Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 33

 Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people. ~ Spencer Johnson


***

 

Ethan sat in Starbucks on North Felmount Street and looked at his watch for the fifth time. Eight forty-five in the evening; he said eight-thirty. He couldn’t fucking believe he was late! First he had the nerve to call Ethan and “tell” him they needed to talk; now he has the audacity to be late! Ethan wasn’t even given the opportunity to refuse. No, fucking Brian Kinney didn’t give him that option. He simply called out of the blue and told him to meet him at Starbucks on Felmount at eight-thirty tonight, not asked, but “told”. And for some ungodly reason, Ethan said yes. It was curiosity he told himself. That’s all.

Truth was, Ethan was secretly hoping Justin had left Brian again, and Brian was looking for him. Good, it would serve that arrogant prick right. Both arrogant pricks actually. Ethan hadn’t forgiven Justin for the way he left him. A fucking phone call! From his lover's place no less! It didn’t get much worse than that. He might as well have caught them in their own bed although, if that were the case, knowing Kinney, and that little cunt Justin, they would have just invited him in.

Justin was always a bit too perverted in the sex department for Ethan’s taste. Ethan thought he would learn to appreciate the fine art of love making, but Brian had ruined him. Justin wanted it down and dirty more and more towards the end. At first they did make love, it was romantic and Justin soaked it all in. Ethan knew it was what he needed after being with that animal Kinney. But then, not two weeks went by and Justin started to change. He got demanding sexually, and when Ethan would give in to him, he’d feel dirty afterwards and Justin never looked satisfied. Ethan couldn’t have lived with that much longer. Justin was at the core, brash and uncouth. He was better off without him. Kinney could have the ungrateful prick and use the fuck out of him for all Ethan cared. Those freaks deserved each other.

Ethan looked at his watch again. Another five minutes and he swore he was going to leave this time. Just another five minutes.

 

***

Brian pulled the Vet into the parking lot of Starbucks. He reached over and grabbed the papers Viv had faxed to him just a half hour ago and put them in his briefcase. He made a mental note to send her the biggest box of Belgian chocolates he could get his hands on. She really came through for him today in a big way and on such short notice. He owed her, though according to her, she owed him big time. This was a small thing she said. Small thing; Brian smiled to himself. That bitch must have made a fortune off all those marriages. It was a good thing Brian remembered she was a silent partner in Hathaway Studios.

Hathaway Production Studio was a very lucrative movie production studio that pumped out several pictures a year. All their movies generated respectable box office numbers. Viv was Margot’s banker, and silent partner. She had no problem in granting Brian’s request.

Brian got out of the car and pulled his jacket up around his neck. He walked into the building. Ethan was sitting at the far end of the coffee shop at a small two-person table. Brian barely acknowledged him. He went to the counter and ordered a Venti triple shot Mocha Latte. He waited, and paid for his coffee before approaching Ethan.

Ethan looked irritated and at any other time, Brian would have been amused. Currently though, he was not. He took his coat off and threw it over the back of the chair and set his briefcase down. He sat down, his eyes meeting Ethan’s, and took a sip of his coffee. He offered no greeting. When he had his fill of the sweet strong brew he put his cup down.

“How’s the street business, E?” he asked calmly.

“Fuck you, Kinney. You asked me here to inquire about my career?” Ethan laughed sarcastically. “I remember the last time you inquired about my career. It was self serving as I recall.” Ethan leaned back in his chair and glared at Brian.

Brian smiled at him. “And what makes you think this time is any different?” he said coolly.

Ethan bristled. “So, you do want something from me?” Ethan asked incredulously. He couldn’t believe the balls on this guy!

“As I recall, the last time I offered you my “self serving” help, it was very beneficial to you. You got three concert deals out of it.” Brian took another sip of his coffee.

“Big fucking deal, they dropped me right after the Boston gig.”

“That was your own fault, E. You should have gotten an agent. Any fucking first year music student knows that. Your problem was you were too fucking arrogant thinking you were going to get by on your talents alone. That kind of thinking landed you back on the streets. Hopefully you learned something from it,” Brian admonished.

“What the fuck do you want, Kinney? Cut me the big brother advice and get to the point,” Ethan sneered at Brian.

Brian didn’t take the bait. “I’m in a position to offer you a job with Hathaway Studios as a contract musician for their studio orchestra.” Brian paused and took another sip of his coffee.

