Spin and Fall

Chapter 21

Brian had left an overnight bag at the coat check just in case he succeeded in convincing Justin to spend the night with him. Justin grinned at him as they put the bag in the trunk of the Audi.

“We should really keep clothing at each other’s places, don’t you think? That way we could spend the night together whenever we feel like it, without having to always plan ahead…”

Justin was amazed at the burning look his casual remark provoked. They really needed to talk. He handed the keys to Brian, as he almost always did. It had been part of his effort to surrender control to Brian to try to compensate for the fact that he could not bottom, and now had become a habit. Brian was a very good driver, and Justin found that he enjoyed the luxury of being chauffeured around.

When they got to his apartment, Brian surprised him by getting a bottle of water out of the fridge, and making no move towards the bedroom. Then he thought he knew why.

“I’m going to take a quick shower, OK?” He almost certainly smelled of Jamal, probably not much of a turn on for Brian at this point.

Brian just nodded, seemingly lost in thought. Justin made quick work of his shower, looking forward to showing Brian whom it was that he loved, beyond the shadow of a doubt. When he came out of the emerald tiled bath in his white terry cloth bathrobe he was surprised to see that Brian was still sitting at the bar, instead of waiting naked for him in bed. He went to his closet and put on a white undershirt and some string pants, then joined Brian, sitting on the stool next to him.

“Brian?”

The hazel eyes focused on him, apparently coming back from far away.

“Brian, what’s going on?”

Brian looked fixedly at his right hand for some reason, and said, “Justin, I think we should talk, if you’re not too tired.”

He sounded…weary. It wasn’t even midnight yet. They could talk. “I’m not too tired. What’s on your mind?”

“Us. A lot of things have happened this past week. I just need to know where you want to go from here, and there are a couple of things I need you to know...”

“Yeah… I guess there were a couple of things I was curious about as well, so talking is probably a good idea,” conceded Justin.

Brian looked at Justin with intent. “Can you make me a promise? Can you promise me not to walk out, no matter what?”

“You mean walk out and get attacked by a mad biker?” asked Justin, confused.

“No. I mean… Justin, I’m not good at this. I don’t talk about… feelings or…whatever very well. I never have before, and when I feel cornered, sometimes I strike out with words before I have time to think about the consequences. You’re very good at removing yourself from toxic situations. I admire that about you, but tonight, no matter what, I’d like you to take into account that I am…pretty inept at this... and stick around. Please.

“I feel some things need to be said, and I don’t want to have to worry too much about how I say them. Can you try to overlook the presentation and concentrate on the substance? You know my… heart. I also have the utmost respect for you as a person and admire the man you are. Can you filter my… potential... lack of control through that knowledge and listen to me?”

Justin was getting a bit antsy, wondering what the hell Brian wanted to talk about that required such a caveat, but heard what he was trying to say.

“If I feel you’re out of line I’ll let you know, but I won’t walk away. I promise.”

Brian sighed with relief. “This might all be unnecessary. You just never know…”

“OK.”

“First, I have a confession to make. Fuck, Justin… I love you so god dammed much. Please try to understand…”

Brian put his palms over his eyes for a moment as Justin’s blood pressure went up twenty points with anxiety. What the hell was this about?

“After you were attacked, when you fell asleep in my arms, the reason you could never bottom finally dawned on me. You’d been raped. I’m sorry I was so dense and hadn’t guessed before. I’m sorry I kept subconsciously pushing you. I really had no clue until then.”

Justin, once again, was incredibly grateful to Dr. Marlin. Before their session, the fact that Brian knew his secret would have killed him with shame. Now, he was able to just nod.

“I realized for the first time, I think, that you would never, ever be able to bottom, and I just…needed to know more… Some research pointed to your senior year in high school, and to the football team, but the information was limited and confusing. So I…stopped in Denver on my way to Chicago. I’m sorry if it upsets you, but I needed to know what happened, and I didn’t think you would ever be able to talk about it.”

Justin didn’t know how to feel. He needed a second to regroup.

“Brian, Brian… Stop for a minute. I need to…digest this before you go on, OK?”

He could see the anxiety on Brian’s face. He took a deep breath. Brian had dug into his past behind his back. His knee-jerk reaction was anger, a feeling of violation of his privacy, of betrayal. Then, with an effort, he tried to see things from Brian’s point of view. Justin had always known that if he were able to explain to him why he couldn’t bottom, it would be easier on Brian. He had wished so much that he could. Brian had taken steps to find out, without putting Justin through the agony of trying and probably failing to talk about it, and he did so in an effort to understand him, to ease his frustration at not knowing why he had to go against his very nature forever, if he was to commit to Justin. It was logical. Potentially beneficial to the both of them. Justin took another deep breath.

“OK, Brian. Go on.”

Brian reached out to Justin and gently caressed his face. “I know what happened to you in that locker room. In detail. I also know, in detail, about your stay at the hospital and everything that went on there.”

He must have seen the flash of fear in Justin’s eyes and understood how tainted and sullied he still felt, deep inside, about what had happened, because he caressed Justin’s lips with his thumb, and looking at him in the eye, opened himself to show the truth of what he was about to say.

“Everything I learned only made me love and admire you more, made you more precious and beautiful in my eyes. Justin, I outed our relationship because I wanted everyone to know I am loved by you. I could not care less that people knew I bottomed for you. I feel so lucky, so blessed, so… proud to be your lover.”

Justin felt tears well up in his eyes. Why should he forever seek to inspire love in his recurring tricks when he could have Brian’s unconditional love and acceptance? He had been such a fool, looking in the wrong places to feed his hungry heart. Right here, this gorgeous man willingly, and in full knowledge of all that he’d been through, gave him everything he would ever need.

He slid off the stool and took refuge in Brian’s willing arms, needing his strength for a moment. The closeness to Brian made his body sing, but it wasn’t time for that just yet. He backed away, and smiled into the eyes that were looking at him, full of concern.

