Girl, You're Gonna Make It After All

“So, you, tall drink of water! What’s with the funny looking hat? You think you’re some kind of movie star, you need to hide who you are behind a funky hat and those fake designer shades?” Tia was this week’s leader of the pack. Emmett could tell after just five minutes in Fr. Tom’s moving shelter for the homeless. Some weeks he was able to spot who it would be within five steps. There was always someone who homelessness, joblessness, the whole weight of “lessness” didn’t beat down without them giving it right back, blow for blow. He kind of admired that spirit, even if it did task his almost boundless good nature. And on a night like tonight, when he was scheduled to be serving alongside someone like his Snarkship himself, Brian Kinney – look out, fireworks off the port side. Brian liked to reserve for himself the right to mock his friends. Emmett wished he’d thought to take a couple extra Xanax before coming to the Church Hall.

Em was just opening his mouth to defend his choice of headgear in a suitably light-hearted fashion when who should appear but Brian, still wearing the designer suit he’d gone to work in, a laptop bag slung over his shoulder. Emmett’s heart sank, although he kept a beaming smile on his face. Danny must have been delayed at work again, so this was his way of getting coverage. He meant well, and so did Brian. But where Danny did a great job when he volunteered at the shelter, playing games and interacting with the people naturally – his time in piano bars always kept his “common touch” in shape, Brian was a different story. Brian could mix with people no problem – but they had to be people he wanted to mix with and people he considered beneath him weren’t it; he’d shaken the dirt off his lower middle-class roots years ago and didn’t like to be reminded of them.

“Woohoo, look at Mr. GQ! Don’t see any old Elmer Fudd hat on his head! That’s what I call a fine looking man!” Tia got the group all looking and laughing at Brian as he strolled into the room.

Now, Emmett knew Brian to be a very confident man. If a group of construction workers were to hoot and holler at him as he walked by, if he acknowledged it at all, it would be with a cocky wave or a bow and he’d saunter on past. It would be the same if it was a gaggle of impish college girls who were to whistle at that fine ass of his when he ran past in his little running shorts on one of his runs. So, Emmett wondered, looking at the blush that was beginning to stain the perfect cheekbones, the crease of a frown that was marring the arch of brow, and the downward turn of full, lush lips, what was putting his 2xist briefs in a twist now?

Because twisted they were. Clearly Brian was embarrassed by this group of displaced people, the residentially challenged, as Professor Ben and Social Worker Blake called them, to the giggles of Hunter and Daphne. Now Brian was likely to agree with Daphne’s hunky hubby Dr. Jamie, who scornfully asked what the fuck was wrong with the term homeless? Did they think the person living on the grate would get his feelings hurt if you told him he was homeless, he probably already knew, the big doctor argued. But Brian knew better than to be caught saying that. Because his partner, like Daphne, was quick to pick up the gauntlet thrown by Jamie.

“It’s a matter of dignity,” Danny had retorted sharply, always willing to argue with his brother, though in this case he happened to believe it. “The person in a wheelchair knows he can’t walk but you don’t have to call him a cripple, do you?”

“Tell me you don’t,” Daphne had begged, while Brian had snarked, “I wouldn’t take it for granted with the Jock Doc here.”

As usual, the conversation deteriorated from there, Em recalled fondly, thinking of the food that started flying when words were no longer enough. The O’Keefes had certainly added a new dimension to his life. And to Brian’s, he believed that firmly, as he watched the proud man walk stiffly across the church hall to the small kitchen where Emmett was untying the pom-poms and taking off his floppy-eared hat.

“Great little group tonight, I see,” Brian whispered sotto voiced, after giving Emmett a kiss on the cheek. “Who is the mouthy one?”

“That’s Tia,” Emmett told him, handing him a cold bottle of water. “She’s Myra’s older daughter, Myra’s been with us for a few go-rounds, this is the third. Her younger girl....”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don’t need the book and verse, I’ll catch the Hallmark movie,” Brian snarled. Yep, something sure had his thong in a twist, Emmett affirmed to himself, but knew better than to ask what. Instead, he asked, “So, you here for the whole night or is Danny going to make it later?”