“It’s a three-year contract. In addition, the Studio agrees to set you up with several agents so you can audition on your own after the contract expires provided that you stay the full three years with Hathaway. Of course, you’ll have to move out to LA.” Brian pulled the papers from his brief case and placed them on the table in front of Ethan.

Ethan looked at the papers in front of him, shock and greed clearly written all over his face. Brian smirked. He was never wrong about people. Ethan was an opportunistic little slut no matter how dignified he pretended to be. It had been Brian’s experience the more snobbish they were, the bigger sluts they were. Ethan would whore himself for what he loved, which was his music, he realized. Justin was right, Ethan never loved him. That knowledge made Brian both very happy, and angry. Ethan had no idea what a prize he held in his hands.

Ethan looked up from the papers. He knew the real deal when he saw it. “Ok, so who do I have to kill?”

Brian gave him a menacing look.

“Never mind, I forgot who I’m talking to. Let me amend that, who do I have to fuck?” Ethan said nastily.

Brian leaned forward and glared at him. “I may be a WHORE, E, but I’m not a pimp,” Brian said, making note to remind Ethan that he knew he called him a whore to Justin that night on the phone.

Brian leaned back in his chair and took another sip of his coffee. “There is some unfinished business between you, me and Justin.”

“Oh, I think ANY business between us is definitely finished!” Ethan exclaimed.

Brian sighed. “Is it? You seem to be full of anger, E. Are you resentful? Hurt? Still pining away for Justin?” Brian baited.

“Fuck you, Kinney. You can have that little ungrateful cunt! He used me, and then threw me to the curb. I have NO wish to talk to him again, ever,” Ethan said forceful.

Brian’s eyes turned cold. Ethan sat back a bit. The unemotional stare he was getting from Brian was freaking him out.

“You will NEVER refer to Justin as a “cunt” again. If you do, if I hear about it, I will personally make it my life’s ambition to make sure you never play anywhere, ever again. Playing the streets will be just a sweet memory for you,” Brian threatened in a calm, deadly voice.

Ethan just stared at him. He had no doubt Brian meant it. This was not an idle threat.

“Having said that, I’ll take those papers back then and you can go back to playing the streets.” Brian took the papers off the table and put them back in his briefcase. He got up and turned his back to Ethan and proceeded to walk out of the shop.

Ethan saw his future walk out the door. “Wait!” he said to Brian’s retreating form.

Brian smiled. He knew Ethan’s type. He would debase himself for a hint of fame, no less the real possibility. Ethan would do anything to get that contract with Hathaway studios. He slowly turned around and raised an eyebrow at him.

“What do you want me to do?” Ethan relented. He didn’t care. An opportunity like the one Brian was offering him came once in a lifetime, if it ever came at all. He’d pay any price for a shot like this.

Brian approached the table again and sat back down. “I want you to come to the loft with me. Justin is there.”

Ethan screwed his face up. “So this is about sex,” he said distastefully. Kinney was a freak. He probably wanted to bring Ethan home as a trick for Justin. Sick Bastard; didn’t he know that would only hurt Justin? Of course he did. It was probably his intent. But hey, if that’s what he wanted, fuck it. It was a small price to pay for a shot at his music being recorded commercially.

Brian snorted in disgust. “Please, you really don’t think I’d put Justin through that ordeal again, do you? Sex with you the first time around was punishment enough. Even I’m not that cruel.”

Ethan narrowed his eyes at the insult. “Well then why don’t you just tell me what the fuck it IS that you want from me?” he asked, sounding frustrated.

“Your honesty; do you think you can handle that, E, because I suspect being truthful doesn’t come easy for you, especially if you’re not used to it. You want the offer at Hathaway Studios bad enough; you have to pay the price, E, because I’ll know if you’re not being honest, and if I get a hint that you’re not, the deal is off the table,” Brian said determinedly.

Ethan looked confused. “You want me to be honest, with Justin? I’ve always been honest him. HE was the one who wasn’t honest with me!” Ethan whined.

Brian sighed. “Give me a fucking break, E. You were not honest with Justin. From what I heard, you gave him the biggest line of shit I’ve ever heard anyone give another person. All that romantic bullshit, you played the game, but your heart was never in it. You needed Justin to stroke your ego,” Brian stated, grateful for the first time for all those visits Daphne paid him when Justin was living with Ethan.

