Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 10

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.~From a headstone in Ireland

*****

Rena pulled the rusty metal box from her suitcase. She sat on the bed in her hotel suite and placed it on her lap. When she'd made the decision to come to New York and contact her brother she'd remembered the box and packed it along with all of her other belongings.

Rena knew there was no turning back. She was determined to go home. And if, for some reason, fate deemed that she couldn’t go home she would start a new life somewhere else on her own.

For the past seventeen years she'd lived with her Aunt Viv. She was never really on her own. She'd travelled a lot, but home base was Aunt Viv’s house. Though Viv had treated her like her own child, and Rena truly loved Viv, she'd never felt at home at Viv’s house. Her home was with the only family she had left. Brian.

Viv had set up a trust fund for Rena so she would always be financially secure. Rena didn’t really need the money though. With her doctrine in behavioral genetics, Rena had obtained her license to practice psychotherapy. She had a private practice and an exclusive client list. She was very comfortable, so comfortable that she could afford to do a lot of pro bono work for those who couldn’t afford therapy, as well as indulging in her many lavish extracurricular activities.

Rena was very good at her job, analyzing and helping people take control of their emotional and mental health.

Her work grounded her and it was therapeutic in the sense that it kept her from dealing with her own issues. She had put all of that behind her, especially the guilt. The only remnant of it was lying in the rusty metal box that currently sat in her lap.

Rena didn’t know why she'd kept the box. There was nothing in the box that could change one minute of what had happened. She supposed there was a sound psychological explanation as to why she had an attachment to it. She just didn’t know what it was.

She hadn’t looked in the box in many years. She unhinged the latch and opened the top. There in the tiny metal box were pieces from her past.

She drew in a sharp breath. When she thought of Andy it was always before his illness. She remembered her brother as the young dark-haired beautiful boy he was—loving, strong and so very, very special. She seldom thought of him as he was during those last few months of his life. She preferred to keep the good memories alive.

She reached in and took out an old photo of her, Andy and Brian. The picture had been taken when she was just 11. They were at a park, each hanging onto a bar of a jungle gym. God they looked so silly! Brian was so skinny back then, just like a string bean, she remembered fondly.

There was a knock on her door. She looked up.

“Hey, want some company?” Shane asked as she peeked her head in.

“Sure, come on in and sit with me.” Rena patted a spot on the bed beside her.

“I just wanted to tell you I’m going out tonight,” Shane said.

Rena raised her brow. “Oh? Hot date?” She asked.

“Yeah, you could say that. Cute little redhead working the lobby desk. She gets off at 11.” Shane looked over into the box sitting on Rena’s lap.

“Nice, but what time does her shift end?” Rena teased Shane.

Shane bumped her with her shoulder and laughed.

“Whatcha got there?” She asked Rena.

“Memories,” Rena whispered.

“Ah, good ones or bad ones?” Shane asked.

Rena looked over at her. “Both.”

Shane took the picture that Rena was holding in her hands.

“Is this Brian?” Shane asked, looking at the tall skinny boy in the picture.

“Why do you assume he’s that boy and not the other?” Rena asked.

“Because you call him Bean and this kid looks like a string bean. The other boy looks a bit older and not as skinny,” Shane explained.

Rena laughed. “Yes, that’s my Bean!” She sighed, “I wonder what he looks like now?”

“Well, I’d say from this picture, he’s hot. He has great eyes and good bone structure,” Shane observed.

“What are you, a plastic surgeon now?” Rena rolled her eyes at Shane and took the picture away from her.

“Nah, just fucked a few.” Shane gave her a sly look.

“Jesus, I hope it wasn’t my plastic surgeon!” Rena quipped.

“The one who fixed your nose after James broke it or the kleptomaniac you treated that stole all his patients' unwanted body fat?”

“You know way too much about my patients, Shane. It’s unethical.” Rena scolded lightly.

“Your patients talk in their sleep, Rena. No doctor/patient confidentiality was broken,” Shane said.

“You really did fuck my patient! Shane! What were you thinking?” Rena admonished.

