NOT HAPPY

(Or, Never Get in the Way of a Sentinel and his Donut!)

"Why are you people all in my office?" Simon Banks, Captain of the Major Crime unit of the Cascade P.D. growled as his detectives all filed into his office. "Have the criminals of our fair city decided to take the afternoon off? If so, why wasn’t I informed?" Simon scowled at his detectives, the cream of Cascades finest.

"Simon," Joel, the bomb squad expert, began to explain. "It’s Ellison."

Simon sighed, rolling his eyes. "I should have known. What has he done now?"

"Sir, it isn’t Jimbo’s fault," Megan Connor, their transplanted Aussie detective quickly added.

"I think someone should start explaining what isn’t his fault?"

Megan peeped through the slats of the blinds that covered the windows of Simon’s office. The other detectives leaned over so they could check on the atmosphere in the bull pen. Jim Ellison, Cop of the Year, detective with one of the best solve rates in the state and Sentinel of the Great City, was scowling.

"Now people!" Simon bellowed.

Detective Rafe took up the gauntlet. "It’s like this, sir. You know how Ellison likes his buttermilk donuts?" Simon and the rest of the cowering detectives nodded. "Well the donut girl was making her usual rounds this morning just as a set of new recruits were taking the tour of the precinct. Before anyone could stop him, one of the recruits took the last buttermilk donut!"

Simon had a look of sheer horror on his face.

"That’s right, sir," Connor continued. "It was the last buttermilk donut on the girl’s cart. Jimbo growled and snarled so loud that the poor girl was ready to cry.

"Please tell me Ellison didn’t kill the recruit. I don’t think I can explain away that one."

"No, Simon, but it was close," Henry said.

"But that doesn’t explain why you’re all hiding in here."

"It’s like this, Captain, the loss of Ellison’s donut was just the icing on the cake, so to speak, sir," Rafe tried to give Simon a clearer picture of Jim’s state of mind. "His computer’s been acting up. The printer appears to have eaten one of his reports and apparently Sandburg informed Jim that Naomi is coming for a visit."

"When? I think I’m going to be sick that week or maybe I’ll take my vacation time," Simon said. "Speaking about Sandburg, where is the little runt? He’s the only one who can soothe that beast."

"Not sure, Captain. I called Sandy just after the donut incident but all I got was his voice mail," Connor said. "I hope he’s okay. I don’t think Jimbo can take much more."

Loud banging and cursing brought the detectives of the Major Crime unit back to the window. Jim was pounding on the keyboard and smacking the side of the monitor.

"I hope Sandburg gets back soon. Our departmental budget can not afford another computer," Simon mumbled.

"Wait, something’s happening," Joel remarked. They all gathered around Joel as he carefully pulled on the cord to lift the blinds.

"He hears something," Simon whispered.

Jim cocked his head as if concentrating on a particular sound.

"His nose is twitching," Connor observed.

"Is he doing that piggy back thing he does?" Rafe asked as Jim narrowed his eyes on the doors to the bull pen.

"I hope he doesn’t zone. Sandburg will kill us and him," H said.

"No, look! Is that...yes! He’s smiling. Sandburg must be nearby," Simon said as he visibly relaxed then stuck an unlit cigar in his mouth.

The detectives slowly opened Simon’s office door as Blair walked in carrying two large shopping bags. He made a beeline for Jim, carefully placing the bags down on his own side of the desks. Jim’s smile became wider, the formerly ice blue eyes began to melt as a large bag containing his favorite food in the entire world was placed before him. As if the great powers that be presented Jim with their greatest gift, Jim was truly happy.

"Now you know, Jim, this shouldn’t become a habit but I know you’ve had a hard day so far, so you deserve a little treat," Sandburg said. "I hope you appreciate it." Jim nodded, practically salivating onto his desk.

"Here you go. A Super Wonderburger with the works, a medium order of fries and a large cola. Enjoy, big guy. I’m going to bring the rest of this to the guys."

Jim acknowledged his wondrous gift with several happy tummy noises.

"You’re very welcome, Jim," Blair said with a chuckle and a shake of his head.

As Blair approached Simon’s office, the door opened to allow him passage into the safe sanctum. He placed the bags on the conference table.

"Dig in, I brought lunch for everyone," Sandburg announced barely jumping out of the way while the starved detectives rummaged for their favorite foods. Blair even brought Simon’s favorite sandwich.

"You’re a life saver, Sandy," Megan said as she opened a container that held her salad. She gave Blair a peck on the cheek. Each member of the Major Crime unit thanked Blair as they devoured their lunch.

"How did you know?" Joel asked Blair when he came up for air. Blair had brought back a lean corned beef on rye for the big man.

"What? About Jim? After Megan’s call I figured he’d be grumpy." Simon snorted. "The only thing at that point other than finding a buttermilk donut, would be bringing him a Wonderburger. I wasn’t about to leave everyone out so I went to the deli as well." Blair chomped down on a crisp pickle.

"Um, did anyone make sure that new police officer was okay? I mean Jim didn’t kill him and then hide the body, did he?" Blair asked out of concern.

"I told him the score and suggested he hide out in records for a while. You know how Jim hates to go down there, all that dust," Joel said.

"Ah, good thinking," Blair complimented him. "Well, I better go face the music. He should be purring like a big kitten by now." Blair packed up his trash, placing it back in one of the shopping bags.

"Um, Sandburg, is it true that your mother is coming for a visit?" Simon asked.

"Yeah, Si...I mean, Captain. She should be in later tonight." Simon waved off the formality for the moment. After all, Blair had just saved the squad from a fate worse than death. They were saved from an angry buttermilk donut deprived James Ellison. "Why?"

"Oh nothing. Why don’t you take your partner home? You’ve both got some time coming. I’m sure he could use the break. Maybe clean the loft or something," Simon suggested. They all knew just how anal Jim was about cleanliness.

"Sure Simon, thanks," Blair said as he gave them all a curious look then went out to the bull pen to follow his captain’s orders. Jim beamed brightly as they cleaned up and prepared to go home.

"Okay," Simon said as he began to issue his orders. "Connor, you check the flights, find out when Naomi’s plane lands." Megan nodded.

"Joel, find out where the donut girl gets her buttermilk donuts. Buy at least two dozen of them. We can probably freeze them if necessary."

"Right, Simon!"

"Henry, you and Rafe map out all the Wonderburgers within a five mile radius of the precinct. If we have to we’ll station radio cars close to each local so that someone can bring back a burger with everything for him."

"Yes, sir!" Rafe and H replied.

"Okay people, back to work! I’m sure the criminals of our fair city have had enough of a break."

Happy and sated, the detectives of the Major Crime unit went back to their jobs knowing that the Sentinel of the Great City was also happy and sated. Because no one gets in between the Sentinel and his donut or in this case, his Wonderburger.

The End.

 

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