Spin and Fall

Chapter 19

Fucking Justin was addictive. Brian just could not get enough. His orgasms were mind blowing, incredibly fulfilling, and yet as soon as his heart rate went back to normal, regardless of whether they were talking or showering, naked or half-dressed, Brian wanted Justin again. He wanted him so much his cock would get so hard it ached, as if he had not fucked in days.

Amazingly, Justin was willing every time. After their shower fuck, Brian stopped assuming Justin would stay open, and he prepared him again every time with massive amounts of lube, and each time he was right to do so, as Justin’s entrance closed back up, his sphincters amazingly tight and resilient.

He had just been sitting at the kitchen island eating a green apple, hard once again but resolved to not act on it, worried about having already overdone it and about the possibility that Justin was ignoring his discomfort to assuage some misplaced guilt over the months during which Brian had had to bottom. A minute ago Justin had been sleeping, looking incredibly beautiful.

Then there was music in the loft, and Brian realized Justin had placed his iPod in the port of his alarm clock, and was playing some erotic beat-driven dance tune. He looked toward the bedroom, where Justin had opened one of the panels and had started dancing, wearing only his leather pants. His pale skin was glowing, backlit by the bed’s blue lights, his blond hair, product free from several showers, swaying, looking soft and luminous. With his newly acquired leanness, his musculature was more defined, his abs and pecs rippling under the soft as silk milky skin.

As he did in bed, when it came to dancing, Justin knew what he was about, his motions provocative, arousing, sexy as fuck. He was staring at Brian with a come and get me expression, which was probably solely responsible for global warming, his knowing blue eyes unashamedly enticing. He was caressing his torso, playing with his nipple ring, massaging his obvious hard on through the thin leather of his pants... And then he was unzipping them and sliding his hand in, wiping a bead of precum from the pink tip and sucking his finger, jerking himself to the beat.

Brian quickly had enough. He got up onto the platform in three long strides and tackled Justin to the bed. In seconds Justin’s pants were off but Justin’s hand stayed where it had been, and he was purring, moving his hips and fucking his fist, pure eroticism.

“Justin…”

Justin gave him a slow, sexy smile. “Brian…”

“Do you… Do you want to fuck me?”

“No! I want your… Why? Is that what you want?” Justin stopped his show and got up on his elbows, crestfallen but trying his best to hide it.

Brian chuckled. “No. I do love when you fuck me, but I’ve bottomed enough for a while. I want to fuck you.” He licked Justin’s neck and whispered hotly in his ear, “I want to slide my cock into your soft warmth again. I want to make you moan and writhe beneath me and come long and hard.”

Justin fell back on the bed, his eyes begging. “Oh god Brian, fuck me again, please! Fuck me…”

“Justin, I honestly don’t remember how many times we’ve fucked already... Six? I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want you to be so sore we can’t fuck again for a week!”

“I’m not sore. You’ve been so careful, so gentle, opening me, lubing me…” Justin spread his knees wantonly, invitingly, as he fisted himself again slowly. “I want your cock inside me, stretching me, fucking me. I want to come again. I love having you inside me, just love it. I can’t get enough of you, Brian… Fuck me, fuck me…”

God. He was impossible to resist. Once again Brian prepped him and slipped on a condom that he slathered in lube. He pushed inside Justin, whose satisfied moan went straight to his cock. The pleasure of the initial penetration was just as amazing as it had been the first time, the fit of his cock inside Justin just as tight and perfect. This round, Brian took it slowly and made it last, the sensations less overwhelming now that he expected them, but just as marvelous.

He took the time to tease his lover with his mouth and fingers, sucking, kissing, nipping, caressing, scratching, massaging, all the while plunging inside him again and again in deep long strokes that ran along Justin’s prostate, driving him wild. He brought him to the edge and stopped, kissing and soothing him as Justin whimpered in frustration, and then he did it again.

They were both covered in sweat, mad with the need to come, when Brian finally carried them to the other side with fast irresistible strokes. There was unbelievable pleasure, and then oblivion… When Brian woke up it was getting dark. He had apparently instinctively slid his torso off Justin and put his weight on his side before passing out or falling asleep, or a combination of both. His cock was still cradled within Justin, whose legs were still around his hips. It was time for the diner, and then Woody’s and Babylon. Brian grinned. They had fucked and slept and showered and fucked again since eleven that morning. Justin… Justin had beaten his demons to fully become Brian’s partner, his lover. And Brian’s happiness was untainted by regrets.

The night before, he had rescinded his ridiculous demand of one-way exclusivity, and that morning he had stopped hiding their relationship like some shameful secret. He had chosen Justin wholeheartedly when he hadn’t yet known that his greatest wish could ever be fulfilled. This… perfection, this completion was his reward for being the man Justin deserved, a man he was finally happy to be.

He looked at his sleeping lover. It was as if the glow of his last orgasm had not left him. He radiated joy and love, utterly beautiful in his slumber, the sight of him filling Brian with wonder. He felt so amazed to have found such a man, to have had the maturity to realize that this man was his future, to have done what it took to become a partner worthy of him.

