“So then Johnny’s like, you don’t understand, ‘it was a mistake anyone would make, we really resemble each other, and my impersonation was spot on, ’ and Andrea was all, ‘I hardly think that was the case, John. Your acting is not that good.”
John O’Keefe thought the critique of his son’s acting skills was a little harsh, but his niece Julie’s impersonation of his son’s snooty Columbia Law School girlfriend’s Boston accent was damn near perfect. His luncheon companions, his brother Danny and Danny’s partner Brian Kinney looked at him from across the booth in the small Manhattan café they’d gone to with almost identical raised eyebrow expressions. The younger crowd had entered without seeing them, conversation already underway – the question being asked with those expressive eyebrows was whether to reveal their presence or to continue to eavesdrop. From the mischievous look in Danny’s eyes he knew what his vote would be. But...that wasn’t John’s style. Since Hunter and Brandon were part of the conversation with Julie, there was an easier way to get the info.
Without raising his voice to the pitch that Julie had in her excited retelling of the humorous story, John easily projected it to the next booth. “Why don’t you three join us for lunch and share this story more privately – instead of with the entire café?”
Silence reigned in the next booth for about thirty seconds, during which Danny couldn’t resist leaning up in his seat and snapping a picture on his phone. He gleefully showed it to John and Brian – Julie’s appalled expression was priceless.
“Dolce and Gabbana should love that,” Brian commented as he looked at his menu nonchalantly. “Looks like one of the models in their photo spreads – femme sees food, gasp.”
“Nah, that’s more Prada than Dolce,” Danny objected. “Maybe I should post this on her Facebook wall. What do you think, John?”
“What’s a Facebook wall?” John asked deadpan. “Keane, bring the children over here,” he commanded.
“Yes, sir,” Brandon answered, tongue in cheek, already standing by the table, Hunter and Julie with him. Danny and Brian slid over to make room for Hunter while Julie and Brandon sat next to John.
By tacit agreement, they all waited for the waiter to take their orders, making polite inquiries into each other’s day and the Pittsburgh contingent’s reasons for being in New York City. Once that was done, however, it was Danny who brought them back to the story that had caught their attention.
“So...tell me about this Andrea. I don’t think I’ve met her yet,” he said brightly. “Is she nice?”
Hunter sputtered on his drink. Brian pounded on his back – hard. John shook his head while Julie tried to repress a giggle and failed.
Brandon attempted a diplomatic answer.
“Andrea is an...acquired taste, which the rest of us have yet to quite master. Johnny has become very fond of her, however, so we continue to try.”
“She’s a bitch,” John said bluntly.
“Takes after you as far as taste in women, does he?” Brian commented, most of his attention seemingly still focused on the menu. Danny and Hunter snickered.
“Low blow, Brian,” John told him, frowning.
Brian looked up finally and seeing John’s expression, held up a hand. “Pax.” John held his gaze for a long moment and then nodded.
“So, what’s the story, morning glory?” Brian looked at Julie, who had been watching the two men, fascinated. “What was this Andrea giving Johnny shit about?”
Julie blushed a lovely shade of rose, and looked to Hunter for help. He shrugged and took up the tale, which the two of them had been telling Brandon.
“Andrea insists to Johnny that there was no way he ever would have been able to convince you, Brian, that he was Danny, so that either you were actually pranking him to see how far he would take it, or maybe you had the hots for him and just wanted him to own up to who he was instead of playing childish tricks. Either way, Johnny was wrong to do it but in both cases, he was stupid and wrong, rather than bad boy and wrong, which is what he prefers having been, and which was his point in telling her.”
“What do you mean, his point, which was what I was wondering actually, why did this even come up?” Danny had his very still expression on, which those who knew him best knew was never a good sign. Unfortunately, the food arrived then so they had to wait for an answer, which only gave Danny more time to get madder. While the waiter took his time putting down the food, Brian snaked his arm around his partner’s back so he could pull him closer. He also said in a meditative tone, “Will Rodgers used to say that there are two theories to arguing with a woman – and neither works. Women like this Andrea make me think of that saying.”
