Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 20

“You’re thinking so complicated
I’ve had it all up to here
But it’s so overrated
Love and hate it
Wouldn’t trade it
Love me jaded”

~ Jaded by Aerosmith



*****

 

Brian tossed the black Malik shirt at Justin. It landed unceremoniously over his head. Justin pulled it off and gave Brian an irritated look while he covered the mouthpiece of the phone.

“Brian, I can’t wear that! It needs to be cleaned!” Justin reminded him. Brian smirked.

“I like how it smells. It’s all you, Sunshine.” He went over to where Justin sat on the edge of the bed and bent over to nibble his neck. He picked up the discarded shirt and tried to put it on Justin.

“Cut it out, we’re going to be late.” Justin half-heartedly pulled away from Brian.

“Well then, I suggest you get off the phone,” Brian said, and then shouted so Emmett could hear him through the covered mouthpiece.

“BYE, BYE, EMMY LOU. JUSTIN WILL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT HER ON SUNDAY.”

Justin laughed and pushed him away. Brian reluctantly gave up his efforts to dress Justin and went into the bathroom to finish dressing himself for dinner.

Justin took his hand off the mouthpiece.

“I heard that,” Emmett said. “He really needs to get his priorities straight.” Emmett complained. “SOOO, sugar, don’t hold out on me. I want to know EVERY little detail. Is she as gorgeous as she was in “Ashes Rising”? Did she have a bevy of hot young men hanging around her? Are her pearls, real, or dipped?” Being Emmett, it was hard to keep the excitement out of his voice.

“God, Emmett, how the fuck would I know a thing like that!” Justin laughed into the phone. “She is more beautiful in person than on film! A little shorter than I thought she would be though,” Justin remarked. “Oh my God, Emmett, I couldn’t believe Margot Hathaway was standing in front of me, talking to me! I was like a crazed fan! I gushed how much I loved her in “All About Eve”,” Justin confessed

“YOU DID NOT!” Emmett was horrified. “That wasn’t Margot Hathaway that was Bette Davis!”

Justin cringed, Emmett sounded aghast at Justin’s faux pas.

“Yeah, I did. She gave me this look as if I had spit on her shoes!” He shook his head at the memory. Brian looked over at him from the bathroom and laughed.

It was very funny. Viv had walked into the hall just as Justin made that blunder. She acted like Justin just gave her the best Christmas gift ever. Viv and Margot were the kind of best friends that always liked to get one up on each other. Having a fan mistake Margot for another actress was fodder for Viv’s insult bin. She grabbed Justin from behind and gave him a big hug. She couldn’t help throwing in a barb of her own as she whispered into Justin’s ear, loud enough for Margot to hear, “She was even better in “What Ever Happened to Baby Jane”.”

That’s when Justin realized he made a mistake and started apologizing ad nauseam. Margot took pity on him and let the slip slide, but Viv wasn’t going to let it down so easily. She ribbed her friend about it all day.

“I did. I thought I would die. But she was pretty cool about it. Viv thought it hysterical.”

Justin smiled at the memory. He was starting to like Viv. She was a hard woman, but there was a kindness to her that lay just beneath the surface. He had no doubt that she could be a vicious snake if riled, but it was obvious she was very fond of Brian, no matter what their past differences.

Seeing her around Rena was like seeing another woman. There was no doubt she adored Rena. Justin could see the hurt in her eyes every time Rena talked about her move to Pittsburgh. Brian saw it too. He took pity on her and threw more than one invitation out to Viv to come to Pittsburgh. Viv in return, made him promise to bring Rena and Justin to their château in the Loire Valley. It was a bittersweet exchange.

Brian’s little family was an intriguing bunch, dysfunctional, quirky and eccentric. The more Justin learned about each person the more he liked them. Rena and he were getting on great. She was already calling herself his “sister in-law” which gained her more than one glare from Brian.

Shane had a great big heart, which she tried to hide and protect, but Justin could see through her. She loved Rena to a fault and was very loyal to her. She was coming around to Justin. They were becoming friends. Though Brian acted like he detested her, he knew Brian was starting to see some merit in Shane. Oddly enough, finding out that Shane blew Viv’s last husband gained her some points in Brian’s book; which was par for the course in the dysfunctional category, Justin mused.

James was like a father, or more accurately, like an older protective brother to Rena. What amazed Justin was how he illustrated that same protectiveness and loyalty to Brian as soon as he met him. Brian liked and respected him immediately, which surprised Justin. It usually took Brian a long time to trust anyone. But Brian instantly took to James. Justin caught them talking quietly a few times over the last few days. He didn’t question Brian about it. It was as if Brian knew something about James that was private.