“Thank you,” he said simply, and Brian’s answering smile was beautiful.

Justin felt he had to offer him something as well, something to ease the self-disgust he knew Brian felt about his actions toward Bill the night before. He cleared his throat.

“I have a bit of a confession to make myself,” he said. “I have been forced to examine my actions and my intentions in my relationships with my recurring sexual partners in the backroom. You had every right to object to the way I was tricking, Brian. More or less unconsciously, I was seducing them, making them fall in love with me. Their unreturned affection was filling a void in my life. Your love for me should have been quite enough to fill it to overflowing, but I did not fully trust it. They were… a security blanket, or something equivalent, because deep inside I expected you to get tired of the restrictions I placed on our physical relationship, and leave.”

He added, “Tonight, I let loose all the fuck buddies of mine that I could find, and I intend to speak to Cooper and Vance as soon as I can. Not because you asked me to this time, but because I finally admitted to myself that what I’ve been doing is selfish, hurtful, and disrespectful of what you and I share. I’m sorry, Brian.”

Brian looked so relieved. Not that Justin was no longer going to collect fuck buddies, but that his feelings on the matter had not been completely unreasonable. He just nodded in acknowledgement, and Justin was very grateful that Brian forwent the “I told you so” he had every right to say…

Brian chuckled. “So far, so good,” he said, about covering conversation topics that were such potential minefields.

Justin grinned back, though he wondered a little what other difficult subject there could be.

Changing topics somewhat arbitrarily, Brian asked, “Justin, how important is variety when you top?”

Not quite sure where Brian as going with this, Justin nonetheless chose to answer without further inquiries. “Well, if I could top you whenever I feel like it, the answer would be 'Not at all.' But for tricks, variety is nice. Why?”

“Do you mean that, hypothetically, if you could top me whenever the mood strikes you, you wouldn’t trick anymore?”

“Yes. Topping you feels about a hundred times better than topping anyone else. I wish I could just be satisfied bottoming, but I guess the last five years have left their mark. There's a certain feeling of power that comes from pleasuring another man with my dick that I have come to crave and that I need to satisfy occasionally.”

Brian nodded. Then Justin remembered the conversation they’d had when he’d agreed to stop tricking, and Brian had answered the question Justin had not wanted to ask, “Yes, Justin. If you could bottom for me, I would stop tricking too. I trick because I love to fuck. Before I met you, I never thought one man could love and want sex enough to keep me happy. But I think we both know you love to fuck just as much as I do… We would fuck each other to exhaustion and neither of us would ever need or want to fuck another soul...”

Holy shit. Was Brian thinking of asking him to be monogamous? He had told Jamal “I’m thinking of retiring from the game, Jamal, I have everything I need and want at home.”

Brian was watching him, as if waiting for him to work something out on his own. Justin asked him hesitantly, “Do you want us both to stop tricking, Brian?”

“It would never work unless we were together all the time,” answered Brian, still watching him carefully. “We both like to fuck several times a day…”

“Are you suggesting we should live together?” Justin’s heart was beating hard in his chest. He had decided to let Brian lead with the changes in their relationship, thinking too much intimacy might scare him, that Brian was too used to his freedom to want something like that so quickly, but now, it did sound like that was exactly what he desired.

Brian looked away and shrugged, as if he could not care less. “You suggested we keep clothes at each other’s places…”

“So I did,” said Justin, smiling hard. “That might be a good way to start, still keeping our own private spaces until we have a better feel for what we want. Or until… we decide to find a place big enough for the both of us.”

Brian met his eyes again, smiling lightly. “Yes. Something like that… There’s no hurry. We can both keep tricking for a while, until we’re both ready…”

“OK.” Justin thought he understood the caveat, and that “until we’re both ready” actually meant “until I am ready to bottom somewhat regularly once again” and wondered how long that would be. He didn’t want Brian to “sacrifice” himself. Unless Brian really wanted to bottom, Justin did not want him to. But there was something he did want very much…

“Brian? Regardless of what we do individually in the evenings, could we… sleep together every night?”

“Once here, then once at the loft?” asked Brian, apparently considering his answer was so obvious he could move right on to logistics.

Justin could not help grinning, and felt incredibly glad that Brian’s smile seemed just as broad. He got up and retrieved a key to his door, with a sleek silver keychain, out of a carved wooden box on the small table by the door, and tossed it to Brian, who caught it in mid-air. “I’ve been meaning to give you this for a while,” he said.

Then he stood by Brian who had recognized the Jorge Jensen design and was admiring it. Justin took it back gently and showed Brian how to twist it sideways, so the keychain could part into two flat frames facing each other. There was a tiny but perfect sketch of Gus in one, and a tiny but perfect sketch of JR in the other. He and Brian smiled at each other.

Brian stood up, put the key on the bar, and pulled Justin to him, gently cradling his head in his large hands as he kissed the daylights out of him. That was the end of the verbal conversation, though through caresses, touches, kisses and lovemaking, their discussion continued late into the night, and after a bit of sleep, started again early in the morning.

The sun was tinting the sky pink when, in the midst of the most lavish mutual foreplay, Justin, rimming Brian’s delicious entrance, realized that for the first time since he’d been able to bottom, he actually wanted to top Brian. He wasn’t sure how to bring it up when Brian looked above his shoulder, his naked body glistening and trembling, and said, “Justin, I want your cock inside of me… Fuck me, fuck me…”

It appeared that in that, as in everything else in their sexual relationship, they were perfectly attuned to one another. Justin quickly sheathed himself and gratefully complied. He sighed with pleasure as he buried himself inside Brian who moaned in satisfaction. And as they shared this other aspect of their intimacy, they were both conscious and thrilled that they were each other’s, fully and completely, and that neither now needed nor wanted anyone else…

 

**********
 

That week at work was incredibly busy. A number of finalized projects were due back to their respective execs, and Justin had to OK each and every one of them, making sure the art department was sending back the best product possible. He was pleased and actually quite impressed with all of them, and felt great about what he and his people were turning out. His staff felt the same.

