Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 30

“The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.” ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

 

***

“Hello, I’m here to pick up Shane.” James addressed the slim blonde lady sitting behind the desk.

“Oh, you must be James!” Jane looked up at James and gave him a very flirty smile.

James smiled back politely. “Yes, I’m James.”

“Mr. Kinney said you could go right in when you arrived,” Jane said and nodded her head towards the office door. She coyly batted her eyes and played with a strand of her hair.

“Thank you.” James walked to the door. Not too long ago a woman flirting with him would have made him uncomfortable. But not today. For the first time in his life he didn’t question his lack of interest in the opposite sex. He had finally embraced his sexuality. It was liberating. He left the flirtatious woman sighing behind him.

“Brian, you’re freaking me out, say something!” Shane said. Brian just stared at her. His eyes emotionless, he looked almost like Rena looked when having one of her seizures.

“He’s alive,” Brian said. Shane wasn’t sure if it were a question or a statement of fact. She stepped away from him; his tone was ominous. Right now, she felt he was capable of anything. And she didn’t want to be in the line of fire should he flip.

“I don’t know,” Shane said.

The door opened behind them. Brian didn’t notice but Shane turned around to see who walked in. She heaved a big sigh of relief when she saw James. She ran to him.

“James, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to tell him. I thought he knew!” Shane grabbed James’s jacket and pulled him into the room.

James took in the scene in front of him. Shane was disheveled; her breast bindings were on the floor, along with her jacket. Brian was standing in the middle of the room, frozen with a blank look in his eyes. James had seen that look before. Brian was shell-shocked and since there were no actual bombs dropping on them, he assumed it was an emotional bomb that hit him.

He gently pushed Shane out the door. “Wait for me outside,” he whispered to her. Shane didn’t hesitate, she quickly left the office. James shut the door behind her.

“Brian, tell me what Shane told you.” James’ voice was very calm. He had experience dealing with explosive situations, and right now Brian’s emotions were a land mine. James needed to tread carefully. He slowly walked toward Brian.

Brian’s mind rebelled at what Shane told him. He never imagined Emilian could still be alive. For years he waited for Emilian to come for him. It would have been very easy for Emilian to track him down. It was no secret he moved to Pennsylvania. Brian would have been the first person Emilian would have sought out if he wanted to find Rena. Every night Brian went to sleep with a switchblade under his pillow. But Emilian never came.

When Brian ran off to New York at fifteen, he went looking for Emilian. He was gone. No one knew where he went, but rumor was he was run out of town. Gossip of how his son died, and why his daughter ran off took it’s toll. He retired early from the police force and was never seen or heard of again. During all those years he had corresponded with Rena, she never mentioned him. They both assumed he was dead. Now Shane tells him that just three years ago, Emilian called Rena. How could that be?

“Brian?”

Brian heard James’ voice. He was vaguely aware that he was in the room. His mind was racing; he had to act. Rena was in danger. What the fuck was James doing here! Why wasn’t he told!

“Brian, what did Shane tell you?” James repeated.

Brian blinked. “How could you have held that back from me?” he asked accusingly.

James flinched from the look of betrayal in Brian’s eyes. “I’m not sure what you are talking about, Brian. Please, tell me.”

“Emilian is alive,” Brian said.

James raised his eyebrow. He didn’t expect that. Actually, he had no idea what Shane could have told him. Brian already knew about the seizures. As far as James knew, that was the only secret Rena withheld from him. He didn’t realize Rena never told him about that phone call three years ago. Then again, they had little time to really talk. Not that either were big on talking.

“Emilian is dead, Brian,” he said with certainty.

“Dead men don’t make phone calls,” Brian retorted bitterly.

“They make one phone call, then they become dead men,” James said unflinchingly. He knew Brian would understand.

Brian breathed a sigh of relief. “Does Rena know?”

“She knows he is dead. That is all. She doesn’t need to know anything else,” James stated firmly.

