The List

Part 14

Just as He Expected

Monday night, Brian left work at a quarter to six and went to the diner to meet Sunshine for dinner. They sat in the last booth, where the sketches of Debbie and Brian were now hanging in cheap Diploma frames.

“Counting Blake, I already have four commissions. I can’t believe it.” Justin grinned. “Oh, and two people called offering me up to four hundred dollars to buy your portrait off the wall. How do you like that?”

“Sell it!” said Brian.

“Are you serious?”

“Sure. You can make another. It’s a commission like any other, and I don’t give a shit who hangs me in their living room…”

“But…”

“But nothing. Sell it. Sell the next one if there are takers. The point is for you to make enough money to quit your night job, right?”

“I guess so. It feels wrong though. I don’t know why…”

“There is nothing wrong with giving people what they want, Sunshine. Maybe you should put The Blowjob up next after all. God only knows how much that one would go for…”

“But they aren’t buying my art, they’re buying your likeness…”

“Well, that’s kind of true of any portrait, isn’t it?”

“Hm. Yeah. I guess so. I feel I should give you a commission or something.”

“Do models get commissions?”

“No, but they get paid for their time.”

“And I’ve never posed for you, so why should you pay me? Really, Sunshine. I’m serious. Take the money. Quit waiting tables. Spend your afternoons on your art and your evenings… anyway you want.” He could not believe he had actually been about to say with me. And mean it too. It seemed perfectly feasible: dinner, fucking, talking, hanging out, going to bed together and …making love, and waking up with the blond head on his shoulder. Holy shit. Did he really want this? He certainly thought so right now…

“Anyway I want?” asked Sunshine, a teasing light in his eyes. “Do my choices include a few hours of hot sex with you?”

If the boy only knew what Brian had been thinking, he’d be running scared. Wouldn’t he? Brian chose to joke. He sighed heavily and rolled his eyes. “Oh, I suppose… I guess I could sacrifice myself.”

“How generous of you,” said Justin smiling happily.

Maybe he wouldn’t run scared… He should though. He was only 21 years old for fuck’s sake.

“Speaking of which, what time do you get off?” Brian couldn’t help himself. He wanted Justin, badly.

“One-thirty AM. But truthfully Brian, by then, I usually can’t keep my eyes open. I just crawl across the street and into bed, and I have classes in the morning.”

“OK. I understand... When is your next night off?” Jesus. Could he come on any stronger?

“Thursday,” Sunshine said. He was looking eagerly at Brian, apparently as keen as Brian felt. Maybe it would all work out…

“Pencil me in?”

“Definitely…” Yep. That was the smile… Brian felt a little thrill, that he could evoke such a response in the man he... wanted. But fuck, Thursday seemed such a long ways away… Then he remembered.

“By the way, all the electronic equipment Brandon and I could imagine squeezing into a sophisticated man’s apartment was delivered and installed in my loft this afternoon by Taylor Electronics. I need you to come and draw the prelims for me to pitch my idea to Craig on Wednesday. Can you make it tomorrow afternoon?”

“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather use one of Vangard’s people?” asked Sunshine, looking ambivalent.

“Yes. Completely sure. You’ll be paid a consultant’s rate. It’ll be really good money,” added Brian, not understanding Justin’s hesitation.

“OK, then. I’ll be there.” He gave Brian a smile. “Maybe we can have dinner there then, if you can find it in your heart to give me a ride to work afterwards…” He looked endearingly excited.

“Oh, I think that can be arranged,” said Brian, smiling, knowing what he would be having for dessert. He really wanted to drag Sunshine to the bathroom right now and have his way with him, but he was fairly sure having a quickie in the toilet was not something the boy was ready for yet. Brian was now really looking forward to tomorrow…

***********

 

He went to the loft to change and made it to Woody’s quite early. He was surprised to see Justin’s violinist friend waiting tables. Where was Syd? He went to talk to Max.

“New waiter?”

“Yeah. Just started yesterday. He has a lot to learn, but I needed someone quickly. Karl and Syd are at the hospital. Their baby came almost six weeks early.”

