Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 21

“Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over.” ~ Author unknown.

*****


 

Brian sank deep into the mattress; a tired groan escaped his lips. There was nothing like your own bed he thought. Justin was already asleep beside him. He didn’t realize how much of a toll this trip had taken on him.

They took an early flight home this morning and got in about an hour ago. Justin dropped the bags and went straight to bed. Brian made some phone calls first. He checked in with Ted to discuss the upcoming week’s agenda. He then called Lindsey and talked to Gus for a while. He smiled. Gus was starting to learn new words and couldn’t wait to try them out on daddy. His favorite word seemed to be “sponge bob.” Brian told Lindsey he needed to spend more time with the boy. He was sorely lacking a male influence. Mel wasn’t doing her job, he complained. She laughed and reminded him that he could spend as much time as he wanted to with his son. It was his choice. That made Brian cringe. She was right. He would love to spend more time with Gus; he just couldn’t risk hurting his son. That, he could never survive.

Lindsey changed the subject and grilled him about his trip. She was anxious to meet Rena. He was grateful that she was so accepting of his sister, having never known of her before. She told him Gus was excited about meeting his new Aunt. He told her that they would all get to meet her on Tuesday; Justin informed him that Emmett was planning a welcome home party for Rena. At first, he objected. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized it was best this way. Rena could meet the gang all in one shot and get it over with. It would give her an opportunity to adjust to her new family. Deb had already adopted her as one of her own, sight unseen.

He then called Mikey who bitched him out big time for not calling him the whole time he was gone. Brian felt a twinge of guilt. If anyone deserved to know how things went in New York, it was Mikey. But Brian didn’t have time to talk to anyone back home during his trip. Between Rena, Justin, and Viv, his time was pretty much monopolized.

He really needed to spend some quality time with his sister. He missed her, and she needed him. Now that they were back, his first priority was finding her a good doctor. He made a mental note to call John in the morning. Remington pharmaceuticals had access to the best doctors in the world through their research department.

He promised Mikey that he would bring Rena around to the diner in the morning. She was taking a later flight and wouldn’t get in until late tonight. Shane had secured a house for them to rent for the winter. He had to admit, she was resourceful. The house was only 15 minutes from the loft. The owners went to Costa Rica every winter. The house was in move in condition. Shane had even hired a staff to make sure all of Rena’s personal needs were there when they arrived, including a stocked kitchen. Brian would take a ride over there later to make sure everything was in order.

Mikey’s anger dissipated at the promise of seeing Rena in the morning. He was dying to see her again.

The last phone call he made was to Daphne. He knew Justin spoke to her before they left. Daphne was the only person, besides Brian, whom Justin confided in. He needed Daphne’s help. He dialed her cell.

“Brian Kinney, twice in a one week; to what do I owe this pleasure?” She answered in her usual sassy way.

“Hello, Daphne,” Brian said, mindful of the scolding she gave him last time for not giving her a proper hello.

“When was the last time you talked to Justin?” he asked. He knew Justin talked to a few people during their time in New York, he didn’t know if Daphne was one of them.

“Why, is something wrong? Where is he?” she asked worriedly.

“Settle down, Daph. He’s fine, he’s sleeping right now,” he informed her.

“Jesus, Brian, don’t scare me like that! Ethan kicks him out, and then you whisk him off to New York, now you call me asking me when the last time I talked to him! What the fuck am I suppose to think?” she fumed.

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose trying to stem the headache that was coming on. “Daph, listen to me. Are you listening?” Brian tried to get her to focus.

“Yes, I’m listening Brian. Geesh,” she answered.

“I just need to know if Justin talked to you about what he planned to do when he got home.”

“Well, no. We didn’t talk about it. I just assumed he was moving back in with you. Shit, don’t tell me you’re kicking him out too!”

“No Daph, I am not kicking him out too! When the fuck did I ever kick Justin out?” Brian bit out, irritated. God she could be so frustrating. He could see why they were best friends. Justin could be just as frustrating.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“The problem is, I think he’s thinking of asking you if he can stay with you.”