“Christ, he’d better show up, or send one of the others. He signed up for dinner and sleeping through the night and no way am I sleeping on one of those cots. I told him I’d cover the dinner part for him. Bad enough he’s not going to be home in bed where he belongs. How about you?”

“There’s supposed to be a man and a woman volunteer, usually, but when it’s two of us, they bend the rules,” Em grinned at him.

“What, they aren’t afraid we’ll be so inspired by lust, that we’ll run wild and rape all the womenfolk? How progressive of them,” Brian sneered. “But what makes the little boys safe without a woman to exert their calming influence over the male of the species?”

“What makes you think you’re so safe from us females of the species, pretty boy?”

Another of the guests, Tonya this time, had sneaked up on Brian and she almost scared the shit out of him when she goosed him, causing the rest of the ladies as well as the older kids, to break out laughing again. He whirled around, furious, but when he saw that his “attacker” was a five foot two waif, albeit dressed in army fatigues, no doubt bought cheap at the army-navy surplus store and far too big for her small frame, he was left trying to stop in mid-whirl. Tonya was a bit of a chameleon, and she tried to make up for her short stature with two inches of spiked red hair and the rough clothes, plus, what you could see of her pale skin was covered in tattoos and body piercings. Despite all of her “camouflage” as Emmett thought of her style choices, Tonya still didn’t look any older than her nineteen years. Truthfully, she barely looked that but Emmett wasn’t going to be the one to break the news to her. She thought she looked at least twenty-five and as tough as nails.

As he took all of this in with his usual perspicacity, Brian’s furious expression relaxed. “I think I’ll manage. But if I need help, just so I don’t mess up my clothes, you understand, can I assume you hire out as protection? And what’s your name, hot shot?”

Tonya grinned, pleased to be addressed with a measure of what she saw as equality and respect. And a sense of humor, which she liked. At least the new guy had neither yelled nor acted patronizing, two things she hated. Em already knew that both approaches were deadly to any possibility of the group liking a new volunteer and accepting him or her. They’d rather be ignored all night than patronized, which was, unfortunately, what too many “do gooders” tended to do, speaking in high, childish tones like they were speaking to kids Gus’s age. Hell, Gus wouldn’t put up with that anymore and he was just eight.

“Brian, this is Tonya, one of our guests for the two weeks. She has a little girl, Celia, who is sleeping probably, this being her nap-time, right, Ton?” Getting a nod – and the fact of their young tough’s maternity out of the way early. Happy that he could count on Brian to maintain an expressionless expression – Em went on with the introductions, “Then we have Myra, over there on the sofa,” pleasant, weary-looking Myra waved, “she’s mother to Tia, our vocal fashion police-person. You heard her admiring my fine chapeau when you came in. And that little cutie dozing on Myra’s lap is Tenesha, she’s Myra’s also, but I think Tia got her share of mouthiness.”

“Oh no, she got plenty of her own, she just lost some of it when....” Tia suddenly shut up. Shooting a distressed look at her mother, her mood went from one of happy teasing to that sudden embarrassment that girls of fifteen get. Jumping up, she muttered something and dashed off to her little cubby of a room, which was enclosed by curtains in the front and side “walls” that stopped short a foot shy of the floor and two feet short of the ceiling.

“Sucks to be here, you can’t slam a door,” Tonya observed, grabbing for an apple out of the bowl Emmett set out next to the Twinkies that the lady in charge of food for the group always purchased. She flashed him a grateful smile and nodded at the Twinkies.

“You know us poor, homeless people, we just can’t resist those Twinkies, but every once in a while, I like to try rich people food, like, uh, what’s this called again?” She held up the apple and made a face like she didn’t know what it was.

“Food?” Myra called over, laughing gently. “Emmett, I can’t remember if you said what your friend’s name was. I got distracted by Tia’s little upset.”

It was his turn to blush. Emmett hadn’t finished making his introduction properly, even if he had said Brian’s name, although by now, he couldn’t remember if he had or not. He was the one who got distracted, but Myra was too sweet to say so. Brian nudged him with his shoulder and smiled that mega-watt smile of his, that had everyone in the room swooning, Em included.