Karl was Syd’s partner. They’d been together for years and had hired a young woman to carry their child. They were both brown haired and brown eyed, thin and tall. They had mixed their sperm, so they wouldn’t know who the biological dad really was, and had picked a surrogate who resembled them.

“What the fuck happened?”

“Everything was fine, then the girl just went into labor.” Max shrugged. “The baby’s OK. A little boy. But they’re freaked. The mom’s already left. I was just about to start advertising for a new waiter. Syd is going to be the stay at home partner, Karl makes way more money.”

“Yeah.” Karl was a construction worker, union member, and he worked nights, on city projects, so his and Syd’s schedules coincided. “Do they have enough insurance?”

“Yeah. Double. The union’s and the one Syd, Paula, Mark and I have. They’re OK from that point of view. And the docs insist the kid will be fine. It fits in Syd’s hand. He‘s got big hands, but still…”

“Well, They should know. Tell Syd, if he needs anything…”

“Thanks, Brian. Will do.”

Emmett, Ted and Blake had just arrived. Brian joined them at their table. The fiddler came to take their order. Unlike Syd, he had to write the orders down, and it was obvious he had no clue what any of the drinks were, but he was a smart boy. No doubt he would learn. He did have a cute smile, and might play the violin well, but on top of having only a so-so body, he walked with a funny waddle.

They decided to play pool, but Brian needed a little action first. It was early and pickings were slim, but he really didn’t care what his trick looked like, or how well he sucked cock. He just needed a warm mouth. He signaled a short skinny guy who’d been staring at him and went to the rest room. It took no time for him to have his cock in the man’s mouth. The guy was actually pretty good, but Brian closed his eyes and fantasized the whole time about Justin so it really didn’t matter because of course, he came in short order.

He gave the trick a hand up, but when the guy tried to kiss him, he said, “No thanks,” and went back to his friends and their pool game. Being teamed up with Emmett was either frustrating or funny, depending on how you chose to look at it. Brian, feeling relaxed, opted for funny, and enjoyed trying to compensate for his pool partner’s shortcomings. They got flattened, but had a great time nonetheless, especially when Ethan, the new waiter, tried to saddle Brian with Emmett’s cosmo.

Emmett and Ted sat the next game out and Brian played one on one with Blake. It had taken him a while to warm up to Ted’s mate. But after a year or so, he had started appreciating the man’s wit and his undeniable affection for Theodore.

“So,” said Blake, as Brian was taking his first shot. “You and Sunshine, eh?”

Of course, Brian missed. He looked at the smirking Blake, grinned, and said, “Asshole.”

Blake laughed, lined up his shot, called the pocket and sank it. He was just about to take his second shot when Brian said, “His ass tastes delicious,” and Blake’s shot went wide.

Blake chuckled appreciatively but said, seriously, with no shot in the balance, “Justin is in love with you, Brian. He’s a sweet kid.”

Brian lined up his next shot, called the pocket and sank it. He knew Blake was concerned for his friend. He also knew one of the reasons he had taken so long to warm up to Blake was that the psychologist often saw right through his bullshit. Before taking the next shot, he looked at Blake over the cue.

“Sunshine has spent the night at the loft twice, and will again as soon as possible. We agreed that I wouldn’t trick in front of him.”

He sank that shot too, as Blake nodded his head in approval. Brian knew Blake understood exactly what Brian had told him. Brian’s usual rules did not apply to Justin. Justin had somehow managed to create his own unique position in the man’s life. That’s all Blake had wanted to know. Somehow, that he’d had the guts to challenge him for Sunshine’s sake made Brian like Blake even more. Their game continued, and they continued to psych each other out, but there were no further references to Justin. Brian won, by a lucky shot. Ted and Blake had one more round of Perrier with a slice, and headed home as Brian and Emmett made their way to Babylon.

Brian got sucked again, by a pair of guys who worked quite well together. He also fucked a dark-headed man against the wall. He had a nice tight ass, and was vocal in his enjoyment, though it did not arouse Brian like Justin’s pleasure sounds. He left Babylon at 2:30, looking forward to the next day.

 

***********
 

Justin met Brian at the loft at 2:00PM. Brian had him fill out some forms for Cynthia, gave him general instructions on what panels were needed, and let him go at it, trusting his instincts. He had to rush back to Vangard and his presentation to the Giani Pasta people. He would return at 5:30 to see how things looked and get some dinner.

