Spin and Fall

Chapter 20

Brian felt like a total shit. He had felt like a total shit the minute he had walked back into Babylon and gone back to the bar where Glenn’s eye contact, as he served him a double Beam without a word, had been filled with contempt.

He had hurt that kid because Justin had shown him affection. He’d hurt that kid because he had no doubt he was the first trick Justin had gone to on Friday night after Brian had apologized for asking him to stop fucking in the backroom. He’d hurt that kid because he could.

What did it say about him? Well, that he was an asshole, but as Marlin had pointed out, was that ever in question? What it really said was that his jealousy, no matter how much he disliked that aspect of his personality, was here to stay… It said that he was also a coward, taking it out, as Justin had so rightly pointed out, on the most vulnerable of Justin’s three friends.

Had he said to Cooper what he had been aching to say (He’s mine. Hands off!), he would have been met with an icy glare of the pale grey eyes; the blond’s non-answer showing him what an ass he was making of himself. Had he approached Jamal, the man would have probably asked him why, if Justin was his, was he so worried, before laughing at him.

Poor little Bill had not even known why “Mr. Kinney,” a good friend of Justin’s, was suddenly being so cruel to him.

Brian had never been made to feel like an ass before, or been laughed at on his own turf, or felt the contempt of a man who had always looked up to him. He’d never before resorted to hurting an innocent kid just to make himself feel in control. This was all Justin’s fault. This was what happened when you loved someone.

So he’d gone back to the loft, canceled their lunch-hour fuck without explanation, and decided to cool things down between them, until he got his bearings, until he remembered who the fuck he was, or until Justin came to him, giving him the upper hand.

But of course, Justin was Justin. Monday morning, he had looked beautiful enough to raise the dead, had figured out in two minutes that Brian was behaving unreasonably, and as usual had refused to enter into a pissing contest with him, leaving the situation gracefully as soon as reasonably possible.

It had given Brian the rest of the staff meeting to first seethe (for about a minute), then look at what had happened since they had left each other the night before and accept the fact that none of it was Justin’s fault, and that his own absurd insecurities were responsible for every problem he’d encountered since then. Cooper, Jamal and little Bill were not his competition. Justin loved him. Justin had overcome the most grievous psychological wound to be a true partner to him. They were Justin’s tricks, and Justin had already shown that he could take them or leave them, as long as he got to fuck enough.

So Brian had abandoned poor Cynthia to deal with his next appointment and had gone after his wayward lover, needing to reconnect with him more than he needed to breathe. Of course kissing him forcefully after giving him an unexplained cold shoulder was met with the response it deserved, as was his confession.

Yet, a half an hour later, even as he left Justin’s apartment for Kinnetik feeling like a total shit, Brian also felt something else, something he had known, something he had accepted increasingly in the past few months but which until now had never been put to the test. He felt the strength of Justin’s unconditional love for him.

Before meeting Justin he had never known unconditional love. Now Justin's was his forever. He’d forgotten it in the midst of his self doubt the night before, feeling threatened by Justin’s tricks. He had forgotten it when he had thought to distance himself from Justin, thinking of his love for Justin as a weakness when, once matched to Justin’s love for him, it was actually an unending source of strength, and he had forgotten it just now, when he feared he had lost the man he loved due to his stupidity.

There was possibly a long road ahead to get to the place where he wanted to be. He had known that on Saturday afternoon, had tried to imprint in his mind his resolution to stay the course no matter what, and had already failed to remember it less than twenty-four hours later.

He would not let insecurities, self doubt, memories, past experiences, old wounds, bad habits, addictions and a fucked-up past taint the present, warp his vision of reality, make him doubt the most important fact in his life. He must at all cost resist that self-destructive vortex and keep his heart and mind filled with the hope and light of Justin’s love. He parked on the street a few doors down from Kinnetik instead of down in the garage. He’d be going to the gym over lunch since he’d been stupid enough to deprive himself of Justin’s company.

As he passed the tattoo parlor, he entered on a whim. When he came back out, he had the word RESIST printed on the inside of his right middle finger, where he could clearly see it anytime he wanted, where he could see it anytime he flipped off Brian Fucking Kinney. He had a life to live.

At 8:30 that night, he was at Babylon. He went straight to the bar and said to Glenn, “Glenn? That kid, Bill, is allowed back in. And all his drinks, non alcoholic obviously, are on the house.” He did not answer Glenn’s speculative look, but went up to the office instead. He was hardly ever in there. Ted managed the club, with Sammy the DJ, Glenn the bartender and Dominic the door bouncer all sharing in some of the responsibilities. Pascal, another one of the bouncers, was usually up there when the club was full. He followed the action from the cameras that covered most of the club. Brian had told him to do his job from the floor tonight.