“I’m Brian, Brian Kinney. My boyfriend goes to this Church and, well, I guess I do sometimes too. More for the music than for the prayers though. I don’t want you to take me on any false pretenses. I’m not one of these Godly types like Em and Danny. I’m just filling in for a while tonight, so if I don’t know all the rules, or mess up, feel free to tell me, but I’d appreciate it if you don’t tell on me, deal?” He reached out for his own apple and took a big bite, chomping with as much enjoyment as Tonja.

It was amazing. Brian just had to cast his line and the ladies and children of the Interfaith Hospitality Network Family Outreach were caught, hook, line and sinker. Em returned to his dinner preparations and wondered what he’d been so worried about.

After dinner, which Em had to admit was well received. He knew how to make a meal both scrumptious and family friendly if he did say so himself. Once the other guests had drifted in from their jobs and after school activities, things gotten a bit hectic, but as the rules required, most pitched in to help. Brian did his part by helping some of the older kids with their homework. Thank goodness he did, Em thought. If he’d been called upon to help with what they were calling math these days, those poor kids would never pass middle school.

Tia still hadn’t cheered up by the time the meal was being eaten, which wasn’t like her. She kept her head down and returned monosyllabic answers to everything said. The other three families who were staying with the Church this turn had arrived by dinnertime and between introductions and making bed assignments since it was the first night for one of them at the new location, it was a bit of a madhouse. It was a rough night for Danny to be late, since, as one of the Directors of the program, he was good at smoothing over the rough edges. Emmett was good at working, but when one of the evening volunteers got her knickers in a twist over an imagined slight, he didn’t always know the right thing to say.

Amazingly, it was Brian who soothed the woman down and had her beaming before she toddled off to her car, awash in “the light of Jesus” as Father Tom liked to call it. Old Father Baker, a more practical man, was more likely to laugh and call it the reflected glow of their own self glorification, but if it got the work done, he wasn’t going to deny it to them.

Danny didn’t show up until close to nine, but he was popular with this group, and he liked to meet the newcomers, so he made the rounds, holding little Celia on his shoulder, so Tonya could try getting some schoolwork done. She was working on her GED and Brian showed her on his laptop how she could access the site on-line and get some of her assignments done.

Emmett helped make up the extra beds that were needed, which hadn’t been done sooner, though it should have been. Typical snafu when you’re running a movable shelter. IHN was a national organization organized on local levels, which moved groups of “residentially challenged” people from member congregations’ places every week or every two weeks, depending on how each local group agreed to do it, but had a central Day Center funded by the congregations, where the people could keep things and where the only paid employee, a director who was a social worker, handled intake, and also took care of job training, educational training and re-training, making sure the kids were bussed to their home district no matter which congregation had them, and ultimately, placed the families back into homes of their own. The “Inter-faith” part of the name came from the fact that the member groups were from all denominations, Christians, Jews, Muslims, Unitarians – any group that believed in helping those less fortunate and could house families for up to two weeks. If there was a group of atheists with a building who were organized and wanted to join, Danny told Brian, they were welcome, but they had to be organized as well as the Episcopalians, which wasn’t easy. Getting fourteen dinners for fifteen volunteered wasn’t easy even among those ladies. And men.

The reason for the time limit was to keep it under the state regulatory rules for shelters, because IHN served the people who fell through the cracks of the state system. They helped people who weren’t poor enough for state aid or who couldn’t last until the state’s waiting period for aid elapsed, or who, by the time the paperwork for state aid was done, might have been back on their feet but in the meantime, were living in cars. IHN kept people from living in cars. And they gave them a boost when they got back into homes. Plus, the red tape for getting in was non-existent, since the only in-take was their own social worker and the drug screening for the adults. It was actually not all that hard, Emmett thought, once the initial fund-raising was done to get the Day Center leased and running, and a van bought for transporting the people who didn’t have cars back and forth from it. And there was the salary for the paid social worker, couldn’t forget that. But there were twelve member groups to help with all that.

And, looking at little Celia on Danny’s shoulder, her spiked haired mom tapping away at the laptop, building a better life for her daughter and her, or seeing tired Myra with her sick little daughter on her lap, getting a respite from living in a car, or God forbid, on the street, soft-hearted Emmett had to brush away the tears quickly. Emmett knew that none of these strong people wanted his pity or his sympathy, but he couldn’t help it sometimes, like when he thought of Myra’s story. The sweetest woman in the world, and to have had it so hard.