Daphne never liked Ethan and made a point to drop in on Brian at work from time to time to give him an “update” on their relationship. He knew in her own way, she was trying to provoke Brian into fighting to get Justin back. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that wasn’t going to happen, so he listened with the appearance of being uninterested, as she gave him glimpses of what life was like for Justin with Ethan. A small part of him looked forward to her reports. He needed to know Justin was ok. Another part of him recoiled at the mention of their “love affair.”

“That’s a lie,” Ethan said.

“Is it? Tell me; is it true that you would wake him up every morning by playing your violin? Then you’d bring him breakfast in bed for the two of you to share before he went to work or school?”

“I’m not surprised Justin divulged the intimate details of our relationship to you!” Ethan snapped. Brian didn’t correct his assumption.

“But yes, I did. It’s called romance, not that I’d expect you to understand the concept.” Ethan sneered. “When you love someone, that’s what you do for them. If you knew that, he wouldn’t have left you in the first place,” Ethan accused.

Brian shrugged. “Maybe, but let’s be honest. You didn’t “romance” Justin for his sake; you were satisfying your own selfish fantasies. Cause Justin hates to get up early in the morning. He’d rather you let him sleep an extra five minutes than wake him up early so he could hear your music and eat your breakfast. The only time Justin doesn’t mind being woken up early is when there’s a stiff cock involved. You see, E, that’s my idea of romance. Giving the person you care about what they “need” and not what you want.”

Ethan cringed. Brian was right. Justin did always want to have sex in the morning. Ethan would rather play his music. Justin was his number one fan and biggest supporter when they were together. He did miss that. Justin always catered to his music. He loved his music and gave Ethan encouragement daily.

Ethan took a deep breath. He refused to let his thoughts go down that path.

“Just fucking tell me what you want me to say, Brian.”

“Like I said, just be honest. I think Justin needs to say some things to you, and I think you need to say some things to him. I’m told it’s called closure. Neither of you got it with each other. Justin is not one to be mean or cruel, I know he feels bad about breaking up with you the way he did. Let him know how you feel. Give him a chance to tell you how he feels.”

He hated doing this. He never felt the need for these kinds of conversations. For Brian closure was “thanks and goodbye”. Period. But Justin needed to talk to Ethan. He needed that closure.

Justin felt horrible for treating Ethan the way he did. He was not a cruel person by nature. Fucking around with Brian when he was with Ethan, then calling him from Brian’s house to tell him was cruel in Justin’s view. Justin’s was too noble a person to accept that. Brian however, thought it was appropriate. Why drag it out? It was never real to begin with so why bother with niceties? But Justin needed niceties.

God, he must be out of his fucking mind to be doing this, but it was his own fucking fault. Justin knew him too well. Normally, Justin ignored the cutting remarks Brian threw his way when he was upset. He knew Brian didn’t mean most things he said. But last night, Justin saw something in Brian that must have told him that Brian was still harboring some ill feelings over the affair, a fact that Brian didn’t even recognize. He was so used to pushing unpleasant feelings aside. Justin was too “on” to him though. He got a glimpse of it, now Brian had to deal with it.

Truth was, he had forgiven Justin, but he was still uncomfortable with his own role in the situation. He pushed Justin into that affair. And when Justin confessed to Brian, Brian acted like he didn’t care. Justin practically begged Brian to ask him to stay. Brian wouldn’t say the words, he was too hurt, but inside he was screaming STAY. Justin didn’t hear him.

Turning Justin away was the hardest thing he ever had to do, and deep down, he resented Justin for it. He was hurt that Justin couldn’t “hear” him telling him to stay. It wasn’t logical, but feelings never were. It was one of the reason Brian avoided having them whenever possible. Unfortunately it was just NOT possible with Justin.

He hurt Justin with his rejection. He thought at the time it was the best thing for him, but it wasn’t. Justin belonged with him, good or bad. It was a painful lesson for him to learn, painful for both of them. He needed Justin to hear that, and he needed to say it in front of Ethan. He owed him that for hurting him. And, if he was honest with himself, he needed to see Justin with Ethan; he had to be sure there was nothing left there. It was selfish, he knew, but when it came to a certain blond Brian was extremely selfish.

The only good part of this whole fucking situation was that Ethan would be gone, thousands of miles away, and then he and Justin could move on to dealing with much more important issues. Brian needed this to be out of the way first.