“Did he say that? He hasn’t asked me, but he knows he doesn’t have to. He’s always welcome to come stay here,” she said matter of factly.

“He didn’t say anything, but I know how Justin thinks. If I ask him to move back in, he’ll think I’m doing it because I feel responsible for his current “homeless” state. And once Justin gets something in his head, it’s near impossible to make him see other wise.”

“Yeah, you’re right about that. So I assume you want him to move back in.”

Brian sighed. “Gee, Daph, I always knew you were a smart girl. Figured that out on your own did you?” he replied sarcastically.

“Duh. No need to get snarky with me! So what do you want me to do?”

“I want you to come here to get him.”

“What? Ok Brian, you lost me. I thought you wanted him “there”?” Daphne sounded confused.

“I do. Listen, if you come to the loft to get him, then I can ask him to stay here and he’ll know I’m not doing it out of any obligation. He’ll know that “I” know he has other options. He’ll believe that my motives are pure. Now this will only work if he thinks you came of your own accord, which is why I asked when was the last time you talked to him; I need to know if he told you when we were getting in.”

“Oh, I see. He called me last night and told me you guys were coming in early this morning.”

“Good, that works. So, can you get your pretty ass here in about an hour?” Brian asked.

“Sure Brian. I’ll play along. But you can’t make him, or me, believe your motives are ever pure!” She laughed.

Brian groaned. “Just make sure you don’t screw up, Daph, ok?”

“Don’t worry, Brian, I won’t. And for the record, I’m glad you guys are back together.”

“Me too, Daph. See you later.”

“Later,” she said and hung up. Brian shut his cell off and went to lie down with Justin.

He stretched out beside him and draped his arm over his body, pulling him in. He really didn’t want to have to wake him up when Daphne came, but it was necessary. He knew his blond. He knew he was worried about what would happen when they got back home. They were barely back together a week and a lifetime of events had fallen upon them. They needed time together, but unfortunately time was going to be so scarce the next few weeks, possibly months. Making time for each other was going to be a challenge. If they lived apart it would only make it that much more difficult.

Truth was, Brian wanted, needed, Justin near him. More then ever now, he needed the security of his partner. Justin grounded him when his world spun out of control, as it so often did. Brian ached deeply when Justin left him for Ethan. He was lost with out him, he admitted to himself. Justin had embedded himself so deeply into Brian’s soul that he couldn’t imagine a time when Justin wouldn’t be there. Fuck he hated feeling this way. He had no illusions that he could be the kind of man that Justin deserved. But he was a selfish prick. He was not going to give him up.

Justin shifted his body closer to Brian’s. Even in sleep he instinctively reached for his lover. Brian tightened his arm around him and closed his eyes. He wanted him so badly right now, but he couldn’t take him. If he did, then when he asked him to stay when Daphne got there, he would think Brian was asking with his dick. Brian couldn’t blame him. He’d spent the last two years sending mixed messages to Justin. Stay, go, stay then go. God what an asshole he’d been. And through it all, Justin loved him. Confused, hurt and all, he never stopped loving him. Brian didn’t deserve it, but he wasn’t going to deny it anymore either. He would do whatever it took, to keep Justin with him.

 

*****
 

“Briiiii...” Justin yawned sleepily. Brian stirred. He must have fallen asleep. He pulled Justin closer to him, burying himself in his warmth.

“Hmmm… Brian, someone has been banging on the door for awhile now, doesn’t look like they’re going away,” Justin said as he lightly tapped Brian’s arm.

Brian moaned, forcing his mind to wake. Daphne. The memory came slowly to consciousness. “Get rid of them, I’m tired.” He turned over, fully awake now.

Justin grumbled and got up to answer the door.

“Ok, already, I’m fucking coming! And not in a good way!” Justin yelled at the door.

He pulled it open and blinked when he saw Daphne.