“SPITTING on her shoes would have been preferable to insulting the woman! For God sakes, Justin, have I taught you nothing?” Emmett whined on the other end bringing Justin’s thoughts back to the conversation.

“I know. I’ll have to pay better attention,” Justin agreed.

Emmett heard the stress in Justin’s voice. He grew serious for a moment. “Seriously, Baby, how are you?”

“I’m fine, Emmett, really. And Brian is fine too.” The comment came out a little harsher than he intended, but it bothered him that everyone showed such concern for him, and none for Brian. It was so easy for them to paint Brian as the bad guy. Michael was the only one who worried about Brian.

None of Brian’s other friends knew of his past life. Not even Deb or Vic. They only knew what they saw or, more accurately, what Brian allowed them to see. If they only knew that Brian’s way of protecting those he love was to keep the ugliness from them, they would see him differently. But that was Brian’s choice. He knew how private Brian was, and he also knew that having his past aired to his friends was the last thing Brian wanted. He would keep as much private as he could when Rena went back with them, and Justin would respect that.

“Honey, I KNOW Brian is fine. He always is, Sweetie. He’s got tough skin. You haven’t lived as much as he has. Don’t think I don’t care about him, I hear that in your voice.” Emmett laughed. “You’re like the protective mama bear when it comes to him! But I understand Brian better than you think I do. I don’t worry about him because he’s a survivor. You’ve got a lot of living to do yet. So I worry about you more.”

Justin pinched the bridge of his nose, a habit he picked up from Brian.

“I’m sorry, Em. I know you are a good friend to Brian. It’s just been a very emotional few days.” Justin sighed into the phone.

“Honey, don’t you worry about a thing! Sunday you’ll be home, and everything will be just fine! You’ll see,” Emmett said cheerfully. “I’m planning a wonderful party for when you two return!” he chirped.

“I heard.” Justin smiled into the phone. “Em, don’t overdo, ok?”

Emmett laughed. “Baby it ain’t worth doing if you don’t do it right! But don’t worry; it will just be close family and friends, no big deal. Ok?”

Justin was relieved. “That will be great Em, thanks. I have to go, we’re going out to dinner tonight. Margot is taking us out to Oscars,” Justin told him then regretted it a second later when Emmett screeched into his ear. Justin had to pull the earpiece away from his head.

“OSCARS!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God, all the movie stars go there, Justin! You HAVE to give me a full report when you get back!” Emmett demanded.

“Ok, ok! I promise!” Justin laughed into the phone. “I’ll talk to you when we get back.”

“Ok, Sweetie, you take care, and have fun tonight! Love ya, bye!” Emmett blew a kiss in the phone and hung up.

Justin said goodbye and closed the Razor. He was worried about going home. He still had to find a place to live now that Ethan kicked him out. Brian hadn’t exactly asked him to move back in. And in truth, Justin didn’t know if that was such a good idea. Things were going to be different when they got back. Brian had to adjust to having his sister back in his life, deal with the stress of making Kinnetik a huge fucking success, and find the time to make their own dysfunctional relationship work.

Brian would be stretched emotionally. Justin knew that Joan and Claire would not accept Rena. Though they hated Brian’s lifestyle, and rejected him personally, when it came to appearances, Joan was a fanatic. She still liked to “act” the caring mother when it suited her. A fact which hurt Brian more than anyone knew. Rena’s mother loved him as a son where his own mother never would, or could. Pretending she cared for appearances’ sake cut through Brian like a knife. She was still his mother, and what son wouldn’t want his mother’s love?

Justin worried that Joan and Claire would cause trouble for Brian.

“You’re thinking way too much, and that can’t be a good thing,” Brian said as he walked out of the bathroom looking gorgeous as ever.

He was wearing a pair of dark blue Giorgio Gibboti front pleated trousers with a crisp white shirt with the sleeves rolled up. No tie, and a matching jacket slung over his shoulder. The only jewelry he wore was his Swiss watch and his cowry shell bracelet; casual, yet elegant. Justin smiled at him.

Brian frowned. “What’s the matter?”

Justin lay back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. “You know what’s really sad?” Justin asked.

Brian draped his jacket over the side of the chair and walked around the bed to lie next to Justin.

He stretched out on his side and propped his head up with his hand; he ran his free hand down Justin’s cheek.