Brian nodded his head. Before James came to work for Viv, he was a CIA agent. His cover was blown when he was on assignment in the Middle East, tracking down a terrorist organization. He was tortured and almost died before he was rescued. Unfortunately, the CIA couldn’t use him any more and he was forced to leave the agency. Though he never talked about that time in his life, Rena often wrote about James’ “routine”. The man was a security nut. He saw danger everywhere. He finally confided in Rena what he did in his former life. He confessed that he had too much blood on his hands. He was happy to be away from it all. Rena wrote Brian about it. James was loyal to Rena; he loved her and protected her. James was telling Brian that he hunted down, and killed Emilian. Brian was glad. His only regret was that Emilian didn’t die at his own hands.

Brian turned around and went to his desk. He opened his drawer and pulled out his bottle of Beam. He hadn’t had a drink during the day since Justin had confronted him about his drinking last week. He unscrewed the top and drank straight from the bottle. When he was done, he offered the bottle to James. James took a long pull from the bottle.

“So why does Rena still fear answering the phone?”

James shrugged. “Men are easy to kill, ghosts are much harder.”

Brian looked at James. The man was extremely perceptive. Rena had many ghosts running around in her head, much like he had. They were bitches to exorcise. He knew Rena would never be free of Emilian as long she allowed him to live in her mind.

“It’s time Rena and I had a serious talk.”

James smiled and bent to retrieve Shane’s bandages and her jacket. “You are much like your sister. You’d rather face a firing squad than let yourself be exposed emotionally. Talking means unearthing some very disturbing memories. Memories that will open many wounds. I’ve known Rena for seventeen years, and still, I have no idea what actually happened when she lived in New York with you.” James folded Shane’s bandages, and jacket while he talked to Brian.

Brian noticed the care in which James handled Shane’s belongings. As much as he professed to disliking Shane, it was evident he was very protective of her.

James looked him in the eye. “You and Rena share things neither will ever talk about. I suspect you and Rena won’t even allow yourselves to think about it. And as long as it remains so, you’ll both always have ghosts.”

Brian sank into his chair. James was right. Neither he nor Rena ever spoke of that time. It was the past, and it hurt bad enough the first time they had to go through it, why the fuck would they want to relive it again?

Justin didn’t understand that. He knew Brian and Rena were not dealing with their past. In his own way, he’d been trying to get Brian to talk to Rena. But what he didn’t understand was once that door was opened; he’d have to deal with other things. Like the bashing.

The bashing nearly killed Justin, and it nearly killed him. Brian sat in that hospital for three days, unmoving. He knew in his heart if Justin died, he would die. He almost killed himself when Rena left. If it weren’t for the fact that he knew she was well and being taken care of, he probably would have killed himself. Justin almost died on him. If he had, Brian would not be here talking with James today. He couldn’t relive that time again. In the beginning, Justin had wanted to talk about it, but Brian couldn’t. When Justin was upset, or having an anxiety attack, Brian would just hold him and tell him not to think about it. Brian found it an effective tool. That and drinking and whoring. It was the same with Rena. They were both creatures of habit, mostly bad habits. Habits formed from years of denial. Neither knew how to deal with their pain. Instead, they drugged them or fucked them away.

“Do you know why Emilian tracked her down after so many years?” he asked, changing the subject.

“He was dying. Cancer I believe. He was facing death and wanted forgiveness from Rena.”

Brian snorted. “She would never forgive him,” he said more to himself, but loud enough for James to hear.

“She didn’t have to. I told him I forgave him, right before I killed him. It’s my own little attempt at redemption.” James couldn’t hide the bitterness he felt..

Brian looked at James. God, how does a man live with so much blood on his hands? Even if it’s evil blood. The CIA trained James to be a killer. To kill for the greater good. God what a mind fuck. But then again, this world was full of mind fucks. It starts at birth when you’re told that your parents are the only ones who would love and protect you unconditionally, then you find out they are the only ones who can hurt and destroy you completely.

“I think we need another drink,” Brian said and reached for the bottle again.

“I think we need another bottle,” James corrected.

 

***

“Oh, my God, those are beautiful!” Justin exclaimed as he saw the floral arrangement Emmett was holding.

“And heavy. Honey, just don’t stand there! Let me in so I can put this damn thing down. It weighs a ton!” Emmett huffed a bit out of breath from carrying the large arrangement.

Justin quickly pulled the loft door all the way open and let Emmett in.