“I wasn’t thinking Re, I was fucking. Besides, it wasn't on your dime. I met him out one night. He knew who I was. Didn’t bother him.” Rena liked the way Shane looked at life; it was one of the reasons they were such good friends.

Rena laughed heartily. “That’s my girl. Never miss an opportunity. I think my bad habits are rubbing off on you,” she teased. “And don’t let James hear you talk about that time he accidentally broke my nose! You know how he still obsesses about it.”

James had been teaching Rena some self-defense moves on campus one day during her sophomore year at college. He'd wanted her to be able to protect herself in case he wasn’t around to do so. They were doing great until this hot guy walked by and Rena turned her head, forgetting to duck like James instructed her to immediately before he swung. Rena took a hit to the nose. James had been mortified. Rena didn’t mind, well, other than the fact that she missed an opportunity with the stud.

“Are you kidding? It’s the only weapon I have against him!” Shane said. “When he gets too uppity I remind him of that incident. That usually shuts him up.”

James was always haranguing Shane about one thing or another. He was often openly hostile to her. He never missed an opportunity to point out to Shane that she was not good enough for Rena. James was a bit of a snob, and possessive when it came to Rena. It was a good thing Shane didn’t take offense. In fact, in an odd way, Shane really liked James. The more insulting James was to her, the more she’d smile and tease him.

“What’s that?” Shane asked as she pointed to a folded piece of paper lying in the box.

Rena pulled it out and unfolded it. Memories washed over her and tears welled in her eyes. It was a picture that Andy had drawn shortly after their father brought him back from the doctor’s and told them Andy was dying.

Shane looked over at the drawing that Rena held in her hands. She put her arms around Rena’s shoulders, sensing her sorrow.

“Hey, gorgeous, why the sudden gloom?” Shane tried to sooth her friend.

“Andy drew this,” Rena said.

Shane looked at it. It was a picture of a young blond boy, standing on a street leaning against a lamppost. Andy was a pretty good artist, Shane thought. He managed to capture the light flooding from the lamppost over the blond’s head giving the boy an ethereal look.

“He’s beautiful. Who is he?” Shane asked.

Rena looked up with a sad smile. “He was supposed to be my knight in shining armor,” Rena replied flippantly.

“Was?” Shane asked.

“Well, he never showed up. All through high school and college I actually waited for him to come. He never came. I guess Andy was wrong,” Rena explained.

Shane didn’t understand. Rena folded the paper and put it back in the box, closing the lid. She took a deep breath and stood up to put the box back in her suitcase.

Shane took the hint and got up from the bed. “You cool with me going out tonight?”

“Of course. Have fun. I might go out myself tonight,” Rena answered.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Shane winked at her then left the room, closing the door behind her.

Rena sat down heavily on the bed. She had almost forgotten about the boy in the picture.

The only time Andy drew was when he had one of his visions. Their mother explained that Andy was gifted. She said that sometimes Andy could see things in his mind that were going to happen.

One day they were eating breakfast at the kitchen table when Andy walked in with a picture he had drawn. He handed it to their mother. It was a picture of their school with smoke coming from it. Bodies were lying all around the building.

“We can’t go to school today, Ma,” he said. “Something bad is going to happen.”

Maria took Andy’s warning seriously. She kept them home. That afternoon they got the horrible news. There had been an explosion at the school that killed several children and a few adults. It was a big tragedy. Later they found out that a disgruntled employee had planted a bomb.

Andy didn’t have too many "visions", as Mama called them. But the ones he did have always came true. He'd warned Brian not to play soccer one afternoon. But Brian was stubborn; he lived for soccer. That afternoon he'd broken his leg during the game. He had been in a cast for eight weeks and couldn’t play the rest of the season.

Two days before their mother died Andy had locked himself in his room and not come out. They could hear him crying day and night. On the third day their mother had been found dead in her bed. The doctor said it was a heart attack. Only then did Andy come out of his room.

The last “vision” Andy had was the drawing Rena kept in that metal box. She was twelve. That was the year Andy had gotten sick. Andy was sitting in his room; the nurse had just left. He still had the nurse at that time.