“What’s so sad, Sunshine?” he said soothingly.

“The fact that I know those pants are Giorgio Gibboti.” Justin heaved a sigh.

Brian laughed and leaned over to kiss him. He pulled back and looked at Justin. The boy was definitely worried about something.

“Come on, spill it. I can see those wheels spinning,” Brian coaxed.

Justin turned his head to look at Brian. “I’m worried about you.”

Brian snorted. “Worried about me? Millions of children go to bed hungry every night. Worry about them, don’t waste your time worrying about me,” Brian spat out sarcastically. He didn’t like Justin worrying about him. It came too close to pity, and Brian did NOT do pity. He got up from the bed.

Fuck, Justin thought; wrong thing to say. He should have known better. Brian didn’t want anyone worrying about him, or feeling sorry for him. To him, both were one in the same.

“Fine, give me a minute and I’ll get dressed.” Justin rose from the bed.

“You better hurry up, the car is already here.” Brian couldn’t hide the coolness in his comment.

Justin looked back at him on his way to the bathroom. “I’m much younger than you, Bri. It doesn’t take me as long to look good.” He waited for Brian to turn to face him, knowing a stinging retort was coming. When it did, Justin just smiled brilliantly at him.

Brian’s words stuck in his throat. He blinked then said, “Brat.” Brian never could resist Justin’s smile. He turned back around so Justin couldn’t see his own smile.

 

*****

“You know, Viv, I’ve been meaning to tell you for years, you should keep your hair natural like mine,” Margot said in the form of polite dinner conversation as she looked over the menu.

Viv gave her a stunned look. “If I kept my hair natural like yours, I’d be bald.” She took a a sip from her water glass, her face remaining passive.

It had gone on like this between the two since they got to the restaurant. Justin found it amusing, Brian found it irritating, and Rena ignored it.

Oscars was all it was reported to be. Garishly over decorated, ridiculously expensive, well, at least Justin surmised it was since there were no prices on the menus, and filled with movie stars. He leaned over and whispered to Brian, “Do you think we’ll see Meryl Streep?”

“See, there is the difference between you and me, Sunshine. If I “have” to endure dining with insufferably pretentious actors with over inflated egos, I’d rather it be with Keanu Reeves or John Cusack. At least they’re eye candy. Meryl Streep makes my dick soft.”

Justin gave him a sharp look and went back to reading his menu.

“So, Margot, why are you in New York?” Rena asked.

“I’m doing “Suddenly Last Summer” on Broadway,” she replied smugly.

“Playing the part of the mother?” Viv asked innocently.

Margot leaned back and placed her hand on the table. “What makes you think I’m not playing the part of the cousin?”

“Well, Margot, darling,” Viv began as she put her hand over Margot’s, “as your best and dearest friend, I know I can tell you this without offending you.”

Justin waited for the barb. This was a game they both played very well.

“The parts you’ve been taking lately are more suited for a much younger actress. You’re not Peg-of-My-Heart anymore, Darling, you’re Lady Macbeth.” Viv smiled at her and patted her hand.

Margot called the waiter over. “Another scotch, straight up,” she ordered.

“Make that two,” Brian added. God, if he were ever going to get through dinner with these two sniping cunts he’d have to do it drunk.

“Ok, you two, enough!” Rena warned. “You’re antics may be amusing to the both of you, but to others you sound like a couple of bitter old twats. So shut up.”

Brian laughed. Viv and Margot gave Rena a dirty look.

“Were did she get such a filthy mouth?” Margot asked.

“From the slew of drunken agents, directors and producers I had to throw out of your house when I was staying with you.” Rena lived with Margot when she went to UCLA.

Margot snorted. “Yeah, well, it was sex and guts that got me where I am today.” There was no hint of shame or remorse in her comment.

Unfortunately Brian understood her. He knew what it took to succeed in a commercialized world where sex sold. Sometimes hard work wasn’t enough. On too many occasions he took a client into the bathroom to fuck him. True, he didn’t do it for the account; he did it for the pure sex of it. Getting the account was just the bonus. Now that he owned his own company, it wasn’t an issue, although he still enjoyed sex with some clients.

“Margot, you say that as if you’re not a talented actress. I know you are, I’ve seen your work,” Justin said.

“Which work are you talking about dear, her role in “Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte?” Viv couldn’t help herself as she threw out the name of another Bette Davis movie.

Rena threw her hands up in defeat.

“I recently saw “Ashes Rising”. You were brilliant in that,” Justin said in all honesty.