Emmett walked over to the dinning table that was elegantly set with fine china and set the centerpiece right in the middle.

“Hmmm…this is expensive dinnerware, sweetie, I didn’t figure Brian for a Lenox man. Prada, yes, Gucci, yes, but Lenox?” Emmett observed.

Justin laughed. “I borrowed this from my mother. Her mother gave it to her as a wedding gift,” Justin explained. “But “if” Brian were so inclined to buy dinnerware I’m sure it would be Deruta, not Lenox.” Justin gave Emmett a sly smile.

“He does love his Italian wares, doesn’t he?” Emmett said suggestively as he looked around the loft.

Justin was going all out with this party. The place looked fabulous, and from the scrumptious aroma assailing him he guessed that Justin’s dinner was going to be a complete smash.

“So you’re cooking lamb?”

“Yeah, you can smell it?” Justin asked as he adjusted the beautiful flowers in the Mint Julep vase Emmett brought.

“Yes, but that’s not how I know. Brian told me.”

Justin stopped fussing with the arrangement and looked up at Emmett. “Brian?” he asked confused.

“Of course Brian, sweetie, did you think I just showed up out of the blue with a floral arrangement for nothing? Brian asked me to pick something up for your dinner party,” Emmett said. “Which, by the way I noticed I wasn’t invited to!” Emmett playfully complained.

Justin looked contrite. “I’m sorry, Em, I just wanted this to be special for Brian, Rena and Mikey. They grew up together, and well, I just wanted something special for them.” Justin tried to explain without hurting Emmett’s feelings.

Emmett went over to Justin and hugged him. “Baby! I’m teasing you!”

Justin hugged Emmett back. “My very next party you can be assured you will be first on my guest list! And you won’t have to plan it, I’ll do all the work!” Justin promised.

“Now that’s an invitation I’ll look forward to!” Emmett said gleefully.

“I better be going, sugar. It’s almost six; your guests will be arriving soon! Make sure to tell his majesty that I brought that centerpiece before six! Wouldn’t want him bitchin’ at me. He was adamant I have it here on time!”

Justin blushed. He couldn’t believe Brian actually thought to do something like this! It was so out of character for him. Justin was filled with emotion over this small gesture. It was big for Brian.

“I will, Em. And thanks.” He smiled brightly at Emmett.

“Anything for you, baby. Now have a good time, and don’t disappoint me! Have a fabulous party!” Emmett blew him a kiss and left the loft.

Justin turned back to the table. Everything looked great. He was happy. A small part of him worried though at what sending the centerpiece meant. When he talked to him this morning Brian told him not to count on him for dinner. He had a lot of work to catch up on. Justin knew it was just his way of rebelling against Justin’s “hetero eating” ritual. Brian knew this dinner was important to him, he would show up. Late, yes, but he would come. Now though, receiving this centerpiece worried Justin that maybe Brian wasn’t going to come. Fuck. He went to the kitchen counter and picked up the phone.

 

***

Brian and James just finished the bottle of Beam Brian had in his desk and were about to go out and finish off another bottle at Woody’s when the phone rang.

“Hey”

“Hello, Sunshine!” Brian chirped into the phone.

Justin sighed deeply. Brian was drinking. “You’re not coming,” he said, disappointment clear in his voice.

“Not yet, but if you give me a moment, I’m up for some phone sex.” Brian’s slurred, sultry voice washed over Justin. He hated how Brian could make him hard even when he was fuming at him.

“Some other time,” Justin said, hurt in his voice.

That sobered Brian up. “Justin, wait.”

Justin held the phone to his ear, waiting.

“We’ll be there. Give me 20 minutes.”

“We?” Justin asked.

“James is with me.”

There was a moment of silence on the other end. Brian put his thumbnail between his front teeth and leaned back in his chair.

Justin finally spoke. “So now I’m down two dinner guests. Anyone else there that I invited?” Justin asked acidly.

“Um, yeah. Shane is here, too.”

Great. He might as well throw the fucking lamb out.

“FINE!” Justin screeched into the phone and hung up.

Shit. Brian hung up the phone. “Get Shane, we’re late for dinner.”

James got to his feet quickly. The man’s reflexes were surprising quick for a man who just finished half a bottle of Beam.

