The List

Part 9

Brian, are you all right?

Brian’s afternoon was rewarding but exhausting. He always worked long hours, but presentations and meeting with new clients took a lot out of him. He had to be exquisitely prepared and rehearsed so he could feel completely confident and dazzle them with his presence and charisma. It required for him to be completely present in the moment at all times, never wavering in his concentration, and though he got a high out of it, it often left him drained at the end of the day.

Clubbing and fucking was a way to blow off some steam, but sometimes, like this evening, he was just too beat to go out. So he went on the Internet on a Pittsburgh gay chat site, searching for anonymous sex in the comfort of his own home. Some other guy was looking to fuck and had a photo of his ten-inch dick. Brian had no intention of taking it up the ass, but he loved the feel of a large cock down his throat and in his hand. He invited the guy over, giving him his address. He would be there in fifteen minutes.

Brian changed out of his suit and put on some jeans without underwear, not bothering with a shirt. He poured himself a generous glass of bourbon, sat on his couch and started to unwind.

Exactly fifteen minutes later, the downstairs buzzer sounded. He smiled and pressed the answer button. “Top Floor” he said and released the lock downstairs. He opened the door at the knock and was shocked not to find Mr. Ten-inch cock, but Justin Taylor instead. Fuck.

“Justin. What are you doing here?”

“Uh… Debbie gave me your address. I didn’t think you’d mind…”

“Now is not a good time, Sunshine. I have a prior commitment…”

Just then, a guy made his way up the stairs. “The downstairs door was opened,” he explained, “so I just… slipped in.” He walked right into the loft, brushing lightly against Brian as he passed; his self-confidence a total turn-on. That guy was here to fuck and was ready for action. Brian was very much in agreement.

He hated to do it, but he had to get rid of Justin.

“And who have we here?” the guy asked, checking out Sunshine.

Brian rolled his eyes. Introductions? “Justin, this is Mr. Goodfuck. Mr. Goodfuck, Justin.”

“George,” corrected Mr. Goodfuck, smiling at Justin.

“Sorry,” said Brian to Justin. “George Goodfuck. We’ll have to talk later Sunshine.”

“OK.” There was an appraising look in Justin’s eyes as he stared at Brian’s trick, one that Brian was a little disconcerted about.

He also suddenly noted Justin’s tight jeans, the snug, light purple long sleeve T-shirt shirt that made his blue eyes absolutely striking, his freshly shaved face, the sexy devil-may-care way his hair looked; knowing from experience that it took a while and some good hair product to get that look. Was the boy going to Babylon?

Brian turned to Mr. Goodfuck. “Help yourself to a drink and give me a minute, OK?”

George’s eyes traveled up and down Justin’s body. “Take your time. I don’t mind a threesome, though he’s a little young…”

Irritated, Brian stepped out and slid the door shut. Justin looked at him apologetically. “It’s OK, Brian. I thought… I should have called first. I’ll come back some other time…”

“Justin, just tell me what this is about, OK? Why are you here? We just talked at lunchtime.”

Justin blushed. “I know. I thought…” He shook his head and sighed. “Never mind. I really should go.”

“You thought what, Sunshine?” What the fuck was going on here?

“When we talked, I told you that I’d have to have feelings for the first man that would take me to bed. And that even if it wasn’t true love on his side, I wanted him to care about me too…” Justin was speaking to the door handle, and his cheeks were bright red. Then, apparently gathering up enough courage, he looked in Brian’s eyes. “I… I’m in love with you, Brian. And I know you like me enough to eat lunch with me and be nice to me when everyone says what an asshole you are. I was hoping…”

Holy shit. Sunshine had come here tonight to… lose his virginity? Brian’s mind was blown, but his dick was very clear on what it thought about the idea. Brian didn’t think he’d ever gotten hard this fast before. He put a finger under Justin’s chin and turned his face towards him, meeting the troubled blue eyes. “Me?” he said. “Tonight?” His traitorous dick twitched.

“Yes, Brian.” His blue eyes were so earnest. “You, tonight…”

Brian made a huge effort to ignore his dick and listen to his brain. “Justin… You know that I don’t do boyfriends. That I don’t believe in love. I’m definitely not the right person for you…” God, where had all his objections gotten to? The fact that his entire blood supply was currently in his dick was not helping him think properly…

“I know, Brian. You’ve always been honest. But you told me once that you’d love to fuck me and to be my first. That you’d take it slow, you’d make it good, and you’d teach me everything you could to make it a night I would never forget… That’s what I want.”