Margot actually looked embarrassed. She smiled appreciatively at Justin.

“Thank you, Sweetie. It’s nice to hear someone appreciates my work. There was a time I didn’t think anyone would ever see it. Truth is, talent doesn’t always get you the part.”

She squared her shoulders. “In the beginning I couldn’t get a fucking commercial. So I fucked who I needed to fuck to get on film so that I could prove that I was a good actress. I don’t regret it. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do just to survive. We all go in thinking our talent or hard work will sell us and then we learn the ugly truth of what it really takes. You’re young, and I hope to God it’s not a lesson you’ll ever have to learn.” This was said with all seriousness.

Justin heard the deep sadness in her voice. He smiled sweetly at her.

“That’s a lesson Justin won’t ever learn, Margot,” Brian said confidently. “He’s a very talented artist, but he’d rather be the only person who ever sees his work than sell his soul to get it seen by others.” Brian’s comment came out a little too harshly.

Justin kicked him under the table. Brian ignored him. It was true. He knew Justin would rather starve than compromise his principles. He wasn’t like Margot, or him, for that matter.

“Of course, he won’t have to. Not when he’s got a sugar daddy,” Margot shot at Brian, hurt from his insinuation.

“Excuse me!” Justin said angrily. He just complimented the bitch and she called him a gold digger! Ok, so Brian insulted her and provoked her, but she made HIM the target! Justin realized that she did it because she knew what would hurt Brian most, insulting Justin. She could insult Brian all night; he could give a fuck, but insult Justin… He had to smile. Brian was that transparent when it came to his protective feelings for Justin.

Brian grabbed Justin’s hand under the table and gently squeezed it. Justin sat back and waited for Brian’s attack. This time, Justin wouldn’t lecture him. She had it coming.

“Margot, you have a reputation for being a lush and a whore. You actually take pride in the fact that you fuck all your leading men. So don’t give me this “poor me, I did the unthinkable just to survive” shit about fucking everyone and anyone who could advance your career. Once your career soared, you didn’t stop fucking around. Fine, I can respect that. But don’t try to pass off your choices as necessary evils. You are at heart, a whore. I should know; takes one to know one. But don’t you DARE assume things about Justin. He has something you nor I never had, moral character.” Brian finished his tirade. He was steaming. God he hated vicious, opportunistic celebrity types. He worked with many. They had over inflated egos and low self-esteem. And often took joy in belittling others who worshiped them. It made him sick.

Justin squeezed Brian’s hand underneath the table thanking him.

Viv laughed uproariously. “He's got your number, Darling, doesn’t he?”

Margot looked at the pair sitting at her table. They made a handsome couple. And there was true love there. It’s what prompted her to insult Justin. She’d been playing this game far too long. She knew how to identify her mark. Unfortunately she hit her mark a little too hard, and the return fire was shattering. She sighed. She’d been living in the snake pit so long, she forgot there were actually normal people in the world that didn’t play these types of games. Viv was used to her. She feared her insult to Rena’s brother went too far, and she didn’t want to hurt Rena.

“God, I hate fags,” she said, with a deep sorrowful sigh. “And you know why? Cause I can’t charm them, fuck them or fool them.” She raised her glass to Brian.

“I apologize for offending your friend.” She looked over to Justin. “I ask you to forgive this old, aging cunt, as Viv so lovingly calls me, I’m just way too jaded to recognize a decent human being when I see one. Comes from living in the cesspool they call LA,” she said in all honesty.

Justin nodded at her. “Apology accepted. And I stand by what I said. You were brilliant in “Ashes Rising”.”

Brian smiled at his lover. He always made him so proud. Even in the midst of that bitch’s attack, Justin managed to rise above it, and be the better person. Well, in truth, he was the better person, Brian acknowledged to himself. Way too good for the likes of him.

He called the waiter over and ordered another drink. He didn’t accept Margot’s apology, but he wasn’t making an issue out of it either. Justin was fine, so he was fine.

“I’m sorry, I need some air.” Rena got up, her face red with anger, and left the table.

James got up to follow her; Brian put his hand on his arm to stop him.

“I’ll go,” he said and started to get up from his chair.

Justin reached over and grabbed his arm. Brian looked down at him, half out of his chair.

“Let me go, Bri,” he said quietly.

Brian stilled for a moment, then nodded his head and sat back down. Justin got up and excused himself and followed Rena outside.