Danny, and the others, were distracted, as intended. “How so?” Danny asked.
“Well, she wasn’t there, doesn’t know one of the people involved most significantly, but she is sure she knows better than the other person involved what went down and why,” Brian told him, grinning. Hearing this, the others, especially the two lawyers, John and Brandon, burst out laughing.
“I’m a woman and I’m not like that!” Julie pointed out indignantly, though she was still grinning.
“You are a darling woman,” her Uncle John assured her. “But I’m afraid that Brian has Andrea pegged. I’ve only met her a couple of times and she is...how did Brandon put it? An acquired taste.”
“Like shingles,” Hunter muttered. It was Brian’s turn to sputter into his drink and get pounded on the back.
“So...let me understand. Was Johnny telling the story to her to brag?”
“Oh no, Danny!” Julie rushed to assure him. “It wasn’t like that at all. He really wanted to make sure he had no secrets from her and told her all the worst things he ever did, and he counts that as one of the worst, if not the worst. Trouble is, the more she mocked him, the more he had to kind of emphasize how bad-ass he was back then.”
“Which just led to more skepticism on Ms. Beauregard’s part, I suspect,” Brandon said. “Nothing more pathetic than a bad boy once he’s tamed. Look at Kinney.”
“Look at you,” John said dryly before Danny or Brian could say anything to that blatant challenge. Brian just smirked, however, not even rising to the bait, while Danny was lost in his own thoughts.
“Danny, you aren’t upset with Johnny for discussing this with his girlfriend, are you?” John leaned closer to his youngest brother, once the conversation turned to other topics. “He’s really pretty serious about this girl and not at all trying to bring up that sorry episode for titillating reasons.”
Danny raised his gaze to his brother. Speaking in a low voice, he asked, “Are you happy about this relationship, John? Is Micky?”
John sighed. “We try not to interfere.” Danny raised that mobile eyebrow again and John smiled ruefully. “Well, I try not to interfere. Micky is insane with worry that he’ll marry this girl and hates the idea that she can’t just order him to stop seeing her, but she knows from experience how well that type of thing works out.”
Danny smiled an innocent smile of understanding – which worried his brother more than all of his wife’s rants.
“Danny, you’re not going to do anything, are you? No, let me rephrase that. Danny, you aren’t going to do anything.”
“Not at all. I just kind of think that I see a way to kill two birds with one stone – both get a long overdue revenge on Johnny in a very mild way and yet also do him a favor at the same time by proving a point for him. If it frees him from a very annoying relationship, then it would just be a win/win situation, wouldn’t it?”
“I don’t like the sound of this,” Brian said, turning toward Danny. “What are you plotting?”
“Nothing,” Danny said, kissing him. “Do you want dessert?”
“Spill, kiddo. What are you up to?”
Danny smiled. Brian looked at John. “What’s he going to do and are you just going to let him?”
John steepled his fingers and looked thoughtful while the three younger people stared, wondering what was up. Finally he answered. “There’s another Will Rodgers saying that is pertinent here, which I’ll paraphrase for you. He said there are three kinds of people – some who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves. I believe Danny is proposing that Andrea, who believes herself to be one of those who can learn through reading, and observation, is really just another fool who needs to pee on the fence and he intends to give her that chance.”
“And Johnny?”
“Alas, I’m afraid my son is definitely one who needs to pee on the fence.”
*****
Andrea Beauregard straightened her skirt and patted her hair. She really did not care for this club that John had suggested they meet at – Belle Noir – but she knew she had hurt his feelings, maligning his acting in front of his cousin and friend, so she was willing to make amends. He was performing at the bar on weekends, which she would think would be enough for him. Why would he want to spend his leisure time here too? Still, he did get free drinks, and while he tended to be offered free drinks everywhere they went, she preferred that it be because he worked with the bartenders and not because they wanted to sleep with him.