They’d gotten rid of the crystal and crack pushers, who now operated on the street where they were the cops’ responsibilities. Anita and a couple of others knew they were being watched at all times as they sold their designer shit, and made sure not to sell to underage kids. If Glenn couldn’t serve them a beer, why should they be able to overdose on K?

The backroom was under surveillance for condom use (fucking raw would get you kicked out in about two minutes), and so that things never got out of hand, all sex at Babylon was always consensual.

Brian had no delusions as to why he was here. It’s where Justin would be tonight, fucking Bill and who knew which other of his fuck buddies in the backroom, which would be a bitch to watch. But at some point he would be done, and Brian was hoping to catch him then, and convince him to finish the night together. Hopefully, Justin had figured out what to conclude from Brian’s fucked-up behavior the night before, would tell it to him like it was, and then move on to bigger and better things…

From the door camera view he saw Justin arrive and chat with Dominic for a few minutes before Bill came, ran to him and hugged him. Justin was laughing as they made their way inside. He caught them again on the bar camera. They each had some water before dancing. They looked hot together and were having a great time. Then to Brian’s surprise they didn’t go to the backroom but went back to the bar.

 

*********
 

“So now I can come in for free, without waiting in line and drink for free too?” asked Bill, awed by Justin’s power.

“Yes. I’m sorry this happened to you, Bill.” And he was. He felt responsible. There was a huge difference between Brian intellectually deciding his demand that Justin stop tricking was wrong, and viscerally meaning it… He should have known that.

“Why are you sorry? You didn’t do anything. I do wonder why Mr. Kinney was so mean to me. Did he tell you? Did I do something wrong?”

Justin looked from the bottle label he was shredding, to Bill’s chocolate brown eyes. “Remember last week, when we didn’t fuck because my boyfriend was jealous?”

“Yeah. Of course I do. But you said he got over it…”

“That’s what he told me, and I think he meant it at the time, but I don’t think it’s entirely true,” Justin explained. “You see Bill, Brian Kinney is my boyfriend, and last night… well, you got to pay for the fact that he knows you’re my favorite fuck in Babylon…”

“Mr. Kinney is your boyfriend?” Bill’s eyes were as round as marbles.

“Yes.”

“Wow. He’s really good looking even though he’s an old guy. And he owns Babylon! And everybody says he’s the best fuck on Liberty Avenue. Kyle says no one even compares… ” He thought for a moment. “And you’re in love with him?”

“Yes, I am, very much so…”

“You look so young, sometimes I forget you’re a grown up. This is serious, isn’t it? It’s not like a crush.” Bill thought for a moment. “I think it might be better if you didn’t fuck me anymore, then. If he’s that jealous, it’s got to be hurting him to see you fuck the same guys again and again in the backroom. I bet he hates it worst of all when we make out. That’s so intimate… No wonder he was so mean.”

“It makes sense to you?” asked Justin surprised.

“Yeah, sure. I mean, you’re not my boyfriend and I get jealous when I see you with those other guys you fuck all the time. That blond with the long hair, with his eyes so cold, and Jamal, and all the others. ‘Cause when you’re with me you make me feel special, and then you’re with them, I see from their faces that you make them feel special too. It makes me wonder just how special I really am to you. It doesn’t bother me when you fuck random guys. I bet it’s the same for him, except a lot worse, obviously…”

Justin felt like such a jerk. He had known Brian felt exactly like that, and he’d also known that both Bill and Theo had feelings for him that he’d never meant to inspire, and yet, as soon as Brian had given him the green light, he’d gone right back to fucking them, unmindful of the feelings of all three of them.

“I suspect you’re right, Bill,” he admitted.

“Justin? Thanks for getting me back into Babylon, and for the free entrance and the free drinks… You said you were my friend, and you really are. I’m gonna miss you fucking me a lot, but I think it’s better for everybody…” Fuck. Bill was smarter than he was and absolutely right. It would be better for everybody.

“You’re welcome. And I’ll always be your friend. Congratulations on your SATs too. Do you know where you want to go for college?”

Bill laughed. “Wherever they give me the best scholarship. My parents can’t pay for college, but I got a 3.67 GPA with tough classes and between my SAT scores and being black, they’re gonna fight over me… Hey, maybe when I get my letters, you can help me decide…”

“I’d be glad to. We can check on the internet to see what kind of gay communities exist in the different towns, and how fags are treated on campus. I don’t want you to have to worry about being out.”