He came back to find six panels, twice as many as he had hoped for, that were exactly what he needed. He was going to blow Craig Taylor’s socks off. But no Sunshine.

“Justin?” Hmm… He had no clue where Sunshine had gone and was incredibly disappointed. Weren’t they supposed to have dinner? He’d also assumed there would be some serious fucking before Sunshine had to go to work… Puzzled, he went to the bedroom to change out of his work clothes.

There, naked on the bed, his pearlescent white skin a beautiful contrast to the dark grey sheets, was Justin. His knees were bent and he had two fingers sliding in and out of his ass as he was slowly fisting his leaking cock. Brian almost came in his pants as Justin gave him the most erotic smile he had ever seen.

“I lay down for a minute to rest my eyes, and the pillow smelled like you,” was Sunshine’s soft explanation. “Please, Brian... I’ve been waiting for you…”

Brian stripped rapidly, trying to show a modicum of control by hanging up his suit, but his eyes never leaving the incredible sight in front of him. Skin bare, and cock at the ready, he kneeled next to the gorgeous body in his bed, filling his eyes with the heavenly sight. Sunshine’s nipples were hard, his eyes were dilated, his lower lip pink and swollen from him biting it.

He ran his hand on the silky skin of Justin's stomach, the muscle rippling under his fingertips. “You are so beautiful, Justin…”

Sunshine moaned in pleasure and want. “Come to me, Brian, come inside. I need you inside me…”

Brian rolled a condom on. His cock was so hard. He moved between Justin’s legs, amazed at how much he desired the man. Justin removed his fingers from his entrance, which closed back up, hiding its readiness, though it was shiny with lube. Brian raised himself on his arms, placed himself so the tip of his cock was pressed against the pink folds, and pushed.

The feeling was extraordinary. Beyond the original resistance was a warm slick welcome that sheathed him like the tightest embrace. No one had ever felt this good, no one. Justin had let go of his cock and had his hands on Brian’s shoulders, his legs tight around his waist. His sigh at Brian’s penetration sounded like relief, as if he finally felt whole, complete, an echo of Brian’s own feelings.

“Brian,” he said in a quiet voice, “Brian, I love you.”

The words should have been terrifying, the moment ruined by the unwanted declaration, but it wasn’t. Quite the opposite. Brian felt so good; it felt so right to hear these words at that moment. He was making love to Justin, and he knew it. Every stroke, every kiss, every caress answered the young man’s words, though he could not have brought himself to speak them himself. They moved together, their bodies in perfect harmony, their eyes never leaving each other.

Brian’s pleasure peaked, and he let go, his orgasm mind blowing, wishing he was depositing his essence in Justin, and not in a protective condom. Justin followed with his own orgasm, not having touched himself again, trembling with it, his eyes finally closing on the overwhelming sensation.

Brian hugged the smaller body close, whispering, “Justin, Justin, Justin…” It was the closest he had ever felt to anyone, and he was completely unafraid, trusting Justin implicitly.

They held on to each other for a long time, savoring the closeness, the singing of their satisfied bodies. Brian knew Justin had to get up, get ready for work, and eat something before his long shift. It took real will power to break their embrace.

“Come on, Justin. Let’s shower.”

Justin smiled at him, a silent thank you for initiating what he had been trying to motivate himself to do for fifteen minutes. They talked and laughed in the shower, Justin telling Brian how much Ethan hated his new job, and how outraged he was at getting his ass pinched occasionally.

“I told him I was in love with someone else. He still wants to be friends, and that’s nice. I can appreciate him more that way. He can actually be really funny.”

Brian was pleased. Though he knew the fiddler had been no competition, it was nice to know that things were clear. They had Thai food for dinner, and Brian dropped Justin off to start his shift right on time.

Brian came back to the loft, to work on the Taylor presentation. It was not a huge account, but he was excited to have worked on it with Justin. He catered his pitch to the wonderfully precise drawings, and knew the account was in the bag. One of the images, which showed the TV, DVD player, laptop, phone and a charging port with a cell phone, a blackberry and an MP3 player attached would be better for the paper ad than any picture. Brian was thrilled.

