Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 14

“What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose.” ~ Henry Ward Beecher

 

*****

 

It was the most natural thing in the world having Rena jump into his arms. Brian’s heart rejoiced when he felt Rena give over all the years that separated them.

He may not know who Rena was today, what kind of woman she had become the past six years, but he did know it didn’t matter when she was with him. Who she was to the outside world had no bearing on who she was with him. With him, all that she created over the years to be accepted by a society who didn’t value who she was born to be, melted away. The child in her never died. It never really dies in any of us. We just lose touch, he realized.

Together they had loved, laughed, cried and died a little. Life changed a lot of things, but some things would never change. Rena and he would always be this way with each other. There was a bond shared that no amount of years could tear apart. After all, it was only time.

Brian sat on the couch cradling Rena, memories flooding through him, some happy, many sad. But they were all shared with the girl in his lap. She “knew”. She knew and accepted. In many ways he hated that she knew, it wasn’t fair to her, but as he often reminded himself, he was a selfish prick and part of him was glad she knew, and understood. The guilt would have killed him if not for her words that night.

“I’m glad it was you, Brian. Andy wanted it to be you.”

He could hear her words after all these years echo in his mind. He wondered, not for the first time, if Andy had talked to her about it.

Finally, their tears subsided a bit, and emotions got reigned in. She sat up and wiped her slobbering face on his jacket. Great he thought, then smiled and kissed her swollen red nose.

“I should ring your fucking neck, you know that don’t you?” he gently scolded.

She laughed, and then hiccupped. “Fuck you, Bean. You’d have had no respect for me if I broke that promise. Besides, what the fuck is six years? I’m here now.” She smiled widely.

Brian pushed her forward a bit to study her. “You know, Rena, you didn’t turn out so bad. Well, not counting the puffiness and tearstains. You’re not that bad looking. Did you get your nose fixed?”

Rena placed both her hands on his chest and pushed a little too hard, nearly knocking herself off his lap. Brian laughed and caught her before she tumbled to the floor.

“Asshole,” she sniffed.

“Why does everyone call me that?” Brian sighed dramatically.

“Probably because it’s true,” Rena teased.

Brian heard loud voices coming from his right. He turned his head to look at what seemed to be an argument brewing. Rena followed his gaze and got up off his lap.

Brian made his way to the bar just as he heard Shane and the man standing opposite her turn to Justin and say. “Shut the Fuck up!”

Brian’s eyes turned dark. “I suggest you BOTH shut the fuck up and leave my boyfriend alone.” Great he thought a minute too late. He used the word “boyfriend” again. Justin was NOT going to let him live this down. Twice in the past two days.

Justin turned, and smiled brilliantly at Brian, giving him that, “Oh, you are so busted” look.

Rena warned Shane and James to back off. “What the hell is it with you two lately anyway?”

Neither answered, each looking a little embarrassed. Of course it was Shane who broke the awkward moment by creating another.

“So you two finish slobbering all over each other like a couple of school kids who haven’t seen each other since summer vacation?” She asked as she leaned against the bar, lifting the bottle of beer to her lips.

Brian pulled Justin to his side as if to protect him from her.

“Jesus, Rena, don’t you train them before you employ them? At least tell me she’s housebroken,” he said sarcastically.

James excused himself and left the room.

“Actually, Bean, if you take the time to get to know Shane, you’d like her. You two are alike in many ways.”

Brian snorted. Justin could see why Rena said that. Shane had this “fuck you” attitude much like Brian had. He suspected the source of that came from being hurt at some point in her life.

Shane looked at Rena like she lost her mind. “Are you crazy? I’m not like that fucking vain label queen! God, look at him, Rena, he’s more groomed then the prize ape at the Bronx zoo! Was he always a peacock?” she asked indignantly.

Brian’s eyes grew wide at the insult. His emotions were too raw at the moment to deal with her.

“A groomed ape would be a step up from you!” Brian spat. “And if I were you, I wouldn’t mention the word cock unless you can produce one. I thought penis envy went out in the 90’s. The whole transgender thing doesn’t suit you “boy”.” Brian dragged out the word “boy”. His words could be lethal when he wanted them to be.

Brian leaned forward and went in for the kill.

“Do you think you’re fooling Rena with this androgynous act? Well you’re not. Rena knows you just don’t have the balls to be the woman you are ‘cause you’re too scared some guy’s going break your fucking pathetic useless heart,” Brian said sardonically.

“Ok, that’s enough,” Rena said. She shouldn’t be surprised Brian would peg Shane right off the bat. Brian was good at that. He was very intuitive when it came to people’s sexuality.

“Brian…” Justin sighed, his disapproval evident.

Shane actually smiled and laughed a genuine laugh.

“Well, this family reunion is going well,” Rena said. She gave Shane a menacing look.

“What!” Shane asked, innocently.