“Is there a bad way to cum?” she teased, and gave him a big hug.

“Daph! What are you doing here?” Justin said, happy to see his best friend.

“I’m here to take you home, silly! What else? I emptied a drawer out, and put fresh linen on the pull out. So where’s your stuff?”

Justin shook his head. This was unexpected, though he should have known that Daph would anticipate his needs. He told her about Ethan throwing his things out on the streets. She knew how humiliated he was over the whole situation.

He smiled and hugged her tight. He felt like crying, she was the best fucking friend.

“Oh Daph, you have no idea how much I love you right now,” he whispered in her ear.

Unfortunately, Brian heard him and his heart clenched. Justin WANTED to go with Daphne. He didn’t want to be here, at the loft with him. Brian’s mind couldn’t grasp it, worse, his heart rebelled against it and anger seeped into him.

“Going somewhere, Sunshine?” he bit out caustically.

Justin turned around stunned. He didn’t realize Brian was right behind him.

Daphne looked past Justin to Brian; this was not going as expected.

Justin saw the pain and anger in Brian’s eyes. Shit, Brian probably thought he asked Daphne to come and get him. Fuck, fuck! The last thing he wanted was for Brian to think he was leaving him again without telling him. He would feel betrayed all over again.

“Brian, I didn’t know Daphne was coming, I swear,” he said quickly.

“Does it matter?” he bit out.

Ok, this was not going well, Daphne thought. “Hey, it looks like you guys need to talk. Tell you what, why don’t I just make myself scarce and you can call me later, Justin. Um, when things calm down,” she said nervously as she backed out of the loft. “Now behave, you two!” she called from the hallway and shut the door behind her.

Justin turned to say goodbye, but she was already gone. He stood staring at the closed door, wishing he could disappear into the floor right now.

“So why are you still here? Go HOME,” Brian snarled out the word “home,” his tone bitter.

Justin recoiled at Brian’s words. “Stop it, Brian.” Justin turned to face him.

“Stop what?” Brian scoffed. “I’m not stopping you from anything. It’s very clear where you want to be. So fucking go!”

Brian was in a rage. He went over to the kitchen and pulled down his Beam. Thank God for tried and true friends he thought. Beam never let him down. He opened the bottle and drank straight from it.

Justin was shocked at the level of Brian’s anger. He knew he must have sounded relieved to see Daphne, why shouldn’t he be relieved? It wasn’t as if Brian had asked him to move in with him. Justin was very in tuned to Brian’s feelings most of the time, but he wasn’t a fucking mind reader!

“You have to be the most maddening person on the face of the earth!” Justin declared, exasperated. “What the fuck do you expect from me? I have NO PLACE to live! Of course I was thrilled that SOMEBODY cared enough to offer me a place to stay!” Justin spat at Brian.

“Fuck you, Justin! You KNOW I expected you to move back in. Don’t give me your bullshit. If I asked you to move back in you would have said no,” Brian accused. His eyes blazing into Justin’s, daring him to deny it.

“Well, there is the key word, isn’t it?” Justin said. “Expected. While you were making YOUR plans for me to move back in, did you consult me? ”

Brian made a frustrated sound. “And if I did? What would you have said?”

Justin was cornered. Brian was right. Sometimes Brian was just as “onto him” as he was to Brian. His temper deflated a bit.

“You’re right. I would have said no,” he admitted

Brian gave him a triumphant look. God, Justin hated that. Nothing was worse than Brian’s “I’m never fucking wrong” attitude.

“But I would have said no because you have enough to deal with right now in your life without feeling obligated to me. Rena should be your first concern.”

Brian snorted and put the bottle of Beam down hard on the counter. He walked over to Justin and stood in front of him, so close he could feel Justin’s breath quicken. “We,” Brian said softly.

Justin looked at him questioningly.

Brian sighed. “WE have enough to deal with. Or are you bailing on me?” He paused, and then added, “Again?”