James opened the office door and looked around for Shane. She wasn’t there.

“Do you know where Shane is?” he asked Jane.

She smiled up at him. “She left about a half hour ago. She called a cab. I held all of Mr. Kinney’s calls; you were in there for two hours. She got tired of waiting.”

James turned back to Brian. “She left already.”

Brian had his coat on and briefcase in hand. He quickly walked past James and headed out of the office.

He looked back at Jane before he left. “Tell Cynthia I went home.” He then strolled out of the building, James close on his heels.

Brian pulled out his cell phone and called for car service. Though he was sobering up quickly… fuck, he thought, Justin was right. His body was too used to the booze… he still wouldn’t take the chance driving.

The car got there in five minutes. Brian and James got in.

“Are you ok?” James asked Brian. It had been a very emotional afternoon for the man.

Brian looked out the car’s window. His eyes distant. “No. But I will be,” he said determinedly.

James nodded his head. He believed him. Brian Kinney would be just fine. They rode the rest of the way in silence.

 

***

Rena walked into the loft warily. Shane followed behind her. The look on Justin’s face when he opened the door was forbidding to say the least. He was NOT happy.

“What did he do now?” Rena asked.

Justin shot her an irritated glance. “YOUR BROTHER…” he started.

Rena waved her hand cutting him off. “Why is he MY brother when he fucks up and your partner when he’s being good?” Rena teased. Shane was the only one who laughed though.

Justin’s anger deflated a bit. He went to Rena and hugged her. “I’m sorry, Re. You know how he can get to me.”

“Hey, don’t talk about my boss like that,” Shane said.

Justin released Rena and looked at her. “What do you mean your boss? And by the way, what are you doing here?”

“I was invited, I thought. Fuck, I didn’t do anything wrong. You don’t see ME bringing a trick to the party!” she shot back at him.

“Shane, I’m sorry, but I just got off the phone with Brian and he said you and James were with him.”

Shane laughed. “I’m surprised they remembered I was still there! They were busy getting drunk, so I left.” Shane sauntered over to the table and started picking at the hors d’oeuvres.

Rena took her coat off. “Seems that Bean offered her a job. He wants her to be his assistant,” Rena told Justin.

Justin took her coat, surprise evident on his face. “I can’t believe it! I mean, I know Shane is capable, but Brian’s secretary?”

“Are you really surprised?” Rena asked looking at Justin.

Justin looked over at Shane. No, it made sense. As much as Brian claimed to dislike Shane, Justin knew he liked her. She had the one quality Brian valued above all else. Loyalty. Shane would be extremely loyal to Brian, and Brian could trust her. Justin smiled, oh what a time those two would have! She would be good for Brian Justin thought.

“No.” He turned back to Rena. “So is this why he’s getting drunk with James?”

Rena shrugged her shoulders. “I have no idea. Shane won’t say. But I suspect it has something to do with her. She only shuts her mouth when she’s in danger of being in trouble. She snuck in the house, and has been avoiding me since. I don’t know what she did, but I do know I’m not going to like it.” Rena frowned over at Shane.

There was a knock at the door.

Michael and Ben walked in carrying a large tray of cookies. Justin greeted them both and thanked them for the cookies. Michael pulled him aside as soon as he got his coat off and started talking about his new idea for Rage.
 

Ben went over to the table where Rena and Shane were and sampled the hors d’oeuvres. “Rena, you are looking very beautiful tonight.”

“What, and I look like shit?” Shane threw in.

“No Shane, you look lovely as well.”

“Bullshit. But nice try, handsome.” Shane was smiling. Ben laughed.

The phone rang. Justin excused himself from Michael, thankful for the interruption, and answered it.

“Hey, Justin,” John said.

“I thought I wasn’t going to get this phone call?” Justin stood in the kitchen and wrapped his free arm around his waist. Rena looked over at him. Whoever was on the phone just pissed Justin off. Must be Bean, she thought.

“This is NOT that phone call. I’m just calling to say I’m going to be late. I have to drive my brother home, he had a doctor’s appointment that ran later than we thought.”

“Well, did you guys have dinner?’ Justin asked.