“Thanks, Justin. Well, I’m horny. I’m going to go find someone to fuck me now.” He added, wistfully, “I’m really gonna miss doing it with you.”

Justin watched him go, feeling the same, but then he remembered being fucked by Brian and he blushed at his body’s instant response. Nothing could top that, bad pun intended. He chuckled to himself. He stayed at the bar, nursing his Perrier. He thought, as he had several times throughout the day, about what had happened the night before, and tried once again to fully understand.

Before going to Debbie’s, he and Brian had felt so close. It wasn’t until they were apart that the questions about where they stood now and where they were going came up, to both of them apparently.

He was not completely surprised that Brian had freaked a little. He was, after all, a man who had lived for years refusing any kind of intimacy. Now that Justin could bottom, there was no limit to how close they could become. They could even be each other’s exclusive lovers.

Being in the closet with their relationship had limited the number of evenings they could spend together and their public displays of affection; but it had also afforded them some freedom, including the freedom to trick. Now, all the barriers to their fully sharing a life were removed.

Justin should have anticipated that Brian would lose it at least a little. But he would have expected Brian to return to his wild, wild ways, drinking and fucking and asserting his independence. In that context, Brian throwing Justin’s fuck buddy out of the club made absolutely no sense.

The cold shoulder in the morning definitely did. Brian distancing himself was logical. But it appeared it had only been a preemptive response to how he thought Justin would react after learning from Bill what Brian had done.

Brian evidently knew very well that his abuse of Bill had been contemptible and pathetic, and had regretted it almost immediately. What it showed though, was that if Brian’s inhibitions were lowered by alcohol and drugs, he would use any way possible to get rid of Justin’s fuck buddies. Even after Justin had given himself to Brian in a way no one else would ever experience, in a gift that was uniquely his, and had borne witness to Justin’s infinite love for him, Brian hated his tricking and wanted his fuck partners gone.

And now, Bill seconded that position, accepting stoically that their fucking together was over, showing clearly what he felt should be Justin’s obvious response to Brian’s feelings.
 

*********

Brian watched Justin and Bill talk. At any moment he expected them to go to the backroom and fuck. He was floored when the kid left Justin at the bar. Could it be they were not going to fuck after all? Hadn’t the kid asked Justin on the phone that morning to fuck him? Hadn’t Justin answered ‘Of course I’ll fuck you?’ Was their abstinence a temporary, or a permanent thing? And what did it say about how self deluded he’d been, telling himself that he didn’t care about Justin’s fuck buddies anymore, that the possibility of Justin never fucking that kid again provoked such a strong positive emotional response?

After a while Theo came and leaned on the bar next to Justin. He downed a double shot of Glenlivet. He was such a good-looking asshole. God, Brian hated him. Just looking at them together made his gut twist, made him want to get fall down drunk, or punch something, or do something so awful to Justin that he would go from his life and make the feeling stop.

He looked at his tattoo and clenched his teeth. He took a deep breath and tried to recall how it felt to be inside Justin, holding the blond’s legs on his shoulders, watching his beautiful face reflect the pleasure Brian was giving him. God, how he loved him.

 

*********
 

“Hey.”

Theo’s greeting was not exactly warm. “Hey.”

Justin knew exactly what was on Theo’s mind. He felt awful. “I couldn’t tell you, Theo. Brian and I had agreed to keep it to ourselves.”

“You mean Kinney didn’t want the whole town to know he was taking it up the ass from his little blond boyfriend… I understand.” He turned to Justin, and there was a lot of hurt in his eyes. “Still, you should have trusted me, Justin. I actually thought we were friends… If I’d known, maybe I wouldn’t have kept thinking you and I might become more. Maybe I could have prevented myself from falling so hard for you.”

Though Justin had been aware of Theo’s feelings, his open admission made him feel like crap. “I’m really sorry, Theo. I thought it was enough for me to tell you that I didn’t want a boyfriend, that I fucked you just for fun.”

“You’d think it would have been, wouldn’t you?” answered Theo self deprecatingly. “But I guess hope springs eternal. And the way you make love to me, Justin… Just like you did last Friday, as soon as you found out it was your lube and not latex that was the problem, the way you make me feel… It was so easy to tell myself your actions spoke louder than your words, when they were saying exactly what I wanted to hear.” He sighed. “Brian Fucking Kinney… God, how do I compete with him?”

“I love him, Theo. With all my heart.”

“God, how can he stand watching you fuck me the way you do… or Jamal, or Vince? I even have a fucking hard time with you fucking them. I hate those fuckers. Watching you rim Jamal, I just want to rip out his dick and drag you to my cave. Kinney must be pretty self assured.” He chuckled. “Well, I guess Brian Kinney has never been known to lack self confidence. Still…” he added thoughtfully, looking sadly at Justin, “…I really thought you were making love to me.”