What did he want out of their future? He wanted to continue their common effort to sink Gardner, and he wanted Justin to be his full partner in the purchase of Vangard Pittsburgh. He wanted both of them to turn Kinnetik into the most successful and powerful agency outside of New York.

He wanted to unite their lives completely, for them to be together more than part time. He wanted to live with Justin, to wake up at his side and end every day with him. He wanted his companionship, his thirst for knowledge, the joy he took in living, to be part of his own everyday experience.

He wanted their sexual relationship to be exclusive. He was honest enough to admit that though he had freed Justin to trick again, he hated knowing other men brought him pleasure, made him come. He knew Justin had lived long enough as a top that sexual exclusivity with him would mean versatility for Brian. He had been ready to bottom for Justin for the rest of his life. Justin was an amazing top, and the pleasure Brian received from him was undeniable. To not have to share Justin sexually, he was absolutely willing to accept a dual role in their sexual relationship. And it was not just jealousy driven. He wanted to remove the barriers between them and know that ultimate intimacy he had never known with anyone.

Finally, he wanted Justin to be present in his children’s lives. He wanted Gus and JR to have the benefit of his intelligence, of his talent, of the example of how Justin chose to live his life fully by embracing experiences, taking chances and conquering his fears. He wanted them to have his unconditional love and acceptance as part of their ingrained experiences; he wanted Justin to be a father with him, completing him in that role as he completed him in every other way.

Justin was only twenty-three. Their agendas might not be the same for a while. However mature Justin might be he had a right to his youth. At twenty-three he might not be as ready as Brian to only fuck one man for the rest of his life… It would be hard. It might even at times be painful and hurtful and frustrating. But Brian could wait. He looked at Justin, storing the memory of that moment, of his resolution, of his decision to choose this man through whatever may come, to be able to recall it when difficulties arose.

He could feel his love for Justin coursing through his body with every beat of his heart, and he smiled. It was good that he wanted Justin, and consciously chose him. But truth be told, did he not, he would not be able to do anything differently. His love for Justin was a defining part of him. It would be there no matter what, for the rest of his life.

Justin stirred and stretched and smiled even before he opened his eyes. Brian held onto the condom and rolled off of him. Justin stretched again, more fully, and looked at him.

“Today was a good day,” he said.

Brian chuckled. “A very good day,” he agreed.

Justin frowned. “I’m starving. Literally. I worked out for three and a half hours this morning before I came over, and I don’t even remember the last time I ate. I need sustenance. A man cannot live on spunk alone…”

“Well, the diner beckons. It’s 6:30.”

“Oh, my god, let’s go!” He was out of bed and on his way to the shower in one swift move. Brian cracked up as Justin started enumerating, “I want that Caesar salad with the roasted chicken, and a strawberry shake. And some curly fries. And that fruit and cottage cheese thing. And two poached eggs with an English muffin. And some spinach quiche. And a lemon bar…”

They were quickly washing themselves, and Brian kissed him to shut him up. Justin looked at him with laughing eyes, shampoo in his hair. “Brian Aidan Kinney, I am so in love with you…”

That simple spontaneous declaration hit Brian like a ton of bricks. He leaned against the glass enclosure, unable to take his eyes off Justin who, oblivious, was rinsing the foam out of his blond strands. Brian’s heart seemed to have forgotten to beat for a while, and then with a huge thump decided to catch up. He was loved. For himself. By someone who really knew him. Unconditionally. He knew at that moment that no matter what, he would never be alone again. Justin was done and was looking at him quizzically. Brian smiled at him reassuringly. He cleared his throat.

“Justin Sunshine Taylor, I am so in love with you…”

Justin looked stunned for a second. Brian had only spoken of his love for him spontaneously the one time. Justin reached for Brian with a trembling hand. Brian raised his own hand and to meet Justin’s, palm to palm, fingers immediately interlacing.

They looked at each other and smiled. By common understanding, they let go. Brian turned off the water and they dried themselves with the big fluffy towels.

“And a tuna salad, and vegetable soup, and a banana split…” Justin reprised. They both cracked up.

Justin was dressed in the clubbing clothes he had arrived in that morning and looked so fucking hot. Brian decided to spice it up a bit himself. He reached for his favorite jeans, and put on a white sleeveless t-shirt that accentuated his tan and showed off the well-defined musculature of his arms. The fact that the blue denim and the white cotton matched Justin’s blue leather and white long sleeved T was completely incidental.

Justin joined him in front of the full-length mirror, his back on Brian's front, with Brian’s arms around him. They looked amazing together. Brian looked at himself critically, next to the gorgeous young man in his arms. He realized with a slight shock that he looked… beautiful. There was an air of optimism and happiness about him. He looked years younger than he had in January. He smiled at Justin’s reflection.

He threw a change of clothes and his toiletries into his gym bag and then stopped, realizing he was making assumptions that may or may not be valid.

“Huh… I thought we’d go home together tonight. What do you think?”

Justin’s smile was very bright. “Definitely…”

“Since you don’t have a change of clothes or your toiletries here, I thought I’d take some and then we’d crash at your place…”

“Good thinking. Let’s drive separate cars to the diner though, I’m training with Terry tomorrow night after dinner at Debbie’s. That way you won’t be stranded.”