They had adjusted to his reorganization of the department and thrived, though they all worked their asses off. Justin’s announcement that Simon Etzioni, a new artist, was going to join their team the next Monday and that he would be collecting from each of them two of the most recently distributed files to form the basis of Simon’s initial workload, had been met with smiles and enthusiasm.

That night, Thursday, was the special dinner where the mayor was to announce the winner of the competition for the Pittsburgh Public Library System's advertising campaign. Both Brian and Justin were looking forward to it. They had enjoyed working on it together and were pleased with the results. Of course, since the panel of judges was composed of the mayor, a few important donors and the Library’s board of directors, all of them people who probably knew Jack shit about good advertising, the whole thing might be a complete crapshoot.

Justin was pleasantly tired. Since Monday, Brian and he had spent every evening and night together and had fucked more than Justin had ever thought possible. Brian joked it was their honeymoon phase. They fucked as soon as they got home, relieving the sexual tension that inevitably built up between them at work. They fucked during the evening, in the middle of talking, working, watching a film or… whatever. Suddenly, one of them would get aroused out of nowhere, sometimes about the smallest thing, and they ended up going at each other as if starved.

They made love at least once or twice when they went to bed, the diffused lighting, the softness of the sheets, their mingling scents apparently erotic enough to inspire the most emotionally satisfying coupling. They woke up in the middle of the night, almost every night, practically fucking already, one of Brian’s fingers buried in Justin’s ass, or just languorously frotting against one another, and it never failed that one or the other would awaken before the alarm and be unable to resist the lure of the other’s warm sleeping form.

They had yet to take a shower without fucking, and that very morning, Brian had suddenly undone Justin’s belt and pulled down his pants as Justin had been punching in the elevator code to the garage, and slowly penetrated him with a very lubed, very hard dick. He’d fucked him standing up, hard and fast, bringing them both off by the time they’d gone down the seven floors. As he’d wiped the small residual mess (most of the ‘mess’ had flown through the elevator cage and now decorated the elevator shaft between the basement and the first floor…) off Justin’s stomach with the tail of his own shirt, Brian had looked as guilty as the kid who ate the last cookie.

“Fuck, Justin, I… you looked so hot, and I knew you weren’t wearing anything under there…”

Justin had started cracking up at his expression, and they had both been laughing hard as they made their way to the ‘Vette, because it made no sense; they fucked more now that they were together all the time than they had done when they saw each other only three times a week…

As luck would have it, that night they ended up sharing a table with Gardner Vance, his art director and their respective wives at the dinner. It didn’t take long for Justin to realize that Gardner’s wife was a pretentious bitch, who mistakenly thought herself of superior intelligence. She had immutable opinions about everything, from art to current events, and liked to bestow them on lesser beings. On the other hand Phil Carter, Vangard’s art director, seemed like a nice man.

Brian was seated between Sylvia Vance and Justin, who sat next to pretty, petite and visibly pregnant Emily Carter. She was an unassuming woman, a speech therapist for the Pittsburgh school system. She and Justin hit it off right away, and chatted happily, her husband piping in occasionally, pleased that his wife was having a good time at what could have been a stuffy, boring event. Yet Justin couldn’t avoid noticing that Phil kept subjecting Brian to murderous glares.

The event was not exceedingly large, only about a hundred people, which might explain why the Thai themed food was actually quite decent. Sadly the appetizer contained peanuts and prawns, the main dish green, yellow and red peppers and the side dish was spinach with peanut sauce. Justin had to make do with plain brown rice as Brian unabashedly stole the prawns from his appetizer and the grilled chicken from his stir-fry.

During the break between the entrée and dessert, Emily excused herself, and Sylvia, to Brian’s relief, driven by the atavistic law of female restroom group migration, accompanied her. Justin leaned to Brian.

“Phil seems to hate your guts. What’s that about?”

“He worked for Ryder’s art department, then for Vangard’s when Gardner bought Ryder out. So, for… years really, I belittled his work, his abilities as manager, his taste and artistic sense, his creativity, his education, his intelligence, his masculinity, and you know… whatever, doing it all, I believe, in the most cruel and insulting manner possible.” Brian shrugged. “But he always was the overly sensitive type. He shouldn’t have taken it so personally. After all, I treated everyone like dog shit.”

Justin looked at him, appalled. Brian had always treated him with the utmost respect at work. The few caustic remarks he uttered were usually directed at his staff at large and Cynthia, Ted, Stuart and himself had no qualms about responding in a like manner. Justin would have never tolerated his artists or himself being treated in less than an absolutely professional way.

Brian shrugged again and added, as if it explained everything, “They let me get away with it…”

Justin understood that Brian had been unfairly dismissed by Gardner Vance for torpedoing, as a private citizen and at his own expense, the political juggernaut he had himself been extremely successful in building for a ruthless, corrupt and homophobic candidate for mayor. He had not realized that aside from Cynthia, who had followed him when he started Kinnetik, the other Vangard employees might have actually been thrilled to see the back of him.

“How the fuck do you propose we deal with that if Kinnetik buys Vangard out? Tell them you had a personality transplant?”

“Hmm… I don’t know. Have you, Cynthia and Ted deal with them? Design an ad campaign showing the gentler, softer side of Brian Kinney, with me petting kittens, reading to the blind, and fucking you in the elevator?”

The sip of wine Justin had injudiciously swallowed almost came back out through his nose as he snorted in laughter. He and Brian grinned at each other. They were interrupted when dessert was served, a black currant mousse on a cookie crust, finally something Justin could eat and Brian wouldn’t. It was really good.

Gardner Vance took advantage of his wife’s absence to move next to Brian, and started a conversation as if Brian were a long lost friend, and not a shark-like competitor eating at his bottom line, and bent on gobbling him up.