“I never meant to cause you harm, Theo. I truly like you. When I thought we might not fuck again because of my allergy, I was so glad you and I could be friends. And I really enjoyed fucking you. I wasn’t aware I sent you such mixed messages. You’ve got to believe that.”

“I do. But I think from now on we’ll just be nodding acquaintances, OK? I just can’t… I need time. Maybe someday, in a while, we can be friends again. But for now… Well, I really don’t think I can do it.”

“Fuck, Theo, I… I’m going to miss you,” said Justin, honestly.

There was a flash of anger in Theo’s eye.

“Shut the fuck up, Justin. Just once, try to make it easier for me! Shut the fuck up and go home to your boyfriend.” He pushed away from the bar, and walked onto the dance floor, grabbing a blond twink who’d been cruising him on the way.

That hurt like hell, but Justin knew he deserved it. He was such a selfish prick. He had known Theo had, at the very least, a crush on him after their discussion of Justin’s possible “allergy”. Yet, at the first opportunity, he’d fucked him again, the way he liked, enjoying the emotional response he got from Theo.

He looked analytically at his actions. He had thrived on the look in Theo’s eyes, on the crush Theo had on him. Why? What was he trying to prove? That he could inspire love? Once, a boy Justin had had a crush on, had betrayed him in the worst way. Was this some attempt at erasing the past? At taking back the power he had been stripped of that day so long ago? At protecting himself? Whatever it really was, it had to stop.

He’d been a fool, hurting a man he really liked, and blaming him for it, as if one could help one’s feelings. He looked around for his other fuck buddies. He needed to cut them loose before the same thing happened with them. It was time he took responsibility for his actions. Not all guys were as cold hearted or casual as Cooper and Jamal…

 

*********
 

Brian was thrown. Justin had talked to Theo, but they had not taken it to the backroom either. The way Theo had stalked off, it looked like they might never take it to the backroom again. It was more than a little confusing. Now Justin was at the bar, scanning the room.

Justin walked off camera, and Brian searched for him on the dance floor. He was dancing with Matthew. Matthew said something to him that made Justin laugh and shake his head. At the end of the song, they went and got a drink. They talked for a while, and then Matthew caressed the side of Justin’s face and left, his beer still mostly full. Brian caught him on the door camera leaving the club altogether, looking dejected.

When he looked again, Justin was at the bar talking to yet another of his fuck-buddies, what was this one’s name? Oh, right, Jeff. After a few minutes of Justin talking and Jeff listening, the man looked pretty stricken. He finished his drink, had a double shot of something on top of it, and without saying anything, left Justin to go back to the dance floor, a hard to read look on his face. Justin scrubbed his face with both palms, asked for another bottle of water and drank the whole thing.

Brian wished very, very hard that the camera had sound as well, or that he could lip-read. He had no fucking idea what was going on. All of a sudden, Emmett appeared, and Justin looked like he was really glad to see him. They talked and laughed as Emmett drank his Cosmo. Then they went to the dance floor, and let loose. They were great together, and were obviously really enjoying themselves.

Brian was disgusted with himself when he felt like he wanted to go down to the dance floor, grab Justin away from Emmett, take him to the back room and fuck him hard to remind him to whom he belonged. Maybe he should go back to Marlin and work on this fucking jealousy. It was completely out of hand.
 

*********

Jamal caught up with Justin on the dance floor. He joined Emmett and Justin, looking amazingly fuckable as he danced. He was so gorgeous, a model by trade, tall, lean, perfect café au lait skin, amazing light green eyes and beautiful lips. He had a thick 9-inch dick, uncut, that Justin loved to suck and a perfect, perfect ass. Emmett knew he was one of Justin’s fuck buddies and made himself scarce. While still dancing, Jamal closed in, pressing against Justin, near enough to talk without screaming.

“So, Lil’J, is it true you’re fucking the big bad wolf?”

“What difference does it make?” asked Justin, shrugging.

“No difference, really. Just one more thing I want that he’s got…”

Oh, fuck. Not Jamal too! This man was a heartless fucking machine! He fucked in the backroom like Brian did, seeking the maximum of pleasure for the minimum of bullshit. Justin was sure that he, at least, knew the fucking rules. So what was he saying? “What do you mean?”