“All right. Ready?”

 

***********
 

Justin had to put some gas in his car so he arrived at the diner a good ten minutes after Brian, who was sitting in the booth against the wall, sharing the bench with Emmett. Justin was about to sit next to Emmett when Brian said, “Get up, Honeycutt. Let Justin in.”

Emmett said, “Don’t call me Honeycutt!” but he was smiling as he got up. Justin slid onto the bench toward Brian, who put his arm around his shoulders and kissed his temple. Sitting across from Justin, Michael was watching them with a look of total bewilderment on his face. Ben, across from Brian, gave them an approving smile.

Hunter arrived to take their order.

“Should we wait for Ted and Blake?” asked Michael.

“Fuck that,” said Brian. “I’m starving. I’ll have my usual, Hunter.”

Hunter rolled his eyes. “The omelet or the turkey?”

“The turkey.”

“Justin?” asked Hunter.

“Chicken Caesar salad, curly fries, fruit and cottage cheese platter and a strawberry shake.” Justin figured he’d start with that and go from there… He elbowed Brian who was chuckling.

Ben, who ate a lot like Brian, asked for an egg white omelet. Michael, who apparently was immune to fat for having eaten so much of it all his life, ordered a chicken fried steak and fries. Blake and Ted walked in just in time, laughing together about something.

Brian leaned to Justin and whispered in his ear, “They just fucked.”

Blake sat on the bench next to Michael and Ted got a chair to sit at the end of the table. Justin watched them as they ordered. They looked happy and relaxed, but then again, they usually did.

He asked Brian quietly, “How can you tell?”

Brian frowned. “I don’t know. I just can.” Then he asked Ted, “Did you guys just fuck?”

He had to hand it to Ted. He didn’t even flinch, he just answered laconically. “Twice. You?”

“Not for a couple of hours. We napped…”

Ted nodded, as if this were a perfectly normal conversation. Blake was looking at him with a smile, though he had blushed at his answer.

Brian said to Justin, “See?”

“I didn’t doubt you, I was just wondering how you could tell.”

Brian smirked. “It’s a gift…”

There seemed to be an unusual number of people using the bathroom that evening. Then Justin realized, not sure if he should be amused or annoyed, that the men passing by were all checking him out and staring at the arm Brian had so casually draped around his neck. Justin loved the touch, and if he had to be completely honest, loved the acknowledgment of their connection, but the gawking was a little weird.

It turned out that though he’d been starving, he ran out of steam after the salad and the fruit and cottage cheese platter. He pushed the curly fries to the middle of the table for everyone to share. He was very much looking forward to Woody’s. He wanted to play pool. He loved it really… the precision, the control, the predictability. He would have loved getting a table alone and just playing by himself merely for the pleasure of it, but Saturday night was meant to be a social evening enjoyed with friends. That was good too.

Through the luck of the draw, he and Brian ended up paired together. Not willing to purposefully dumb down his game that night, Justin decided to play left handed. He was still remarkably good, but it gave him enough of a handicap that he sometimes missed a shot. He and Brian still won the contest hands down.

A couple of very good looking guys, evidently from out of town, asked them to play “Winners top the losers, best of five games.” Justin figured they were probably good players to make an offer like that after watching Brian and Justin wipe the floor with Emmett and Blake. He wanted the challenge, so when Brian raised an eyebrow at him, he nodded. The rest of the crew decided to move on to Babylon and left.

The out-of-towners were very, very good players, and they went to the fifth game. It was decision time. Justin whispered to Brian, “Truthfully, I have no interest in fucking them, but more to the point I absolutely do not want them to fuck us. Do you want me to change hands?”

“You don’t want to fuck them?” Brian was giving him a quizzical look.

“No! I don’t!” Justin answered vehemently. “I’d much rather go home and have you fuck me instead. I thought once we’d won, we could let them off the hook.” He suddenly worried. Did Brian not feel the same way? He asked, trying to appear indifferent, “Why? …Do you want them?”

Brian’s smile definitely reached his eyes. “Justin, why would I want to fuck either one of them when I can fuck you? But why did you accept the contest if you have no interest in the reward?”

“I just wanted to play pool with guys who can really play. Sometimes I just want a challenge, you know?”

“I get that. But it’s your break, and I’m definitely not sharing your sweet ass with anyone, so change hands and let it rip…” He kissed Justin quite possessively. Justin loved it. He smiled at Brian, chalked the cue, twirled it, took off the form, and with his normal cue hold, broke. He was aware of Brian’s lustful eyes on him, and played in the sexiest way possible. The out of town visitors quickly realized that they were all done and that their asses belonged to the tall dark hunk and his blond twink, but they still had to admire Justin’s erotic game.

When the eight ball rolled in, Brian grabbed Justin, pulled him against his body and took possession of his smiling mouth with his tongue, and of his willing body with his hands. Justin thought for a moment that he was going to get fucked on the green baize… But Brian reigned himself in and just whispered in his ear, “I already fucked you all day long, now I am going to fuck you all night long…” A delicious shiver ran down Justin’s back.

“Your place or our hotel?” asked one of the players, eyeing the bulge in Brian’s jeans.