“No, not yet, I’m waiting for that delicious lamb.”

“Then bring your brother with you! We’d love to meet him. I have plenty.”

“That’s very kind of you, Justin, but we wouldn’t think of imposing.”

Justin made a sound. “Don’t be silly! Come on. It will be fun.” Justin turned his back and whispered in the phone. “Besides, I’m sure you wouldn’t mind having your brother here as support. Rena is here,” he said, knowing that John was nervous about facing Rena again.

John laughed. “Am I that obvious?”

“No, I just know how I would feel. So you’ll bring him?” Justin asked.

“One minute, let me ask him.”

There was silence on the other end. Not exactly silence, Justin could hear background noises but he didn’t hear any voices. Odd he thought.

John got back on the phone. “Rob said he would love to come.”

“Great, see you in a bit then.” Justin hung up the phone.

Rena walked over to him. “Who was that?”

“John.” Justin said casually knowing full well Rena was not going to be casual about this.

“Fuck, Justin, why did you invite him!” She asked a bit too loudly. The others in the room turned to look at her.

“Rena, it’s no big deal. You need to get past what happened, and so does John. It was awkward, but it’s over. John is Brian’s friend; you two are bound to bump into each other now and again. Might as well get the first time over with.” He hoped he was able to make Rena see reason.

Rena made a pouty face and went and sat down.

Well that went better then he thought. Justin went to the kitchen to baste his lamb.

The loft door slammed open. Justin raised his head from the oven and wished he stuck his head in it instead.

Brian was being dramatic. “HONEY, I’M HOME!’ he yelled into the loft. Justin groaned.

Brian strolled into the loft and headed for Justin. He dropped his briefcase and slipped out of his coat, letting it fall to the floor. Justin stood up and closed the oven door. Brian jumped up over the counter with great agility and grabbed Justin. Justin gasped as Brian brought his mouth down onto his.

The kiss was domineering, and pretentious. Brian was playing to his audience. Justin turned the tables on him though and reached between his legs, knowing no one could see his actions behind the counter. Brian moaned into Justin’s mouth and deepened his kiss. His mood suddenly changing with Justin’s touch.

Justin released him and brought his mouth to his ear. “I always liked the taste of whiskey on your tongue, just not at two in the afternoon,” Justin whispered in his ear and gently nipped it.

“It’s after six, Sunshine, and shut the fuck up.” Brian turned away from the Justin. He opened the refrigerator and took out a bottled water.

Justin gave him a knowing smile and bent to retrieve his lamb from the oven. Brian reached over and playfully smacked his ass. Justin turned his head to look up at Brian and glared. OH, he was so going to pay for that!

“Hey, you two, there are other people here you know!” Michael said laughing.

Brian went over to him and gave him a kiss on the mouth. “There, feel better now?” he teased. Michael blushed and pushed him away.

“Bri, you got to see what I have planned for Rage!” he said excitedly.

“Later. I’m starving.”

James was sitting by Rena. He wasn’t as used to drinking as Brian was. He felt it best if he remained as immobile as possible. Brian saw Rena sulking in the chair. He went over to her and hugged her from behind.

“Hey gorgeous, no greeting for your brother?” Emotion was thick in his voice. Rena looked behind her. His tone worried her. She stood up and walked around to him and hugged him. “What’s wrong?” she whispered in his ear.

“Later,” he said and hugged her tightly.

There was a knock at the door.

Brian looked over to Justin questioningly.

Justin went to answer the door. John stood in the doorway with a bottle of Merlot in his hand. Next to him stood a very handsome young man. He looked a lot like John.

“Thanks for coming,” Justin said. “Come on in. This must be your brother!” He took the bottle from John and ushered them in. The young man smiled at Justin.

“John! I didn’t know you were coming!” Brian said and went over to greet his friend.

John gave Brian a quick embrace. “You were right, it’s hard to say no to that one,” John teased as he looked over at Justin. Justin blushed.

“Brian, I want you to meet my brother, Rob.” John spoke and signed at the same time. Brian gave him a confused look.

“Hello, Rob,” he said offering his hand. Rob took it and they shook. Brian’s eyes remained on John’s.

“Does he read lips?”