“So Brian, how have you been?” Justin listened for a few minutes as the hypocrisy between the two only got thicker, mostly so he could recall Gardner’s accent, speech patterns and mannerisms and use them to cool off Brian’s ardor during sex the next time he wanted to distract him from coming at all costs.

For some reason, Gardner’s move inspired Phil to do the same and he came to sit next to Justin.

“Hey, Justin. Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure. What is it?”

“I… It’s really weird, but… Did you just steal Kinney’s dessert? And were you guys laughing about something together a moment ago?”

“Yeah. Well, he did steal my prawns…”

“I know! Do you guys… get along? I mean, how can you stand that bastard!”

“Huh… Though he owns Kinnetik, at work he always treats me like we’re kind of on equal footing. He runs the ad exec department, and I run the art department. We make a great team. Brian and I do a lot of projects together. I love working with him… He is brilliant, really.”

“I’ll give you that, but he is so… abusive. Arrogant. And the way he fucks his way to winning clients any chance he gets… It’s…despicable!”

“Hmm. Fuck clients? I don’t think he does that anymore. Not since he's owned the company. I think he wants to win on merit. Well, merit in advertising, anyway… And if he were abusive, Cynthia would have his balls. Ted, the head of admin, would quit and not come back without a huge raise and well...” Justin thought back to Monday. “I’d probably leave the situation until he came and apologized.” He smiled at Phil. “I guess he’s changed. He is no more arrogant than he has a right to be, given his success, and he treats everyone pretty well.”

Phil looked disbelieving, but he begrudgingly admitted, “You guys do turn out some amazing stuff. God! ‘The Naked Truth’! The Brown Athletic ‘Sweat’ print ad, the X-presso campaign… and that new one for Walmoor Nurseries. I’ve always had a hard time reconciling Kinnetik’s output with the man I know and hate. People don’t bust their chops producing that kind of creative genius for someone they can’t stand. It’s a labor of love, so he must have changed.”

“’The Naked Truth’ was Brian’s and mine.” Justin grinned. “Filming was a trip, let me tell you. The set was freezing so the body makeup wouldn’t run. I’ve never seen guys so happy to use a cock sock… All the employees filmed had had a drink or two, nothing bad, just to relax, and there was some pretty loud upbeat music playing.

“This gorgeous flight attendant with really nice breasts kept coming on to Brian thinking that considering she was naked, really, he definitely could not miss her best assets. He told her she had the wrong anatomy for his taste, but she couldn’t hear him over the music so he said louder, “Sorry, but I’m queer.” Again she missed it, so he said really loudly, just as the music was being turned off, “I like cock!” 

“Everybody froze, and stared at him. And he added, all innocent like, “It tastes just like chicken…”

Both Justin and Phil burst out laughing. Brian turned a questioning look to Justin, who shook his head to show he would tell him what the outburst had been about later since the mayor had just started his speech. Justin was really nervous. He admitted to himself that he really, really wanted to win.

Of the many ad agencies listed in the yellow pages in Pittsburgh, only twenty-five had been selected to participate. To qualify they had needed experience with city contracts, with print ads and TV commercials. They also had to have won some competition or award in the past three years. They would be judged on the TV commercial. Finally done listening to his own voice, the mayor got to the important part.

“The three finalists, in no particular order are: Vangard’s ‘Walk to the End of the World’.”

The thirty-second commercial was shown on a huge screen. It was good, but unoriginal in Justin’s opinion, featuring a teenager transported to different locations by opening books.

“Dot to Dot’s ‘Never Alone’.”

This one was very good, but … was Justin the only one who thought it was depressing as fuck? A sweet old lady, telling her son that she was going to spend the afternoon with her lifelong friends, and then a view of her walking the stacks with a smile while the books whispered to her…

“And finally, Kinnetik’s ‘Quote Me on This.’”

Finding the right kids for the different parts had been hell on wheels because Brian did not want professionals. Not only that, but he only wanted to work with kids enrolled in the Pittsburgh public school system. They had to look fun and cute, be smart, and show Pittsburgh’s diversity. They had to have perfect speech and comic timing.

First there was little Gina Marie, with her blonde pigtails and her missing front teeth, finding the right page and reading from a huge book, “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read!” followed by a huge grin. Her delivery was so fucking perfect…

Then Angel, the definitely misnamed adorable black boy, who said, while holding his place on the page with his finger, “I find television very educating. Everytime somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” How did a black kid that age ever end up sounding like some pretentious white professor?

Then little Duncan. He was only three and could read fluently. Kinda scary little guy, really, except that he looked like a miniature Harry Potter. He was holding 'The Half Blood Prince'. “Never judge a book by its movie,” he confided, and he raised both his eyebrows.

Georgia was a Chinese girl, adopted by American parents. She was funny as hell, and knew it. She had a hilarious whine. “I was reading a book...'The History of Glue' - I couldn't put it down.”

A sparkly-eyed boy named Micah, in a racing wheelchair with both legs in casts gave the last quote. In real life, he’d jumped off the garage roof with a blanket as a parachute the first day his parents had settled into their new home after moving to Pittsburgh from Alabama. He spoke with the slowest southern accent Justin had ever heard. “I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.” The mayor waited for the laughter to die down. Those kids were fucking great.

Justin felt Brian’s hand settle on his thigh and smiled. Justin wanted to reach for him but told himself to calm down already, that it was just a commercial for Pittsburgh’s library system, not the Oscars. Brian had obviously known he would be nervous. He reached down and put his hand on top of Brian’s under the table, interlacing their fingers.

“And the winner is… Kinnetik! With ‘Quote Me on This’ by Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor. Gentlemen, if you please…” Amidst the applause, Brian smirked at Justin and gave him a quick hug, whispering, “As if there ever was any doubt...”