Justin’s heart dropped. Ok, this was obviously not over. Brian still held resentment over Justin leaving him. This was a conversation long overdue.

Brian hated these kinds of conversations, but he was going to have to endure this one. They were not going to move forward until they settled the past. In for a quarter, in for a buck as they say.

Justin decided it was time to put all the cards on the table. He squared his shoulders and looked directly into Brian’s eyes.

“It’s time, actually way past time, some things were made clear.” Justin began, “I don’t mind you tricking, Brian, honest to God, I understand you need to, but what I do mind is you throwing it in my face. It’s disrespectful to me. And unnecessary. It took me a long time to understand that there are things you want, and things you need. And you “need” to trick. I get it. One day I hope you won’t need to anymore. I hope that there will come a time when all you “want”, is all you’ll ever need. But that time is not now.”

Justin paused, taking in Brian’s reaction. He stood there, holding his gaze. Something odd shone in his eyes. Justin couldn’t quite make it out. He went on.

“Last time I moved in, we made rules. I think we both know rules are bullshit. Life has a way of changing the rules on us. I don’t want rules. And I don’t need them. What I “need” is for you to stop trying to control us, and just let “us” happen. What I “need” is for you to stop bringing home tricks for me. If I want to trick with you, which I’m sure I will from time to time, I will let you know. What I “need” is for you to forgive me for leaving you. What I “need” is for you to understand that your actions cause a reaction from me, and that sometimes you are going to get exactly what you ask for. And most importantly, what I “need” is for you to just simply love me, and stop worrying about whether that is a good thing, or a bad thing. It is what it is. We both know we have no choice in the matter.”

Justin paused and took a breath. Brian hadn’t moved while Justin talked.

“Meeting you was fate, becoming friends was a choice we both made, but falling in love was something neither of us had control over.”

There it was. Everything was out on the table. Justin prayed Brian would accept his feelings, and hoped, with any luck, and maybe a little divine intervention, he would share some of his own.

Brian cleared his throat suspiciously. He averted his eyes and turned away from Justin. He walked to the kitchen counter and kept his back to him. Justin could feel his vulnerability seeping in. These emotional talks were murder on him. Dear God, please don’t let him turn away from me now he silently prayed. A very long silence ensued. Justin stood there waiting, every nerve in his body taut. The silence was so profound, that Justin physically shook with relief when Brian finally spoke.

“What I want,” Brian whispered, his back still to Justin, “is for you to move back in.” It was painful, but he needed to say this, and he needed Justin to hear him. “What I “want” is for us to deal with our problems together.” He took a deep steadying breath. “What I “want” is for you to understand that sometimes I “need” to take care of you. It makes me feel worthy of your love.” God he sounded like some pathetic lesbianic twat. But Justin deserved to hear the truth.

He turned to face Justin. He saw exactly what he expected to see. All the love they had together was there in Justin’s eyes.

“What I “want”, he said looking into his lovers eyes, “and what I “need” is you.”

Justin lost it. He cried out and ran into Brian’s arms. Brian held him tight, his own tears threatening to spill over.

“I thank God every night for leading me to that lamppost that night,” Justin cried into Brian’s neck.

Brian choked back his tears and squeezed Justin tight. “Me too, Sunshine, me too.”

Brian’s emotions were taking a toll on him. His body reacted instinctively. He grabbed a handful of Justin’s shirt from behind and pulled him up for a long, hard kiss. Justin drank Brian in hungrily. He reached up and grabbed Brian’s hair, holding on to him. Their passion descended on them hard and fast.

It took them both by surprise.

They sank to their knees and ripped at each other’s clothes. A frantic fever burned through them. Their need for each was so great their bodies shook with it.

Brian ripped at Justin’s pants, desperate to get at his cock. Justin helped him, panting with his need. Brian kissed his way down Justin’s body until his mouth reached its destination. He took Justin into his mouth and greedily sucked him in.

Justin’s breath caught in his throat, his back arched, his heart pounded loudly.