Fuck. Sunshine was making resisting temptation really difficult. . Brian was desperately trying to remember why he wasn’t supposed to grab the beautiful boy in front of him and fuck the hell out of him. It was all a little vague, right now… Brian took a couple of deep breaths and thought about what Debbie would do to him if he fucked Sunshine and broke his heart. That helped considerably.

“Sunshine… Debbie’s adopted you as one of the family and I think of you as a good friend. Us fucking is not an option, regardless of how attractive I think you are. I’m twelve years older than you and stuck in my ways. I only do one-night stands, and tricking is a way of life for me. You think you’re in love with me, but you’re ignoring who I really am. I think the truth is that you have a crush on me… and to be totally honest, I have a crush on you too. Let’s just enjoy each other the way we have been, OK? Going further with it would be a terrible idea and fuck everything up.”

Justin looked crestfallen, but Brian was actually proud of himself. He’d been completely honest and felt he had handled the situation in the best way possible. Sunshine looked away for a moment, let out a big sigh, and looked back at Brian again. He smiled at him and Brian felt really good.

“Thanks, Brian. You could have made me feel really stupid about this. I have enjoyed the way we’ve been.” His eyes shone with teasing mirth for a moment. “I guess I’m just so fucking horny, and you are so fucking gorgeous, I lost perspective for a moment. Friends?”

“Definitely.”

“I’ll let you get on with your evening.”

Brian was at a loss for a moment. Then he remembered. “Oh, right,” he said, grinning. “George Goodfuck. I’d better go before he steals something.”

Justin laughed and shook his head. Brian felt an urge to kiss that laughing mouth. He could not deny he wanted Sunshine very much.

“Justin? Don’t pull this shit again, OK? I’m not ordinarily this noble. Come back here offering me your ass one more time, and don’t count on me to show the same restraint I did today. I won’t send you home unmolested again. Let’s be really clear. You are fucking gorgeous, and I would love nothing better than to fuck you all night long, friend or not. So don’t play with fire.”

Justin nodded seriously. “Got it,” he said and then he asked, his blue eyes searching Brian’s for the truth. “Do you mean it? Do you really think I’m gorgeous?”

Brian chuckled. “You are the most gorgeous man I ever saw, you twat.” Before Brian knew what was happening, he was pressed to the door of his loft by the perfect body a short blond boy and soft warm lips were on his, kissing him mercilessly. Fuck! Unable to resist, just as he started responding to the soft invading tongue, it was gone, as were the wonderful lips.

By the time he pulled himself together, Justin was down the first flight of stairs, shouting, “Later!”

Brian touched his lips and smiled. “Later, Sunshine,” he answered softly. The boy was much too far away to hear him now anyway. He took a deep breath, rolled back the door and went back to the night’s entertainment.

George Goodfuck did have an impressive dick, was happy to bottom and loved to fuck. Brian sucked him off, loving that huge boner down his throat. When George came, Brian did not even taste it, the tip of Goodfuck’s dick was so far down… His ass was nice and tight, and Brian came in it twice, coming out just once to change the condom before returning to the hard, fast, take no prisoner pounding of it. George left two hours after arriving, with a happy smile. It had been a very satisfactory encounter. Brian did not think of Sunshine again until he had changed the sheets and was ready to sleep.

Justin had looked so good, and that goodbye kiss… He chuckled. He felt very good about the way he had handled the situation. They would continue being friends, and eventually, Justin would get over his crush and move on…The feeling in the pit of his stomach when he had that thought was extremely unpleasant. Thinking of Justin giving his virginity to someone else was close to nausea inducing. Fuck.
 

He thought about Sunshine, about their talks, about his smile. Brian loved that smile. He loved Justin’s sense of humor. He loved the amazing generosity reflected in his work at the hospice. He loved that Justin was so independent, and so incredibly gifted. He loved the way he danced, with complete abandon, and the way his and Brian’s bodies fit one another. He loved… Oh, for god’s sake. He’d told Justin the truth. Brian did have a crush on him. And it did add spice to their developing friendship. Just as he had told Justin, they should enjoy it for what it was and not let their imaginations get the better of them and fuck up a good thing…
 

*********

In the morning, Brian realized he must have had one hell of a wet dream during the night. His chest was literally covered in cum. Too bad he never could recall his dreams. He was pretty sure this one would have been worth remembering… He made it to the diner early, a twenty-dollar origami penguin carefully folded in his pocket. Everyone was in attendance. Justin looked a little tired this morning. When he brought the others their breakfasts, Brian asked for coffee and guava juice and when Justin brought them to him, he teased, “Sunshine! You’re looking a bit worn around the edges this morning! Long night?”

