DeAnna Zankich
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Summary: Brian and Justin let their hearts guide the way.
Warnings: None
Author Notes:
Spoilers: Some from Season Two
My heart's beating kinda fast as I walk up the back stairs to the loft. I know I have to confront Brian about him coming to the hospital every night and I have no idea how he'll react. I wish I could just NOT say anything--just act like Janice, the night nurse, had never told me anything--but I can't. I know now and I want him to know I know.
He's stretched out on the couch watching CNN when I come in. I roll the door closed and he looks up. We smile at each other.
"Hey," he says while the stock market report streams by on the big tv.
"Hey." I walk right over to the couch and just climb on top of him. I lay down with my hips between his legs and my head on this belly and he starts stroking my back really softly, up under my sweatshirt. His fingers are so warm and dry. The touch gives me chills.
He's wearing a thin white t-shirt and 501's and I can hear his heart beating steadily under my ear.
"How was therapy?" he says softly, his attention back on the market report.
"Okay," I say. "Pretty good, actually."
"Who'd you have?"
"Miguel."
"You like him," Brian says, his fingers slowly petting up and down my spine.
"Yeah. He really pushes me but he's still patient. And he's funny as shit so he keeps me laughing."
"That's good." His hand sneaks up my back a little further until he gets to my shoulder blades. There he uses all the pads of his fingers to stroke my whole upper back. It feels wonderful and I sigh.
Thinking now is as good a time as any; I say "I saw Janice."
"Yeah?" he says, clearly forgetting that he hasn't told me he knows her.
"Yeah. She wanted me to say hi," I continue. "She said her night shifts just aren't the same without you." I lay there on his belly and just wait until he realizes what I'm saying. I can hear his heartbeat pick up speed and he looks down at me.
"Tell her hi back," he says, staring into my eyes for a long moment. "She's cool."
"Yeah, she's great," I say, my brow wrinkling a little. I raise up and rest my chin in my hand so I can look directly at him. "Dufus. Did you forget you're not supposed to know Janice the night nurse at the hospital because apparently you had never BEEN there?!"
His amazing face softens into this shy little smile that almost turns me into a melted puddle all over him. "I figured someone would tell you eventually," he says. "I thought it would be your mom."
My jaw drops open. "My MOM knows???" I say incredulously. "How come she was such a total bitch to you, then?"
Brian shrugs and he gets that look he always gets when we discuss my mother's behavior during the first week I was home. Then he says what he always says in her defense. "She was just trying to protect, Justin. I'm the big bad fucking wolf to her. Everything is all my fault."
I shake my head, dismissing the topic of my mom because we always bicker over it. I'm still too pissed that she tried to keep me away from the love of my life and I can't get my brain around why Brian was going to let her. It seems to me that no one was thinking clearly there but they were all perfectly content to treat me like a baby while they made one bad decision on my behalf after another. It's not a good subject for us.
"YOU should have told me, Brian," I say. "Why did you let me think you never came to see me? Do you know that I would wake up in the middle of the night in the hospital and I could SMELL you in the air in my room? I thought I was going fucking nuts! How on earth was that good for me? I had enough to worry about."
He just sighs. When I moved to sit up, his warm fingers slipped down my back and now he's gently stroking the skin just above the waistband of my khakis. I don't even think he's aware that he's touching me, but he always is. If I'm near enough for him to reach, he touches me. It's excellent.
"I don't know why I didn't tell you," he says quietly. He's not really acting like he doesn't want to talk about it, but I can tell he would rather not. He hates being confronted--especially about his feelings for me. This is a big one, too. This is a big flashing neon declaration that Brian Kinney loves me. Not like I don't know that or anything. I do know. But still, even after everything that's happened, he's never said it.
I shake my head and recall the conversation I had with Janice that day while Miguel was assisting me with my PT. "You should have seen the exchange," I tell Brian. "Janice came into the therapy room and she says `hi, Justin. how are you doing?' and I'm all `good, thanks.' Miguel tells her that I've moved to the next level of motor exercises and she sits down for a minute to look at my chart."
"You moved to the next level?" Brian says, interrupting me.