“He’s got his own advertising company. Someday, I’d like my own modeling agency but I’m still years from it. He drives that classic Corvette. I have the latest model, but it’s just not the same… They say he’s the best top on Liberty Ave. I want people to say that about me. And now they say you’re his boyfriend, and that you’ve been boning him for months, and fuck, how sweet can a guy have it? You with your dick up his ass, and him with his dick up everyone else’s… It just doesn’t get any better than that…”

Justin had to laugh. When the tricks he was finished with thought there was more to the amazing fucking they just got, Jamal did not let them down easily. He was cold, brutal and downright cruel at times. “You big fat liar… You want a boyfriend like you want a hole in the head…”

Jamal looked at him earnestly. “You’re kidding, right? Do you know how lonely I get out there on the road, doing shoots and knowing no one even cares when I return? I’d love to wake up with you sliding that amazing cock up my ass, to come screaming for you, to spend the day with you, and then spend the evening fucking a bunch of strangers before going home and riding your cock before we sleep.

“…With you and I fucking almost every night, sometimes twice a night, I kinda thought we were heading there… I was warming up to ask you to come spend the night. I sure fantasized about it. And now I find out that it’s Kinney who wakes up with your cock up his ass, and comes screaming for you, and spends the day with you and the night fucking strangers, and probably rides your cock before you fall asleep. The big bad wolf is living my dream.” He laughed self deprecatingly. “That fucking bastard…”

Justin felt terrible. Bill had wanted more, Theo had wanted more. In Seattle, Jim had wanted more, Eric had wanted more, and now Jamal. Did all his fuck-buddies feel that way? Was he leading them all on? Did Brian have a point that giving guys friendship and fucking led to more than the sum of those pieces?

“Hey! Don’t look sad, Lil’J. This is my problem, not yours. I was building castles in the sky. Not your fault…”

“I’m not so sure, Jamal. I loved flirting with you. If I led you on, I’m sorry…”

Jamal rubbed his impressive erection on Justin’s side and whispered in his ear, “Fuck me hard, Lil’J, and all is forgiven…”

God, Justin was sick of this evening. He felt so confused and vaguely angry, and sad… He did want to suck Jamal and fuck him. Jamal was a beautiful, beautiful man. Now that Jamal knew about Brian, he could not be misled anymore. He would know for a fact that it was just a fuck. Justin’s cock was very hard. He had not topped in three days. He smiled at Jamal and said, “Let’s go!”

Three minutes later, he had the gorgeous dick in his mouth and was playing with the foreskin before pushing it down his throat. He really loved the feel of that heavy thick cock. He also knew Jamal adored his blowjobs. Not everyone could handle a thick 9-inch uncut boner with skill. Soon Jamal was moaning, that deep moaning growl of his that Justin really got off on, and he came, saying, “Justin, oh god, I… Justin, I…” and Justin could hear something in the way Jamal said his name that Brian would have had every right to object to… Fuck.

Spitting out Jamal’s cum, Justin decided this was the last time he’d ever fuck this beautiful man, whom he’d been blind not to notice had fallen in love with him. He decided to make it really count. He prepared him thoroughly, making it a pleasure by kissing his back, caressing his torso and playing lightly with his nipples, which he knew was the way Jamal liked it. He entered him gently. Jamal’s erection had hardly flagged after his blowjob, and was hanging proudly and heavily in front of him. Justin caressed it lightly while Jamal adjusted to Justin’s cock stretching and filling him.

When he felt Jamal relax, Justin fucked him with every skill he had, slowing down to keep him on the cusp for as long as he could, prolonging the build up for the longest time. Jamal was always very vocal during their fucks, talking about Justin’s cock, but after a while, he could only cry out in pleasure with no words, his thoughts gone. Justin let him float and finally after almost forty minutes, he pumped in and out of the perfect ass, caressing the heavily dripping cock lightly, until Jamal came, with one very long segmented nonverbal cry, at the same time as Justin did. Jamal collapsed against the wall on his arms but then started buckling at the knees.

Shit. He was passing out. Justin panicked because Jamal was too big for him to hold, but suddenly Brian stepped in out of nowhere and took hold of the man from behind, both of them about the same height and build. Justin, feeling like an idiot, cleaned himself up and got himself together, then wiped whatever Jamal had not sent to the wall and put him back in his pants. He realized that at some point Jamal had awakened and that the two men had started talking.

 

*********
 

“I may be a little bit in love with him…” said Jamal.

“I know,” replied Brian. He’d guessed quite a while ago that Jamal wanted more from Justin than just backroom fucks.

“Don’t be mad at him. He was saying good-bye ‘cause he figured it out and he won’t be fucking me again. He loves you, you lucky bastard…”

“I know,” said Brian again. When he had seen on the monitor that Jamal and Justin were heading for the backroom, he’d felt sick to his stomach. He’d stared at his tattoo for a while, then closed his eyes and relived his crossword puzzle victory fuck on Sunday morning, in as much detail as he could. He’d remembered clearly how much Justin loved him.