Myra looked up at Emmett as he walked by, some extra blankets in hand.

“Emmett, sweetie, have you seen my Tia? I haven’t seen her at all since dinner.”

Brian looked over from where he’d been having a low-voiced conversation with Danny.

“She let me go over her math homework with her but she had it down pretty pat. Said she was going to go outside to get some fresh air before lights out – that’s allowed isn’t it?” Brian looked a little self-conscious. It was always difficult knowing what the “rules” were for the guests. He wouldn’t presume to tell someone else’s fifteen year old what to do, but as the “host” volunteer, there was almost an aspect of the host being the adult, and all of the “guests” being children, whether they were the parents or the children. Myra took it ironically, but some guests, especially the men, reacted pretty negatively to it, and who could blame them? Lights out at ten o’clock? Be sure to make your own bed? Of course, Emmett understood that the rules were there for the sake of the other guests, many of whom had to get up really early, and no one wanted to clean up after other people, but it was insulting for it to be assumed that people had to be told these things just because they were homeless. Trouble was, when the rules weren’t posted and emphasized, more problems resulted from those few bad apples, Danny would always point out, and the majority would end up suffering for the few.

Myra looked worried. “I wouldn’t worry, normally; she is fifteen, but she don’t know this neighborhood. And it’s really cold out and dark. She might have gotten lost. What time you locking the door, Danny?”

Danny gave her his sweet smile, the real one he saved for special people. “Don’t you worry, Myra, no way would I lock the door while Tia’s out there. And while it’s a strange neighborhood, it’s pretty safe, as safe as anyplace is these days. But tell you what? Why don’t I give Celia to Em here to finish rocking to sleep and Brian and I’ll split up and cover the neighborhood looking for her? Between the two of us, we should have her back here within twenty minutes unless she’s a world class walker. And if she went that far, I’ll call out the Irish mob that is my family and extend the search, okay?”

Myra looked relieved, but embarrassed too. “I’m sorry to be such a bother. I don’t know what’s gotten into that girl of mine.”

“No problem at all. Brian’s no doubt happy to have the chance to work off that piece of chocolate cake he had,” Emmett grinned at Danny as he got ready to take the drowsy little girl from his shoulder.

“There was chocolate cake? And I didn’t get any? You are in so much trouble, Kinney!” Danny, the chocoholic teasingly complained.

“I saved you a piece, you cake addict. But let Em go out with me. He had two pieces, and you’re looking tired. He and I can look for Tia as easily as you and I could. Besides, he’s got that nice warm hat and all you have is hair to keep you warm.”

Danny laughed but he did look tired, Em realized. He grinned at Danny. “Well, if I must confess. I didn’t really eat two pieces. I saved you a piece also, so there’s two pieces of cake waiting for you in the fridge, sweetie. And I know you’re perfectly capable of eating them and holding Celia so you go sit down with her, let me get you the first piece really quick, then I’ll just find my hat and be off with Brian...whoo, whoo, walking in the moonlight with Brian Kinney! My secret desire!” Emmett clapped his hands in glee, causing general laughter.

“Don’t do anything I would do,” Danny warned, shaking his fork at him in mock menace.

“With that hat on his head? Please. I have standards,” Brian said.

“Does that mean you would if he didn’t have the hat on?” one of the other women asked, grinning broadly.

“I would not, could not, do Em in that hat, I would not, could not, and that is that,” Brian said firmly, dragging a giggling Emmett out the door while the guests starting coming up with new rhymes.

A short while later found Brian and Emmett coming to a fork in the likeliest routes.

“Do you think she would have gone down to the school playground or over toward the lake?” Emmett asked. He was a little worried. Some of the older, rougher boys hung out in both places at night. He wasn’t all that crazy about walking around by himself at night around there, not being as tough as either Danny or Brian. He was worried that Brian would suggest they separate, which he knew he would agree to...but he wouldn’t like it.

But Brian’s sharper eyes had already spotted a lonely figure hunched up on a bench by the lake.

“Tell you what, Em, you let me borrow your hat and I’ll finish this on my own, okay? You okay getting back from here on your own? I’ll watch you from this point. I’ll get Tia; you dash off and get inside where it’s warm. Have some hot chocolate or something ready for our return. Deal?”