"Yeah."
"That's great."
"Yeah," I give him a little grin. "I guess it's really helping that you like me to jerk you off when you first wake up in the morning."
Brian smirks. "Nothin' better in the world for improving manual dexterity."
I just nod and continue my story. "So, Janice is sitting there and she says `oh, how's your gorgeous boyfriend?' I just blink at her like `huh?' and she goes `you know, Brian. tall, sexy, chestnut brown hair, really snotty attitude.'" I laugh and tickle his ribs a little. "That's what she said about you. That you were `snotty'."
He just rolls his eyes.
"Even if she hadn't said your name, I would have known it was you from that description alone."
He smiles patiently and waits for me to go on. His heartbeat has returned to normal now and I can see in his face that he doesn't mind this conversation. He's probably relieved that I finally know.
"She goes `I was worried about him. he looked so lost without you. and he would never let any of us tell you he was here every night.' I was just looking at her and she must have seen on my face that I still had no idea you had come to the hospital at all. She just kinda laughed and said `well, I'm sure he's happy to have you home.'"
Brian just looks at me while I talk, his warm fingers teasing the hairs on my spine. For a long time we just stay there, looking at each other.
"I wish you would have told me," I say finally.
"You know now."
I just shake my head then I wiggle up his body a little so I can kiss those perfect lips. He's really warm and his lips feel like satin. I kiss him a few times before I talk again. "You don't have to say it, you know," I whisper. "I never expected you to."
He just looks at me.
"It's not like I don't know, Brian. You show me all the time. I know it freaks you out thinking of telling me how you feel so I don't want you to. Just . . . know that I know. Okay?" I touch his hair with my fingers and smile into his eyes. "And I really, really love you, too."
Brian watches my face for a minute and his hands pet my back in long strokes. It feels really good and I'm getting turned on from his proximity and the soft touch. When he feels my dick heat up against his lower belly, he reaches for my butt and gently squeezes it. He smiles that wicked smile I love so much and I know that we're in safe territory for him again. Sex he can handle, emotional confessions he cannot.
"You know," I say, getting playful. "I've been meaning to talk to you about something else."
"What's that?" he says, his fingers slipping down below the waistband of my pants so he can touch the bare skin of my ass. I feel his beautiful dick lengthen and warm up against mine and I spread my legs around his hips.
"Well, ever since we started having sex again, you've been so . . . gentle with me." I bat my eyes at him in absolutely mock innocence. "I mean, don't get me wrong, Brian. All this soft, slow love making rocks, but . . ."
"But?" he says, lifting his eyebrows and grinning.
"It's making me really fucking horny."
We both laugh and I rub our dicks together through the fabric of our pants. We're both almost hard and the friction makes us both sigh a little.
"I guess I just wish you would do me like you used to," I continue. "I mean, I think you were always making love to me on some level, but it just used to be such . . . raw, dirty love. We used to get all sweaty and tire each other out." I kiss his hot lips again, sucking the full bottom one with intent. "I miss the hot, nasty way you used to fuck me, Brian," I whisper. "I want you to be that free with me again. I'm not gonna break. I promise."
He rolls over on top of me on the narrow couch and I wrap my legs around his sides, presenting my swelling erection to him by pressing it into his firm tummy.
"Unless of course . . ." I say, hedging a little.
He looks at me closely. "What?"
"Well, unless you don't think of me like that anymore," I offer, knowing it's total crap. But I'm curious what he'll say nonetheless.
Brian lifts one sarcastic eyebrow and sighs. "Yeah, that's it, Justin. I no longer see you as an object of lust--just this soft boy toy that needs to be cuddled and kissed like a teddy bear."
I laugh deep in my throat. "So, you still want me like that? You still think of really fucking me?"
"I have been fucking you."
"You've been making LOVE to me," I remind him. "Which is excellent -- please don't misunderstand me. I just know you're holding back all your sexual energy and I miss it. I miss being your prey and having you conquer me."
He kisses my lips and then my ears and then he puts a line of warm little kisses along my throat. He shifts on the couch so he can pull my sweatshirt over my head and he tosses it aside onto the floor. With his big hands, he caresses my exposed chest and pinches my nipples, which I love. I moan and grind my dick against him, reaching down to run my hands up his thighs.
