Spin and Fall

Chapter 5: Life

At 1:55 on Saturday, Ted made his way to Kinnetik’s lobby. Justin Taylor had traveled first class, arriving in Pittsburgh at noon, had been picked up at the airport by a car service and taken to The Priory Inn, a boutique hotel Brian preferred to book clients in as opposed to the faceless chains. The car service had been there to pick Taylor up again at 1:40 to take him to his appointment. By now he should feel pretty secure that the people at Kinnetik were interested in his candidacy…

The black limo pulled up, and Ted watched with interest as a handsome young blond exited the front passenger seat of the car and then leaned back in to say something to the driver. The young man was still chuckling, when he bounded up the stairs towards Kinnetik’s glass doors.

He was wearing a very conservatively cut suit, perfectly tailored to his slight frame, and a silk tie that matched the color of his shirt exactly, with a trench coat over his arm. However, the suit and the coat were a deep purple color, and the shirt and tie apple green. Instead of a briefcase, he carried a messenger bag.

Seeing Ted through the doors, he smiled, a self assured, confident smile, and Ted had to revise his opinion. He was not just handsome. He was beautiful. It might be a good thing Brian was out of town. Ted could just imagine the sexual tension in the room had he been the one doing the interview. He chuckled to himself and opened the door for the young man.

“Welcome to Kinnetik, Mr. Taylor. I’m Ted Schmidt, head of accounting. Feel free to call me Ted.” They shook hands.

“Nice to meet you, Ted, I’m Justin. Sorry to make you come in on a Saturday.”

“No matter. The conference room is at the end of this hallway. How was your trip?”

“Fine. I got to see the sunrise over Mt. Rainier on my way to the airport, not a cloud in the sky. It was breathtaking.”

Ted looked at him from the corner of his eyes. Was that some crack about the fact that he’d had to take a 6:00AM flight? No. He was being candid.

“I confess I’m not up that early very often,” Justin Taylor added, chortling, “and a clear sky this time of year hardly ever happens, so I felt really privileged. I took it as a good omen.”

He smiled at Ted, and Ted found himself smiling back, already liking the blond. They’d reached the conference room, which was an extension of Brian’s office. Cynthia got up from the conference table to welcome their guest.

“Mr. Taylor, I’m Cynthia Moore, Vice-president of Kinnetik and personal assistant to Brian Kinney, our CEO. Brian is sorry he couldn’t join us today, but he had family obligations in Toronto. Please do not take his absence as the mark of a lack of interest in any way. He was extremely impressed with your application.”

Ted knew Brian had only read Justin Taylor’s paper and heard about his involvement with Rage, but that was close enough.

“Please, call me Justin. I love this space. Is this Mr. Kinney’s office?” He worked the sliding light wood panels that could be used to separate the two rooms. “This is so ingenious, and it leaves no doubt as to who heads the company. The use of glass blocks is really creative. I love that you didn’t remove the plumbing fixtures. Old public baths, was it?”

He seemed so at ease, so in his element, unconcerned about making a particular first impression, changing the usual stiff atmosphere of a first interview into a relaxed, friendly encounter.

“Yes,” said Cynthia, smiling. “Brian wanted his working space to be as unconventional as his approach to advertising.” She gestured to the chair on the left of Brian’s, where Carrie usually sat, and took her own, on Brian’s right.

“Would you like something to drink? Tea, Coffee? Bottled water?” asked Ted.

“I’d love a Perrier if you have it, or whatever water you have.”

That was lucky. Brian had just that week requested they replace the San Pellegrino they used to have as a choice for sparkling water in the conference room refrigerator with Perrier water. Serendipity.

He got out bottles of Evian for Cynthia and himself and the requested Perrier for Taylor, as well as three crystal tumblers. He set them up on the table and took his usual seat on Cynthia’s right.

“So, Justin,” Cynthia began. “What made you decide to send Kinnetik an unsolicited application? What about our company attracted you?”

The young man had done his homework. He was very familiar with Kinnetik’s body of work, Brian’s approach, the type of clients they sought and the process involved in designing their stylish advertising. He knew the statistics on their successful versus less successful campaigns, the speed and type of response to the data a client could expect from the company, and details about their internal workings: size of the departments, average salaries, benefits offered and so on. It was impressive, and made Ted feel that if he’d not been working for Kinnetik already, he’d want to join the company too.

“Gosh,” said Cynthia, joking. “I really want to work for these people. Wait! Lucky me! I already do!”

“Was I laying it on too thick?” asked Justin, blushing charmingly. “I really meant everything I said…”

“No,” said Ted. “I think Cynthia and I both feel very lucky to be part of Kinnetik. Cynthia was there at its inception, and I joined very quickly thereafter. It is unique, in a lot of ways. Brian’s vision and leadership make it stand out from other companies, but also in my opinion, stand head and shoulders above them.”

“How do you feel you could contribute to Kinnetik, Justin?”

“I think I get Kinnetik’s vision and its philosophy, and I personally share in them. I also feel my work could help the company go in the direction it needs to grow.” He took out his laptop and passed it to Cynthia. “If you let me into your network and open the viewing screen, I can show you what I mean.”

She found their network, used their password, registered him as a guest and passed his Mac back to him. Ted had the screen panel down and ready. Justin got up, shed his jacket, and pressed some commands on his keyboard, apparently completely familiar with the blue tooth interface to the giant screen.

“This is one of your most successful campaigns,” he said.