The nurse had walked in his room and seen him doodling. She'd sat down on the bed next to him and looked at what he was drawing. It was a picture of a blond boy standing under the lamppost.

“Who's that?” Rena asked.

“Hey, worm,” Andy said and reached over to muss her hair.

He looked at the drawing, puzzled, as if trying to figure out who it was.

“I really don’t know,” He finally said.

“He’s cute!” Rena said enthusiastically.

Andy smiled at her. “I’m glad you think so, but I don’t think he’s meant for you, worm. This boy’s soul is connected to Brian’s.”

Rena pouted. The boy was really cute.

“Are you going to give Bean the picture?” She asked

Andy hesitated. “No. I’m going to give it to you.” He handed her the picture.

Rena looked at him, confused. “Why me?”

“Because I see a connection to you as well.” Andy hesitated. Rena perked up.

“Me? How?” She asked excitedly.

“Some day he's going to save you, Rena,” Andy stated and nodded his head as if he was confirming what he saw.

“Like a knight in shining armor!” Rena jumped up and down on the bed in her excitement, the drawing clasped in her hands.

Andy laughed. “Yeah, something like that, only not here," he said as he rolled her on the bed and started tickling her body. She laughed and screeched. He stopped and sobered up.

“Here,” he said and pointed to her head, “and here.” He laid his hand on her heart. Rena didn’t understand, but she liked the boy in the drawing.

She had taken the drawing and put it away. And she had created her own little fantasy around that picture; it helped her cope through those difficult months.

Brian had seen the picture once. He was in Rena's room helping her with her homework when his pencil broke. He reached over and opened the drawer of her nightstand and saw the picture lying there.

“Who's that?” he asked. Rena looked up at him.

“That’s my knight in shining armor!” she replied giddily.

Brian snorted. “Please. Who fed you that line of shit?”

Rena’s smile faded quickly. Brian was never in a good mood during that time. Andy was getting worse. Rena knew what Brian was doing for Andy. She never said a word. It would have only made things worse. One night Rena had followed Brian and saw him hook up with some guy. She got a sick feeling in her stomach.

At home she sat holding Andy’s hand while Brian was out prostituting himself to get drugs to make Andy’s pain go away. She felt guilty. Andy was her brother. She should have been the one out there on the streets.

She went over and shut the drawer. “Never mind.” And they went back to doing her homework. She never mentioned the picture to Brian again. Three weeks later Andy died. That night would be forever burned into her brain as another failure on her part.

When Brian had come for her and told her about his friend, Michael, who was going to help them, she was sure it was the boy in the picture. After all, Andy said the boy was connected to Brian too. But it wasn’t.

Then later she thought maybe she would meet him at school. That wasn’t to be, either. For more than seventeen years she waited but the boy never came. He was probably a man now, if he ever existed to begin with. Andy was sick at the time; his gift was probably fading as well. Still, she kept that picture. It was one of the few items she took with her when Brian came for her that night.

She got up from the bed and left the room. James was standing by the window, a drink in his hand. He turned to her when she walked out.

“Domina,” he smiled at her. “You must be very excited. Soon you will be reunited with your brother.” He went over to the bar to pour her a drink.

Brian. Her Bean. She smiled.

“Yes, very,” she replied.

She walked over to the window and looked out. James carried her drink to her.

“Tell me, James, how does a man deal with his demons?” She asked, taking the glass from him.

James thought for a moment.

“There are three ways a man can deal with his demons, Domina. One, he can just not deal with them, which is very bad, because then they will deal with him. Two, he can make peace with them, taking away their power, or, three, love,” he answered.

“Love?” Rena looked at him quizzically.

James smiled and held his glass up to hers. She held her glass up as well.

“Ah, yes, Domina, love. When a man allows himself to love, and to be loved, the demons are destroyed.”

Rena liked that answer. Hopefully, one day she would find love.

She clinked her glass against his.

“To love then!” She toasted.

“To love.”
 

Return to Before There Was You, There Was You