“You could say that. I tried to lose my virginity last night,” answered Justin casually. “But I failed miserably. So I spent the night contemplating whether to consign my virginal body to the cold waters of the Allegheny, the Monongahela or the Ohio River… Couldn’t decide, though. So I’m still here, and still a virgin.” He sighed an exaggerated sigh and asked in a morose voice, “More coffee, Ben?”

They were all looking at him as if he’d grown a second head and Brian had to use his best poker face not to burst out laughing. As soon as Justin left, Ted, his eyes as round as marbles, said, “Was he joking?”

Michael added, “Wow. I wonder who turned him down?”

Ben gave Brian a careful look, but said nothing.

“I think he’s joking,” said Blake. “Yesterday, on our way to the hospice I told him that he should think of living a little. He said he wanted to be in love with whomever he had sex with for the first time, but I suggested that he should find someone nice and experienced; someone whom he trusted, and just enjoy it. That love would happen when it happened, not just because he willed it to.”

“I wonder if our boy is a top or a bottom?” asked Emmett, always practical. “We could recommend somebody…”

Michael said, looking pointedly at Brian, obviously expecting him to be upset, “I don’t think he was joking. I wonder who the boy went to last night that turned him down?”

Brian shrugged. “What does it matter? Couldn’t have been Brandon, he would have fucked him senseless. Maybe him?” Brian gestured to the fiddler, who had just come in.

When Justin went to take his order, Ethan gave him a small bouquet of snowdrops, and it could not have been more perfect if Brian had planned it himself. Justin took them and kissed him on the forehead before putting them in a glass of water.

“Yeah,” said Michael. “Look at that, he brought him flowers. It had to be him. Well, that’s good. He obviously cares about Justin. Maybe he just wants to take it slow…I mean, he seems pretty sweet and harmless…”

“And they’re about the same age,” said Ted. “I think they go to school together. He’s a good choice for a first boyfriend.”

“Yes,” said Brian, trying not to laugh and spit guava juice through his nose. “It’s kinda sweet.”

When Justin came to warm up their coffee and inquire if they needed anything more, Emmett asked him, “You’re still coming to the King of Babylon contest, aren’t you?”

Justin answered, ”Yes, of course! I think it’s going to be fun.”

“Why don’t you ask your friend to come too?” suggested Michael, indicating Ethan or Ian, or whatever his name was.

“I already did, but he won’t come. He’s a total romantic, you know? Flowers, chocolates, moonlight and classical music. Hot queers stripping is just not his thing.”

Justin left again, answering the bell that let him know someone’s order was up.

“So,” said Emmett, back on his shtick, this time speaking directly to Brian. “What do you think Sunshine is? Top or bottom?”

“Top. Definitely,” said Brian. And he was fairly sure he was right, at that… even if Justin did have a crush on him and had imagined losing his virginity to the biggest top in Pittsburgh.

“With that ass?” objected Michael. “Are you sure?”

“Do we have to go through this again, Mikey? You know comics, I know cocks. The boy will be a top, no doubt about it.”

“Well, you should introduce him to some nice bottoms, Brian…” said Emmett. “If any of your former tricks still speak to you that is… I know that if any of my tops treated me the way you treat your tricks in the back room, I’d cut their balls off.”

“I always wondered how you get away dealing with your tricks the way you do,” said Ben who had been a club top for years himself. “I can’t believe they line up for the honor of being treated like shit.”

“I don’t get it either,” said Brian, shrugging. “But why should I bother pretending to care when I truly don’t give a fuck and they fight for the privilege of getting my dick up their asses? I give them nothing more or less than what they expect and if they have so little respect for themselves, then why should I?”

That was the most Brian had ever said about his behavior and he could see that it gave the others food for thought. At Babylon, after he came, he just yanked his dick out without worrying about the trick’s discomfort and walked away. Yet, night after night, guys were eager for his cock. It was a bit of a vicious circle. He didn’t even think of them as people, mostly because they let him treat them like shit, and they let him because they thought it was the only way he’d fuck them.

He remembered Sunshine asking him why the muscle guy that had been taking liberties with him on the dance floor had backed off so fast, acting almost scared of Brian when he’d realized exactly who it was who was telling him to fuck off. Brian suspected it was the same reason why tricks let him treat them like a spunk receptacle and he wasn’t sure why, nor upon reflection, did he really like how it made him feel. Yet, one more reason not to reflect and think about this kind of shit. Fucking and thinking should not mix.

He looked up towards the cash register, only to meet Justin’s blue gaze. As their eyes met, the kid gave him that blinding smile and he just had to grin back.