Their award winning campaign for Iconics Eyewear appeared on the screen. He rapidly went through the images, pointing out the details that had made them so appealing, showing the depth of his grasp on the importance of hidden details and the subliminal messages they carried.

“And this is what the theme image would have looked like, if I’d participated in its creation.”

More typing. The font color changed, from blue to a warm orange. The model reflected in the glasses morphed from the blond, all American beauty with her perfect white smile and small bikini to a slightly more curvaceous and sultry exotic looking brunette in a one piece suit, a sarong around her hips hiding even more skin, and only a slight closed lips smile. It was… better. Wow.

“I did some rather informal market research, with classmates as the audience, so it certainly is not the most reliable, but 77% percent as a whole preferred the second image overall. In the male population, it was 86%.” He grinned. “Sadly for Ms. Moore and myself, it is a misconception that Gentlemen prefer blondes… With the original image, 63.6% said they would be more likely to buy Iconics eyewear than another brand,” he smiled at them, “which is huge. You guys really kicked ass. With the second image though, it was 64.1%.”

.5% did not seem like much, but both Cynthia and Ted were familiar enough with market analysis to know how significant it was.

“I could not have come up with that concept,” said Justin, honestly. “It was original, in your face, totally Kinnetik; Brian Kinney’s work, through and through. But I could have translated it into reality more successfully than your art department, as it presently stands, did. I think you could use me.”

Cynthia and Ted grinned at each other. This kid actually looked even better in person than he did on paper. It was very good news… Ted sat back in his chair. It was Cynthia’s ball.

“Justin,” she said coolly, “I am afraid that at this time, there are no positions available within our Art Department.”

Ted was watching Justin. He looked nonplussed. He obviously knew his own worth, trusted the effectiveness of his presentation and was surprised to be so succinctly dismissed.

“However, before he left,” added Cynthia, “on the strength of your application alone and if you appeared as good a candidate in person as you did on paper, Brian authorized me to offer you to head that department.” She grinned at Justin. “If you’re interested.”

Justin had a very nice laugh. “God,” he said admiringly. “You are so evil.”

She chuckled, and then leaned forward on the table, resting on her forearms.

“Good reaction, Justin. You laughed. You didn’t get mad that I teased you about a rather serious matter. That’s a good sign. Working for Kinnetik, you would have to learn to stand your ground and roll with the punches. Brian is not an easy person to work with. He is demanding, exacting, temperamental, brutal in his criticism, and cuttingly sarcastic. He can be… unnecessarily cruel.”

She turned to Ted. “Does that cover it?”

Ted shrugged and said with a smirk, “He can be a complete asshole.”

Justin burst out laughing. “You guys really know how to sell your boss…”

Ted smiled. “We work here, Justin. We are both 100% loyal to Brian. Neither of us would want to work anywhere else. That’s the bottom line about how we feel about our boss.”

“I was not expecting a position which carries this much responsibility right away. I have no managerial experience to speak of. I would be hitting the ground running,” said Justin, sharing his immediate thoughts.

He sat back down, drank some Perrier from the bottle, ignoring the crystal tumbler Ted had placed next to it, watching the both of them introspectively over the green glass.

Both Cynthia and Ted kept quiet, knowing instinctively that there was no point in trying to influence him.

He put the bottle down, staring at it, deep in his own world and mindlessly started to shred off its label. Then he pushed it away, took a deep breath and sat back in his chair.

He looked up at them, the reflection of his bright shirt and the afternoon light contributing to making his eyes almost shockingly turquoise. “I sent out 8 applications, and got back seven invitations to interview. You guys were the first to respond. I could go visit the other six companies, and see what they have to offer, but you know what? Forget it. This is the challenge I want. This is where I want to be. Where do I sign?”

“All right!” said Ted, unable to hide his enthusiasm. He was genuinely pleased Justin would join them. There was just something about that kid…

Cynthia’s wide smile showed that she felt the same way, which was good news, because she had unfailing instincts when it came to people. She just happened to have the binding “Employment agreement, pending negotiations” form already signed by Brian. She passed it to Justin with a pen and a smile.

Without hesitation, he signed on the dotted line, then took out a card from his wallet and passed both back to her.

“This is my attorney’s contact information. He will be negotiating my contract.” He laughed. “I want nothing to do with it…”

Gifted, beautiful, and smart. Brian was going to like him. A lot. Ted smiled. Bye bye milktoast Carrie York. Hello Justin Taylor. He had a very good feeling about this. The business part of the meeting over, the ambience was suddenly one of relaxed friendship. Ted was amazed at how at ease and open he felt toward the younger man. Blake always made fun of how reticent he usually was with new people.

Justin smiled to him. “Ted, I have a feeling you might know where a queer visitor to Pittsburgh could go to celebrate a new job. Do you mind giving me some pointers?”

Gee. Brian knew he was a top, Justin knew he was a fag! What? Was he that transparent? Oh, well. He made a completely uncharacteristically quick decision. Justin would not be just a co-worker. It did not matter that there was probably close to a twenty year age difference between them. He wanted him to be a friend, as well.

“I’ll do you one better. My partner and I are meeting some friends for dinner, a few games of pool and then a visit to Pittsburgh’s most popular club.” He did not mention that Brian owned it and that he managed it. “If you’d like to join us, we could pick you up at your hotel at seven.”

That smile.

“Sure.” What a beautiful smile. “Yes, that would be great. Thanks, Ted.”

“Gee. Is everybody in the advertising world gay?” asked Cynthia, with a dramatic sigh.