“And why do you have to be there for this?” Ethan asked. “I wouldn’t mind getting some closure with Justin. I’d hate to leave on such a sour note and never see him again,” Ethan said seriously. He wanted the deal Brian was offering him, and it would be an extra bonus if he could tell Justin off before he left.

“Because, E, I know what a vicious little guttersnipe you are. I can see you already salivating over the chance to rip into Justin. This isn’t about that. It’s about coming clean and moving on. Besides, there were three people involved in your affair.”

Ethan looked wary. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about me.” Brian looked Ethan in the eye. “I never really let go of Justin. I think you know that. And he needs to know it.” He wasn’t going to explain it to Ethan. It wasn’t important he understand, it was important that Justin understand.

“I need your decision, now,” Brian said, not giving Ethan a chance to question him any further.

Ethan nodded his head. “Fine, when do you want to do this?”

Brian got up from the chair again. “Grab your coat.”

Ethan looked stunned. “You want to do it now?!”

“Yes, now. I need this out of the way,” Brian said coldly. “If you keep to your end of the bargain, you can then sign the papers, fax them to the number attached, and Hathaway’s will send you plane fair to get out there. They’ll even set you up in a room with some musicians. But if you fuck this up you’ll be lucky to get your spot on the streets back. Are we clear?” Brian finalized.

“Very,” Ethan said and got up to follow Brian out to his Vet.

 

***

“Stop cheating, Shane. I saw that,” John said.

“I told you not to let her be the banker, she’s got sticky fingers.” Rena reached over and took the play money Shane stole from the bank and moved the plastic bank away from her.

“Justin, you be the banker.” She pushed the bank in front of Justin.

Justin laughed. “She has no shame you know,” he teased.

Rena smiled over at Shane. “Nope, not at all. Gotta love her,” she said. Shane smiled and leaned over to kiss her on the cheek.

Rena decided she’d punished Shane enough for her little slip. In truth, she did her a favor, though Rena was reluctant to admit that.

Rena had called Shane to bring some clothes to the loft for her. She was tired of walking around in her sweats. Shane showed up around six with Daphne, James and John in tow. Shane knew the situation and thought Justin could use his friends around to distract him. Currently, the five of them were sitting at the dinning room table playing Monopoly, courtesy of Daphne. She knew Brian wouldn’t have the board game at the loft, so she brought it with her.

Emmett showed up around seven with Chinese food. He called Justin and found out James was there. Currently he was sitting on the couch with James.

Justin nudged Rena’s side and gestured his head behind him. Rena turned her head to look. Emmett and James were watching an old John Wayne movie. James liked old westerns. Emmett was snuggled up to him. Each time Emmett tried to kiss or fondle him, James would gently push him away. James was extremely old fashioned. Gay or straight the man did NOT do public affection yet he chooses a boyfriend who lives for public affection. Watching them was very comical.

“I can’t believe he’s gay!” Daphne whispered to Justin.

Justin smiled. “The fact that he’s gay doesn’t surprise me. What surprises me is Emmett! I mean have you ever seen two people more opposite?” he asked good-naturedly.

“Um, yeah, you and Brian,” Daphne said.

Justin’s smile immediately disappeared. He hadn’t heard from Brian since their fight last night. Rena said he called, to ask how he was, but that was all. The longer they were apart, the more worried Justin became. He needed to talk to Brian. He wanted to call him but Rena told him he needed some time. How much time? Justin didn’t like this.

He appreciated Shane calling his friends to come over and keep him company, but he didn’t appreciate everyone knowing his and Brian’s business. He knew Brian wouldn’t appreciate it. If Brian walked in now, he would freak. Rena was one thing, she was his sister; he wouldn’t mind her being here, after all he went to her last night. But everyone else would just anger him. He needed to get rid of them, but how with out insulting them?

“Hey, Jus, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring him up. You know you two will be kissing and making up in no time!” Daphne declared. “It’s what you two do best.”

“Thanks, Daph.” Justin smiled weakly at her.

“Hey, gorgeous, it’s your turn,” John said and reached over to give Rena a deep open mouth kiss. It was a ritual of theirs. Each time it came around to one of their turns, they had to make out for like ten minutes for luck before either could throw the dice. Shane thought it was disgusting; Daphne thought it romantic, Justin worried how Rena was handling this new development in her life.

“It’s nine-thirty, it’s getting late,” Justin said feebly. Nine-thirty, late; he didn’t even believe it.