When he’d re-opened his eyes, he’d looked for Justin on the monitors and had been surprised to see him still in the backroom, fucking Jamal. That’s when he’d realized Justin was saying goodbye to the gorgeous man. This was a goodbye fuck. He’d also seen what Justin could not see from where he was, how far gone Jamal was, completely drowning in bliss. He’d made his way quickly to the backroom and had arrived just in time to catch the fainting man.

“He fucks you like this all the time?” asked Jamal, curious.

“Yes, and more,” admitted Brian with a smile. And now I fuck him, too. Brian’s cock reacted to that thought quite predictably.

“You’re never letting him go, are you?” Jamal stated the obvious. “I don’t stand a fucking chance…”

Brian, whose arms were still under a wobbly Jamal’s pits and fingers laced on the man’s chest, smiled at the tattoo on his finger. “No, and no. But you can be the new stud of Babylon, the new King of Liberty Ave, Jamal…” said Brian, consolingly.

“How do you figure that?” asked Jamal, disbelieving. “You just admitted you have a boyfriend who fucks you up the ass, and it’s not even shaken your image, you know. Almost the opposite.”

“I’m thinking of retiring from the game, Jamal,” explained Brian, letting go of Jamal, who now seemed to be fully recovered. He was looking at Justin now, starting the conversation he wanted to have with him as soon as possible. “I have everything I need and want at home.”

Jamal was standing on his own two feet now, and Brian reached for Justin and brought him close, combing his sweaty hair back from his face and looking at him with a smile.

Jamal asked Brian, surprised, “You mean you would consider only bottoming for the rest of your life?”

Brian had seriously considered it, and decided he could, not so long ago… And of course now he didn’t have to. He didn’t answer though. He wouldn’t tell anyone about Justin bottoming for him without his permission. Justin turned in Brian’s hold until his back was to Brian’s front, and leaned on him. “I bottom for Brian,” he admitted to Jamal.

There was no mistaking the look of raw lust and carnal hunger in Jamal’s eyes as he looked at Justin. Before he knew what he was doing, Brian tightened his hold on Justin and said “Mine,” in a voice that sounded more like a growl. God! He’d sounded fucking feral. He needed a fucking lobotomy!

Well, at least the message had been loud and clear… Jamal looked at Brian and nodded. He lingered a moment more looking achingly at Justin. “Goodbye, Lil’J…” and he left.

Justin turned back to Brian looking a little shocked but made no comments on his possessive display. Instead, he said, “I’m sorry, Brian. I realized he had feelings for me. I figured this would be our last fuck. I wanted to make it good for him, but I didn’t mean for him to pass out.”

Justin had no idea what being fucked by him felt like. Brian, however, did. “I know, Justin.”

“I’m sorry,” Justin said again, and Brian had a feeling he was apologizing for something completely different, though he wasn’t sure what. “…Thanks for catching him.”

“I’m glad you won’t be fucking him again. He’s felt this way for a while now.”

“I had no clue,” Justin said, as they walked out of the backroom together. They started dancing, as close to each other as they felt like, no longer worried about betraying themselves to their friends.

Resting his forehead on Justin’s, Brian said, “They’re all half in love with you, Justin. You repeatedly completely rock their world, and you value them as individuals. You make them happy. It only makes sense. That black kid worships you, Theo would probably seriously consider becoming a bottom to be your boyfriend, Matthew has told me, regardless of how much I didn’t want to hear it, that if you’d been his first fuck, he probably would have been a bottom for you forever. And any time Cooper comes in, the first thing he does is go ask Glenn if you’re here.”

“This really sucks. I thought they all knew I didn’t want a boyfriend! They know I love to fuck! They see me fuck the others, plus a bunch of random tricks, constantly…” Brian had a feeling Justin had somehow figured this out on his own, and was realizing he had subconsciously blinded himself to what was happening.

“They each think they’re special,” Brian remarked.

“Well of course they are! Otherwise, why would I fuck them again?” Justin sounded a little bewildered and frustrated.

“Can I ask?” said Brian. He wanted to know this. He needed to know this… “I just want to understand. What’s special about the kid, Bill?”

“He tastes like cocoa butter. His ass feels better than any ass I’ve ever fucked save yours, and I loved that he’s smaller than me, it was so different. I was his first too. And god, I loved how much he loves to fuck. He would fuck 24/7 if he could…”

OK. Brian could see that. He did note Justin was speaking in the past tense… Hmm. With a bit of trepidation, he next asked, “Theo?”