Weird how his heart rate seemed to increase; probably because he was still surprised that Sunshine had thought he was in love with him, and had trusted him enough to want him to take his virginity. Silly twink. Or maybe it was the memory of that kiss…

It was time to go to work. He slipped the origami penguin under his plate, said goodbye to everyone and walked to the door. At the last second, he looked back, and just as he expected, he met Justin’s eyes. He smiled warmly at him, turned back again and left. He would see the kid at lunch anyway…

*************
 

Brian had the best morning. Fujyyama, a Japanese restaurant chain that had been shopping around for a new advertising agency finally got off the fence and signed with Vangard as his client, and Kendricks sent back a signed contract and a hefty retainer.

He got this ridiculous idea for the Giani Pasta ad, involving a monk in conversation with God.

The monk sits in his barren cell, about to eat his plate of plain pasta, when God interrupts in a teasing voice:

“Dom Patillo, what happened to your vow of denial and poverty?”

“Signore! This is just a small plate of humble pasta, like I have for lunch everyday!”

“Pasta, yes! But Giani pasta!” says God in a booming voice.

And the monk looks all guilty, but with a little smirk on his face and he quickly sneaks a noodle from his plate with his fingers. God chuckles.

“Go ahead, Dom Patillo. They taste better, but they are cheaper. I won’t hold it against you…”

Brian wasn’t sure if it was genius or completely over the top, so he called in Brandon and Cynthia to run it by them and got two votes for genius. Pleased, he e-mailed the concept to Gracie, his favorite collaborator in the art department, so she could make the visuals he would use for his presentation.

Brandon had stayed behind, and Brian looked at him questioningly.

“How the fuck did you get Hanson to bend over?” asked Brandon.

Brian could not prevent the chuckle from escaping. “I’m the best, Brandon, that’s all…”

“You’re never going to tell me, are you?”

“Maybe as a deathbed confession,” answered Brian with a smirk.

“Asshole. I should have taken the win when you offered it. Hanson was bad enough, but now that you’ve gotten little Justin to fall in love with you, that’s never going to happen either.”

First Ben, now Brandon. But he knew better. Justin just had a crush. He and Justin liked each other and enjoyed each other’s company, but they were friends. Justin was no more in love with him than he was in love with Justin.

“Oh,” he said, innocently. “I don’t know about that. The boy has talked about wanting to lose his virginity, and I certainly won’t fuck him. You know how I feel about fucking my friends…”

“Really? Hmm… Maybe I should keep romancing the fuck out of him…” Brandon said, sitting forward in his chair.

“Yes. It appears he’s already made an attempt at approaching someone and was turned down…” explained Brian innocently.

Brandon only had to think for a second. “That fucking fiddler?”

“The boy did bring Sunshine a bouquet of flowers this morning.” Which was absolutely true, and a complete non-answer…

“Well, fuck me!” He slouched back, disheartened.

“Love to. My desk OK?” asked Brian, raising an eyebrow.

Brandon looked up at him and chuckled. “Asshole…” Then after a moment's thought, he rubbed his hands “Well, I guess at least that means the hunt’s back on, especially if he’s actually serious.”

“You do understand that I conceded, right? Sunshine’s a friend. You’ve won.”

“You do realize how fucked up it is that being friends means you’ll never fuck, right? That has to be your stupidest rule, Brian, and god knows the rest of them are pretty dumb.”

“If it matters to you that much, I’ll make an exception for you… The desk offer is still open…”

Brandon just chuckled, shaking his head. “You are such a jerk.”

Brian just smirked.

“Babylon tonight?” asked Brandon.

“Probably. I have a busy but easy day today.”

“See you there. God, I need a fuck…” Brandon got up and stretched. He really was a beautiful man. Brian’s good will towards him had returned as soon as Justin had confirmed he would never consider sleeping with him. Shit. Would Justin reconsider now that Brian had turned him down? Nah...

He looked at his clock. Almost time for lunch. Brian was not even conscious of the smile on his lips at the mere thought of seeing Justin. He picked up the silver frame on his desk, looking at Gus’s sleeping form. It really was a very good drawing. He often thought of Justin only as a waiter in the diner. Stupid. Justin was a gifted art student working at the diner to pay for his supplies, books, and occasional fun outings. He was such an amazing man…

*********

The timid winter sun was reflecting off of yesterday’s white snow, the sky a pale blue. It was in the 20’s and yet it felt much warmer than yesterday, just because the sun was out. Brian walked to the diner with a spring in his step.