Daphne got his drift though. “Ok, guys, I think Goldilocks needs some space. Let’s go to Woody’s!” Daphne suggested and started packing up the board game.

“Woody’s!” Emmett’s voice came from the living room.

“Yes, let's!” He jumped up and clapped his hands. James sighed and rose from the couch.

Everyone took his cue and got up to leave.

Rena reluctantly broke their kiss. “He needs some space,” she whispered in John’s mouth.

“Hmmm…I need you,” John murmured against her lips as he gently brushed his lips back and forth against hers. Rena sighed. She could go on kissing John all night.

John stood up and took her with him. “I’ll call you later,” he said between kisses.

“I’ll be here. You going to Woody’s?” she asked.

“I got some work to do. I’ll be home. Besides, I don’t think I can stand another minute watching Emmett paw at James.” John laughed. “James looks so uncomfortable,” John remarked.

Rena laughed. “Yeah, he is. I think Emmett is the best thing that could have happened to him,” Rena mused. John shook his head. He couldn’t’ see it, but no one knew James better than Rena, so he’d take her word on this one.

“Ok, guys, let's head out,” John announced to the group. They were all saying their goodbyes when the loft door slammed open.

All heads turned toward the door. Surprise registered on more than one face, except for Justin’s. Justin was stunned. There, standing in the entryway of the loft was Brian, with Ethan right behind him.

He felt sick and dizzy. Rena immediately reached out for him.

“Fuck,” she breathed. John didn’t understand why everyone was so quiet.

“What is it?” he asked nervously.

“If my assumption is correct, that’s the ex,” Rena said.

“Yes, that’s Ethan.” Justin whispered to Rena, in a stupefied state. He didn’t know how to react. He felt like he was dreaming, but more like a nightmare. Why would Brian do this to him?

“John, get everyone …”

“GET THE FUCK OUT.” Brian’s voice interrupted Rena’s sentence.

Everyone jumped into motion. Apologizing and rushing past Brian. Only Rena and John stayed behind.

Brian entered the loft with Ethan and shut the door behind the retreating forms. He went over to Rena, eyes blazing.

“I asked YOU to stay with him, why the fuck were THEY here?” he screamed at Rena.

“Brian, calm down. Shane brought them over for moral support. I thought it would be ok. Besides, you SAID, you’d call me later! YOU DIDN’T CALL,” Rena yelled back.

“So what? Now everyone knows my fucking business?” Brian sneered referring to Daphne, James and Emmett.

He knew Shane and John knew, and James, well of course he would know, but he trusted James to be discreet. Fucking Emmett would have this all over Liberty Avenue by midnight. Fucking GREAT! That’s all he needed. Emmett telling everyone that Brian came home with Justin’s ex! He knew how Emmett’s mind worked. It was on drama overload 24/7. His only hope would was that James would control that mouth of his.

“WAIT!” Justin interrupted Brian’s outrage. He was breathing heavily and visibly trying to control his emotions. “WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING HERE?” he screeched.

“Ok, that’s our cue, John.” Rena turned to Justin. “Honey, for ONCE, don’t act rashly. Just listen to what he has to say,” she pleaded with Justin.

Justin glared at her. “You knew?” he asked accusingly.

Rena’s body stiffened. “No. And tomorrow, when you’re calmer, I hope you apologize for that.” She turned to leave.

John looked at Brian. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry’s bullshit, John. Get her home safe.”

Rena and John left the loft. An eerie silence fell over the three of them. Ethan was enjoying this scene. It didn’t go unnoticed by either Brian or Justin.

 

***

“That’s five dollars you owe me,” Daphne said cheerfully to Shane.

Shane gave her a sour look and dug into her pocket to hand over the five.

“You know they have a name for people like you. It’s called hustler,” Shane remarked.

Daphne laughed.

After they had left the loft, the gang all went down to Woody’s. John took Rena there intending to drop her off then go home and get some much-needed work done. But he decided to stay for just one drink. The one drink however turned into three. He just couldn’t bring himself to leave Rena. He was worried about her. That and the fact that he hated being away from her for any length of time.

“Justin taught me how to play pool,” Daphne told Shane.

“He’s very talented,” she bragged about her friend.

“Speaking of Justin, I wonder how he and Brian are faring. You think Ethan’s going to get out of there alive?” Emmett asked.

“I’m sure it went fine. I’m glad Brian brought Ethan to the loft. Neither Justin nor Brian got closure from that whole ordeal. Now they can finally move on,” Rena said.