“Uh, Cynthia, Justin designed Rage,” teased Ted. “Surely this development does not come as a surprise?”

“So?” she asked squaring her stack of papers on the table. “I can still gripe about it…”

“No,” said Ted sententiously. “I think you lost your right to gripe about this kind of thing on your tenth anniversary as Brian’s fag hag.”

“I am not his fag hag!” she protested. “I’m his assistant.”

“Fag hag,” Ted corrected, grinning.

“Our relationship is purely professional,” she pointed out, primly.

“Fag hag,” he said again, under his breath.

“Shut up, Ted.”

“Fag hag,” he stage whispered to Justin, who’d been cracking up the whole time.

Cynthia rolled her eyes. She said to Justin, “You don’t happen to have a straight, single older brother, do you?”

“Nope. Just a 14 year-old sister.”

Cynthia shook her head, got up and walked out of the room, mumbling, “Useless.”

“You know she’s teasing, right?” Ted said, and then added, slightly louder. “She’s got a very… active social life.”

“She should,” said Justin honestly. “She’s gorgeous.”

Cynthia’s voice rang out, coming from just inside her office, which was, of course, next to Brian’s. “I heard that Ted. And thank you Justin.”

“Come on,” said Ted. “Let’s get out of here. I’ll give you a ride to your hotel.”

“Thanks.”

Cynthia left her office with her coat on and handed Justin a new employee’s package. She walked out with them.

Her car, a black BMW Z4, was parked in its reserved spot, the closest one to the front door. She turned to Justin.

“It was a pleasure meeting you, Justin. Welcome to Pittsburgh. I am looking forward to working with you.”

“The pleasure was mine, Ms. Moore. And thank you.”

Ted was impressed that since Cynthia had not expressly given him permission, Justin did not take the liberty to use her first name.

She smiled. “Since you already called me evil, I think you can probably call me Cynthia.”

“Well, then. Have a nice weekend, Cynthia.”

“You too, Justin.”

She got into her car and drove off as they continued on to Ted’s Mercedes, which was much further down the lot.

“I would have assumed the head of Kinnetik would have her parking spot.”

“She does…” joked Ted. Then he added more truthfully, “Brian sometimes keeps her here till late. He usually walks her out and the parking lot is well lit, but he just wants to make sure she’s safe. He’d deny it. He always says the painters made a mistake. God forbid anyone should think he cares.”

“He sounds like an interesting guy.”

Ted grinned at him. “You’ll meet him soon enough…”

 

*****
 

Brian had landed in Toronto bright and early, under cloudless skies. It was the best surprise to see Mel, Gus and baby JR waiting for him as he walked off the plane. He was tackled by his son, who was smiling too hard to talk. Brian carelessly dropped his bag and picked him up, hugging him tightly, as amazed today by the powerful surge of love in his heart as he had been that very first moment in the hospital room.

He realized they were almost blocking the door, though no one complained, people just squeezing around them with indulgent smiles. He transferred Gus to his side, picked up his bag, and walked to Mel, who was actually looking genuinely pleased to see him.

“He was so excited; he was up at five!” she explained, laughing. “So finally I thought, what the heck… We might as well come and get you.”

He had known that Lindz would be working all weekend and had slightly dreaded trying to deal with Mel for two days without their usual exchange of venom. Maybe it wouldn’t be so hard. She must have noted how he was looking at JR, because grinning, she held the smiling, drooling baby to him. He dropped his bag again and reached for her one handed. The chubby arms joined her brother’s around his neck as he held her close, Mel helping him by supporting her back.

He closed his eyes, savoring the moment, and an amazing realization occurred to him. The only thing that could have made this moment better was for JT to be here with him. And that thinking that did not even freak him out.

He opened his eyes and caught an unguarded expression on Mel’s face. A mixture of benevolence, approval, understanding and… thankfulness? It was lost as she reached back for her daughter saying, “Off we go! Let’s see if Mommy can find her car again!”

“Orange 22, orange 22, Mommy!” cried Gus, happily.

Mel smiled at him. “Thanks Gus. I knew I could count on you to remember. Now we won’t even have to look for it!”

Orange level, space twenty-two contained a very nice blue Lexus IS station wagon.

“Look Daddy, that’s our new car! I picked the blue one. There was a black one and a grey one and a red one too. But the blue was the nicest.”

Through everything that had happened, Ted had remained Mel’s accountant. Six months ago, he’d asked Brian to write his monthly check for the children’s support directly to Connecticut Mutual, where Mel and Lindz had set up their college funds.

“That’s where it’s been going for a few months anyway,” he’d explained.

“So they’re doing all right?”

“Mel just made partner,” Ted had said with a smile. That’s as far as he was willing to breach his client’s confidentiality, Brian had guessed. He’d been very impressed, though. He knew how hard Mel had worked to pass the Canadian bar as quickly as possible, working as a clerk for Cassels Brock, one of the best firms in Toronto, while pregnant the entire time. They’d hired her on as soon as she was legally able to practice, though she’d just given birth and started her career as their newest attorney with a six-week leave. It had only been a little over a year ago.

Lindz did make decent money as an art gallery manager, but not the kind of money that paid for a Lexus. Mel was the power earner and obviously doing very well.

After putting both kids in their respective car seats, they drove the forty minute drive to the house the girls rented in Oakville, one of the nicer suburbs of Toronto. As they walked in, Mel said to Brian, “I hope you’re hungry. Gus insisted we had to wait for you to have breakfast, and asked especially for waffles.” She glanced at the entryway clock and added, happily, “I think I’ll call it brunch and use that as an excuse to put whipped cream on mine and skip having to make lunch…”

“Whipped cream!” cried Gus. “Yeah!”