“Neither. You’re off the hook,” said Brian. “Go to Babylon, the dance club a couple blocks down, and have some fun. We’re going home.”

The two guys looked at each other. The tallest one said, “What if we don’t want to be off the hook? We’ve been told the both of you were the best fucks in town…”

“Be that as it may, we’re not in the mood to share tonight. Had you won, it would have been your call. But you lost.” Brian took the pen out of the check holder and grabbed a coaster. He quickly wrote a note for Dominic, the bouncer on door duty that night at Babylon, and handed it to one of the guys. “Here. This will get you into Babylon for free, and without having to wait in line. It’s worth its weight in gold on a Saturday night. Enjoy. If you want to be well fucked, ask Glenn the bartender to point Jamal and Cooper to you, and tell them Justin sent you for a fuck. You’ll have a very good time.”

Though they did not look thrilled, the two guys apparently realized it was hopeless. They took the coaster, scribbled Jamal and Cooper’s names on it, and left them alone.

Justin looked at Brian. They had fucked seven times that afternoon, a record even for them, and yet seeing the lust in Brian’s eyes, he felt his body respond. He was truly amazed that his ass was not more sore than it was. It was slightly tender, but he had checked in the shower. He wasn’t even swollen, his anus as tight and closed as ever. He was very grateful for that, because no matter what, he would have wanted to go home now, and for Brian to be inside of him again.

As a matter of fact, he never wanted Brian to not be inside him. He belonged there, deep within Justin, while he cocooned the rest of Justin against his body and whispered to him. Feeling this loved was addictive. Giving all he was, all he had to give in complete and utter trust, was addictive. Surrendering all control, letting go after so many years of self-restraint and fear was addictive.

When Brian fucked him, Justin felt so free he almost believed he could fly. Smiling at Brian, Justin mouthed the words “Fuck me” and then laughed like a loon when Brian bent down and threw him over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry, taking him out of Woody’s and to the car. Brian put him down and kissed the hell out of him, pressing him against the door as he dug the keys out of Justin’s pocket. During the quick ride to Justin’s apartment they kept glancing at each other and smiling. By the time they reached the top of the stairs to Justin’s front door, Brian already held Justin’s long sleeved t-shirt in his hand. He was unbuttoning Justin’s pants while Justin struggled, laughing, to get the keys in the lock and open the door.

By the time they hit the bedroom alcove behind the shoji screens they were fully naked. The feel of Brian’s hot skin against his, his unique scent, the taste of his mouth and the silkiness of his hair through his fingers made Justin’s body sing. Brian backed away a little and looked at him with a radiant smile.

“Justin, I’m going to fuck you.” He shook his head in wonder. “I’m going to fuck you until I am as deep into you as I can go… I still can’t believe it’s real. I have wanted you for so long, and I worked so hard to accept that it would never be.” He grinned. “Now I can worship your magnificent ass to my heart’s content, knowing I get to enter where no one else ever will.”

In one swift move Brian was between his legs, his muscular arms lifting Justin’s ass and his tongue caressing his entrance. It was hot and wet and soft and it felt so fucking good. When Brian’s tongue wiggled inside of him, soothing the slight soreness, Justin couldn’t help but moan in pleasure. He could feel his guardian muscle relax as his desire mounted. That sweet tongue felt so good but he wanted more. When a long finger went in, his breath caught. Soon, soon… The cold lube felt marvelous, two fingers, three fingers opening him, preparing him, pleasuring him…

He looked at Brian and realized he had been watching him all along. He blushed, embarrassed by his eagerness, by his need. But Brian smiled at him, hunger and raw craving in his eyes, unashamed of his own overwhelming desire. The condom went on swiftly, and then the lube and both of them cried out in relief when Brian entered him all the way in one push.

Justin wrapped his legs tightly around Brian’s hips, wanting him never to leave again.

Justin let the sensations take over as Brian made love to him. He left logic and thoughts behind, letting his body’s pleasure take over his entire being. He allowed himself to ride his instincts, keening, wanting, panting and crying out his love. When his release came, he surrendered to it completely and was consumed.

The fingers caressing his hair, combing the sweaty strands away from his face brought him back. He opened his eyes and met Brian’s loving perusal. Justin smiled at him.

They stayed quiet a long time, just looking at each other, not needing to say anything since they knew they shared the same thoughts.

They belonged together. They were whole when in each other’s company. They were at their best in every way as a team. They completed each other, the sum greater than its parts, with their strengths combined. They trusted each other in every way.

And their bodies had been made to love each other. They were aroused by each other’s scent, attuned to each other’s need, turned on by each other’s taste, aware of each other’s want, ready for each other’s desire at any time.

They had both fucked enough to know that nothing would ever compare to what they had together.

They were the luckiest men in the fucking universe.

Finally, they smiled at each other and got up to go rinse in the shower and get ready for bed. Justin dimmed the light so it barely gave golden highlights to Brian’s skin in the darkness, and they lay down to sleep.

“Spoon me,” he said to Brian.

Brian held him tightly and whispered, “It’s all right now?”