“I hope you're right. I was there the night Justin took off with Ethan. Up until that moment, I would have never believed anything could crack Kinney’s iron clad heart. Well actually, I didn’t think he had a heart. But that night, I saw it break a bit. I know Michael saw it. It was devastating for him. I think to some extent, it hurt Michael as much as it did Brian,” Emmett mused.

Rena smiled sadly. “I can understand that. Loving Brian isn’t easy, but when you do, it becomes part of you. His pain becomes yours. There are very few people that truly love Brian. Justin, me and Michael,” she said.

“And don’t forget Lindsey,” Emmett amended.

“No, Lindsey doesn’t love Brian. She love’s who she’d like Brian to be,” Rena said.

“Hmmm….You’re probably right. Poor Mel.” Emmett sighed.

“Fuck Mel,” Rena said. She knew Mel was going to make life as miserable as possible for Brian now that he decided to fight to get his parental rights back. They were all going to feel the sting of her venom. As much as it angered Rena, she understood where Mel’s hate for Brian came from. Mel knew on some level, that Lindsey would always love Brian more than her. That if Brian asked Lindsey to leave Mel for him, she would in a second. How Mel lived with that was a mystery to Rena, but then again, she knew people in love often acted unreasonable.

“Oh meow! Sheathe them claws, sexy!” Emmett teased.

“Hey, I like them claws. You can use them anytime you want to on me gorgeous.” John said and pulled Rena back against him. She laughed and leaned her back against his chest, his arms came around her.

“Emmett, it’s time we go,” James announced. Emmett signed dramatically and rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know why I put up with him! He’s such a Neanderthal! “Emmett come! Emmett stay!” Emmett imitated James voice.

James narrowed his eyes. Emmett smiled wickedly and leaned into Rena.

“You know his only saving grace is that he’s the best fucking lay I’ve ever had,” Emmett said in a conspiratorial voice. Rena giggled.

“Emmett, I do believe you are the best thing that’s ever happened to James” Rena said and leaned over and kissed Emmett on the cheek.

Emmett smiled widely. “Though I wouldn’t dare tell him, knowing how much he loathes sentimentality, but he’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Emmett confessed to Rena then turned to James.

“Ok, lover boy, I’m all yours!” he said waving his arms.

James sighed and took hold of Emmett’s arm. He turned to Rena.

“I will be home late, Domina. Mr. Remington will see you home. If you need anything, my cell phone is on.”

Rena nodded her head. “Have fun, James.”

James turned and walked out of the bar, dragging Emmett with him. Emmett looked back and winked at Rena.

“I better be going too,” Daphne said.

“Come on, I’ll give you a ride,” Shane offered. She knew John would take Rena home, she had the car for the night.

Shane and Daphne said their good nights to Rena and John and left the bar.

Rena turned in John’s arms. “I think we should get going ourselves before we upset the natives.”

John looked around the gay bar and saw more than one disapproving look directed at them. They were being a bit too demonstrative in their affections for this crowd.

“Ok gorgeous, you’re place or mine?” he asked seductively.

“Mine. I like having you on home turf. Besides, my place is closer.” She winked at John and made a dash for the door.

John laughed and followed her out.

 

***

Brian reached out to grab Justin the moment everyone left the loft. Justin pulled back. “Don’t.”

Brian sighed. “Ok, so this isn’t going exactly as I planned.” He smiled and winked at Justin.

Justin blinked. Did Brian just wink at him? What the fuck was his game. “What are you up to Bri?” he asked cautiously.

“Well, Sunshine, I thought maybe we could throw the fiddler here out the window. You’re always saying that we have to deal with our problems together. I thought it would be a great bonding experience for us,” Brian teased. He needed Justin to lighten up, else this would go very badly.

Ethan stuttered behind him. “Fuck you, Kinney! That’s not even fucking funny.”

Brian sighed and looked behind him. “E, shut the fuck up. I’m not going to throw you out the window. Yet. We made a deal, remember? Now go sit down over on the couch and let me talk to Justin first,” Brian ordered. Ethan looked skeptical but went over to the couch, warily looking at the large window in front of it.

Brian motioned for Justin to go into the kitchen, not attempting to touch him again. Justin glared at him. Brian sighed and walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water. Justin followed him.

“I missed you,” Brian said.

“Fuck you.”