As he went up the stairs to put down his bag and wash up, Brian could hear Gus negotiating with Mel to try to justify a scoop of chocolate ice cream on his waffles as well.

For his first visit, Brian had booked a hotel room nearby but had ended up spending the night in his clothes, lying next to his son, as he’d fallen asleep after reading him his story. Lindz hadn’t had the heart to wake him and had just covered him with a quilt. So for his next visit, they’d put him on the fold out couch in their home office. He’d ended up sleeping next to his son again, this time in the drawstring pants and t-shirt he’d brought as nightclothes, at least. Once again he’d woken up in the morning under the quilt.

So they’d stopped pretending. Gus’s bed was quite wide, with a very good mattress, and now Brian slept in his nightclothes under the covers cuddling his boy at every visit. There was space for his clothes in the top drawer of the tallboy; the one Gus could only reach by standing on his step stool. It was Daddy’s drawer and after Lindz had told him that Gus would not let her put anything in the empty space between visits, he’d gotten in the habit of leaving a pair of jeans, some underwear and socks and the occasional T-shirt in it. Lindz also had suggested she could wash his nightclothes and store them in there, since she was quite sure he did not use them at any other time.

A while back he’d arrived to find some actual pajamas in the drawer. They were bright red, with a bulldozer, front loader, and dump truck print. She had been waiting for his reaction and could not hide her mirth at his horrified expression. Then she had shown him the matching set in Gus’s size and explained, “We were at Frazier’s department store around Father’s Day and they were selling these matching sets. Gus saw them and he was so excited. There was absolutely no way we could not buy one. It took him fifteen minutes to decide on the print. The other choices were blue with public utility vehicles, green with dinosaurs or yellow with cowboys. I think he made the right choice…”

So of course Brian had worn the pajamas. At first, Gus’s had been a little big on him. Now they were a little small, and Brian could see the light at the end of the tunnel. He’d already told Lindz he was planning on bringing matching drawstring pants and T-shirts for him and Gus as replacements, even if he had to get the pants tailor made…

Wow! The bathroom had been remodeled. It was decorated for kids, tiled in white accented with bright colors and had twin sinks with matching little step-stools and a large bathtub with a glass enclosure. Very nice.

Brian used the facilities and washed his hands with Stupendous Strawberry hand soap. It actually smelled really good.

He realized that all the rooms had been repainted and that the carpet in the halls and staircase was new. The kitchen floor was now dark blue Marmoleum instead of the previous, less than attractive, vinyl fake wood. The new paint was a warm yellow, with an entire wall of Gus’s artwork through the years, framed in thin dark blue frames. It completely changed the feel of the room.

“Brunch” was ready, with a pile of delicious smelling waffles, cut up fruit, whipped cream and maple syrup on the table… and a pint size container of chocolate ice cream. Gus had out-negotiated his lawyer mom. Scary. Brian was starving. And he was still two pounds underweight, the result of his “cleansing” the previous week and of the heavy exercise the previous weekend. Just flashing back to it caused his dick to twitch. He was so, so gone…

“You like waffles, don’t you, Daddy?” asked Gus, hopefully.

Waffles were Gus’s favorite, and Brian knew that by asking Mel to make them, he’d wanted to share a special treat with his Dad. Brian was pretty sure Mel might have warned him that his Daddy would maybe not eat the waffles. She knew he watched his carbs and she did not want the boy to be too disappointed if Brian didn’t partake.

“My favorite!” Brian said, enthusiastically.

To Mel’s obvious astonishment, he piled three waffles on his plate, spooned on some fruit, squirted whipped cream on top and finished with a generous drizzle of maple syrup. He took a huge bite and made a blissful funny face, just to make Gus giggle.

Mel could not help but laugh and she looked so grateful on Gus’s behalf that Brian suddenly thought he might learn to like her.

JR had a great time eating her breakfast, picking up her food (including the whipped cream and the ice cream treat), with her hand, putting it in her spoon, half missing her lips as often as not and pushing into her mouth with the palm of her chubby hand whatever had escaped.

“Did you guys renegotiate the rent?” asked Brian. “I noticed your landlord did a lot of work. The house looks great.”

Mel smiled. “Thanks. No, they decided to sell, and gave us first option. Since they didn’t have to hire a real estate agent or spend money getting the house ready, they saved a lot, so we got a bit of a break.” She made a face. “We bit the bullet and converted the money we got from the sale of the Pittsburgh house over, though with the American dollar as deflated as it is, it made my teeth ache. We used that as down payment.” She shrugged philosophically. “We’re stretched pretty thin because this is an expensive neighborhood, but we love it here. It’s close to the private daycare/ preschool where we want the kids to be, it’s convenient to the city by public transportation, has good shops, there’s Maple Grove Park, the lake… Anyway. The house is ours now.” She frowned and added jokingly, “Well, more like the front parlor is ours and the rest is the bank’s…”

After cleaning up the kitchen and the kids, they bundled up and walked to the park. They took turns, one of them running around with the indefatigable Gus and the other swinging JR in the kiddy swing. She could stay in that thing for hours, giggling like crazy if you pretended to try to catch her feet and miss, or tickle her when she reached you. She would squeal in happy terror when Brian would give her a strong push and run under the slide to the other side. Once in a while he had to stop her as she got to him and just kiss her cold, plump cheeks. She would hold on to his ears and give him back a wet smooch before saying her one and only word, “Wing!”