“We’re finally together in the way we were meant to be. I have nothing to be afraid of anymore…”

Justin dreamt of JR and Gus, and of Brian; of the four of them playing with blocks. He now understood JR’s logic in her choices of colors, and was telling himself he must remember it after he woke up. Then the children were gone, and he and Brian were in the loft, caressing each other’s naked bodies lovingly. It was a marvelous dream.

 

***********
 

Brian woke up before Justin. He needed a lot less sleep, and had not spent three hours working out the day before. He put on his jeans and a t-shirt, and walked to Liberty Avenue to buy a couple of bagels and the Sunday New York Times. On second thought, he grabbed two of them, grinning. A tall brunet coming out of the Bagel Oasis gave him a come-hither look. It was seven in the morning for fuck’s sake! Yet, he knew well that just a few months ago he would have taken the guy to the alley and fucked him against the wall. He smiled at the guy, and walked back to Justin’s.

His boy was awake and making coffee. It smelled marvelous. The white porcelain cups must have had about five shots each, and Justin was spooning sugar into his like it was going out of style. He smiled at the whole-wheat bagel but raised a questioning eyebrow at the two New York Times.

Brian pulled out the two crossword puzzles, gave Justin a pen and said, “Race you.”

Justin grinned at him and said, “Whoever wins gets to top next time we fuck…”

Brian laughed. Then he concentrated on the puzzle. He was not quite ready to bottom again just yet…

Taking occasional sips of his fabulous espresso and an occasional bite of bagel, he worked quickly. Haiti's first democratically elected president: ARISTIDE. Iconoclast: REBEL. Longfellow's words before "O Ship of State!": SAIL ON… He’d done the Sunday crossword puzzle for years, though he found it a lot easier to concentrate without a hangover… Italian sportswear name: ELLESSE. Sled dog with a statue in New York's Central Park: BALTO. Mr. Burns' teddy bear on "The Simpsons"… Fuck. No idea.

He glanced at Justin’s efforts. Damn. Justin was moving right along… He’d probably watched the “The Simpsons” in college…

Green gemstone: PERIDOT. Driver's target: hmm… Oh! CUP. Tennis's 1977 U.S. Open champ: VILAS. Justin wouldn’t know that one. He wasn’t born yet, the twink… Dinner scraps: ORTS. Bordeaux brothers: FRERES. Lensman Adams: ANSEL…

Justin was chewing his pen. Brian pulled it out of his mouth. “It’s bad for your teeth.”

“Fuck off, I’m thinking.”

“Problem, Justin?”

“No. I’m thinking about which position I’m going to fuck you in…”

They grinned at each other and went back to work.

Abstain happily?: GRIN AND FORBEAR IT. That was cute. Life-threatening: NEAR FATAL. Skip Thanksgiving leftovers?: FORGO COLD TURKEY…

It had been probably a bit over an hour, and Brian was practically done, except for that fucking bear, ‘"Family Guy" creator MacFarlane’ (who the fuck had time to watch TV these days?) and ‘Early spring bloomers’ and ‘Sword lilies, for short’. Botany was not his forte. Oh, and ‘Chacon of the 1960s Mets’. Waaay before his time, that one....

“I’m done!” said Justin. “Well, I’m missing… five. How are you doing?”

Brian had to laugh. “I’m done too, and I’m missing five too.”

They compared answers. The stupid bear was “Bobo”, and MacFarlane’s name was Seth. Early bloomers were croci, and the sword lilies were glads. Justin didn’t know Chacon’s first name either.

Brian had been right. He was missing Vilas. He also hadn’t known that “La mome” was a singer named Edith Piaf, and that a dammed river in North Carolina was the PeeDee. Justin’s last missing one was “The Ettrick Sheppard,” a Scottish poet named James Hogg.

“Well,” said Justin with a dramatic sigh. “I concede.”

Brian frowned. “Why would you concede? We both missed five.”

Justin looked at him pityingly, and then got off his stool and walked to the bedroom, looking enticingly over his shoulder.

Brian grinned. God, he was slow on the uptake… Someone obviously wanted to be fucked…

Brian picked up his car on the way to Debbie’s but Justin was waiting for him, leaning on his hood, when he got there, so they could go in together. The weather was perfect, and the temperature just right in the shade of the backyard, so they were having a barbeque. Justin was going to work out with Terry once again, so neither a T-bone nor the pasta Putanesca were very good ideas. Luckily, Emmett was making milkshakes and had protein powder to add to Justin’s on top of the whole milk, the Haagen Daz vanilla ice cream and the fresh raspberries. Brian’s shake was lime sorbet and vodka, but then again, he was not going biking and swimming for three hours…

Brian loved not having to hide his relationship any more. Why had he ever thought his reputation more important than the pleasure to be able to casually wrap his arms around Justin as they talked to Carl, the barbeque master? (Who shamelessly sported an apron that said, “Suck the cook!”)

“We had a great week at the precinct,” Carl said to them, casually. “We solved a major case. We had three suspects, all of whom owned a certain type of bike, and each time one of them came out at night we had one of our young cops run along the streets for several miles before going onto some of the more popular jogging trails, which are pretty empty at night. Finally, Thursday night, one of the bikers passed a runner several times and eventually followed him onto the North Shore trail as we hoped he would. He sped up after a while, and pulled a baseball bat out from under the back of his jacket.