Rena stood out in the cold October air fuming. Fucking Margot! But she knew that Margot was just being Margot. It never bothered her before. And that was what really bothered Rena. The fact that she lived with Margot, and people like her, for so long she wondered at what point did she become numb to it? Rena reluctantly admitted she wasn’t much better than Margot. She used men, and women, for her own pleasure. She kept most everyone at a distance. And though she never purposely set out to hurt anyone, she did through her callousness when she stood by and watched others be hurt, and did nothing.

But when Margot insulted Justin, she felt hurt. Rena had to leave before she hit Margot. That was how angry she was at her for attacking Justin.

The problem was, she had researched the Human Behavioral Sciences for so long that she developed a healthy distain for mankind in general. She’d heard Margot say much worse to her assistants, her agents, to anyone who was unfortunate enough to work for her, and it never bothered Rena. They all took it, eager just to be in her presence. Rena thought they deserved it then. But they didn’t. No one did. Why didn’t she see this before? Had she become so jaded?

She rubbed her arms against the chill of the night. She welcomed the cold, it was cooling her anger.

“Hey,” Justin said as he walked up behind her.

She turned around and gave him an apologetic smile.

“Oh, Justin, I am so sorry…”

Justin made a dismissive sound, interrupting her thought. “Rena, don’t; you don’t ever have to apologize to me. Besides, don’t you and Brian follow the same rules? No apologies, no regrets?”

She knew he was teasing and laughed, her teeth chattered from the cold.

“Come inside, you’re freezing.” Justin went to her and put his arms around her, trying to keep her warm.

Rena rested her head on his shoulder and folded into his warmth.

“I will, in a minute.”

Justin started rubbing her arms. “You’re nothing like her, Rena, you know that, don’t you?” Justin’s insight amazed Rena. The way he could read people was a gift. He would make a great psychotherapist she thought, he had wonderful intuition.

“It doesn’t excuse the fact that I’ve let her get away with that shit for years.” Rena sighed regretfully.

“No, but, Rena, you grew up seeing nothing but the worst in people. The two people in your life who were good, were taken away from you. It’s not surprising you became numb to the cruelty of others. God, why wouldn’t you, having experienced so much of it for yourself. I know how easy it is to ignore bad behavior,” Justin whispered. “I should have seen how cruel Hobbs was, but I ignored it. Hobbs was the guy who took the bat to my head. He used to torment other kids in my school all the time. I stood by and said nothing. I was only worried about how I was treated,” Justin said with guilt.

Rena looked up at him. “Justin, do you blame yourself for what that boy did to you?” she asked, surprised. How could Brian let the boy go on thinking that? She wondered if Brian even knew Justin felt this way.

Justin looked away. In truth, he did feel part of the blame was his. He was always reckless. When he had the opportunity, he gave Chris back some of his own, like teasing him in front of his friends when he bumped into him on Liberty Avenue. He knew the type of kid Chris was, though he never imagined he would have reacted so violently.

“Justin, what happened to you was NOT your fault in any way. Do you think that guy Hobbs woke up one day and decided he hated gays? Something like that comes from years of exposure to hate and anger, starting from his parents then his schoolmates. Nothing you did, or could ever do, would justify his actions. He would have hurt someone eventually. That was how he was conditioned. As for not defending your classmates when you saw them being teased, how could you? You were dealing with your own problems. That’s a normal reaction and a necessary survival skill. You would never stand by and watch someone get hurt. That’s not who you are.” Rena pulled away from Justin and looked around for a place for them to sit. She spotted a bench by the entrance, and out of the wind. She took Justin’s hand and guided him there. She sat down and he sat beside her.

“Emotional damage is the worst kind of damage that can be dealt to a person and harder to recover from,” she explained to him. “But it’s not that easily recognizable. Kids hurl hurtful words at each other all the time. It’s culturally accepted amongst youths. You lived in that culture, Justin. When you are in the midst of something, you don’t see it for what it is. But you see it now, and that is what is important. Look at me, Justin,” Rena placed her hand under Justin’s chin and turned his face towards her.

“There was nothing you could have done to stop what happened to you. You are not responsible for the actions of others. I’m not so much worried about the brain damage you have and the tremors you suffer from, I’m more worried about this guilt you are carrying around. And if my hunch is right, you feel your being bashed has somehow hurt Brian, am I right?”

Justin’s eyes filled with tears. “Oh, Rena, I would have never made it if it weren’t for Brian. He took care of me after I got out of the hospital. I was a pitiful wreck. I had panic attacks, I couldn’t leave the loft alone, and I wouldn’t even let him touch me. For months he cared for me, and helped me heal. He sacrificed so much to be there for me. I should have never put him in that position!”