“Mm, you smell good.” A strong arm came around her waist and a hand came over her eyes. She started in surprise and then relaxed as she recognized her boyfriend’s resonant voice, though he had it pitched slightly deeper. The smell of his cologne was a giveaway even if his voice hadn’t been.
“Not funny, John,” she said, trying to keep the slight tremble out of her voice – he really did have the most wonderfully muscular build; she could feel his chest against her back since her top was cut low in the back. He pushed her hair aside with his lips and nuzzled her neck, making her shiver with delight.
“How did you know who it was?” he asked, his voice back to its normal higher pitch. He dropped his hand away from her eyes but curved it around her cheek, keeping her head in place as he continued to do wonderful things to her neck – she had trouble forming a coherent thought.
She held onto his forearms – for balance – and to try to get control of the situation. “Please, John, not here,” she finally said. Her companion paused, ready to quit, but then she whispered, “Let’s move over there, where it’s darker.”
Andrea pointed toward a corner of the room that was very dark. It was practically a private room. Her companion wondered if she knew what that area was known for – quickie blowjobs mainly – and whether she had ever been back that way with anyone else. He debated heading back there with her but decided he was not ready to go quite that far – public sex wasn’t his thing with the love of his life. It certainly wasn’t his thing with this wench.
“Let’s dance,” he suddenly suggested, tugging her out onto the crowded floor.
Now this was a real test of his skill, far more than sucking on the neck of an easily aroused female in a dimly lit room. Dancing on a far better lit dance floor while pretending to be another skilled dancer who just happened to be ten years younger, partnered with someone who presumably knew the person quite well, without being found out?
Piece of cake, Danny O’Keefe grinned to himself. He hadn’t danced with his nephew in over a year but he knew Johnny pretty well – had choreographed for him countless times and knew his moves like he knew his own. Hell, his moves were his own, for all that Johnny tried to be an original. It was what made Danny feel confident kissing his girl – dancing was like fucking – if you were confident with your body you just knew where and when to move next.
Danny once heard Hunter describe him to one of Johnny’s friends as Johnny 2.0, and it amused him as much as it annoyed Johnny – the older Johnny got, the stronger the resemblance between them became, which Brian attributed to the fact that Danny didn’t age. Andrea didn’t seem to notice anything strange about her presumed boyfriend. She was soon vigorously dirty dancing, pushing the envelope enough that Danny was beginning to hope Hunter showed up early for once in his life. For all that he had hoped to prove a point to her he had no intention of crossing any lines.
“John, let’s leave here and....”
“And there’s Hunter and Julie!” Danny announced, the relief clear in his voice. “Oh, and look who else is there.”
Andrea made an impatient noise. “I don’t want to see your....”
“Andrea?”
“Hi, Johnny!” Danny said brightly. “I’ve been dancing with your lovely friend Andrea. Loud in here tonight though. I don’t think she heard me introduce myself.” Danny grinned mischievously at the girl, who had gone from beet red to alarmingly pale in the span of twenty seconds, as she stared from one incredibly handsome, muscular man with green eyes and long dark hair to the other.
Predictably, she got angry. Somewhat less predictably, in Danny’s opinion, she took her anger out on Johnny.
“You did this!” she hissed at the somewhat non-plussed younger man.. “How low can you go? You got him,” she jabbed her finger toward the deceptively innocent-looking Danny, “to come here and pretend to be you to try to trick me, in order to make a fool out of me, to try to fool me into thinking he was you....”
“Whoa!” Danny interrupted her harangue. He put his arm around his nephew and managed to usher the two young people over to a more private area – though not “blowjob corner.” He signaled for the rest of the gang to join them – along with a waiter. Drinks, he mouthed.
“What do you mean ‘try to fool you?’ You were well and truly fooled, m’lady, and Johnny had no knowledge of it – it was my idea.”
She stared at him blankly. “Why would you do such a thing, you don’t even know me.”
“I can answer that, let me answer it,” Hunter begged.