“Our decoy ducked and rolled, and shot out his tires. The biker slammed into the river wall, totaling his bike, and didn’t even try to run when we arrested him. There were traces of the blood of all five victims on his jacket and on the bat too, and we matched his DNA to the semen recovered from the victims. He confessed to all the attacks… He also confessed to a failed one, which was not reported to the police, where the runner escaped through a tennis court in Highland Park. We could never have caught him without knowing what bike he used, and without the insight of how he zeroed in on his victims. Just thought I’d let you know…”

He smiled at Justin, then said to Brian, teasingly, “So, Son, you’ve decided to go public with the boyfriend, eh? Well, your Mom and I wholeheartedly approve of your choice. Nice young man you’ve got there…” He winked at Brian, like the dad of a fifties sitcom, and chuckled, enjoying his own silliness. Brian had to appreciate a fifty-seven year old straight guy, who had never really known gay men before meeting his wild lady love, who had been raised with all kinds of prejudices, and worked in a rather homophobic environment, but yet was capable of being so accepting and open when thrust into the midst of Debbie’s family.

Brian and Justin didn’t spend the whole evening glued to each other. Brian ate with Mikey and Ted, discussing Red Cape’s budding but so far fairly successful internet retail site, while Justin talked to Blake. When it was time for Justin to go, he came and kissed Brian goodbye, putting up gracefully with the catcalls. Brian hated to see him go.

They hadn’t discussed when their next evening together would be, or the fact that now that they were “out” they no longer needed evenings apart. They’d not talked about the fact that Brian didn’t need to trick anymore, or where they were going to go from there. It seemed that for now Justin was glad to go on as they had been doing, and Brian wasn’t sure how to bring up the conversation he was aching to have. He did not want to rush Justin. Fuck. Why did talking to each other have to be so complicated when making love to each other was so simple?

 

************
 

On Monday morning, Justin woke up feeling great. He loved how his body was taking to the heavy training, and the fact that he knew that even without it, he didn’t have to fear his dreams anymore.

He had discussed his session with Dr. Marlin with Blake, trying to explain how the man had seemed able to read his mind, and see his past and his future, and how he had managed to do in one marathon two-hour session what Justin thought should have taken months of therapy.

Blake considered himself fairly open-minded, but without the fact that Justin now was able to discuss his rape with him openly, and explain what probing his past had shown about the real reason for his nightmares, indeed showing progress that should have taken months, he would have been very skeptical about Justin’s interpretation of his session. As it was, and regardless of the reason, Blake had been thrilled for Justin.

As usual, Justin took particular care in his appearance to be at his best for the weekly all-staff meeting. He wondered if, now that he was able to trick again, Brian would still want to fuck at lunchtime. He figured Brian had thought of that as a way to compensate for Justin not being able to find relief elsewhere and now that that was no longer true, he might not see the need to continue.

What about Brian’s own tricking? Would it continue now that he was able to fuck Justin? Brian showed no inclination to bottom for him anymore now that he could top. Justin understood that perfectly - Brian had, for months now, bottomed against his nature, and it was only natural that he would not be eager to do so again. But Justin, though convinced his ass had been created for Brian to fuck, also loved to top. After five years of topping exclusively, he totally enjoyed it and was masterful at it. He was not ready to just give it up…

Shit. He and Brian needed to talk. They had not made another date for an evening together. Of course, now that their relationship was out in the open they could see each other every night if they wanted. But wouldn’t that be too much? Justin loved sleeping with Brian, waking up with him, showering with him. But he didn’t want to freak Brian out by being too eager. Brian had lived alone for many years. He needed his space…

Justin decided he would let Brian lead when it came to changing their relationship. He would continue with the status quo, and embrace whatever may come.

He was in the conference room at a quarter to seven, along with Cynthia, Ted and Stuart. Cynthia and Stuart were coordinating Brian and Justin’s schedules, making sure they had the same hours blocked out that week for their combined efforts to create campaigns for Vangard clients. Justin and Ted discussed upgrading the art department’s laptops, going from Powerbook G3 to G4s, adding speed and memory capacity. Quite an impressive chunk of cash had resulted from their contract with trackit.com and Brian had earmarked the unexpected windfall for technology upgrade, showing, as usual, great foresight.

Justin checked his work e-mail. There was something from Molly which he would check out later, and an e-mail from his boss.

Justin,

I’m sorry to have to cancel our 12:00 to 2:00 meeting re: Lucifer Shoes. I had to schedule a business lunch.

The next opening on both our diaries is Wed. 10:00 to 12:00. Please have Stuart let Cynthia know if this is not convenient.

Brian

Justin had a weird feeling in his gut reading the e-mail. Brian had never sounded quite so formal before. It was also obvious he had given up the idea of scheduling himself a regular lunch break that they could spend together..… Well, Justin could trick again so he didn’t need them. Still… Justin was quite anxious to check his g-mail and get the scoop from Aidan.

Hm…His g-mail inbox was empty. The weird feeling in his gut turned into dismay. What was going on? He tried to relax. Surely, he was overreacting.

