NUTS TO YOU
“I don’t think Mikey really wants us to come over there for dinner at all, Twink,”
Brian told Justin as they were getting ready to do just that. “He only wants the
gift you always bring him when we go there. A damn five-pound jug of jelly beans
– like - a two years supply….”
“If you were right about all that, Kinney,” Justin reasoned, “how come we get
invited over more often than once every two years? We’re invited just about
every month or so….”
“Why is because Mikey can eat a two-year’s supply of jelly beans in a
month – or even faster,” Brian reasoned back. “Which is not good for him. He’s
lucky he has any teeth left at all. Jelly beans are like – 110% sugar. Now if
you took him some almonds or hazelnuts like I snack on every day, there would be
some healthful benefits – like – studies show how nuts help prevent heart
disease and diabetes and cancer….”
“And those studies are all produced by the nut industry too, I’m pretty sure,”
Justin laughed at him. “I bet they also have a study that shows that nut-eaters
are less likely to be hit by a truck than non-nut-eaters. Bet Twinkie people or
jelly bean people could produce studies just like that if they needed to – but
they don’t need to because Twinkies and jelly beans are good and they get eaten
because they’re good. They don’t need to be healthy. But you know, Bri, you
still might even be healthier if you allowed yourself more than three measly
nuts per day. Gee whiz, I can only get you the two-pound box of nuts cause that
lasts you about six months….”
“You junk food junkies are all the same, Sweetheart. My healthy almonds and
pecans – unsalted of course - wouldn’t last that long if you helped out with
them, Baby,” Brian teased, “But, if something’s healthy, it seems to have no
appeal for you at all….”
“You’re healthy, BK,” Justin grinned as he rubbed his body against the big
guy’s. “And you have some appeal for me….”
“Cut it out, Taylor,” Brian grinned a warning. “We have to leave in five minutes
and you know how Mikey is if we’re late – making all kind of suggestive comments
and stuff. Mikey always expects us to be on time Maybe if you just sent him the
jelly beans though – maybe he wouldn’t even care if we came or not. I often
wonder why Ben doesn’t make Mikey quit eating so many damn jelly beans….”
“I hate to disillusion you, Bri,” Justin was enjoying himself. “But like – Ben
eats jelly beans too – maybe not as many as Michael but a lot anyway….”
“I should have figured,” Brian mused aloud. “Always wondered what those two have
in common….”
“Cut it out, Brian,” Justin stopped him. “You know very well Mikey and Ben are
really well matched. So look at us. You like healthy nuts and stuff and I like –
Twinkies – and I still think we’re well matched. I’ll make you a deal though –
I’ll eat some nuts if you’ll eat some Twinkies….”
“OK, Baby,” Brian concluded. “You’re getting silly now – so it has to be time to
head for Mikey’s. Wait a second till I get the package I’m taking them since I
don’t want to be associated with the gift of those infernal jelly beans.”
“Gee whiz, Kinney,” Justin marveled. “You must really mean what you say. It
would take a lot for you to actually go out yourself and buy something to take
along to Mikey’s. That’s not Kinney-like at all. But I’ll bet the gift is
Kinney-like. Bet I can guess what it is too - it’s a box of nuts.”
“Nope,” Brian grinned, “I guess you saw that box of nuts I had hidden. Nope,
those nuts are for you, my little twink. I can always hope. I want you to be as
healthy as I am – cause I want you around for a long time….”
“So are you gonna tell me what you got for Mikey?” Justin inquired – curious
enough that he ignored the compliment. “I’m like – real interested…..”
“OK, Baby,” Brian conceded, “Since you have to know everything I might just as
well tell you – it’s a bottle of Listerine mouthwash and a package of dental
floss.”
“Nice gift, Bri - really nice,” Justin laughed as Brian encircled him with his
arm and those two well matched partners headed out to Mikey’s for dinner.
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