“Partly, I guess Theo’s original attraction was that he was such an exclusive top. I also liked his looks: he’s tall and lean and oh, so tight, and has a 9 ¼ inch cock. Like someone I could, until recently, only fuck three times a week, though I wanted to fuck him every hour of every day…”

He smiled at Brian. “His ass feels really good and tight, though, you know, not… perfect… And he’s so contained, so in control. I just loved to make him lose it. It was a challenge every time, because he hates so much not being able to resist. I loved when he begged like a shameless slut and called out my name when he came because... He just. Couldn’t. Help it. It amused me…

“But he’s also funny, and wicked smart, with a quirky sense of humor, and he likes to run and play pool, so he was fun to hang out with, though we didn’t fuck when we hung out. Just in the backroom. “

Again the past tense. Interesting. “Cooper?”

“He is so intense. His hair. So long, so pale, so straight. Kinda like the rest of him. He has freckles on his ass, and on his dick. He makes me look tan… And I like the noises he makes when I fuck him. He sounds like a fucking cat in heat… I’ve never sucked his dick or eaten his ass. He’s really clean, but he smells funny to me. Acrid. He gives amazing head though, like he has no gag reflex, and when he looks up at you with those freakishly pale grey eyes, you feel you’re being sucked by the ice-king or something. And then he laughs when you come, he who never even smiles, it makes him so happy. I love that laugh…”

Were Cooper’s blowjobs better than his? Brian hated the thought… He didn’t have a gag reflex either, and Justin certainly acted as if he enjoyed them…“Matthew?”

“Matthew wanted it so badly from the start. I don’t think he’s a true top, though he certainly thinks he is. I think he has some hang up about bottoming, but that’s where his true nature would be if he’d allowed it to show. I liked fucking him, because I always felt I was giving him something he really needed. He’d come out of the backroom a different man.”

Hmm… Cooper had been in present tense, but Matthew was in past tense again. Brian was starting to see a pattern here. Justin had talked to Bill, Theo, Matthew, Jeff and Jamal tonight, but not Cooper… He checked his theory. “What about Vance?”

“Vance was the first top I topped, when I was trying to make a point. He’s a really good dancer, a good kisser and I love his tattoo. He uses this great soap, with tea tree oil, and he is so super clean all the time. Still, if it weren’t for the fact that he was the first top to help make my reputation, I’d probably not fuck him again. He drives me crazy outside of the backroom, always invading my personal space. But I don’t see him that often. He’s a night owl, and comes in really late, like you. I haven’t fucked him in like… a month. But he is a really nice guy.”

Yep, Vince was in present tense even though Justin had not seen him in a month. “Jeff?” Justin had spoken to him tonight… Brian waited expectantly.

“Well, Jeff… You’ve seen him. He’s just hot. Sexy as hell. He’s so confident, so at ease with himself. He owns a very successful helicopter transport company, lives in a huge houseboat on the Ohio, and drives a Ferrari. He comes here, chooses a guy, fucks him in the backroom, and if the guy is satisfactory, he becomes the boy-toy du jour. Jeff moves him in with him on the houseboat, has him quit his job, he lavishes presents on him, and takes him traveling in Europe or wherever, until the thrill is gone. Then Jeff says “Good Bye!” gives him a big chunk of money to find another place to live and to keep the ex-boy-toy going until he gets a new job, but he never speaks to him or thinks about him again. He just comes back here and starts over again.

“No one had ever topped him before me. He came to me one night, and said, “I’ve never even considered having a dick up my ass, never even thought about it. But I’ve watched you fuck, and you’ve made me curious. Now I want to know what it feels like. Wanna fuck my ass?” So I did. And he liked it. A lot. Apparently, he got Jamal and Cooper to fuck him too, just to see, and hated it, so he concluded I was the only top for him. I liked fucking him because he was totally uninhibited.

“He stripped naked in the backroom a couple of times, brought a blanket once so he could get on all fours for one round, and so I could fuck him from the front with his knees on my shoulders for another. Sometimes, he laid his lit cigarette on the towel edge, asked for it hard and fast, and then picked up his cigarette afterwards, like that’s all that was on his mind the whole time. He was just a trip. Completely egocentric.

“Then, once in a while he’d say something totally out of character, like, 'I think about that beauty mark behind your ear constantly,' or 'Justin, you’ve lost weight. Are you all right?' One time, with a straight face, he told me, 'I am so fucking in love with you, I’d do anything, say anything, make any changes you want to be with you… Not as a fuck toy. Always. Think about it Justin, and say yes…'”

Justin laughed. “The next day he picked up a cute twink as the new boy-toy du jour. It was just fun to top him. Never a dull moment.”