As usual, Brian waltzed in exactly at 7:00, looking absolutely gorgeous in a superbly fitted light grey suit. He opened the jacket and sat down. Without any greetings to anyone, he began the meeting.

“Financials, Theodore?”

Ted started the review of the previous week’s balance sheet, which was very, very good. Justin was staring at Brian, completely mystified by his attitude. When Brian looked in his direction and just let his glance slide over Justin as if they hardly knew each other, Justin felt a cold chill down his back. He looked down at his note pad with the short list of comments and requests he had for the ad-execs and the admin staff. Nothing Stuart couldn’t handle.

He didn’t believe in mixing business with personal matters. Brian and his art director had always been on extremely friendly terms. He couldn’t stand Brian’s callousness, which could not possibly be due to a professional problem. Whatever had crawled up Brian’s ass, it could not excuse this frigid behavior in front of everyone. Any problem he had with Justin, he should have addressed through g-mail. Justin was not going to sit through an entire meeting putting up with this inexplicable, unprofessional change in behavior. He’d leave before it became embarrassingly obvious to everyone that the boss was giving the art director the cold shoulder.

As soon as Ted was finished, Justin got up. He smiled warmly at Cynthia, whose report was next, and at the rest of the assembly, including Brian, giving him attention on par with what he gave to all the other members of the team.

“I apologize, but I have to miss the rest of this meeting. Stuart will stand in for me. Please, if you have any questions for the art department, just ask him. If he cannot answer you, I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.” And he walked out.

Once outside the conference room, he took a deep calming breath. He walked to his office and checked the whiteboard for projects due to go back to the execs that day. Only one had any kind of urgency associated with it, Calphalon Cookware from Ingrid for Amber. It was due on his desk at three, so he would make sure to be back at a quarter to. After checking his g-mail again, thinking maybe a communication from Aidan might have arrived late for whatever reason, and finding nothing, he slipped his laptop into his messenger bag, left a post it with “Call me” written on it for Stuart and got the hell out of Kinnetik.

Once at home, he immediately started working on the different projects he had scheduled for that morning. When Stuart called right after the meeting, he reported that nothing earth shattering had happened in his absence. Justin was reassured that Stuart seemed to have noticed nothing unusual going on between Brian and himself. He explained he would be back in the office at a quarter to three and would Stuart mind if they worked the rest of the day as they had Wednesday afternoon? Stuart was game, though he did ask, “Everything OK, Justin?”

To which Justin replied honestly that his stomach felt extremely unsettled and he felt better being at home. He had just hung up when there was a pounding on his door. He was halfway to answering it when the pounding started again, and Brian’s voice could be heard. “Justin! Open the fucking door!”

Justin had hardly undone the latch when Brian pushed his way in and kissed him, his hands cradling Justin’s face, his tongue forceful and determined. Justin placed both hands on his chest and pushed him away, hard enough that Brian stumbled backwards into the door and slammed it shut.

“What the fuck is going on with you?” asked Justin, irate.

“I… Justin, please… Fuck.” Brian wiped his face with his hands. “Oh, hell… I did something really… stupid. I thought you’d know already and that you’d be really pissed.” He looked pleadingly at Justin. “I was afraid you wouldn’t talk to me, so I… I didn’t know how to act.” He shook his head, and ran his hand through his hair, unmindful of messing up his perfect do in his distress. “I am such an asshole.”

Brian looked so … contrite, and it was such a bad look for him. Justin took pity on his lover. He walked into his arms and kissed him, a long, loving kiss to which Brian responded with eager desperation. What the fuck had he done? Justin asked, “That stupid thing you did, can it be fixed?”

“Yes.” Brian nodded. “Yes, it can. Justin, I… I’m sorry.”

“OK.” Justin took him by the hand and walked to one of the couches. They sat sideways, facing each other. “Talk to me.”

Brian did not let go of his hand. “I felt a bit… unsettled after you left Debbie’s. I wasn’t sure how things were left between us. I drank quite a few of Emmett’s vodka shakes. Then I went to Babylon to hear the thumpa thumpa, to drown the questions in my head. I had a few shots of Beam and took some E. I haven’t done that in a while.

“Then Cooper came in and went right to Glenn to ask if you were there. When Glenn said, “No,” Cooper looked at me, and I could tell he knew perfectly well that we’re together but he completely dismissed me, as if my relationship with you had no bearing on what goes on between the two of you. It pissed me off. 

“Then Jamal came in, saw me there, and started scanning the crowd. I was sure he was looking for you, acting just like Cooper. After all, they know we’ve been together seven months, and the entire time you’ve fucked them in the back room. Why should things change just because our relationship is in the open now? To say I was in a shitty state of mind would not start to cover it. 

“Then your little friend Bill came to the bar and asked for some water. He was bouncing, the way he does, looking fucking adorable, and he smiled at me and asked, “Excuse me, Mr. Kinney. Is Justin around?” I guess he’s one of the three fags left in the Pitts who doesn’t know I’m your boyfriend…” He sighed. “I just wanted to… hurt him, I guess, because you like him so fucking much… 

“I said to him, “Bill, do you know I own this club?”