Justin followed Brian to the front of the room where they were handed an envelope by the mayor. As they posed for the obligatory picture, Brian’s black on black Lanvin suit and Justin’s midnight blue Givenchy made the mayor look as if he’d escaped from an 80’s wedding. What they got for their effort was a signed contract, a decent sized check, and Kinnetik’s name in the trade papers.

They shook a few hands and walked back toward their seats, Brian’s arm loosely over Justin’s shoulder, the friendly boss and his young protégé. Justin noticed the Vangard contingent had left, which was incredibly rude. Brian was being graciously congratulated by Sally Winthrop, the owner of ‘Dot to Dot’, when Justin discreetly whispered the news to him. By then, the mayor had sat back down and coffee was being served. Not wanting to be seated at an empty table, and having left nothing behind, they made a beeline for the exit, only being stopped a couple of times by well wishers.

Once in the ‘Vette, they grinned at each other. Justin was so excited. It was his first recognition in the professional world, and he’d won it with Brian… He wanted to celebrate.

“Babylon?” asked Brian.

“Oh, yeah…”

At Babylon, Brian took off his jacket, opened the first few buttons of his shirt and rolled up his sleeves. Justin stripped all the way to the white wife beater undershirt he’d borrowed from Brian, and handed his shirt, tie and jacket to the coat check. They didn’t even bother going to the bar before they started dancing. This was not the long intense conversation they’d shared on Monday. They were having a great time. They looked gorgeous, felt fabulous about their win, and were horny as all get out for each other.

Their pelvises were glued together, their hands roaming and their mouths finding one another in deliciously suggestive kisses. They caressed and scratched and licked each other’s skins, Brian’s lips wandering relentlessly up and down Justin’s sensitive neck. Justin unbuttoned the black silk shirt completely, his knowing hands stimulating every sensitive spot on the beloved torso, capturing Brian’s mouth and surrendering to his forceful tongue until they were both incredibly aroused. They both wanted to take it further, and they both loved to fuck in public. They gazed at each other in silent conversation, both breathing heavily and fully turned on.

Justin would never even consider fucking Brian in Babylon’s backroom, though he knew full well that was what Brian thought was in the balance, but neither could he decide what he really wanted. As arousing as the thought of being fucked in the backroom was, he could not help but think with trepidation about how vulnerable that would make him.

He buried his face in Brian’s neck. “Will you hold me?” he asked, a little embarrassed at his residual fears.

He saw comprehension dawning in Brian’s eyes. “Let’s just go home, Justin.”

“No! No! I want this. I want you, like that. Please.” He’d no longer let his past rule him.

“Oh, god, Justin,” said Brian looking torn, “you have no idea how much I want it…”

Justin smiled, confident that now that Brian was aware of his qualms it would be all right. In the backroom Brian took them to one of the more secluded spots. Reading Justin’s needs accurately, Brian kissed him, lovingly, possessively, until there was only his desire for Brian left in his mind. He didn’t even notice his belt being undone or fly unbuttoned, until his pants slid along his legs as Brian lowered himself to the floor and took the head of his cock in his mouth.

Justin looked down into the hazel eyes, realizing that he was the only man Brian would ever go to his knees for in the backroom. Soon, where they were no longer mattered. Brian’s blowjobs were unequaled, even by Cooper’s because though both were unbelievably pleasurable, Justin’s love for Brian made his feel like incomparable gifts.

Justin’s eyes were closed and he was holding onto the towel shelf for support as the soft tongue, the deep throat, and the amazing suction were stripping him of thought. Then he was turned around, and a sleek familiar hand that knew just how to squeeze and caress his cock kept him in that marvelous place until a wet, warm tongue invaded his ass. Oh, fuck! Brian was… oh god! Brian was rimming him in the backroom! Just the thought of it almost brought him over the edge.

Justin was panting and keening, trying to keep from drowning in the sensation and spilling out before Brian was even inside him. Then the sweet torture stopped and Brian was standing up behind him, pulling off the white wife beater. Pressing Justin’s back against the uncovered skin of his chest, grinding his sheathed cock up and down Justin’s crack, his strong arms holding him securely close, he asked, in a whisper, “All right, Sunshine? I’m right here. Do you want this? Do you want me?”

“Oh, god yes. Hold me tight, come inside, I want to feel your cock inside me.”

One arm still securely around Justin’s chest, and whispering erotic and loving words in his ear, Brian guided himself inside his lover. Justin had started to have a feel for how to let Brian in without so much preparation, how to welcome him inside himself, as long as Brian was sleek and took it slow. This time was no exception. His entrance slightly relaxed by the rim job, he bore down on the hard invading dick, loving the fullness, the sense of belonging, loving Brian’s reaction when, once he was filled with him as deep as Brian could go, he tightened up around him.

He rested his head in full abandon on Brian’s shoulder, feeling safe in his arms, one of Brian’s hands caressing his throat and chest, playing with his nipples, and the other handling his cock and balls expertly and lovingly.

“They’re looking at us, Justin, and they all want to be me…” There was no mistaking the satisfaction in Brian’s voice. Justin opened his eyes, taking in the darkened room through the haze of his mounting pleasure. Vance was fucking a trick roughly, staring their way. Cooper, his face expressionless as usual, was receiving a blow job as his due, his cold eyes riveted to Brian’s sinuous motions, and Jeremy was watching them with a smile, jerking off to Brian’s rhythm in the opposite corner of the room. He even winked at Justin.

Justin closed his eyes again and turned his face to Brian, who took his lips in a kiss, completing his absolute possession. Justin forgot all about time and space, living only for the overwhelming pleasure of Brian fucking him. After what seemed like an eternity of bliss, he felt Brian’s cock thicken, and his rhythm falter. It was time. He opened himself fully to the sensations, and let himself go, flying into heaven.

As he came down from the most amazing orgasm, Brian’s arms were around him, holding him, and he held them tight to himself. Brian was whispering in his ear, “Justin, oh, Justin…” He ever so gently moved his pelvis and left Justin’s body.