It was frightening how much they looked like a happy hetero family. Brian flashed on the idea of doing Mel and laughed at his inward shudder. He was so queer - he was probably that last dot on the Kinsey scale continuum. Then of course he thought of JT and got hard as a rock. He wondered what his blond was up to on this Saturday afternoon at 2:00PM. Then he laughed at himself and wondered how long he was going to bullshit himself that he would be going back to Seattle for the business, with JT being a pleasant side benefit…

They went back to the house for hot cocoa and a snack for the kids. Then, JR went down for her nap and Brian went to read a book to Gus in the living room for some quiet time. In five minutes, the boy was asleep on his chest, snoring gently. Brian quietly finished reading “Piggy Pie” and looked out the bay window at the early spring sun’s play on the burgeoning branches of the maple in the front yard. The tick-tock of the grandfather clock in the entryway and the faraway barking of a dog accentuating the peace of the moment instead of disturbing it. Mel came in with two steaming cups and grinned, seeing her son.

“I figured this was going to happen…”

She handed Brian a cup of something that looked just like the cocoa the kids had drunk, but smelled significantly different… Brian took a sip. Hmm. Rich chocolate taste and… Dark rum? It tasted fabulous.

He smiled at Mel. “Grown-up hot cocoa…”

“My Grandpa’s recipe. I thought you’d enjoy it after the park.”

They sat, sipping their drinks, in companionable silence.

“Brian?” Mel finally said. “What’s going on with you? You’re so… mellow. Easy going. Where’s the snark?”

Brian had been wondering the same thing about Mel. They were getting along without even trying. Her remark made him realize that maybe the change was at least as much due to his more relaxed behavior as to hers. He smiled at her.

“Right back at you.”

She was thoughtful for a moment and then laughed softly. “Point taken,” she said. Then she looked at him and shrugged. “I’m in a really good place. After worrying like crazy that I had forced our move down Lindz’s throat and feeling responsible for every little set back, it turns out it was totally the right decision for us. Lindz and I are… really close, now.” She actually blushed a little. “The kids are truly happy, doing very well. Lindz loves her job, I love mine, we’ve made a lot of new friends, both gay and straight, the house… Everything. It’s just come together.” She looked up. “What about you?”

“I’ve met someone.” The words had come out of his mouth without any forethought on his part. Why had that been the first thing to surface? After all, Kinnetik was doing great and Babylon had been voted one of the top clubs in the Northeast by Attitude magazine… He laughed at himself. As if any of that brought even remotely the kind of pleasurable reaction he got from thinking of JT. Holy fuck. He had met someone…

“Uh?”

Brian laughed. “I’ve rendered an attorney speechless!”

“Brian, you’ve met someone? You’ve met …someone?”

“Yes. A month and a half ago. But not really, we’ve only spent two weekends together. We’ve kept it really… casual. But yeah.” He looked at her, surprised himself by a sudden discovery. “I’m not alone anymore.”

He couldn’t believe he was talking to Mel about this. But then again, who else would he talk to? Strangely enough, he thought about Ted. Yes, Theodore would get it…

“What’s he like?” asked Mel.

Brian could not help but smile. “Intelligent. Witty. Curious, observant, open-minded, knowledgeable about a multitude of subjects, self sufficient, confident. We have a lot of interests in common.”

Mel looked both stunned and dubious.

He laughed at her, a little edgily. “What interests have I ever had aside from fucking, sucking, and … oh yeah, wait, advertising?”

He searched for some of his interests that would appear the most unlikely, to make her see, to make her understand…

“I like Haiku. The history of textiles, especially Kimono making, but also in the modern evolution of its fabrication, calico making in New England and so on. The Shaker’s culture, architecture, furniture making and philosophy. Architecture in general, modern architecture in particular. Modern art, abstract art… Portrait painting through the ages. And truthfully, just about anything else, except perhaps classical music.”

He looked at her. She was stunned. “Mel, I live alone. I read a lot. I travel a lot. The last time I went to the white party in Sydney I was gone for ten days… Because on the way back I spent a week in Kyoto, where they had the largest exposition of privately owned Kimonos ever presented, from all the Geisha houses. 3 or 400 year-old Kimonos, carefully preserved, still worn occasionally. I wish I could have stayed twice as long.”

He shook his head. “It always amazes me that you people expect me to succeed in what I do being only Brian ‘Fucking’ Kinney. And for god’s sake, Mel, I got my BA from Carnegie-Mellon and my MBA from Tepper, not from a Wheaties’ box!”

She looked thoughtful for a moment and then nodded in acknowledgement. “You don’t often show that side of yourself.” Then understandingly, “It doesn’t fit your mystique. You are a prisoner of your own legend…” She smiled. “You know what’s really telling? You didn’t tell me how hot and sexy this guy is, which I’m assuming he is, because that’s not what’s important, what makes him special. You’ve had many hot and sexy guys…”

Brian laughed. “He is… beautiful. Blond. Blue eyes. Gorgeous mouth, beautiful sunshine smile, small-statured, with the greatest ass and the most amazing cock…”

She laughed. “Enough, enough, you could have stopped at small statured! What’s his name?”

“JT.”

“His full name?”

“No idea.”

“How old is he?”

“22, 23… something like that, though he looks younger. He’s just finishing his Master’s.”

“In what?”

“I don’t know…”

“Where did you meet?”

“Seattle.”

“Is that where he’s from, where his family is?”

“I’m not sure, but I don’t think so.”

