THE ROCKY ROAD

(Cue the Mission Impossible theme song, the TV series version.)

"Perimeter alarm set, check."

"Surveillance cameras on, check."

"Dead bolt locks on the doors, check."

"Windows, windows. Windows, locked, checked."

"House alarm functional and armed, check."

"Freezer unit secured with new lock, check."

"Freezer unit sensors installed and activated, check."

"Net, check."

He gave the area one last look over before setting up his command post and waiting for the suspect. He didn’t have too long to wait.

Weee-oooo! Weee-oooo! Weee-oooo! Weee-oooo!

"Shit! What the fuck?!"

"Ah ha! I knew it had to be you!"

"Well who the fuck did you think it was, the chickens?! And can you turn off that fucking alarm! Thank you. Alex, what is all this?"

"Isn’t it obvious, Walter?"

"Enlighten me."

"All right. Fact one, we went shopping two weeks ago," Alex began as he held up one finger. "We purchased three hundred and fifty dollars worth of groceries including non-perishables and bulk packages of meat and fish that we froze. Fact two, we purchased four gallons of ice cream. We both agreed upon the flavors, correct?"

"That’s correct. What is this, Krycek? Are you interrogating me?" growled an angry and somewhat embarrassed Walter.

"Just clearly enumerating the facts as we know them, Skinner."

"Then get on with it."

"What’s the rush? Your ice cream melting?" Alex asked as he narrowed his eyes on the evidence that was starting to get a little soft in Walter’s hands.

"Proceed!" Walter barked.

"If you insist. Fact three, the aforementioned ice cream, the flavors we agreed upon are..."

"Yes, yes, chocolate, mint chocolate chip, raspberry cream and..."

"Rocky road, a particular favorite of yours, I believe."

"Well, yes, I don’t deny that rocky road is my favorite ice cream," Walter admitted as he squirmed under Alex’s scrutiny.

"And what did the doctor say about indulging in too much rocky road?"

"He warned me about possible weight gain and increase of the bad cholesterol."

"And?"

"The marshmallows aggravate my stomach," Walter mumbled.

"What was that?"

"The marshmallows aggravate my stomach," Walter said succinctly.

"They aggravate your stomach. The last time you overdosed on rocky road I thought we were going to take a trip to the hospital."

"Don’t exaggerate, Alex. It wasn’t that bad."

"Wasn’t that bad? Not only were you in pain for days, your belly was bloated beyond belief. You looked like you were about to give birth to an elephant. Need I remind you of the other side effects of your overindulgence?" Alex pinched his nose.

"No thank you," Walter grumbled as he handed Alex the near empty container of ice cream.

"Oh Walter," Alex admonished as he replaced the lid back on the carton then put it back in the freezer. "I love you; I only want you to stay healthy. I felt helpless seeing you so sick." Alex kissed Walter’s forlorn looking face. "Besides the odiferous side effects nearly had me running for the hills."

"So you booby trapped the freezer and if I’m not mistaken, you’ve got the whole house and grounds under surveillance."

"My love for you holds no bounds. I would do anything to keep you safe and healthy. That includes protecting you from you." Alex hugged his recalcitrant bear giving him a gentle kiss. "I love you," Alex said.

"I love...ooo," Walter groaned, his hands automatically went to his belly, rubbing it in circles. "I don’t feel so good. Ughh."

Alex’s nose began to twitch as he walked to the back door.

"Where are you going?" Walter asked as he watched Alex unbolt the door. Walter was still rubbing his belly.

"Heading for the hills," Alex said as he calmly walked out.

Walter pouted for a moment then shrugged his shoulders. He opened the freezer and reached for the rocky road, setting off the alarms. A serene smile came to his face as a spoonful of ice cream passed his lips.

"SKINNER!"

-end-
 

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