Brian moves down on the couch so he can get me out of my pants, but he keeps his clothes on for the moment. I'm laying there naked and hard, my heart hammering in my chest and he leans over me like a panther. His lips are getting swollen and dark with his racing blood and they're parted slightly as he breathes.
"I always want to fuck you until you pass out, Justin," he tells me in a gritty voice. "It's just been hard to shift gears. You're still so fragile when we're outside."
"I'm okay," I assure him. "Really. I'm better all the time." I run my hands up his flanks and he sighs. He loves to be touched and I know he's starving a little. All this sweet, gentle lovemaking is making him horny as hell, too.
I tug his t-shirt over his head and toss it, not looking where it lands. Carefully I tickle his belly while our tongues play together, making my way down to his button fly. I try not to think about it too much--the fact that my half useless right hand might not be able to get those buttons undone. The kiss distracts me and makes me breathe hard. I've actually had orgasms just from kissing Brian. He is so hot and such a great lover. Sometimes it's just too much for me.
While he sighs and moans softly on top of me, I start on the second button. He always leaves the top button undone when he wears jeans. Like he's just ready to get naked and fuck at the drop of a hat. He always wears breakaway clothes when he goes out to the clubs--button fly jeans and shirts with snaps. Everything just comes right off. It's so slutty, I love it.
He senses that I'm having a little trouble with the second button and he whispers against my ear while he's licking it. "Don't mess with the buttons, just pull the sides of my fly. The buttons will undo themselves."
I hold onto the worn denim with both hands on either side and tug. Just like he said, the buttons simply open and in the next few seconds, Brian's naked. Beautiful, flushed, hard, wanton and naked. Perfect.
He pulls my legs around him and cups my ass with his hands, bending down to slide his tongue into my mouth again. My nipples throb as my blood runs like crazy through my body. All my extremities are hot. Brian kisses me deep and wet until we both need to stop for air. Our dicks are both dark red and shuddering against each other. He reaches down and touches his index finger to both our wet slits, gathering the salty, slippery pre-come there. He puts his finger in his mouth and his eyes drift closed from our combined taste. Then he shares it with me by letting me lick his tongue.
Moving down on the couch, he hovers over me, still cupping my butt cheeks with his left hand. He licks my tummy and sucks my nipples, then he goes all the way down and starts tonguing my balls. My legs fall open and my dick leaks on my belly. I know what's coming and I can't wait.
Finally, I feel his hot, wet tongue slither against my pucker. The contact is so intense, it makes me tremble and I try to stay still. I'm gasping and gripping the couch cushions with my fingers while he licks my hole in slow, torturing circles. I close my eyes and concentrate on the sensation, almost swooning from it.
He licks and licks and then kisses the tingly skin very softly. More circling licks and more kisses, then he presses his tongue up inside me. I cry out and freeze on the couch, knowing I'll come if either of us move even a little bit. I feel his left hand under my butt and he lifts me up that way, raising my hips so I can see what he's doing. I hold onto the couch with my outstretched arms and just lie there in his grasp, panting. He looks in my eyes as he gently wiggles his tongue around inside me, then he pulls it out and slides it back in. My dick throbs and moves by itself and the next thing I know, I'm shooting all over my belly and chest. I barely move as I come because I don't want to break the connection and he never stops that brutal, erotic tongue fucking.
My skin is so hot I don't even feel my semen cooling as it drips down my chest and over my side. Brian keeps holding me up so I can see what he's doing and I sigh and moan from the delicious sensations rippling through me. I feel like I never started coming and like I'm still coming and like I might just come for the rest of my life in one long, non-stop orgasm. I'm in heaven and the only thing that could bring me closer to God would be to have Brian's dick inside me.
I reach for his legs with my fingers and tickle the hairs on his thighs. "Fuck me, Brian," I gasp. "Please . . . fuck me ..."
