian sat back in the Minotti armchair and watched Justin. His body was starting to form a light sheen of sweat from the exertion of being suspended. His nostril flared a bit with his anxiety and excitement. He doubted Justin noticed, but his cock was getting erect. It was probably causing him some discomfort. The more erect he became, the tighter the ring got, stemming the blood flow to his shaft. His blond was ready.

Brian slowly rose from his chair and grabbed the crop he took from James. He knew James had used it on Rena when she had a seizure because it was the only way he knew how to make her come out of it, but Brian put an end to that. He told James if she had another seizure he was to call him immediately and rush her to the hospital. He would NOT have him whipping Rena again. He took the crop away from him. Now he was going to use it on his boy, but for very different reasons.

Justin heard Brian as soon as he rose from the chair. He held his breath.

“You’ve been a very, very bad boy,” Brian whispered as he moved behind him. He slid the crop up the back of Justin’s leg. Justin’s body went rigid.

Brian reached around with his other hand and started stroking Justin’s cock while he continued to caress the back of Justin’s thigh with the crop.

Justin let out a small whimper. As soon as Brian touched his cock he became hard. Painfully hard. The ring was squeezing his balls against the base of his cock, slowing down his blood flow as Brian was stroking the flames of his arousal. The paradox was causing havoc with Justin’s senses. Brian was relentless. He moved around to face Justin and went down on his knees. He took Justin into his mouth.

Justin cried out, “No, Brian, please, no stop,” he begged. The pressure was too intense. He wanted to cum so bad, but the ring wouldn’t allow him release.

Brian ignored his pleas and continued to work Justin’s cock with his mouth. Using his tongue and lips to bring Justin’s cock to full erection.

A small sob escaped Justin’s lips. “Bri, please, I can’t,” he said.

Brian gave Justin one final lick all the way up the base of his cock before releasing him. He rose to his feet. “You want me to stop?” he asked huskily.

Justin never felt so confused in his life. YES. He wanted him to stop, but he didn’t want it to end. If that made any sense. His cock was painfully erect, he needed release bad, but he didn’t want Brian to stop. He just needed some release from the excruciating feeling in his cock. It wasn’t that he needed to cum; it was that he HAD to cum. He couldn’t stand the pressure anymore.

“I can’t stand the pressure, Bri, please make it go away,” Justin said, hoping Brian would remove the ring and let him cum.

Brian ran his hand through Justin’s hair lovingly. “Tell me if this helps,” he said right before he brought the crop down on Justin’s ass.

Justin gasped. The sting was unexpected, and radiated through his body. His body jerked. Before his mind could register the pain Brian landed another one to his ass. Only this time to the other cheek.

“Arrghhhh…” Justin gasped for breath. Burning heat permeated his skin.

Brian kissed his neck. “Does your cock feel better now, Sunshine?”

Justin choked a bit, trying to pull in some air and wrap his mind around the pain. His cock however was not as erect now, the pressure was gone.

“Bastard!” Justin cursed Brian. Brian let out a small sadistic laugh.

“We can stop this anytime you like, Sunshine. We can go back to the bedroom and I can fuck you into the mattress if that’s what you want. Just say the word,” he whispered into Justin’s ear, licking it for affect.

Justin moaned. God yes, he wanted Brian to take him to bed and fuck his brains out. But another part of him, something deep inside him was too curious. He intuitively knew that if he endured, if he let Brian take him there, he’d be taken to a place of total bliss. And Justin wanted to go there with Brian.

“No,” Justin said defiantly.

Brian smiled. He knew Justin was ready for this. Justin was highly sexual and adventurous. His nature was to explore life and feel things to the fullest. It was what made him a great artist. He wasn’t afraid to go places in his mind and soul. Places deep inside where he pulled forth what ever it took to create his art. He was doing that now. He knew that through this pain and discomfort, something wonderful would emerge. And Brian was going to make sure that he was going to experience that bliss that one could only achieve through letting yourself be open to the pain.

Brian sighed and traced the faint red line left from the crop on Justin’s ass with his finger.

“Beautiful,” he whispered.

Justin heard the emotion behind the word and instantly knew he made the right decision. A smile crept across his face. He would gladly face what ever Brian gave him tonight just for another chance to hear that emotion in Brian’s voice one more time.

Brian continued his torturous ministrations on Justin’s body. Alternately bringing him to unbelievable heights of arousal, which conversely caused Justin great pleasure and pain simultaneously then, just when Justin couldn’t bear it any longer, taking the pain away. Sometimes by creating new pain, sometimes with little teases of promised release by loosening the cock ring. Justin perversely preferred when Brian took the pressure away with the crop than when he teased him by loosening the cock ring. Each time he did, hope sprung internal only to be crushed when Brian retightened the ring when he felt Justin had enough of a break.

Time lost all meaning. Justin lived in this space where nothing mattered but the next touch, the next burn, the next tiny bit of release he was granted. He was at a point where he didn’t know what he wanted, or what his body needed. But Brian knew, and Brian provided.

Justin’s chest rose and fell rapidly. Sweat covered his body. His desire took hold of him again and again as he futilely tried to fight it. His cock hardened at Brian’s command, his body responded at his will. He was fighting an inner battle between his mounting desire, and his need to ward off the pain that came with that desire and the pain Brian inflicted and the inevitable pleasure that followed. It was a losing battle. His body wasn’t his to command any longer.