When the bell rang as he entered the diner, Justin, who was idly wiping the counter, immediately looked up and his smile was much, much brighter than the winter sun outside. He hurried to the back and Brian realized the kid had not been sure if he would show up for their lunch. Twat. Justin came back with two vegetarian sandwiches. Cool. Brian really liked those. They were a nice change from his ordinary fare. They sat at their usual places. Apparently both the fiddler and Brandon had gotten the message when Sunshine had left them to eat alone the day before.

“I made $260.00 bucks in tips this morning. On a Wednesday!” said Justin enthusiastically. “I can’t believe Debbie gave up her shift for two weeks. It has to be a good percentage of her income…”

“She probably only makes half that, Sunshine. You’re really fast, attentive, not to mention easy on the eye and you don’t bitch at, insult or psychoanalyze your customers. We all love Deb, but she can be a trial.”

“Hm… Well, only two more days. She comes back on Saturday. I’m really so grateful. The extra cash is going to make a huge difference for me this quarter.”

Justin took a bite of his sandwich, chewed, swallowed, wiped his mouth, took a drink, dabbed his lips again. Such excellent table manners.

“I’m also going to have a lot more time for my own art. The hospice told me I could cut back to my original deal with them. Apparently, there’s been this Internet ad campaign on all the Pittsburgh gay and medical sites recruiting volunteers. It’s been super effective. They have a ton of people coming in, including doctors and nurses. But they also have just regular people who didn’t realize there was a need, and they are totally stoked.”

“That’s fantastic. Who’s paying for the ads?” asked Brian innocently.

“The Concerned Citizens for the Truth. I guess they are a political group that supports gay rights. They financed a television ad campaign a couple years ago that not only prevented the chief of police, Jim Stockwell, from becoming mayor, it also led to an investigation that permanently ruined any chance he had at a political future.”

Luckily for Brian, stationary ads on Internet sites were a hell of a lot cheaper than TV ads. It was nice to know his homemade little banner had been so effective. Not that there ever was any doubt. He was fucking great, after all.

Justin looked at him from the corner of his eyes. “Well. Tomorrow will be our last lunch, I guess…”

“And Monday night our first dinner,” said Brian, surprising himself as much as Justin. “I hope your break is not too late. I try to avoid eating after seven…”

Sunshine’s smile was brilliant. “I eat at six, before my shift…”

“Perfect. I do have occasional business dinners, and late appointments sometimes, but most of the time I go home to a lonely take-out dinner. It’ll be a nice change.” And as he was saying it, Brian realized that indeed, it would be a nice change, though he would miss the Thai food. Oh, well. He noticed the small bouquet of snowdrops next to the automatic coffee grinder.

“Nice of Ethan to bring you flowers. He may be a cheeseball, but he is kinda sweet.”

“I know. I shouldn’t be so harsh on him. I think he really likes me, and sometimes, when he is not being a total jackass, he is kinda sweet. The flowers were a nice gesture. But somehow, when he does stuff like that it seems contrived, you know? Like he is playing a role. That’s one of the things I like about you, Brian. You are who you are, and you don’t pretend otherwise. No apologies. No regrets. It’s …reassuring.”

Considering Brian had just been staring at Justin’s lips wistfully, he felt like a bit of a hypocrite. He had been right to send Justin home last night, of course. But he could not pretend feeling “No regrets…”

Brian shook himself. Not thinking about the day before would definitely be the best policy. Instead he told Justin about his idea for the pasta ad, and Sunshine thought it was great. He never talked about his work with his other friends and vaguely wondered why he felt comfortable doing so with Justin. Even more surprising, his opinion carried as much weight in Brian’s mind as either Brandon’s or Cynthia’s.

Justin talked to him about an assignment he had for his art history class; on seventeenth century paintings from the Netherlands. Even though the subject was esoteric, Brian found he was very interested. When Brandon arrived to give Sunshine a ride to the hospice, Brian reflected that Brandon was a work-only friend, that the members of the gang were more family-like friends. And Sunshine, well he had a niche all his own… He followed Sunshine with his eyes as the young man left to get his bag and coat from the locker room.

“He is so fucking beautiful,” said Brandon. “You are a lucky bastard, Brian. That’s if you ever grow some balls and seize the day, instead of hiding behind your stupid rules.”

Brian looked at him, nonplussed. He had always believed his and Brandon’s views on love and fucking were very similar, so what the fuck was he saying?

“What? Do you want to be a club boy forever, Brian? Don’t you ever wonder if that’s all there is? Fuck, I do… And I’m five years younger than you. Men like Justin don’t grow on trees, you know…”

Sunshine was back, wrapped for the weather, and fuck, he was beautiful. He smiled at Brian, and Brian felt the usual little jolt to his guts that smile always seemed to provoke.

“Later, Brian”

“Yeah. Later…”


TBC...

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