 

**********
 

The next day went off without a hitch. As he had predicted, Craig Taylor loved the ad, and was enthusiastic about the image Brian had picked for the local publications. He happily signed the contract for both the paper ad and the TV commercial, sinking almost $200,000.00 into the future of his company and Brian’s part in it, and putting down 50% so they could start filming the commercial. He would return the following Monday afternoon to watch the team finish preparing the loft and for the start of the shoot. Brian had made sure to schedule a major cleaning with his usual service for Monday morning. The place, ordinarily clean and clutter free, would be absolutely spotless, with all trace of his presence removed. He was spending Monday night in Ted and Blake’s guest room.

Brian couldn’t wait to share with Sunshine the news that their first cooperative business deal had been a success. Brandon had sat in on the presentation and was blown away by Justin’s artwork. He actually asked Brian for Justin’s number and called him from the conference room to see if he would be interested in freelancing for him. He had a magazine spread for a travel agency he wanted done in just that style and he had been fighting with the art department about it for over two weeks. Brian, well aware of that battle, was thrilled for Justin.

Brian spent the latter part of the afternoon at the pediatrician, with Ben and Michael. JR’s injections, with her seated on her uncle Brian’s lap, were less of an issue than he had expected. Her little thighs were so plump, she hardly felt them at all, especially since she was busy clumsily unwrapping her chocolate egg. He rejoined the stressed-out father and his husband in the waiting room, and laughed at Michael’s red eyes. He had evidently cried a lot more than his little daughter.

He was horribly disappointed when he got a text cancelling his and Sunshine’s dinner together that night. “Something came up,” was Justin’s only explanation. He had no way of knowing how Brian regularly used that excuse, so of course it meant nothing, but still, it left an uncomfortable feeling in Brian’s gut.

When he went by the diner before Woody’s for a cup of coffee to get a small Sunshine fix, Kiki was actually covering Justin’s shift. She didn’t know what was going on, but didn’t mind filling in for him. He was always so polite and reliable; she knew he would make it up to her. Brian was a little concerned, but he would be spending the evening with Sunshine the next day, and would find out then what was going on.

At Woody’s he met up with Emmett. It was rare for them to have an evening alone, and Emmett’s silly mood was contagious. They ended up walking down memory lane, recalling their early Babylon days, when Emmett still had his Mississippi accent and Brian walked around with his pack of cigarettes rolled up in his t-shirt sleeve, and they laughed like crazy. Why was it that because he felt so good about Justin he suddenly appreciated all his other friends more? Brian didn’t even give a thought to the tricks he turned down. He was having too much fun. Ethan seemed to be getting the hang of things, and he had shaved his stupid little beard patch.

“Hey, Ethan,” said Brian. After all, this was a friend of Sunshine. He ought to be nice to him. “How do you like your new job?”

“Uh… It’s OK, I guess.” Ethan put their glasses down quickly, looking a bit uneasy.

“Yeah? You look more comfortable with it tonight,” commented Brian.

Ethan made a brief eye contact, as if wondering why Brian was being nice to him.
 

“It gets easier,” he answered.

“Sweetie, you look so much better without your … thing,” said Emmett, who was a little drunk, gesturing on himself to where Ethan’s patch of beard used to be.

“Thanks. Justin suggested I shave it off,” Ethan replied. “I didn’t realize so many people didn’t like it. Justin’s a good friend,” Ethan added, looking pointedly at Brian.

“Yes, he is,” agreed Brian, a little confused by the subtext. Was he imagining the strange vibe he was getting from the fiddler?

 

*********
 

He had tried to call Sunshine several times that night but all his calls had gone straight to voice mail as if the phone was turned off or out of batteries. He tried again in the morning a couple of times, on the hour, hoping not to disrupt Sunshine’s classes. It rang several times before going to the mail box, and his concern increased. Was there something going on with his boy?

At lunch time, feeling stupid but unable to help himself, he actually made his way to the tattoo parlor, and went to knock on Sunshine’s door. Of course, he had classes on Thursdays, but if he was sick or something, he might be at home. There was no answer. Fuck. Well, no. That was good news, certainly. It meant the young man was in school. Brian went back to work, disgruntled and annoyed at himself.