Mindless of the mess between them, Justin turned within Brian’s embrace and kissed him, just as forcefully and possessively as JT had ever kissed Aidan, and whispered back, “You’re mine Brian. Your ass is mine, and your cock is mine, all mine.”

Justin felt Brian’s cock twitch against his hip and he smiled. Brian held Justin’s head between his hands and kissed him back, deeply, softly, tenderly. “I wouldn’t have it any other way… I love you so fucking much, Justin…”

They put themselves back to rights, playing with each other, and were walking out of the backroom when Brian squeezed Justin’s hand and gestured to a dark corner of the room. Theo was there, a hand on Bill’s shoulder, talking softly to Bill and drying his tears. Then Theo put a gentle hand behind Bill’s neck and kissed him lightly. Bill looked up at him in surprise, and bringing his arms around Theo’s neck, pulled him down for a deeper kiss.

Soon Theo’s arms were around him, and they were making out, seeming very much into each other. Brian and Justin left the room, and Justin could not help but smile. There were close to ten years age difference between Theo and Bill, to the twelve between Brian and himself, but he’d always thought they would be fantastic together.

 

***********
 

Brian was blowing his own concentration, reliving his and Justin’s lovemaking in the backroom the night before, when his eyes came to rest on his tattoo. He smiled to himself. “Resist” could take on a whole new meaning, as in, “Resist the temptation to think of fucking your boy the very second you are not fucking him, and get some work done, Kinney…”

But it had been so fucking hot! There had been something decadently wicked in playing submissive on his own turf, sucking and rimming Justin on his knees in the middle of the backroom, and something deeply satisfying in taking Justin, in owning his ass, and to do it in front of so many of the tops who had given it up to Justin against their very nature, just to have a piece of him, because he would not bottom. Brian had come so fucking hard.

Vance had been leaning against the bar when they’d come out of the backroom, and Brian had joined Pascal in the office for a while as Justin talked to him. Vance had seemed pissed as hell, and Brian had been glad that Glenn had stayed, drying glasses on the other side of the bar, the entire time Justin talked to him. That guy was too physical for Brian’s taste. Vance had fucked two more tricks afterwards, and they would probably still feel him two days later…

Cooper had appeared out of nowhere as usual, and joined Justin at the bar. He’d apparently wanted privacy for their conversation, because they’d left the bar and gone to the deserted area right next to the coat check. Brian had been blown away when the cold, indifferent blond appeared to plead his case with Justin passionately, caressing Justin’s face, gesturing as he spoke, with a look of real anguish on his face.

Finally, he’d taken a chain from around his neck, and put it in Justin’s hand. When Justin tried to give it back, he closed Justin’s fingers on it and kissed Justin’s closed fist almost reverently. Finally, he’d taken Justin in his arms and Brian hadn't needed to be a lip reader to know what he was saying: “I love you, Justin, I love you…”

Then he’d left Justin quickly. He had reappeared on the bar monitor and, getting his usual Absolut Pear from Glenn, resumed his indifferent stance, scanning the crowd, irresistible in his coldness, each trick somehow hoping to be the one to melt his cold, cold heart.

Justin had still been at the coat check, staring at the necklace in his hand, looking dismayed. Brian decided it was time to go home. As he’d passed the bar, his eyes met Cooper’s, and Cooper, in flagrant contrast to their last similar encounter, when he had so unnerved Brian with his insolent gaze, actually lowered his eyes, acknowledging Brian’s upper hand.

Justin had looked incredibly glad to see Brian, and immediately handed him the necklace. The platinum chain went through one of the loops of an infinity symbol also made of platinum. On one side it was engraved with the words “Justin Justin Justin…” and on the other the words “you are love you are love you are love…” It was very beautiful.

“He said he’d meant to give it to me for weeks,” Justin said miserably. Brian understood his reaction. Unlike all the others, he too would have bet that Cooper didn’t care about Justin beyond the pleasure he could get from Justin’s dick up his ass. The man was a fucking ice cube.

Brian had looked at the shiny testament to how incredible the man in his life really was, inspiring these types of feelings so easily, from so many. For some reason, he thought back to Chris Hobbs, who, despite his unforgivable deeds had admitted, “Justin is an incredible human being. I know he can never forgive me for what I did. I understand it. But I wish he could because I’d love to see him again. Isn’t that the most ridiculous thing?”

So Brian had said, meaning it completely, “Wear it Justin. I wish it had come from me, but the fact that it didn’t does not make it any less true.”

Justin shook his head. “I just see it as reminder of how selfish I have been, how I’ve hurt people…”

“You may have been careless with your tricks, Justin, but the truth is, you inspire love because you are amazing.”

Brian wanted his Sunshine to stop beating himself up, and smile again. He understood his feelings but felt so unreservedly happy himself… So, as they’d walked out of Babylon, he started tickling Justin, who was holding the bundle of their clothing and couldn’t defend himself, while enumerating, “Gus loves you, Mel and Lindz love you, Debbie loves you, my friends all love you, god, even Stuart loves you!” Soon Justin was giggling like a school girl, the ticklish twat. They stopped under a lamppost, and Brian added, “and I love you.” And he was rewarded by the smile he loved.

Brian was jostled out of his reverie by the intercom. “Brian!! Gardner is on hold. He wants to schedule a lunch with you. Ted and I can deal with those people from the GLC. I bet they just want you to buy a stupid half page ad in their newsletter, as if that would ever bring any return… You want to meet him today?”

“Check with Stuart if Justin is free, or can be freed. Gardner gets the both of us, whether he likes it or not.”