Brian lifted Justin’s ass up and swallowed him, moaning deeply as he moved his mouth up and down Justin’s cock. He savored the taste of him, the feel of his skin against his tongue. Selfishly he worked Justin’s cock with his mouth. His desire drove him. He felt Justin’s cock pulse; he knew he was ready to cum. Hard and fast. Brian released Justin. Justin cried out in frustration.

Brian moved back up and kissed him. His mouth worked fervently over Justin’s. He lowered his hand to Justin’s cock and ran his finger over the tip, coating it with Justin’s pre-cum. He squeezed the tip of Justin’s cock, forcing more of the sweet juice to come out. Justin moaned deeply into Brian’s mouth. Brian brought his cum coated fingers up and slipped them in between their mouths.

His tongue mingled with Justin’s around Brian’s fingers as the both sucked and licked the juices off of Brian’s fingers. Brian ran his finger along the inside of Justin’s bottom lip, forcing his mouth to open wider; he then ran his tongue along the same path his finger traveled.

Justin was swimming in a world where nothing but feeling mattered. His world at that moment was Brian. The air he breathed was Brian. The sweat on his skin was Brian. The bone deep passion engulfing his every nerve was Brian.

“God, please... Brian, take me now, please…” he whimpered.

Brian heard his lover, and reacted. He reached into the pocket of his discarded pants and pulled out the condom and a packet of lube.

He ripped both open with astounding speed. He readied Justin for him, and then slipped the condom on. He hastily threw Justin’s legs over his shoulders and entered him with one swift steady stroke.

Justin gasped. Brian wasn’t to be stopped though. He relentlessly pounded into Justin. Crazed with a fevered passion he never felt before.

On the third stroke, Justin came violently. His fingers dug deep into Brian’s forearms. His cock pulsated against Brian’s stomach. His balls tightened, and then, with out warning, his cum sprang from his body ferociously. The force of it was so strong it hurt. Justin hissed at the pleasure/pain and pulled Brian into him deeper. Brian rode him hard.

Justin emptied his seed and soul onto Brian. Covering them both with his hot, thick fluid. Brian reached between them and gathered the fruits of his labor. He then brought his hand up and spread the sweet nectar over Justin’s face. He bent over and licked it off, running his tongue up Justin’s jaw to his cheek, to his nose. He repeated this action. Covering all of Justin’s body with the evidence of their union. Justin was drowning in it and Brian licked every inch of him.

Justin felt another orgasm creeping up on him. It was too soon, he knew. His eyes flew open, confusion evident in them. He looked up at Brian. Brian sensed Justin’s uncertainty.

“Easy…” he whispered. “You’re having another orgasm too soon after your first. It might hurt a little. But it will also feel good. Just let it take you, Justin, don’t fight it. It’s called a dry cum.” He tried to sooth his lover.

Justin trusted Brian; he held on tight and clamped down on Brian’s cock. Brian threw his head back and moaned loudly, his orgasm rippled through him.

Justin felt his own body tense; he pulled Brian down to him, afraid to let go. Brian, caught in his own orgasm, sensed Justin’s need and gathered him in his arms. As he pulsed his orgasm deep into Justin, he guided him through his own orgasm, whispering soothing, loving words into his ear.

Justin’s body shook with his second orgasm. It was an odd feeling. He felt a deep need to relieve himself, but there was nothing to relieve. It was excruciatingly frustrating and extremely erotic at the same time.

Their bodies locked together as they let their orgasms rip through their bodies. They were one in that moment. Each, dependent upon the other.

Slowly, they came back to earth. Spent, their bodies covered in sweat and cum. Their breathing erratic. They held each other, sated in the aftermath of their passion.

Brian pulled out of Justin and fell over on his back. Justin groaned in protest at the separation.

Brian threw his arm over his forehead. God this kid was going to kill him, he thought.

Justin lay there, trying to get his breathing under control again.

“So you’re staying?” Brian asked.

Justin laughed. “If you need me to” he said, smiling to himself.
 

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