“Yes, he does, and he speaks, too,” Rob said in a loud funny voice.

John laughed; Brian had the grace to look embarrassed.

“I see you’re a smart ass like your brother.”

“Thanks,” Rob said smiling.

Justin was surprised; he didn’t know John’s brother was deaf. This was an interesting turn of events.

“Ok, everyone, dinner is served!” Justin said.

John turned and saw Rena. His heart skipped. Fuck! He was sure he wouldn’t have the same reaction. Last time he blamed the booze, this time, there was nothing to blame. He took a deep breath. It was going to be a long dinner. Rob sensed his discomfort and put his hand on his arm.

John looked at him and signed: “It’s ok. That’s her. She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”

Rob signed back: “Very. Stop punishing yourself.”

John smiled.

Rena walked over to them. “Hello, John.”

“Hello, Rena. Nice to see you again,” John said awkwardly. “This is my brother Rob.” He made the introductions.

Rena signed to Rob: “It’s very nice to meet you.”

John groaned. Rena knew sign language. She knew what they just said. Rena gave him an impish smile.

“You’re a brat, you know that?” John said.

“Yeah, I’ve been told,” she teased.

That wasn’t so hard he thought. Actually, it was kind of easy.

“Come on, you two, before it gets cold,” Justin called to them.

They all sat around the table. Dinner was delicious, the conversation flowed. Brian was being Brian. Witty, a bit sarcastic, but all in all well behaved. He was having a good time. Justin was very happy. Things couldn’t have gone better.

Justin was just about to get up and bring dessert out when Rena’s cell phone rang. The familiar tune to “Mustang Sally” echoed through the loft. Shane got up to answer it. Brian motioned to her to sit back down.

“Rena, answer your phone,” Brian said then went back to talking to Michael about the new Rage storyline.

Rena froze.

The phone kept playing the haunting tune. It wouldn’t stop.

Justin felt something was wrong.

“Please, Brian, let me get it,” Shane said nervously. Brian shot her a warning look. Shane backed down. Everyone at the table sensed something was wrong. The phone just kept ringing, the upbeat melody, now becoming eerily disturbing.

“Re, I said answer the phone.” Brian looked intently at his sister.

Rena was sitting to Brian’s left; Justin was at the other end.

“Bastard,” she said. Her eyes brimmed with tears.

Brian went stoic. “Rena, answer the fucking phone,” he said ruthlessly.

She shot Shane an accusing look. Shane slumped in her chair.

“Don’t,” Brian said. “She did nothing wrong. Rena, your phone is ringing.” Brian was relentless.

Everyone at the table was tense. Justin didn’t know what to do, but he knew it was important that Rena answer the phone. He got up and went to retrieve the phone. Brian didn’t take his eyes off Rena. Justin picked the ringing cell up and brought it to Rena. He placed it on the table in front of her.

Rena looked down at. Her breathing was erratic. Fear was evident in her eyes.

John saw her distress. He wanted to help her, but knew it was not his place. He silently sent her encouragement. Whatever was going on, it was causing her a lot of emotional distress. John’s own emotions were palpable. He “felt” her anguish.

“We end it here,” Brian said to her and picked up her hand and held it.

“Look at me, Re.”

Rena looked up at him. Her eyes filled with pain. Brian’s heart clenched.

“We end this now,” he said forcefully. “Answer the phone, Rena. It’s the first step.” Brian kissed the back of Rena’s hand then released it.

Rena took a deep breath. Slowly, she lifted the phone from the table. She flipped the top open, ending the relentless melody, and brought the phone to her ear. She closed her eyes. “Hello,” she croaked.

“Thank God!” came Viv’s voice on the other end. “Tell Brian I said thank you,” she said then she hung up.

Rena closed the phone and put it back on the table. She broke down and cried. Brian pulled her into his arms. He rocked her slowly as he spoke quietly to her.

“He can’t hurt us anymore, Rena,” he said as he stroked her hair and her back soothingly.

“Shhhh… Don’t cry, Re. It’s going to be fine. I promise,” Brian said, his voice raspy with emotion.

He looked up; his eyes met Justin’s. Justin was crying. He smiled at him reassuringly.

Yes, he thought. They were all going to be just fine.

 

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