Johnny looked at Danny quizzically but stayed quiet. He suspected he knew but waited for an explanation. He hadn’t failed to notice how his girlfriend had been hanging on his uncle – she never danced like that with him. And while it would be easy to blame his uncle for this and maybe a few years ago he would have; he’d grown up enough since then to listen before reacting.
It saved him a lot of apologizing.
“Hunter, be quiet,” Danny ordered. “Andrea, you are right, you and I have not met before tonight. But I have heard about you, as I believe you have heard about me. I confess, I have heard that you passed certain judgments about my partner and me and a particular incident that occurred a few years back – perhaps I was misinformed? Did you in fact not state that a person could not possibly mistake Johnny for me, or vice versa? Especially a person intimately acquainted with one of us?”
Andrea flushed deeply again. She looked between Johnny and Danny, staring closely. “Well,” she began, her tone huffy.
“Here it comes,” Hunter whispered to Julie. She elbowed him ... strongly. Then hugged him. Danny sent him a quelling look and he made a zippering motion across his lips. Danny and Johnny rolled their eyes – identically – causing Julie and Hunter to burst out laughing. Andrea almost smiled but then remembered that she was angry. She coughed to cover her lapse.
“I was misled,” Andrea continued, directing her explanation at Danny after sending a scathing glare at Hunter. “Johnny told me you were ten years older, which is ridiculous. How old are you? Twenty-four, twenty-five?”
“Just turned thirty-three, but thank you for the compliment,” Danny answered cheerfully. “Johnny is just over ten years younger. His father is my fourth older brother, and we are thought to resemble each other more than any of my other brothers do.”
“Of course, there are those who believe that all O’Keefes look the same in the dark....”
A new voice made itself heard – Danny looked up and smiled to see Brian standing by the table. Good, he was growing tired of the junior contingent. He turned his face up and accepted a kiss that quickly turned passionate. John and Brandon moved past Brian to take seats next to Johnny and Hunter respectively.
“Obviously Brian is not one who adheres to that to belief,” John commented. “Andrea, very nice to see you again. May I introduce my friend and a junior partner in our firm, Brandon Keane. Brandon, this is Andrea Beauregard.”
“A pleasure to meet you.” Brandon offered his hand. “I’m also Hunter’s partner so I feel as though I know you already. I hope I may call you Andrea and you must call me Brandon. ”
“Of course,” she said, distracted. She was staring at Brian and Danny, who were engrossed in each other still. John was quietly talking with his son so Brandon turned his attention to Hunter who whispered to him what had gone on prior to his arrival.
Which left Julie to catch Andrea’s eye, once she looked her fill of all the handsome men around her.
“Andrea, why don’t you come to the ladies’ room with me?”
“What?”
“Ladies room, now!” Julie said, not bothering to make it a request.
Once they had excused themselves to the men, who were oblivious to their leaving, the girls went to the tiny restroom and faced each other in the mirror, Julie watching as Andrea tried to fix her mottled complexion. She really should get Johnny to help her with her make-up, she thought. Then she launched into the speech she’d made up her mind to deliver – as difficult as her cousin could be, she really did love him and want the best for him, and so far, this Andrea didn’t seem to be it.
“You’ve blown it big-time with Johnny, you know,” Julie said casually, shocking the normally self-assured girl. “And the funny thing is, you don’t even have a clue.”
“Where do you get off telling me...?” Andrea sputtered. “What are you, a model slash teacher? I’ll have you know I’m a....”
“Columbia law school, magna cum laude from NYU...blah blah blah...yeah, I know. I went to college too, sweetie. And guess what? Just because I know how to apply my make-up correctly and look great in a designer dress doesn’t mean I’m any less a Phi Beta Kappa, so shut the fuck up and listen to me. My uncle was trying to prove a point to you – you were wrong when you talked trash to Johnny about his acting skill not being the reason why Brian was fooled into thinking he was Danny. It sure as hell was. Well, that and probably some primo pot. But,” Julie tipped her head consideringly, “that’s only a factor because no one knows men like Brian. Danny says he can look at a man’s crotch and tell you how long his dick is and whether he’s cut.”