“How do you keep in touch?”

“I have his e-mail address. I’ve only used it once, though. To tell him I was coming the second time…”

“Let me get this straight. You don’t know his name, or where he’s from, or what he does, or how old he is, and you don’t talk to him.”

“… Right. But I know what interests him, what he couldn’t live without, what matters to him, what he likes in bed, how soft his skin his, what he smells like in the morning, what he smells like aroused, what he smells like sweaty, what he tastes like, the meaning of his looks, of his smiles, the meaning of the different tones of his voice… Everything that really matters.” Fuck. He missed JT so damn much.

“My god. You love him.”

“I… I’m open to loving him.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah. That’s exactly how I feel.”

“But he’s in Seattle. That’s inconvenient.”

“Not so much. The most important people in my life are in Toronto.”

“Gus and Lindz.”

“Gus and JR. And Lindz.”

She looked away for a moment. “You have no idea what it means to me that you treat JR like your own… That the day she was born you doubled the child support, that you hug her, love her like your own.”

“I forget that she’s not.” He chuckled. “It pisses Mikey off…”

“Michael is a good guy… But he treats her like a doll. He buys her frilly clothes and cutesy gifts and likes to walk her in her stroller. You give her baths and change her diaper, and don’t wipe her mouth and hands every second when she eats by herself. I think he will be a better dad when she gets older, when he can see her as a person.”

“I was lucky to be close to Gus when he was a baby. Mikey has only ever seen her once a month. But he’s crazy about her.”

She shrugged. “I know. I got exactly what I wanted. A very part time Dad, not involved in the day to day decisions, so JR could be Lindz’s and mine, Lindz’s and mine alone.” She grinned. “But it turns out you have made her yours as much as Gus is. And I’m so glad.”

They were quiet for a moment. Brian loved what she’d been saying and was also thankful he had been able to talk to Mel about JT, but he didn’t want his confidence to go any further. He didn’t know how to explain it, so he just said it.

“Mel? Don’t tell Lindz about JT… Don’t tell any of them.”

“You haven’t?” she asked, eyebrows raised.

“Why would I?”

“Because… they care?”

“Mel, what would Mikey say?”

She did not even hesitate. “Brian, you’ll get over it: You don’t do boyfriends, you don’t believe in love, you believe in fucking. This is just a phase. I know. I’m your best friend.” She grinned.

“What about Debbie?”

“You found someone to put up with an asshole like you? Does he know what you’re like? Poor guy. He’s in for a world of hurt. But if he really does love you, make a god damn effort! For once in your life, Brian, don’t fuck it up…” She made a face, getting his point.

“Emmett?”

“Hum…I think he would say… good for you, Brian!”

“And then?”

She nodded and smiled in understanding. “And then make sure that everyone in the universe knew about it: Have you heard? Now don’t tell anyone… but Brian Kinney is in looove… Isn’t it romantic? He flies all the way to Seattle for him! I bet they take long strolls on the beach, and cuddle by the fire…”

They both laughed. Mel frowned and asked, “What about Lindz? Why won’t you tell her?”

“Brian! I am so happy for you!” Brian said in a soft high voice. “You know, you are going to have to make some changes… First, you’ll have to stop tricking… A committed relationship is monogamous. Curb your drinking, and drugging. It’s bad for your health and if you love someone you have to learn to love yourself first and stop these self-destructive habits. What do you mean you don’t e-mail him? In a relationship you have to communicate, or it’s not going to work! Don’t you think it’s a little premature to give him your heart? Be careful, Brian!”

Mel was laughing so hard her face was bright red. “Stop! Stop! I get it… Oh my god. You really have my wife pegged. That’s exactly what she’d do; bury you under good intentioned advice without even knowing JT… Because of course he would think just like her…” She looked at him. “You could never have found someone in the Pitts, could you. Not without everyone constantly meddling in your affairs… Not without everybody feeling free to warn the poor man about what a heartless shit you are, that it’s not going to last, that they saw you fucking someone else at Babylon so that he shouldn’t get his hopes up or expect too much…”

“Just as you said before, prisoner of my own myth. But it didn’t grow out of nothing. I’ve been acting like a complete asshole for years. People accept it because it’s what I do, what I’ve done. It has helped in some ways. People don’t expect anything from me; they place no demands on me and aren’t surprised by my constantly failing their expectations. In some ways it has been very convenient.

“But, it does hold me back in other ways. And truthfully, as the years go by, it becomes more of a hindrance. I am held to beliefs and standards I established for the most part when I was a young teenager because I voluntarily held myself to them for years, and have shown zero growth. But now that I think it’s time for me to grow up, it turns out grown-up Brian is of no interest to anyone any more… As long as I don’t change, they can all settle down, have a stable life, yet a piece of their youth still exists, so they can enjoy it vicariously. And when they feel down, they can think: It could be worse, I could be like Brian, desperately holding onto my fading youth, a little ridiculous.”

“You have given this a lot of thought, haven’t you? I’m amazed you can see yourself so clearly through their eyes…”

“Self awareness doesn’t help, when you see no way out, at least not in the short term. In Seattle, with JT, I feel…free.”

“And with me, evidently.”

“You never really bought the mystique, did you, Mel? You always called me on my bullshit.”

“Half the time I misinterpreted your intentions, refused to recognize your generosity, just purposefully seeing the worst in you.”