“Ok, that was nice. Are you going to calm down and talk to me, or are we going to go a few rounds first? Your choice, Sunshine,” Brian said and took a drink from the water.

“How the fuck can you be so cavalier about this!?” Justin asked incredulously.

“How the fuck can you think I’d bring HIM here to hurt you?” Brian returned.

Justin sat on the stool. Brian wouldn’t do that to him. Not even as revenge for throwing him out, he knew that. Rena was right, he was reacting rashly. Fuck, he really did need to apologize to her. She was always so supportive and loving to him. She didn’t’ deserve his wrath.

“Ok, I’m calm. Why did you bring him here?” Justin asked, ready to talk about this. He couldn’t fathom what the fuck Brian must be thinking.

“Well, part of what I said before was the truth. You did say we needed to deal with our problems together. Ian is a problem obviously. I decided we should deal with him together.”

Justin looked at him stunned. Just when he thought he knew all there was to know about the Kinney manual Brian changes the text. He shook his head.

“Brian, Ethan is a person, not a problem. You can’t just drag him into our home and “deal” with him! I mean, what were you thinking? How are we supposed to deal with him?” Justin was curious to hear what Brian’s plan was.

Brian sighed. “Listen, I don’t know shit about relationships, you know that. But I do know how to deal with problems. You face them head on. And that’s what we are going to do. Face this problem. We’re all going to say what we need to say, get everything out on the table and then be done with it. Now you WILL do this, Justin, you have no idea what it took to get that little prick here,” Brian scowled.

Justin narrowed his eyes. “What did you do, Bri?” he asked cautiously.

“I called Viv and got him a job with Hathaway Studios playing in their orchestra. I told him if he came here for 'closure',” Brian made a face like he just tasted something bad, “then he had the job. The only condition was that he had to be honest. We all do if we’re to get past this. He agreed,” Brian said smugly, quite pleased with his plan.

Justin scowled. “Of course he agreed. His music is the only thing he ever loved,” Justin said then immediately regretted it when he saw the pain in Brian’s eyes. FUCK! He didn’t mean that as it sounded. “Brian, I never loved him. I swear to you, that’s the truth. YOU know this, and he knows it. It does hurt my ego, though, that I wasn’t loved. You have to understand that, as I’m sure it hurts his ego. No one likes knowing they were nothing more than a convenience. You want honesty, well there it is.”

Brian lowered the bottle of water, his eyes never leaving Justin’s. “You didn’t hear me.”

Justin tilted his head, confused. “What?”

“You want to know why I’m still carrying around resentment over your affair, it’s because you didn’t hear me.”

Justin still didn’t understand. “Brian, what are you talking about?”

“Why did you leave?” Brian asked.

Justin had no idea where Brian was going with this, but he wanted to give him an honest answer. He thought for a minute, searching through his feelings for the truth of why he left.

Yes, Brian treated him like shit at times, but Justin always saw past Brian’s bullshit. Justin knew Brian cared for him deeply. The truth was that Justin was feeling vulnerable at that time. He needed attention, and Brian didn’t give it to him, Ethan did. But that wasn’t why he left. He never loved Ethan, he knew that. But when Brian found out about the affair, he needed Brian to tell him to stay. That was the bottom line. He wanted to hear the words. He had so many unresolved issues over the bashing, his inability to paint like he used to, that he just needed some reassurance from Brian that he was wanted, that he was “worthy”, and Brian refused to give it to him.

He took a deep breath before he answered. “Because you didn’t ask me not to,” he simply said.

“And that’s why I’m resentful,” Brian said truthfully.

Justin sucked his breath in. “How can you be resentful of that?” he asked, bewildered by Brian’s words.

Brian leaned forward so that his face was close to Justin’s. “Because I DID ask you to stay! I may have not said the words, but I was screaming it inside. YOU SHOULD HAVE HEARD ME,” he grinded out between clenched teeth.

Justin’s heart dropped. He looked into Brian’s eyes and saw the raw emotions there. Brian was telling him that he did want him to stay. Justin thought back to that time. If he had been thinking, if he hadn’t been so wrapped up in his own emotions, he WOULD have noticed. That night when Justin came home after he confessed the affair to Brian, Brian was home, waiting for him. It wasn’t that late, Brian would normally have been at Babylon. But he wasn’t. He was in bed. He pulled the sheets back and Justin got in. They didn’t fuck that night, Brian just held him.