Rena gathered Justin in her arms. “Shhh… Now stop this. You know in your heart it could be no other way. Brian loves you. That’s what people do for those they love. They care for them. You KNOW Brian. He NEVER does anything he doesn’t want to do. You know what a selfish prick he is.”

Justin laughed and wiped his tears away. “So you’re saying that Brian taking care of me was a selfish act?” he asked jokingly.

“Absolutely, Justin, love is selfish and selfless.” Rena was being totally serious. “You really should talk to Brian about this,” she advised.

Justin smiled and kissed her cheek. “You know, Rena, you’re very good at your job.”

“But, as they say, physician heal thyself. You’ve been carrying around a lot of guilt yourself. When are you going to tell Brian?’

Rena looked embarrassed. Justin was right; she could dish out the advice, but had a hard time following it herself.

“Touché, My Dear.” She laughed. “Tell you what, we’ll take it one step at a time. We don’t want to overload our boy, do we?”

Justin smiled and shook his head. They sat for a moment, quietly.

“Rena, can I ask you a question?” he said cautiously.

“Of course Justin, you can always ask me anything.”

“Viv told Brian that you gave up a chance at love because of him. Is that true?” He knew he shouldn’t be discussing this with her.

“Viv told Bean that!” Rena huffed.

“Please don’t tell her I told you, Rena! I shouldn’t have even asked,” he said nervously. He always went too far. He really needed to learn when to keep his mouth shut.

“Justin, I left Sean because he wanted to get married and have kids.” She hoped Justin would understand.

“Oh,” Justin said, remembering that Rena told him that she couldn’t have kids because of the damage done to her from the rape. “I’m so sorry, Rena.”

“Don’t be. Not your fault. But I didn’t want to tell Sean. If I did, then being a doctor, he’d want to know why. And I wasn’t going to tell him. Viv can assume what she wants. Telling her is out of the question as well.”

“What are you going to tell Brian? You know he’s going to ask you about it.”

“I’ll tell him the truth. I promised you I wouldn’t lie to him. But how much of the truth, well…” She let the sentence drift off.

“Did you love him?” Justin asked, changing the subject.

Rena thought for a second. “I guess. I mean, I believe I could have loved him very much. I never have been “in” love.” She looked at Justin. “When did you know you loved Brian?”

Justin smiled and blushed. “I knew I loved him the moment he spoke to me under that lamppost.”

Rena laughed. “Honey, that was lust, not love. When did you realize you loved him?”

“You sound like Brian. He says the same thing. But no, I knew it was love,” Justin declared strongly.

Rena tilted her head and gave him an odd look. “How do you know?”

Justin thought for a second, trying to find a way to explain it to her. “When I was around seven I was very rebellious,” he said suddenly. Rena looked quizzically at him, but said nothing. “I had a strong, independent, reckless streak. I’m afraid I drove my mother crazy!”

Rena laughed. “I’m not surprised. You’re still reckless, getting yourself mixed up with my brother!” she teased.

“True,” he agreed. “Anyway, I remember one day I decided I didn’t need to ride the bus home from school. I wasn’t a baby! I was seven years old, for God sake. I should be able to get home on my own, I thought.”

Rena could imagine a stubborn little independent Justin. She could still see some remnants of that little boy in him. Just like she saw the carefree little boy in Brian, the boy before…” Rena stopped her thoughts from going there.

Justin continued. “So I ditched the bus and started walking home. What I didn’t realize was that there was a BIG difference between three miles by bus and three miles on foot. I got lost. It was getting dark and I didn’t recognize any of the streets. I started to panic. I remember feeling like I would never see my family again; I had visions of being alone, and lost, forever. Then suddenly, I turned a corner and recognized the street I was on. It was my street. I saw my house and I was instantly filled with such a strong sense of relief and joy. It was overpowering. I was home. I never forgot that feeling.”

Justin looked at Rena to see if she understood. She was trying to grasp it.

”When I first saw Brian, yeah, I was hot for him. My body tightened with lust. There was no denying that. I wanted him. But the moment he opened his mouth and said, “Hey,” that feeling I had when I was seven rushed back. It almost knocked me over, that was how powerful it was. At that moment, I knew I was home.”

Rena was stunned. She never imagined it could be like that. She envied Justin and her brother. Her eyes filled with tears.

Justin smiled at her. “I guess you can say he had me at “Hey.”
 

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