“He said, “Yes, sir.”

“Do you know they could close me down for admitting underage customers?”

“Uh… Yes, sir.”

“Show me some ID, Bill.”

“He looked kind of worried when he handed me a driver’s license. I said, “This looks like you, but it says here your name is Reginald. Why is that, Bill?”

“Uh… Bill’s my middle name?”

“Wrong answer. It’s Reginald S. Colwell, not Reginald W. Colwell. It also says Reginald is 6’ tall, Bill. And you’re what, 5’4”?”

“Bill's lip started to tremble and he looked so sweet, and it reminded me of all the time you spent making out with him, so I told him to take his brother’s ID and get the fuck out, and not come back until he was 18. He looked at me, horrified. Glenn put his hand on my shoulder and said, “He’s never any trouble and only drinks water, boss. He’s a sweet kid…”

“So I grabbed Bill’s wrist and I walked him out. He was crying. He said, “Please, Mr. Kinney. I love Babylon. I need to come here. It’s safe here. Don’t do this, please…”

“I told him to come back when he could use his own ID.” 

Brian put the palms of his hands over his eyes. “It was such a shitty, heartless thing to do, and so completely uncalled for. I picked up the phone ten times last night to tell you about it and ask you to fix it, but I thought... I assumed he had called you and I was worried you wouldn’t even talk to me. He’s such a nice kid. You have his number. Call him, please?”

Justin was so upset; he had to put some space between himself and Brian. He got up and got his phone. He hadn’t checked his messages after coming back from the gym. There was one from Bill, left at 10:30pm. Justin listened to it. The boy was in tears, explaining he’d been thrown out of Babylon ‘til his next birthday, and what was he going to do? He loved Babylon. He was safe fucking there in the backroom. And he needed to fuck! Justin had told him to be smart, to be safe. How could he be safe out on the street? He knew Mr. Kinney was a friend of Justin’s. Could Justin maybe talk to him? Please?

Justin hit the call back button.

“Bill? It’s Justin … I know, I know… It’s all right. You’re back in. You don’t even have to pay anymore… No, I’m not shitting you... I swear… Why don’t I come in with you tonight, you’ll see… Yes, of course I’ll fuck you… Now go to class… Yeah?... 2150! Wow, that’s really good Bill. When do you find time to study when you’re at the club every other night?... The library the rest of the nights?... Well, good job. See you tonight… Yes, 9:00pm, in front. Bye, Bill.”

Justin hung up and took a deep breath, trying to calm down so he could have a rational discussion with Brian. He heard him on his own phone.

“Dominic? Brian here. Hey, the black kid from yesterday?... Yes, Bill… That’s what Glenn said too. So he’s back in… Yes. Just let him in, no line, no charge… Yes, you heard me right…Yeah, well… Glad you approve.” Brian hung up and glanced expectantly at Justin, apparently ready to accept whatever was coming his way.

Justin just looked at Brian, bewildered. “I was hoping we’d spend the evening together tonight, talking, because like you, I feel there is so much we need to discuss. And fucking, because god, it had only been a few hours but I was so horny for you it was hard to think of anything else last night.”

“Now it looks like I’m going to Babylon tonight, where I’ll be fucking Bill instead, because my boyfriend who insisted he was all right with my tricking, decided to pick not on my 25 year-old law student fuck-buddy, or on my 24 year-old male model fuck-buddy, but on my seventeen year old, defenseless little twink of a fuck-buddy, making him cry by taking away the one place where he can safely get fucked to his heart’s content.”

“And because he felt bad about it, instead of talking to me, he decided to fucking freeze me out in front of our entire staff, making me wonder what the fuck I’d done wrong.”

Justin was really not sure about how he felt about this. He needed time to think, to process exactly what had happened and what it meant. He also had some work to do.

“Go back to work, Brian.” He said dejectedly. “I need to try and figure out what all of this means, and I have several projects due.”

Brian looked gutted and worried. “Justin, I... can’t go without knowing when we will get together again. Please.”

Justin couldn’t resist, though he knew being a smart ass at this stage was rather counterproductive. “Don’t we have a meeting Wednesday from 10:00am to 12:00pm?”

“Please, Justin,” pleaded Brian, pain showing on his face, and Justin felt bad.

“Tomorrow night, Brian. Your place. Alright?”

Brian looked so relieved. Justin could not believe that Brian would fear for even a minute that their relationship might be at risk. Did he not know that nothing could ever make Justin stop loving him, stop wanting him? He stepped close to him, and restored order to Brian’s hair with his fingers. Brian was looking at him with so much love it was almost tangible. He put his hand behind Brian’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss, a loving, accepting and passionate kiss.

For some reason, he thought back to their first kiss, at the Edgewater Hotel, months ago, at the delightful surprise he’d felt then when invading his mouth that their kiss should be so perfect, that Brian’s taste should be so delicious and arousing. And now he loved that man so deeply it was a defining aspect of who he was.

Brian smiled at him, seeming to recall finally that though he had screwed up royally, and though there might be hell to pay, Justin’s love for him was never in jeopardy.

“Later, Brian.”

“Later.”


TBC...

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