He bites my butt cheeks playfully, growling softly when he does it, then he lowers me down onto my back on the couch. Leaning over me, he licks my sensitive dick, bathing it with his tongue and lapping at the glistening seed still clinging to the head. He takes my dick into his mouth and sucks until his nose touches my pubic hair. God, I wish I knew how he did that. I always gag when I try to deep throat. But then again, his cock is huge. He never complains when I blow him and he always, always comes. I figure I must not be doing that bad a job.
He sucks me until I'm fully erect again and then he reaches over my head to the end table there. He's got this shiny bento box there that I thought was just a decoration when I first moved in. But of course, everything in Brian's life has a purpose. The box is divided into four sections inside and each section contains a different sort of sexual supply. Condoms, lube, a little bottle of self-heating Kama Sutra oil and a small tube of Lubriderm lotion. Brian likes to use that when he masturbates. He says it feels nicer than lube.
With his usual speed and dexterity, he's got the condom wrapper open and in his teeth for me to deal with while his strong, hot fingers are slicking my hole with lube. His dick reaches for me between my legs and I carefully roll the condom on, taking the opportunity to weight his beautiful, heavy balls when I'm down there. He offers a lustful smile.
Hoisting my legs up over his shoulders, he bears down on me with his powerful arms supporting his body on either side of my head. I'm almost bent double and the muscles in my thighs are straining a little, but I don't care. I just need him to impale me on that gorgeous cock and ride me for all he's worth. Every inch of my body is humming with arousal and both of us are breathing very shallowly while we look in each other eyes.
"Tell me if I hurt you," he says.
"You won't, baby," I assure him. "Just please . . . do it. I'm dying for you . . ."
He slips in effortlessly--we're good at this by now. No guidance or struggling needed. He closes his eyes and moans as he enters me all the way and his chest gets dotted with a hot blush. His back is arched up and I can't resist his nipples. I play with them and pull them and he gasps a little from the onslaught of sensations. I hear myself moaning as my body opens for him, rubbing his big cock with my muscles. I squeeze and release and wiggle, never giving his nipples a rest.
Finally he leans down and kisses me and then he moves his knees into place below me. Once he has the desired leverage, he starts fucking. Long, deep thrusts that take my breath away. At first he goes slow but soon his lust gets the better of him and his hips start moving quickly. While we suck and gnaw each other's lips, I feel him trembling and his thrusts get more and more shallow and purposeful. He's trying not to shoot, to make it last, but we both know that's futile.
His hair sticks to his face as he starts to sweat and I play with his earlobes. He rocks on top of me, shifting my body to suit his pleasure. He manipulates me with his strong fingers on my hips, lifting me and turning me, drawing me closer to him. I just let him go, let him have me, loving the way his face looks--the passion and lust I see there. My Brian is so beautiful. Such a perfect erotic god. I moan and cry out as I worship him with my whole body, trying to keep my eyes open so I don't miss anything.
Suddenly he lunges forward on the couch and holds my legs close to his chest. He groans and shivers all over and then his hips start snapping roughly. I watch as his tight belly contracts, pulling his breath in and out as he comes. His face is contorted but still beautiful, he grimaces like the orgasm is wrestling with him. My guess is that it is. He's been holding back with me for weeks and I just know he's boiling with pent up lust.
Before I even realize it, I feel him gently rubbing my dick. I'm so wrapped up in watching him get off that I forgot that I still needed to. He watches my face while he strokes me and I can feel his dick pulsating inside me as the last of his orgasm ebbs away.
"Come for me, baby," he whispers. "Come, Justin . . ."
His hot, slick fingers caress my tender cock until it explodes and I am once again shattered by a deep, tingling orgasm. I love the way the contractions feel with his dick still inside me. I know I'm pulling on him and it probably hurts a little but he stays inside until my orgasm passes.
At last he collapses on top of me and we both just lie there breathing. Our bodies are so warm against each other that I almost fall asleep, but then he starts kissing me again. I open my eyes and we smile at each other, our faces wet with sweat, eyelashes matted, lips flushed.
"Is that more like it?" he says.
I just smile then I cover his mouth with a kiss. I feel his heart thumping against my chest. His body always reveals what he can't bring himself to say. I pull him close and let my body say a thousand things back to him.
The End
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