FUCK! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! He was so fucking hurt over Brian telling him “stay or go” it was his decision, that he totally missed what Brian was saying so clearly!

“Jesus, Bri…” he said, his voice cracked with emotion. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t hear you. ….” His eyes filled with tears.

Brian scoffed. “No, you didn’t.”

“Brian?”

“Yeah?”

“Next time I don’t “hear” you? Maybe you should try using a different form of communication. As much as I’d like to think I know you, I’m not a fucking mind reader. I’m going to miss some things.” Justin reached out and placed his hand on Brian’s chest. “Forgive me. Please,” he whispered.

Brian sighed. “I have forgiven you. I told you that. I’ve never lied to you Justin,” Brian said a bit affronted.

“I’m not talking about the affair. Forgive me for not hearing you. And know that if I did, I would have stayed.”

Brian smiled and leaned down and kissed Justin. Justin melded into him.

“Ok, Sunshine, you’re forgiven, for that. But there is still the matter of throwing me out.” Brian narrowed his eyes and pulled Justin in for another kiss.

Justin moaned deeply. “I know, I’ve been such a bad boy,” he said impishly.

“HELLO!” Ethan’s voice broke their mood.

“Fuck,” Brian said. “I forgot about the fiddler. We can still throw him out the window you know.”

Justin laughed. “Nah, too messy.”

Justin turned around to face Ethan. “Ethan, what I did was a shitty thing. But I know that Brian’s offer is more then enough to make up for my rude behavior. I’m sure you feel the same way.”

Brian looked at Justin, amazed. Justin just insulted Ethan! He laughed out loud. If he needed any proof that Justin had no feelings for Ethan whatsoever, he just got it. Justin had Ethan’s number. He would have been sorry, really sorry, if Ethan was a decent person that Justin felt he truly hurt, but he knew Ethan for what he was. A selfish, arrogant narcissistic prick. Brian hugged Justin from behind.

“I’m not sorry. Can I say that?” Brian looked down at Justin.

“You can say anything you want, as long as it’s honest. That was the deal you made, wasn’t it?” Justin replied. Brian gave him a quick kiss then looked over at Ethan.

“E, you never really wanted Justin, pity for you, lucky for me. But even if you did, I would have never let you have him. I never let him go to begin with. I made sure I was always part of his life, and I always will be.”

Justin looked up at him, love shining in his eyes.

“You never let me go?”

Brian gave him a face. “Duh! Why do you think I came to the diner every fucking day? I convinced your boyfriend to take a job I knew would take him out of town for weeks. I let Daphne interrupt my work just so I could hear how you were doing. There was no way I was going to let you slip away that easily. I hadn’t had a decent blow job since you left.”

Justin laughed. “You are so fucking bad. I love you.”

Brian gave Justin his sexiest smile. “Does this mean I get to move back in?” he asked teasingly.

“Wait a fucking minute!” Ethan interrupted.

“Part of this deal was that I got a chance to be honest too!” he said, not liking how they were making sport of him. He wanted a bit of his own back.

“Fine, go ahead,” Brian said, too much in a good mood to let anything Ethan might have to say upset him.

Ethan looked at Justin. “I may not have been the love of your life, Justin, or you mine, but I DID deserve better! “

Justin sobered up. “Yes, you did. But you knew from the beginning Brian was the love of my life. I told you that. You made the choice to accept it. You convinced yourself I would get over it. That wasn’t going to happen, but you were too busy building this little fantasy around us, that you ignored the truth of our relationship. You wanted a partner to show off as you toured around the country when you made it big. Someone to worship your mighty talent. I was willing to give that to you at the time, having lost most of my own talent…”

Brian looked down at Justin. Lost most his own talent? He definitely was going to talk to him about that later.

“….but like I told you on the phone, I needed a place to rest my mind, and you provided that for me. And yes, I am grateful. But I owe you nothing. What Brian is offering you is “better”. Take it, and let’s be done with it,” Justin said wanting Ethan out of their loft, and their lives.

Brian took his cue. “Ok, E, time to go. We’re done.” He went to retrieve his briefcase and handed the papers to Ethan. “Now get out.”

Ethan clutched the papers in his hands, everything else forgotten. Brian opened the door and Ethan left.

“Well, he seems happy,” Brian said as he closed the door.

Justin ran and jumped into Brian’s arms, bringing his legs up around Brian’s waist.

Brian laughed and stumbled backwards.

“Now, what about that punishment?”
 

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