Emmett wavered, but the idea of being inside, away from the cold and the shadows, sipping at a nice cup of hot chocolate – maybe even cutting into that spare cake that he’d brought – proved too enticing.

“You’re a doll, Brian.”

“So typical of you, Honeycutt, I do something nice for you and you start calling me names. Get that skinny ass of yours back to Church.”

Handing him his flap-eared, tasseled hat, Emmett leaned forward and bussed him on the cheek before Brian could stop him, then ran away before he could get hit by the fist Brian waved threateningly. As soon as he was gone, though, Brian grinned fondly after the tall queen. Then he turned and ambled toward the lake, taking a moment to place the hat firmly on his own handsome head.

His soft footfalls didn’t alert the young girl to his approach. She wasn’t aware of him until he was right next to her, and spoke. “Nice night for star gazing.”

Tia practically fell into the lake, she jumped so high at the sound of his soft voice. “Fuck, man, scare me to death why do...what in hell are you wearing that goofy thing for?” Tia settled back down on the bench, but a little bit of her old self appeared, her posture not looking quite so defeated.

“Keeps my head warm,” Brian replied off-handedly. “Mind if I sit on your bench?”

“Ain’t my bench. Nothing is mine. Not this bench, not my bed. Not the table I eat at or the toilet I....”

“I get the general idea. So, may I sit with you or not? The bench may not belong to you, but you ever hear the phrase, possession is nine-tenths of the law? For the moment, you have possession of that bench, and I do not want to infringe upon your glorious privacy if you wish to keep possession of it. I can understand that privacy is hard enough to come by as a teenager. For a teenager in your circumstances, it is probably harder than for many.”

“Hah, harder than for any. But sit your ass down if you want. I’m not going to make you stand....And thanks for asking. Not everyone would,” she added grudgingly.

“Well, you have it hard, I’ll grant you that, but I wouldn’t say you have it harder than anyone ever had it. You got your little cubby thing to yourself. Ever think to ask Emmett how he grew up?”

“Him? With his fancy ways and his wild clothes. Bet he was a rich white kid, grew up on some plantation down south. Rich kids sometimes love to dress poor. Think it’s fun. But don’t get me wrong, Emmett is a good guy. I like him and I know he’s real. But he’s so happy all the time. Like he’s never known a hard day or a sad time, you know?”

“You’re a smart kid but you’ve got a little bit to learn, sweetheart. Emmett isn’t happy because he’s never had a sad thing happen. He’s like that because he chooses to be. It’s like the hat he chooses to wear. He could pick out a serious, sensible hat that would keep him just as warm and no one would laugh at him, or he could wear a bright, hat that lifts his spirits and the spirits of the people around him on one of the God awful, freeze your balls off Pittsburgh days. And to the people who laugh at him instead of with him, Em would just say, well, fuck ‘em. Who cares about them?”

“But...it’s easier when you come from somewhere....” Tia’s voice was really low, so low Brian had to bend close to hear her.

He smiled ruefully. “Em comes from some tiny little town in Mississippi that only exists for people to get out of. You talk about having something of your own? He didn’t have anything to call his own with scores of brothers and sisters and cousins...but you know what? In all the years I’ve known Emmett, not one of them has ever visited and he’s never gone back.”

“Why?”

“They didn’t like his taste in hats, I guess,” Brian said in a faraway voice. Then he looked at Tia. “I’ve done a lot of sharing with you, now you want to tell me why you went off like you did? Only fair.”

“But you didn’t really share about you,” the shrewd girl pointed out, “you told about Emmett.”

“Hoped you wouldn’t notice that,” Brian smiled. “I wore Emmett’s hat, isn’t that enough of a sacrifice? And I’m freezing my ass off on this bench. I wouldn’t do that for just anyone and I’m doing it for you, Tia. Because...damned if I know why. But tell me, why did you run away?”

“You know why we’re here...in the shelter, I mean. Everybody always knows.”

“Actually, no, I don’t. I assume it’s because you need a place to stay.”

Tia rolled her eyes at him. And he stuck his tongue out at her, making her giggle. They both smiled then.