“Part of it was your own insecurities regarding Lindz, part of it your protectiveness of her, and part of it the knowledge that I was tough skinned enough that you could relieve your frustrations on me, and I wouldn’t care. I think with the distance you may have finally seen that Lindz and I are friends, just friends.” He chuckled. “Rumors of our sexual exploits are greatly exaggerated. I couldn’t get it up with a woman if you paid me. The thought of breasts literally makes me shudder.” He actually did, and she laughed. “And I think you know I would never hurt her or our kids. Quite the opposite. I would do anything, anything for their happiness.”

“Even let them move to Canada. Even if it killed you inside.”

“…Yes. And of all the shit you have screamed at me through the years, I can honestly say the only times you hurt me were when you used my giving up my parental rights to you against me. Because to this day, I regret it, no matter the good it did at the time, no matter that it was the original agreement, I should have never done it.”

“I’m eternally grateful that you did.”

“It absolutely killed me when you agreed to let Mikey keep his parental rights. It still… makes me angry. Especially the day you said it was because he cared, and I never did. Giving up my parental rights to Gus was the single most painful and difficult thing I have ever done.”

“I shouldn’t have said that, especially since I knew it was a lie. But why did you do it then?”

“I thought it was best… for him. For Lindz and you to get back together. And so, no matter what, I could never hurt him, like my father hurt me.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Never. But people I trust and love insinuated that one learns parenting from one’s own parents, and I … doubted myself enough then as a father that I believed them.” He shrugged. “You’re a great mom. And a great role model for Gus. Lindz and you are in a loving, stable relationship and he is growing up with two loving parents who support each other. You’ve given him a sibling. And now that you are in Canada, you seem more comfortable with my presence in his life. So it works out… And now you are going to tell me what the fuck was in that chocolate, besides dark rum, because I have never talked this much about myself in my life.”

“Sodium pentothal. It’s legal for attorneys to use it on their clients here. Didn’t you know?”

They cracked up.

“I almost believe you.”

“Yeah, well, sleep it off. Finish your son’s nap with him; I have to go make a stew for dinner. God… I hate cooking. I thought being a lesbian I’d have a wife to cook for me. I had to marry a liberated woman who expects me to share in the labor… Women’s lib! What a crock of shit…”

Brian figured he had laughed more with Mel that afternoon than they had in the previous eleven years…

 

*****
 

“Had you ever been to Pittsburgh before?” asked Ted, putting on his seat belt.

Justin had liked him right away. He wasn’t terribly good-looking, and certainly dressed like an accountant, but there was a look of kindness on his face and a glint of humor in his eyes.

“No. Never.”

“Well, it’s very different from Denver, for sure…”

“Well, I haven’t lived in Denver since I was seventeen…”

“Really? I’m sorry. I didn’t get to read your CV. Just your paper. Brilliant, by the way. I asked Cynthia where you were from and she must have thought I meant where you were born, where you grew up. So, where did you go to school?”

“Cornish, in Seattle, Washington.”

Ted glanced at him for a second inquiringly, but didn’t seem to find what he was looking for, so he concentrated on the road again.

“Well, don’t believe the people who say Pittsburgh’s the Pits. It’s actually a nice place. Cold winters, though. But less rain than Seattle… “

“Where is a nice area to live?”

“Well, it depends. If you like city living, you might want to choose the area around Liberty Avenue, where Kinnetik is located. It’s the gay neighborhood. But if you want more house for your dollar and a less urban environment, there are some very nice suburbs. Among the people you’ll meet tonight will be Michael and Ben, who chose the ‘burbs, but they have kids. Blake and I live in a new condo on Clement Way, parallel to Liberty, and Emmett rents a room minutes from the Liberty Diner, the heart of the gay neighborhood. Our boss lives on the edge of town, but not that far from Liberty. He has a loft in the old industrial area, in what used to be a warehouse. His neighborhood is gentrifying as we speak…”

They stopped at a red light, and Ted looked at him. “Are you looking to rent or buy?”

“Hmm… Not sure. Rent, maybe, so I can get to know the city a little before I make a final decision? In Seattle, I lived in the gay neighborhood, in a beautiful old building. I loved it. But I don’t think I’m ready for the suburbs. To be completely honest, I like to trick, but not have guys spend the night so much. Driving them back to their car or even home is a lot easier if you live nearby…”

Ted looked a little surprised by his candor.

“I’m sorry,” said Justin, feeling himself blush. “I… Was that too much information?”

Ted chuckled. “No, no. It just raised a whole plethora of questions, and I was wondering how to ask them without seeming nosy, when obviously, I totally am…”

Justin grinned. “Ask away. I can always pass on answering.”

“Why do you take tricks home instead of using backrooms? Too public?”

“Oh! No. There are just no backrooms in Seattle. You fuck in your car, or you go home… I mean, it rains, you know? And I drive an Audi TT, so the car is out…”

“Also…” Ted hesitated, but then went for it. “Well, it would indicate that you are… you know, a top.”

Justin chortled. “I know, I know. I look like a twink and I have a nice ass, so guys automatically assume I must be a bottom. But I am a top. A top exclusively. I never bottom. I’m sure it will confuse guys for a little while. But, especially if there is a backroom, I’m quite sure I’ll be able to make it very obvious very quickly.”

“OK. That’s really good, actually. You are very attractive, and Brian… can be a bit of a predator. I like to think he would be smart enough to not, uh …”

“Fuck the help?” said Justin helpfully.