“OK. I’ll get back to you…”

At dinner the previous night, Gardner had hinted that his wife missed her friends and family in Chicago. Was he ready to fold? Did Brian want to buy him out or just try to steal enough of his Pittsburgh clients that Vangard Pittsburgh just sank and quietly closed its doors? Could they ever achieve that? Could they afford to have a different agency buy out Vangard? Was Brian ready to more than double the size of his Kinnetik by buying Vangard? Did he have the cash flow needed? Could he handle it? As Justin had pointed out, the Vangard employees who had worked with Brian hated his guts. Would they quit en masse, creating a huge staffing problem? Or worse, would they stay and internally undermine the company’s success?

Fuck. He needed to relax. He didn’t even know for sure what Gardner wanted. Right. What else would he want?

There was a knock on the door, and Justin walked in. Brian got up from his desk, and was coming around it toward Justin when Cynthia came back on the intercom. He turned back to the desk to answer.

“Stuart has freed Justin’s schedule. You’re having lunch at one with Gardner at Common Plea… Brian, do you think he wants out?”

“Thanks Cynthia, and I can’t think of another reason why he’d want to meet, can you? We’ll know soon enough though.”

“Oh, god!” said Cynthia. “Why aren’t you freaking out, dammit? I’m freaking out!”

“Because I’m Brian Fucking Kinney, and you are a pathetically emotional female. I want to see you and Ted at the end of the day, to give you a heads up, OK?”

“Pathetically emotional female? Ohhh… You will pay for that one. Conference room at 5:00.”

“Perfect. Thanks. And only the truth hurts, Cynthia…” He turned off the intercom and turned back to Justin.

Holy fucking shit! Naked Justin sprawled on the couch, hard and smiling.

“Hmm,” said the pornographic vision. “I thought you might need some stress relief, but if you’re not freaking out, I’ll get dressed again and get back to work…”

Brian was grinning and taking off his tie. “Oh, I’m freaking out! Believe me. I need all the stress relief I can get…”

Now naked as well, Brian walked to the couch, just as hard as Justin, trying to decide how he was going to fuck him. So many options, so little time… Justin solved the problem for him. He smiled and said, “Get on your knees and fuck my mouth.” Then he turned so that his head was hanging from the edge and his legs were over the back of the couch. In that position, Brian’s dick had a straight shot down his throat.

Justin had started jerking off and circling his entrance with his finger. His voice was thick with arousal, when he repeated, “Please, Brian, you know I love it…”

Brian almost came. This was like a fucking wet dream… As he got on his knees, Justin smiled and wet his lips. As soon as he got close, Justin opened his mouth and he just pushed himself all the way down the welcoming throat. Justin moaned, and it felt so incredible. He pulled back out, and went back in again slowly. He could see the progress of his dick looking at Justin’s pale smooth throat. Oh, fuck! It was amazing. He pulled out again.

“You’re OK, Justin? You can breathe?”

“Brian! Do it, please!!”

So he did, deep and slow. His hands roaming on the soft white skin of Justin’s body, his eyes feasting on the sight of Justin’s cock sliding through his fist and two of his fingers coming in and out of his ass, he fucked his smooth throat. Each of Justin’s moans of pleasure translated into vibrations that drove him closer to the brink. Suddenly, Justin’s cock released a pearlescent ribbon of cum, and Justin’s muted cry of ecstasy pushed him over the edge. His head thrown back, his mouth open on a silent scream; he erupted down Justin’s throat. He felt Justin eagerly swallow, and shivered in delight.

He pulled out gently, and sliding his arm around Justin’s neck and under his knees, turned him so he was lying on the couch. Eyes closed, Justin’s smile after he licked his lips and wiped his mouth on his arm was quite self-satisfied. He looked as if he’d just had ice cream, not like a man whose mouth had just been mercilessly fucked. He sighed contentedly, stretched and opened his innocent blue eyes. It was too much for Brian. He reached under the couch cushion for a condom and some lube, sheathed his still firm cock, and lubed it generously.

He got on the couch and put Justin’s legs around his body, before slowly but unhesitatingly plunging into him.

“Oh, yeah…” said Justin, tightening his legs to push Brian in as far as he could go. “Hmmm… s’good…”

Brian grinned and kissed his smiling mouth. “Slow and deep, or fast and hard?” he asked.

“Yes,” answered a naughty, evidently still horny Justin.

Brian chuckled. He loved Justin with every cell in his body. So it was slow and deep, then fast and hard for a while, then slow and deep again, and Justin was there, sounding almost surprised when he said, “Brian! Oh! It feels so good!” as sleek warmth spread between their hard stomachs. Pleasure made his face and eyes glow. He was so beautiful, smiling his sunshine smile at Brian, his eyes full of love.

Brian knew his orgasm owed as much to knowing he had pleased Justin as to physical stimulation. It swept him away as he closed his eyes on his pleasure, breathing the scent of Justin’s neck, of his hair, wondering how he could have thought he was living before Justin loved him.

 

***********
 

That night, all four of Kinnetik’s principles sat around the conference desk, sharing cheese-less vegetarian pizza and beer, all with stacks of printouts in front of them, in what seemed a disjointed but serious discussion.

“$340,000.00 ” said Cynthia, putting down her pencil and grabbing some food.

“If we use Calahan, like we did for the first renovation and for the club, the second floor remodel should come to about $800,000.00.”

“I’d need ten more people to handle their load. We could let four go, and extend into the admin space, if you’re serious about moving into Vangard’s admin site during the remodel, Ted.” God. He would supervise three times more people. He would need creative directors to share the load. Phil was an obvious choice if he was willing to stay despite no longer running the department, and Bob, and maybe Kathy, unless they had a better candidate at Vangard... It was so fucking scary…

Justin talking to Ted, a little self consciously added, “…And I’m good for one million.”

The other three heads came up. Brian repeated, “$1,000,000.00?”

“Uh… yeah.” He could tell Brian was itching to ask him questions, but would not express his concern in front of the others. He’d not asked Cynthia where she was getting her $340,000.00 from and would not insult Justin by questioning him in front of the others. Tonight at the loft would be a different story…

“Brian?” asked Ted.