“Tell me, why are you in the shelter?” Brian invited.

“It’s Tenesha’s fault, well, kind of. She got sick real bad. A cancer in her stomach.” Brian tried not to look shocked but he must not have been completely successful because Tia nodded with satisfaction. “I know, people are surprised that a little kid like her can get cancer. But you’re pretty good, you didn’t cry or anything or start asking a million questions. That gets so tiresome. She’s better now. It’s in, what do they call it, when it goes away, but it might come back, but it might not? They don’t call you cured, you’re in it instead.” She looked at him expectantly. “You know it, ‘re’ something....”

“Remission,” Brian prompted. Yeah, he knew it well. He was in it.

“Yeah, that’s it,” She nodded approvingly. “Tenesha’s in remission. But at first, after they took the tumors out, she was in chemo and there was radiation and all. She was real sick and mom had to stay home with her. And she had family leave time, which was good coz they had to hold her job, but they didn’t have to pay her, which is what we thought it meant. So, now she’s back at work, but we lost our apartment, and the co-pays and all the other stuff, the travel to the specialist, that ate up all mom’s savings. So right when we want to be happy that Tenesha’s better, it’s like everything’s horrible.”

“Sucks,” Brian agreed solemnly.

“It does. And I can’t complain because then it seems like I’m not grateful that Tenesha’s alive, which I am, but sometimes I wish mom had time for me. And I wish there were money for things I want. And I can’t be little Miss Perfect and Cute, like Tenesha all the time. She used to be as mouthy as me, and fun, and now, it’s like, it’s like...”

Brian cut in quickly, hoping to stave off a burst of tears, sensing that, justified as it might be, more self-pity wasn’t the answer here.

“What kinds of things do you like? If you could get a job, for example? A way to help you make some spending money?”

“Need working papers to get a job at fifteen,” she said scornfully, distracted from her distress. Ah, the versatility of fifteen, Brian thought, remembering Mikey at that age.

“And working papers exist because there are fifteen year olds, enterprising ones, who get jobs,” Brian pointed out. “So, let’s pretend for a moment that this is a magic hat, capable of making any type of opportunity you’d like to have, appear. What would you like to do?”

Tia smiled, a warm, engaging smile. “So glad you didn’t say, ‘when you grow up.’”

“I figured a girl who’s been through as much as you have in the past couple of years has done a fair amount of growing up,” Brian explained. “So, what shall we ask of the hat?”

Tia looked out over the water. “I like to take pictures. I had a really nice digital camera but it was stolen at the shelter we stayed at before getting in here. Mom says she’ll get me a new one for my birthday but I don’t know...there’s a lot...anyway, what I really would love is a job with a place where I could learn more about photography and get to see real photographers work. I know I couldn’t do much now, but they must need someone to run off prints or make coffee, answer phones, you know?”

“Undoubtedly,” Brian said, privately resolving to have Cynthia coach the new young Kinnetik’s intern and teach her to avoid punctuating her speech with “you know” before permitting her to answer any phones. “I promise you, Tia, and believe me, I don’t make promises lightly, but I’m promising you that I happen to know of an opening at a local advertising agency for an intern, paid position, in the art department, and it’s yours if you want it.”

Tia looked at him with disbelieving eyes. “You’re kidding me! Don’t I have to interview or anything?”

“You just did. And you passed the intelligence test when I reviewed your homework. Now, all I need to see is if you can pass the common sense portion. You ready to head back and get out of this cold?”

Tia jumped up. “What are you waiting for, man! Come on!”

Brian got up a little more slowly. He thought his butt may have frozen to the bench.

“Here,” he said. “You can wear the hat back. Congratulations on your new job.”

“Wooheee!” Tia took the hat and sent it soaring up, ala Mary Tyler Moore.

The two of them watched, open-mouthed, as the wind off the lake caught the flaps of the hat and sent it flying upward, making it look like a rather gaudy, tassled, rainbow colored bird. The “wings” flapping, it went higher and higher, and then flew away, across the lake.

As it soared out of sight, Brian threw his arm across Tia’s shoulders.

“Girl, I think it’s going to make it...and so are you. Let’s get back and get some hot chocolate before the others drink it all.”

Side by side, they walked back.
 

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