Ted burst out laughing. “I’m going to have to get used to the fact that you don’t hesitate to call a spade a spade. Yes. I’d like to think Brian would be smart enough not to fuck the help, but his dick has overridden his brain before… though not for a long time, and certainly not since he started Kinnetik. But you being a top only further simplifies things, because Brian is a consummate top as well. Don’t think he’s ever bottomed in his life. I know for a fact that he topped his first trick at age 15; It was his Gym teacher with whom he’d been trading blow jobs for a year, since he was a freshman in high school.”

Justin laughed. “Holy shit!”

“Yes. And I guess that’s kind of what made me wonder about you driving your tricks home… Brian just kicks them to the curb when he’s done, without the benefit of a shower most of the time. He never bothers with their names, and he never fucks the same trick twice.”

“And he still finds takers?” Justin was genuinely surprised. Brian Kinney sounded even worse than Brandon, back in Seattle.

“Remarkably, they line up for the honor…”

Justin shook his head. “Some fags’ lack of self respect blows my mind. I guess they buy our society’s heterosexual propaganda that they are worth less than straight people, lacking somehow, and that they don’t deserve to be treated well. I can’t take advantage of that perception. My tricks get to shower, I know their names and of course I drive them home. If the sex was good, why shouldn’t I repeat the experience? I’ve made good friends that way, good fuck buddies. But, to each his own, I guess.”

“I think he just doesn’t want the emotional entanglement,” explained Ted. “He doesn’t do boyfriends, and professes not to believe in love, only in fucking.”

“Well maybe he’s got the right idea after all…” said Justin bitterly. He couldn’t believe he’d just said that, in that tone. He’d been trying so hard to convince himself that he didn’t care and that he had already forgotten his little escapade with Aidan, but now the true depth of his disappointment and hurt just spilled out like that, out of left field. Annoyingly, they’d reached another red light, and Ted was again able to look at him.

“I would probably definitely be overstepping the bounds if I asked what that was about, right?”

Justin shrugged. “What the hell. It’s rather irrelevant at this point anyway. I met a man named Aidan a month and a half ago. A businessman in Seattle for work. We fucked. It was by far the best sex I ever had, and though I am young, believe me, that’s saying something. He left, and I never expected to see him again. But he contacted me when he came back for business again a month later and well, we are so… compatible. Not just in bed. I like everything about him. Some things that he said… raised my hopes a little. Then I found out that he’s married with two kids, including a cute new baby...”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah…”

“How did you find out?”

“I couldn’t sleep. His computer had I-photo up and running. There were photos of a little boy that looks just like him, a pretty woman with a wedding band, and an adorable little baby.”

“You didn’t ask him about it?”

“First of all, I was kinda snooping, because his laptop had been closed, and secondly, what would be the point? You know… If it had been just the boy… It could be a mistake, a youthful entanglement. But the new baby. That’s a conscious choice. The choice to be part of the mainstream, to have his real life in their world and only play in ours. So that’s that. To tell you the truth, I surprised myself just now. I had kind of convinced myself that I didn’t care that much. So, I guess I have one more reason to make a move - leave that pathetic little episode behind.” Justin was a little embarrassed to have been so forthright, so he was both surprised and grateful when Ted started talking.

“There’s nothing pathetic about caring about someone. We all have painful stories in our past. I once fell in love with a crystal addict. I literally picked him off a club bathroom floor, and then from a crack house. I saved him. He swore to me he was clean. I found him a job, bought him clothes, supported him in every way I could. I fought with my friends who said he was still using, defended him, believed him to the last, even after finding crystal in his pockets; even after he got fired from the job a friend of mine had stuck her neck out to get him. I finally took him to rehab, because he said he wanted to get clean for me, for us. He was there less than six hours, and was back on crystal. It was incredibly humiliating and painful.”

Justin imagined what that must have felt like. It certainly put his little story into perspective…“Wow. How long did it take you to get over that?” he wondered.

“I never really did. I really loved him. Through some of life’s weird ironic twists, two years later I had my own personal experience with crystal addiction. Signed myself into rehab, and there he was. Two years later! And I thought, fuck, I’m never getting clean, if two years later he’s still here… Except he was there as a counselor, doing his internship to become a licensed clinical psychologist. Because of our patient/counselor relationship, we could not be together at that point, no matter how much either of us may have wished it. I got clean, started working for Brian,” he chuckled, “who’s the only man I know who would hire a recovering crystal addict to handle his finances, by the way. Then, a while later, I met Blake again at a ski lodge, of all places. And I guess he really loved me too because we’ve been together ever since and it’s… really good. So,” he shrugged with a smile, “don’t give up. I don’t mean on that Aidan guy. That seems pretty hopeless. But you know… on love in general. I think even Brian is starting to have second thoughts about that, actually.”

They’d made it to The Priory. Justin thought it was sweet of Ted to confide such a personal story to make him feel better.

“All right, Dear Abby,” he teased. “Considering I’m only twenty-two, I think you are right that it would be a little foolish to give up already anyway…”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to lecture…”

“No, no! It’s really appreciated, actually. I’ll see you later, Ted. Thanks for the ride and for the sounding board.” He stuck his head back in the car. “Oh, and a word to the wise. No matter how crappy I seem at pool at first, don’t bet against me…” He laughed. “I’m planning on hustling all your friends out of a few free drinks. Don’t worry. I’m cheap, I only drink Perrier.” Ted raised his eyebrows, and Justin gave him an evil grin. “I just love seeing people’s faces when the innocent little blond boy turns out to be a wicked cheating bastard…”

He went back to his very nice room, feeling that though Ted was probably at least fifteen years older than him; he would be a very good friend.
 

TBC…

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