Justin knew Brian was still reeling from his emotions over seeing Rena again. He was being hurtful on purpose. He saw Shane as a threat. She was arrogant, insulting and very close to Rena. Brian wasn’t being rational.

“Brian, you need to spend time with Rena. Shane and I are going out. I’m hungry.” He turned to Shane. “Shane, let’s go get something to eat, then you can show me around town. Maybe you can take me to Splash in Chelsea. I heard it’s a hot gay bar.”

Brian turned on Justin and exploded. “You’re not going anywhere with her!”

Justin wasn’t backing down. “Right now I’m going to our room. In case you want to discuss this, it’s room 3303.” He turned to leave.

Fuck! Brian thought.

Shane silently cursed. Why did she have to bait Brian like that? If she were honest with herself it was because she saw him as a threat to her. Shane had been with Rena for almost seven years now. Yet if Brian wanted her gone, she would be gone. Shane had no doubt of that. She had those thoughts before she even met Brian. Then when she saw him in the lobby, all her insecurities came crashing in on her.

Shane’s way of dealing with her insecurities was to fuck them, before they fucked her. And that was what she was doing with Brian. Truth was, she didn’t want to leave Rena. Shane had no doubt she would survive without Rena, but she had thought she finally found a home with Rena. Rena made her believe that she was important. That she was relevant. And Shane had never felt relevant before.

“Brian,” Shane started, hesitantly.

Brian whipped around to face her, rage clearly in his eyes. Rena went to him and put her hand on his arm. The significant of that small gesture was not lost on Shane.

“I’m sorry. Seriously, I really like Justin. I would never harm him. I know you don’t have any reason to trust me, or believe me, but I know you’ll believe Rena. She’ll vouch for me. I’ll take good care of Justin.” Shane held her breath. It was definitely time for a mea culpa.

Brian’s anger diffused a bit. He knew from Justin’s reaction he was being insufferable. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger and sighed deeply.

Shane continued. “Truth is, Brian, you being here scares the shit out of me.” Well, in for a penny, in for a dime as the saying goes. Might as well get it all out on the table; Shane rather she knew where she stood now.
Brian’s head snapped up at that admission. “Why the fuck would you be scared of me?” he asked rather harshly.

“Because Rena loves you, you’re her brother. And if you don’t like me, then I’m gone. And the truth is, not many people like me. Oh they want to fuck me, but they very rarely like me,” Shane said honestly.

Rena looked at her sadly. She was so wrapped up with her own feelings about being reunited with Brian that she didn’t stop to think how it was affecting Shane, or James, for that matter. She hated that Shane felt this way, although she couldn’t blame her. Rena was very clear about how important Brian was to her. She made a mental note to have a talk with Shane and James. When she went back with Brian, she wanted Shane and James to come with her. She didn’t want them to feel they weren’t wanted anymore. Shane was her best friend. She saw things in Shane that no one else did, and she knew, in time, Brian would see those things as well. It seemed Justin had already seen those things in Shane. Justin. She still hasn’t dealt with that little revelation. She and Brian had a lot to talk about.

“No one likes you because you want it that way,” Brian said brutally.

Shane didn’t argue.

“Tell you what, you make an effort to not piss me off, and I’ll let you hang with Justin. God knows you need a positive influence around you,” Brian said, and then he added. “As for whether or not you remain with Rena, that’s between you and her. Justin has friends I personally can’t stand. But that doesn’t stop me from being with him.”

He went over to her and took the bottle of beer out of her hand and took a drink from it. He returned it to her and smiled.

“You know, Shane, I thought you had tougher skin than that. Well, it looks tough anyway.” He smirked

“Fuck you.” she said and smiled back.

Brian turned to Rena. “Re, I have a really pissed off blonde I have to go deal with. He makes this one look like a pussy cat, trust me.” He leaned in and kissed her cheek. “I’ll be back soon,” He promised and headed out the door.

Rena looked at Shane. “I don’t know if you and Justin together is such a good idea,” she mused. “Brian and I are fucked if you two should ever decide to gang up on us!”

They both laughed. Rena opened her arms and Shane went into them.

 

*****
 

Justin was unpacking the bags when he heard Brian walk in. He looked over his shoulder at Brian, and then went back to unpacking.

Ok, not a good sign Brian thought. He walked over to Justin and placed his hands on his shoulders; he lowered his head and started kissing Justin’s neck.

“Knock it off, Brian.” Brian ran his hands down Justin’s arms and pulled him away from the bags.

“Brian, I’m serious. You were very mean to Shane. How do you think she must feel? Her life is suddenly going to be turned upside down. She was just venting her fear.”

Brian loved the way Justin always saw past people’s bullshit to what was really going on with them. Brian couldn’t see past his own pain, or the pain of the ones he loved.

“Hey, be nice to me. I called you my boyfriend,” Brian teased as he ran his tongue up the back of Justin’s neck. He could feel Justin smile.