She flashed her patented O’Keefe dimpled smile. “But I digress. The point is, Brian had no intention of fucking around with Johnny, Johnny was way out of line by pretending to be Danny and hitting on Brian, and he knew it and it was pretty much bad water under the bridge. He trusted you with this dark secret from his past, something he was ashamed of and you walked all over it, and mocked it. And in doing that, you mocked our family. You mocked my Uncle Danny and the forgiveness he very painfully gave Johnny and the very special relationship he has with his partner Brian. And you did that all because you are a bitch. But the men out there don’t know that. They still think you are capable of learning better. Now I know you aren’t. I think Johnny – who by the way hates being called John – is beginning to figure out that you aren’t. But just to give you a fair chance, I called you in here to let you know, this was your last chance. Either you wake up and recognize what a treasure you have and start treating Johnny the way he deserves or you find a way to let him down easy.”
“Or what?” Andrea asked, trying for bravado but failing as her voice quavered. Julie O’Keefe was a very tall girl and right now, standing next to her in her stiletto heels, she seemed very...menacing. No dimples were showing.
“You’ll think peeing on an electric fence is painless compared to what I do to you,” Julie answered cryptically, before turning and leaving the room.
*****
The next day, Danny and Brian met up with Johnny and John for breakfast before they left for Pittsburgh. The younger man looked pretty rough and Danny felt twinges of guilt over the incident from the day before.
“So...how are things?” he asked after they sat down.
Johnny sucked in his bottom lip. “Got a call-back for a show...auditioned for a mid-season replacement series....um, received a new script from Vince for....”
“I think he means with Andrea,” John interjected dryly before sipping from a large mug of coffee. He reached out and ruffled his son’s curly hair affectionately. Johnny smiled.
“We agreed that we would...date other people.... Forever.”
“Should I say sorry?” Danny raised an eyebrow.
“Or congratulations,” Brian suggested, raising his own mug as though in a toast. Johnny’s smile grew wider, though it was a bit rueful.
“A bit of both? I really did think she was the one. Looking back, of course....” He chewed some bread moodily.
“Looking back you realized you were dating your mother,” Brian suggested, tongue in cheek. John choked on his coffee. Johnny looked up, shocked awareness in his eyes.
“Oh...my...God....” Danny and Johnny said in unison.
“No,” John said firmly. “Micky was nothing like that....” His voice drifted off as he stopped to consider.
“No wonder Mom hated her so much,” Johnny said wonderingly.
“No wonder John kept making allowances for her,” Danny snickered.
“No wonder you could fake getting it on with her,” John shot back at him.
“Pax,” Danny quickly said, a faint flush tinting his cheeks. Brian laughed at him. He turned to Johnny.
“So, what did it, if you don’t mind my asking? Was it Danny’s prank or did you finally have your eyes open or....” Brian left the end of the sentence open.
Johnny shrugged. “Funny thing. She and I went back to my place and she was just really jumpy. We talked and she did apologize for what she had said about the incident with you, Brian. How it couldn’t have been a mistake on your part. Which I had told her and she had refused to believe. But the weirdest thing...she kept coming back to some crazy metaphor about pissing on fences and Julie electrocuting her. I think she must have had way too much to drink or something. Anyway, I just told her it was enough – it was one thing to dump on me, but Julie? Come on, there isn’t anyone sweeter, right?”
The men looked at each other and wordlessly reached an agreement.
“You’re totally right, son. Julie is an angel and that Andrea has to be crazy. You’re better off without her,” John told him.
“Agreed. Hell, she wasn’t even stoned and she couldn’t tell you from the next O’Keefe in the dark,” Danny teased.
Brian’s contribution was, “Stick to men next time. And leave the arguing with women...and everything else to do with women...to the women. Sounds like Julie handled this bitch just fine.”
Raising his empty mug to get the waiter’s attention, Brian resolved to send Julie a dozen roses in her favorite color.
Julie ended up getting three dozen roses that day – John and Danny had the same thought.
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