God. Brian was glad he’d not known much about Jeff, and had kind of dismissed him. He would have hated him worse than he hated Theo had he known… But like all of the other guys he had talked to tonight, Justin described his connection to Jeff in the past tense. Did it mean what Brian thought (desperately hoped…) it meant?

Jeremy had not been in tonight. He was the last of Justin’s regular fucks. “What about Jeremy?”

Justin blushed. “I fucked Jeremy only because of you. Because if he wasn’t a top, you’d fuck him at the drop of a hat. He’s hot, dark hair, dark eyes, killer smile, great body. Just what you like. Sometimes… Sometimes I get so self-conscious seeing you fuck three guys who fit that description in just one night. I’m just not your type at all.” Justin looked down, embarrassed. “I’m not even sure why you find me attractive… “

Brian’s heart melted. Oh, Justin… You silly twat. You’re not my type, you are my life.

“Anyway,” Justin continued, “I wanted to fuck someone you’d fuck. Turns out he’s all right, nothing special, so I don’t fuck him that often, and actually, not for quite some time now. I think we’re both pretty much done with that, but he’s really interesting. He’s a journalist, and he has a really out of the ordinary take on the world. He sees things differently than I do. I love to talk to him.”

Justin chuckled. “I’m definitely his type though. He never stops trying to fuck me. All his tricks are blond twinks. He wants me and says so constantly. He waxes poetic about my ass. We laugh a lot. He knows it’s not happening, but he gives it the good ole’ college try every time… He came to my apartment once to see some of my work and he wants me to do some sketches for his articles, as a freelancer. We’ve never fucked out of Babylon either.”

“Did you ever fuck any of them outside of Babylon?”

“There was that handjob with Terry at the club, but Terry hardly ever comes here… And he’s not a fuckbuddy. We only fucked the one time. Bill spent my first night in Pittsburgh with me when I didn’t know you were Aidan and I thought I’d never see you again.

“I love you, Brian. These guys are tricks to me, whatever they think. If I have a free night, I want to spend it with you, or alone, thinking about you. I could never spend the night with one of them. That’s for you alone.”

Justin looked really self-conscious about his next question, as if he were afraid of the answer yet could not help asking. “Do you still take tricks to the loft?”

Brian smiled inside. So there was a sliver of jealousy in Justin’s heart too… “Not since I met you. You know, you’re right about one thing though. You are definitely not my usual type. But I noticed how gorgeous you were when you were stretching that first day in Seattle. And I am quite convinced that you are the most beautiful man I have ever seen. I was never attracted to blonds before, and now less than ever, because you are the standard I judge them against, and they all fall woefully short.”

Brian caressed Justin's face. “At least the guys who are my old type don’t even try to look like you. They know better. They know no one can ever be as attractive as you in my eyes. You… You’re perfect. Your skin, your mouth, your eyes, your body, your cock, your ass. All perfect. All mine.” He smiled at Justin, who seemed to suddenly realize Brian had meant every word.

“Let’s go home, Brian. Let’s go home and make love, please,” he said.

They left Babylon together, having done no more than dance closely and talk, leaving half the fags to believe the boyfriend thing was just an empty rumor.

But five guys were feeling pretty upset watching them go. Jamal, who knew the truth of it; Bill, who knew he’d never get fucked by Justin again; Jeff, who didn’t see what Kinney had that he didn’t and was so fucking in love with Justin he knew he’d never get over it; Kyle, who now understood what his “romance” with Brian had been all about; and Cooper, who watched them leave with his almost colorless eyes, who’d hoped, obviously in vain, that Justin would realize his blow jobs were so spectacular because they were given with love…
 

*********
 

Justin's fuck-buddies. Poor Brian...

Jamal, "A beautiful, beautiful man"


Cooper, "that blond with the long hair, and his eyes so cold..."


Bill, who "would fuck 24/7 if he could."


Jeremy, the journalist,"if he wasn’t a top, [Brian]’d fuck him at the drop of a hat. He’s hot, dark hair, dark eyes, killer smile, great body."


"Jeff’s just hot. Sexy as hell. He’s so confident, so at ease with himself."


"Vance was the first top I topped, when I was trying to make a point. He’s a really good dancer, a good kisser and I love his tattoo."


"I think Matthew has some hang up about bottoming, but that it’s where his true nature would be if he’d allowed it to show."


Theo’s "funny, and wicked smart, with a quirky sense of humor, and he likes to run and play pool."


TBC....
 

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