“As if that excuses anything,” Justin said weakly.

Brian moved his mouth to Justin’s ear and whispered, “Boyfriend.”

Justin laughed and turned around into Brian’s arms. He placed his hands on Brian’s chest. “What am I?” he said with a teasing gleam in his eyes.

Brian looked down into Justin’s eyes. He held his gaze; Justin could see he was trying to figure something out. Brian leaned in and kissed Justin softly on the mouth.

“You’re not my boyfriend,” he said with all seriousness.

The gleam left Justin’s eyes. He lowered his face to hide the disappointment he felt. Well he thought, it was too soon, and too much to ask for at this point.

Brian put his hand under Justin’s chin and lifted his face to look at him.

“Boyfriends are interchangeable. They come, they go, sometimes for a month, or a year, or sometimes just for a few hours. That word doesn’t suit us. You’re my partner, Justin, my life partner. You came into my life long before I met you.”

He took Justin’s hand and placed it over his heart.

“You’ve been here for so long that I can’t imagine you not here.” Brian’s words floated over Justin like a soothing balm. Justin laid his head over his hand on Brian’s chest.

Justin’s eyes welled up. “I love you, Brian,” Justin whispered into his chest.

Brian pulled Justin up and kissed him hard on the mouth. They moved backwards towards the bed. Brian went to lay Justin down.

“Ouch!” Justin yelped. He landed on the suitcase. Brian reached under Justin and pushed the suitcase to the floor. Justin scooted up on the bed, Brian followed.

Brian kissed him frantically. All the pent up emotions from the day’s events poured out of him into Justin’s mouth. Justin couldn’t get enough. He ran his hands through Brian’s hair, pulling at it in his need. Brian ravished Justin’s mouth. His tongue sweeping the inside, running over his teeth, dueling with his tongue, running along the inner bottom lip, then the upper, he explored all of him.

Justin pulled his mouth away from Brian. “Fuck me.” he said before he captured his mouth again.

Brian made haste in pulling Justin’s pants off. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a condom and a packet of lube. He was still fully dressed, Justin still had on his shirt.

Brian unzipped his pants and pulled his cock out. He tore the condom open with his teeth and hastily put it on.

He lifted Justin’s legs up over his shoulders and grabbed the packet of lube; he ripped it open and spread it over Justin’s opening. He inserted one finger, and then two, making sure Justin was ready for him. Justin moaned deeply and pulled Brian down, desperate to have him inside of him.

Brian removed his fingers and replaced it with his cock. With one swift movement, he buried himself inside Justin’s warmth.

Justin hissed and grabbed onto Brian’s arms. Brian brought his mouth down and kissed Justin, slowly and seductively this time, teasing him and making him shake with need. Justin ran his hands up over Brian’s shoulders and bucked up causing Brian to gasp.

Brian pulled out of Justin, slowly until the tip of his cock was just at the rim, then he quickly slammed back into Justin. Justin cursed. Brian smiled and repeated the motion.

Justin was panting wildly. Brian slowly tortured him alternating between sweet slow strokes, to hard fast ones, to teasing ones. Justin wanted to cum so bad it hurt.

“Please, Brian, please, now,” Justin begged.

Brian looked down at his lover. The look of total ecstasy on Justin’s face inflamed his own passion. His head was thrown back, his eyes closed. He was lost in the feeling. Need overcame reason. He started bucking Brian wildly.

“Justin, look at me,” Brian commanded.

Justin was beyond hearing him. He was running on pure sensation.

“Justin!” Brian said more firmly.

Justin moaned in distress. He didn’t want to listen, he wanted to cum, now.

Brian stilled his movements. Justin jerked up trying to force Brian to move.

When Brian wasn’t cooperating, he went to grab his own cock, looking for release. Brian grabbed his arms and held them down. Not letting Justin give himself the release he craved.

Justin cried out his frustration. He reluctantly opened his eyes.

Brian saw unadulterated passion in those eyes.

“Tell me,” he said.

Justin looked at him confused. He was so lost in his passion. His cock was straining for release.

Brian was relentless. “Tell me!” he said more harshly, his eyes burning into Justin’s.

Justin looked into Brian’s eyes and saw need. Not sexual need, though that was definitely there, but a reaffirming need, a desperate need to hear the words.

“I love you,” Justin said.

Brian leaned in and kissed him and started riding him hard. Justin cried into Brian’s mouth.

Brian increased his tempo until neither could hold on any longer. Justin’s orgasm ripped through him, he dug his hands into Brian’s arms, his muscles clamping down on Brian’s cock.

Brian screamed out his release and pulsed his orgasm into Justin.

Justin’s legs slid down off of Brian’s shoulders and Brian collapsed on him.

He was still feeling the rippling affects of his orgasm as his cock stayed embedded in Justin. He turned his head and whispered in Justin’s ear.

“I love you, too.”
 

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