He left work at six and went home to the loft, changing into a pair of jeans and nothing else, not wanting to order food until Sunshine got there to give him the choice of what they would eat. He had never waited for a visitor more anxiously.

He had really hated not talking to Justin for two days. Fuck. He should just admit to himself how important Justin had become in a ridiculously short time. Maybe he would even tell Justin…

Then it got to be 7:30, and he got a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach when he realized there was a message on his machine. With a sinking heart, he pressed the play button. As he expected, he heard Justin’s soft voice.

“You didn’t answer your cell phone. I’m obviously not going to join you this evening, and I would appreciate it if you just stayed away if by some mischance we should happen to be in the same place at the same time.” There was a moment of silence, and then Sunshine continued, his voice even softer, the hurt in it palpable. “I can understand the first night, Brian. But what I don’t understand is why you kept up that charade afterwards. What could it have possibly brought you to be so deliberately cruel? There is nothing I have that you couldn’t get elsewhere. I cannot think of a single reason. I…” There was a sound like the swallowing of tears. “Never mind. Goodbye, Brian.”

Brian grabbed his cell phone. It was on mute, for some unfathomable reason. There were two calls from Justin, two chances he had missed of actually talking to him. Now he had that incomprehensible message. What the fuck had happened? He dialed Justin. He had to talk to him, he had to find out what was going on in the young man’s head. When he heard the message that the number he had called was no longer in service, he felt as if he’d been punched in the stomach. Nothing made sense. Nothing.

He finished dressing, got in the ‘Vette, and made his way to the diner. Kiki was there, working. He didn’t bother going in but walked straight across the street and entered the old hotel. Once more, he knocked, though this time, his knock took on a desperate quality. He kept knocking, harder and harder, until the door across the hallway opened on a young woman in men’s pajamas.

“Stop your racket. He’s gone. He moved out yesterday afternoon.”

“What?”

“Sunshine. He packed up and moved out.”

“Where did he go? Did he leave you an address?”

“No. But he was upset. His eyes were red and, well, he didn’t smile, not once. I’m gonna miss him. He was real sweet. Kept me in lemon bars, too… I’m going back to bed. I have to be up early in the morning, so take it easy, ok?”

Brian left the hotel, feeling completely dejected. What the fuck was going on? Was Sunshine all right? Woody’s. The fiddler would be there. He was bound to know something.

 

**********
 

He entered the bar, his eyes roaming for the waiter. He was at the bar, getting drinks on his tray. Brian made a beeline for him.

“Ethan. Can I talk to you?”

The man managed to look hostile and horribly uncomfortable at the same time. “I’m working. This is the busiest time, so… no.” He waited impatiently for Max to finish giving him his order, and then he left to deliver it.

“Hey, Brian,” said Max, concerned. “Everything all right?”

“Not even close.”

Max raised an eyebrow, but Brian stopped paying attention to him. Ethan was back with a new order.

“I’ll just wait until you get off,” Brian told him.

Ethan scoffed. “You’ll wait four hours?” He knew something, Brian was certain.

“I need to talk to you. I’ll wait all night if I have to.”

“You’re wasting your time. I have nothing to say to you,” said Ethan, leaving again to deliver more drinks.

Brian turned back to Max, but the bartender was joking around with a blond Brian thought looked awfully familiar. He waited for Ethan to return again.

“Just tell me where I can find Sunshine,” he said when the violinist returned, “and I’ll leave you alone.”

“Justin is my friend, asshole. If he wanted you to know, he’d have told you. And I’m working. Goodbye.”

Max cut in. “Ethan, this is Jeff. He used to work here a long time ago, before Syd. He wants to see if he’s still got it. He’s going to take over for you for a while. Why don’t you take a break and go have a chat with Brian here. Take as long as you need.” Max winked at Brian, who gratefully nodded his thanks.

So that’s why the blond looked familiar. Brian wondered what Max had said to get him to lend a hand and free Ethan for a while. He closed his hand around Ethan’s wrist, and escorted him out back, where the ‘Vette was parked.

He opened the passenger door and told Ethan to get in.

“I’m not going anywhere with you,” said Ethan, stubbornly.