“$520,000.00, plus another $300.000.00 if I mortgage the loft. That would completely max me out.” He grabbed some pizza too. “Spacewise, the ad execs could all double up, and if we took over the staff room and the empty space out back, we could fit the nine we would need to keep from Vangard’s team, and our five until the end of the remodel. We’d let go of the six least productive. Why Gardner had so many is beyond me… Plus we’d demote the senior ones to… I don’t know, just plain ad execs? Until they bring in say… four times their salaries in contracts.”

Cynthia chuckled. “Oh, you are going to be ever so popular…”

“Maybe you can negotiate with them one on one. That might be more… diplomatic,” proposed Ted, penciling numbers on a ledger like some throwback accountant from the fifties.

“Fuck diplomacy. We have to do what makes sense financially for us,” said Brian.

“OK, guys,” Ted interrupted. “We offer 1.9. After negotiations, we’ll pay 2.2…”

“We should be able to…” started Brian.

“Bri, Trust me, OK? I’m not just pulling numbers out of a hat here. It will be 2.2. Remodel, 800 thou. Three months rent of the Vangard space, 66 thou after negotiations. Gardner was totally overpaying. About 150 thou of miscellaneous expenses… That’s $3,216,000.00. Cynthia’s 340, Brian’s 520, Blake's and my 210, and Justin’s mil, plus a mortgage on this building of 600 and on Babylon of 240, that’s $3,010,000.00. We have about 300 in the bank at the moment, 410 in receivables, and Cynthia’s yet to collect Vangard’s non payables.”

He smiled at Cynthia who grinned. She had a way of getting accounts that had been previously written off to pay up that was nothing short of miraculous.

“After three months we’ll sublet Vangard’s space. We can get about $14,000.00 a month for the remaining three and a half years left on their lease. Babylon, the business, will pay rent and so will Kinnetik, to cover their respective buildings’ mortgages… which to you lay people means, we can totally do this.”

They looked at each other.

“This means stressing out about making payroll every month again,” warned Cynthia.

“It means going after every little contract possible, as if it were Liberty Air,” warned Brian.

“It means having shorter deadlines than the competition, and working deep into the night on a regular basis,” acknowledged Justin.

“It means expanding our horizons to protect ourselves from a downturn in the economy,” said Ted.

“More travel.”

“No time off for what, two years?”

“Salary freeze for one year, at least.”

They were quiet, contemplating.

Brian sat back. Justin looked at him. He could tell Brian wanted this really badly. It would make Kinnetik the advertising agency in Pittsburgh. And Brian would know how to keep them sharp and edgy, and Justin would do everything in his power to back him up.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I was getting kinda bored with the complacency,” said Cynthia, grinning.

“Yeah. I haven’t had a sleepless night in over a year,” said Ted.

“If it all goes to shit, I can always sell my body,” said Justin, thoughtfully.

They were all surprised into cracking up.

“And I can sell my body parts…” quipped Ted, to more laughter.

After the welcomed levity, Cynthia, a total Lord of the Rings fan, said to the group at large, “Well, you have my sword.”

“And my bow” said Justin, smiling.

“And my axe!” said Ted, in a really good imitation of the dwarf’s voice.

“And my staff!” said Brian.

“9 ¼ inches is impressive, but does not quite qualify it as a staff, Brian…” corrected Ted.

They all laughed again.

“I think Ted’s idea of negotiating one on one with the different ad execs and art people actually makes sense, Brian. You may say “fuck diplomacy”, and that we need to do what makes sense for Kinnetik financially, but really, having employees who hate your guts would not benefit the bottom line.

“Chances are quite a few of them were there when you were, and meeting with you might - how should I phrase this - repair some of the damage years of callousness wrought when you were their colleague. I’m not interested in working in a hostile environment. Things are going to be hard enough without renewed conflicts between the different departments and the employees and the management team. We need everybody pulling together.”

Cynthia and Ted were suddenly concentrating on the papers before them, obviously wary of Brian’s response to such open discussion about his management style. Brian rolled in his lips and stared intently at Justin. Hmm. Justin had kind of forgotten that Brian was his boss, here. He wondered if he’d have said the same thing were they not lovers… Well, fuck it. They were lovers, and if he was going to invest a fucking million in this venture, he would have a voice in how he wanted things done. He refused to work in a state of siege because his boyfriend had enjoyed abusing people under his authority.

“Though a bit boldly stated, your remark is not without merit,” said Brian. “It’s true some of the people we would be trying to integrate into Kinnetik’s rather positive atmosphere will either have a direct history with me, or will have been gleefully forewarned of my sunny disposition. Personal contact might be a positive thing.”

Ted and Cynthia suddenly seemed to have both finished whatever task had required their undivided attention just moments ago.

“As soon as the sale is finalized, Cynthia, you should set up interviews with the thirty or so members of Vangard's exec and art teams. But I won’t run the meetings. Justin will when we meet with the members of the art department, and you, Cynthia, when we meet with the ad execs. And Ted, be ready to show up at the end to get the gist of what was agreed upon.

“I think that will establish that I am not some megalomaniac they will have to bow to constantly. I will be verbally supportive of whatever you say, and we could even use a bit of humor, to show that it is possible for me and my employees to have a comfortable, pleasant, relationship.”

He turned to Justin, an eyebrow raised. “Will that be satisfactory, Mr. Taylor?”

“It should sell the product nicely, Mr. Kinney,” answered Justin, who meant it. That was exactly what Brian had reduced the problem to: Selling Brian Kinney as a reasonable, supportive boss. Brian was a brilliant ad man. And if Justin had any remaining concerns about being too assertive and opinionated in the conference room, the fabulous blowjob Brian gave him as Justin was driving them back to the loft reassured him nicely…

TBC…

The last two fuckbuddies Justin says goodbye to:
Vance.
 
Cooper, in ponytail.

I love this cake. It's a Mirroir au Cassis.

 

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