He loved and hated what Brian was doing to him at the same time. Excitement, passion and anticipation rushed through Justin’s veins creating a euphoric state within him; much as an addict experiences when he’s infused with that first rush of rapture he gleans from his drug of choice. This, Justin knew, could easily become his drug of choice.

This “feeling”, this need, desire and yearning was a tangible thing. It was a living, breathing entity that entered his body and embraced it in a way he never thought possible. Brian teased his senses, tantalizing each nerve ending with experienced fingers until he felt raw and exposed from his ministrations. Desire flowed through his veins with incredible speed, taking his blood on a dangerously wild journey through the arteries and into his heart. Once there, it massaged his valued muscle with a lovers touch, seducing and coaxing it with fervency until it pounded with relentless abandonment.

This desire even had its own taste. Tart and salty, making Justin lick his lips in anticipation over and over again. And the results it was producing, ah well, that was just icing on the cake. Yes, this new kind of desire was a tangible thing and Justin knew no other aphrodisiac that could match its power.

Brian was dealing with his own inner battle. God he loved watching Justin. The blond amazed him with his strong deep passion. He knew Justin was ready for this, what amazed and shocked him was how his submission was affecting Brian’s own desire.

Justin approached this new experience like he approached most things in his life, with complete abandonment and courage. It was who Justin was, and it was at the core, what drew Brian to him. Justin’s lust for life, and his courage to live it on his terms is what in the end, prompted Brian to open up his own heart. Brian didn’t have the courage Justin had to expose himself emotionally. He wasn’t willing to risk being hurt again. Justin wasn’t afraid of getting hurt; he dived in fearlessly. Brian admired and respected Justin for that. He owed Justin so much for teaching him how to love again, without fear.

Brian pushed Justin a bit further than he intended, taking his cue from Justin’s body. Every twitch, every ripple of his muscles, the changing colors of his skin as it heated and cooled spoke volumes to Brian. Justin was riding the tiger hard, not willing to get off just yet, but Brian’s own body was telling him it was time.

He worked Justin over long and hard and Justin was at his peak, if Brian didn’t take him over the edge now, he might lose him.

Brian brought the crop up between Justin’s legs slowly until the tip reached the base of his balls. Justin groaned and his body went slack against his restraints. Brian quickly wrapped his arms around Justin’s waist and pulled him to him. He dropped the crop and reached up and untied Justin’s wrists, Justin fell forward.

Brian guided Justin to the floor and pulled his hips up so that he was kneeling. Justin let Brian maneuver his body, unable to think coherently at this point.

“Stay,” Brian ordered and got up to leave. Justin remained on all fours, still blindfolded, and obeyed, unable to do anything else.

Brian returned shortly and kneeled behind Justin. Justin felt his naked body press against his. He shook with need.

Brian leaned over and kissed Justin’s neck. Justin felt Brian rub warm, almost hot oil onto and into his ass, readying him. Justin pushed back against Brian and mewled, his raw, desperate animalistic need took over.

Brian laughed seductively. “Not yet, Sonny boy, not until I say.”

Justin cried out in frustration. The pressure in his cock was mounting again; the cock ring was still firmly in place. If he didn’t get release soon, he knew he would pass out.

He tried to speak, to beg Brian, but he couldn’t. His mind couldn’t form the words, he was operating on instinct alone, all he could do was speak to Brian with his body, and the frantic sounds coming from deep in his throat.

The oil was getting hotter, and Justin was burning up with desire. He felt Brian push his cock against his ass. Total ecstasy and fear gripped him. His cock strained painfully against the ring, he knew if Brian fucked him with it on, it would be unbearable; he wouldn’t be able to take that, for the first time tonight, Justin seriously contemplated using his safe word.

Then, just when he thought Brian was about to enter him, Brian pulled back and Justin felt the ice-burn of what he presumed to be an ice cube slip in his ass. Justin collapsed, but not before Brian was able to reach around and untie the cock ring. At that exact moment, Brian rammed his cock into Justin’s ass.

Brian reached over and bit Justin’s neck, he turned his head and whispered into Justin’s ear, in a very deep, husky, voice….. “Do you know how much I love you?”

Justin lost it. He came. He came hard, and long. The force of it ripped through him like lightning. His orgasm was frightening. It went beyond the physical right into his soul. He literally could not breathe with the force of it. He rode it, and held on as long as he could, never wanting it to end, never wanting to forget this feeling, this moment, he held on until he couldn’t hold on any longer, and then he passed out.

Brian came the moment he entered Justin. He held onto him while Justin experienced his own, marveling at the intensity of his release. He felt it the moment Justin left him. He panicked. He pulled out of Justin and turned him around so he was cradled in Brian’s lap. He pulled the blindfold off his eyes.

Justin’s head lolled back against Brian’s arm.

“Justin!” Brian yelled, fear gripping him.

Justin heard the panic in his lover’s voice and slowly opened his eyes, squinting at the light; Brian sighed in relief.

“You scared me there for a moment,” he said and reached down and kissed Justin with all the love he had.

Justin received his kiss, but was too weak to respond. Brian lifted his head and looked down at his lover. A smile crept onto Justin’s face.

“You love me,” he said dreamily.

Brian smiled and winked at Justin.

“What was your first clue?” Brian joked.

“Well it wasn’t at the first stroke of that crop!” Justin playfully complained.

“Really? I put a lot of love into that first stroke, Sunshine,” Brian teased.

Justin smiled and nestled into Brian’s body.

“Oh, by the way, Brian…” Justin rubbed his cheek against Brian’s side.

“Yes?”

“Rage.”
 

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