“We’re not going anywhere. I just want to talk. It’s fucking cold and the ‘Vette’s seats are heated.”

Ethan, who had grabbed his parka from a peg on the way out but obviously wasn’t keen on standing in the cold alley, got in. Once they were both seated, Brian realized he had no clue where to start. Luckily, Ethan was apparently the kind of person who couldn’t stand silence.

“I had no idea you and Justin were together…” he started.

Brian’s reflex was to jump in and deny it, and he felt amazingly angry at himself. Why was he such an ass?

“I’ve been telling Justin about my nights here, how crazy it is. I didn’t know he’d ever been to Woody’s until he mentioned it. I told him about guys getting it on in the bathroom, but he knew about that already. I… I mentioned you, at one point, dragging some trick back there, and coming back all chipper to play pool ten minutes later. He seemed curious, but didn’t mention you and him… How could I know?”

This was it? This was about his tricking? No fucking way. Sunshine knew Brian tricked. They had an understanding. This didn’t sound right.

“Then we had lunch together Wednesday at school, and I told him about the lists.”

Brian suddenly felt ill.

“What?”

“There are these two lists of names in the till. One with Brian and one with Brandon written on top, in Max’s handwriting, with names checked off. I thought they were some sort of a running tab, or something I might need to know about. Max thought that was funny, and he told me about your… your pathetic fuck contest,” Ethan spat out. He looked at Brian, and Brian realized he was outraged. “I just thought what assholes you both were, and then I saw Justin’s name on the lists, and that, thank god, his name was not checked off yet. Then I realized I’ve seen the both of you making nice with him at one point or another, and I understood what you guys were up to. So I told him about the lists, to…to warn him.” Brian was shocked to note that the kid had started crying.

“He told me then, that I was too late. That you and him…” He looked at Brian in disgust, tears falling. “How could you? I really love him and you…” He closed his eyes, and took a deep shaky breath. “He told me how you played him, pretending… pretending to be his friend, to care about him. How masterfully you manipulated him. He is… devastated.” Ethan was looking at him in disbelief through the tears he was now holding back, amazed that someone could be so uncaring, so evil. “And he said that the worst part was that you kept it up. He figured you’d have kept it up until eventually you grew tired of him. You even got him not to tell your friends! Debbie had warned him about you, that you were a nasty piece of work. He just hadn’t believed her. He’d had no idea what she really meant.”

Brian couldn’t even think. His fucking life, his whole careless past had just caught up with him and cost him the only man that had ever mattered. Karma. He deserved this. He knew he did. But not Sunshine. Sunshine didn’t deserve to think he’d been played, that his first lover had taken advantage of him. He needed to hear the truth, even if he never spoke to Brian again.

Who would Justin trust? Think… Think… Blake and Ted. Ben and Michael. He took one of his business cards and copied numbers out of his cell phone. Blake’s and Ben’s. They knew. They could tell him… They could tell him that he had cared. That it had not been for the list. That he had not been wholly wrong to trust Brian. Brian had no illusions. That list… that damn list had cost him Sunshine. But at least the kid wouldn’t have to feel like a fool. He turned to Ethan.

“Ethan. Give him this, please.”

“Why should I?”

“These are friends of his, Ethan. Blake is a psychologist. Ben is … well he is easy to talk to. Please, you seem to be a good friend to him. Give him this, and have him call them. I know you have no reason to believe me, but…Fuck. I do care about Justin. More than I’ve ever cared about anyone. I…” What was the point? He shrugged. “Just give him the card, please.”

Ethan opened the door and got out. Then he leaned back in. “It broke his heart. I didn’t know about the two of you, or I never would have told him about that list. I would have talked to you, not him. I’ll give him the card.” His eyes looked at Brian with contempt. “He loves you, you asshole. He fucking loves you. But I hate you. I hope you rot in hell for what you did to him.” He slammed the door and went back to Woody’s through the back door.

Brian sat in the ‘Vette for a while. Justin… Justin… He couldn’t believe how much it hurt. He couldn’t stand it. He drove home, left a message for Cynthia to cancel his Friday, unplugged the phone and opened his first bottle of bourbon of the weekend.

TBC…

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