The Hat

 

It started seven years ago when Brian crashed Gus’s Bris. To this day Melanie has never gotten over the fact that she’s raising an uncircumcised son. Lindsay, on the other hand remains secretly relieved that Gus’s father had intervened. While the ceremonial removal of the male child’s foreskin meant a lot to her partner, Lindsay had not been looking forward to placing her precious baby boy in any undue harm. Brian’s unspeakable display of disrespect for a time honored Jewish tradition continued to come up during arguments at the home of the munchers.

Religion aside, the latest trend to “take the whole baby home” was causing quite a stir in a medical community that viewed routine circumcision as a relatively risk free, yet profitable procedure that netted pediatricians an average of 13.8 million dollars a year. For decades newborn baby boys were taken to back rooms, strapped down and lined up to have the cosmetic surgery performed on them without the mercy of anesthesia, for the sake of having dicks that looked like their dads. Thanks to Brian, Gus had been spared the ritualistic genital mutilation. This made him a minority within his age group.

Recess was over at George Washington Public School. After nearly an hour of snacks, juice boxes, and horseplay Mrs. Beasley’s energetic first grade class lined up for their washroom break. The hijinks continued inside the boys john where Gus, and his classmates engaged in the time honored male tradition of aiming and pissing on your urinal buddy’s shoes. The fun, however, was abruptly interrupted when Gus’s longtime nemesis, Tyler made a shocking discovery.

“Hey, Gus’s dick has a hat on it!” Tyler pointed.

“It does not!” Gus objected, as the other boys gathered around to see. A quick comparison revealed that Tyler was right. Gus’s dick was not like the others. Indeed, his was capped over with extra skin.

“Retard dick, retard dick!” Tyler took aim, and fired a stream of pee that landed on Gus’s shoes.

Humiliated, Gus quickly zipped up his pants, and fled the washroom.

There are some things that a man doesn’t discuss with anyone, not even with his father. Thus began Gus’s lonesome quest to find others like himself. Since everyone said he looked like his pop, he began his search with Brian. Sharing the toilet for an early morning piss was a golden opportunity to check out the family jewels. Nope, Gus’s dick didn’t look anything like his dad’s. A sneak peek at Justin in the shower offered no consolation either. Except for the patch of light brown hair above it, Justin’s dick looked very similar to Brian’s. Soon every visit to a public restroom became an opportunity for Gus to sneak a glance at any male standing at the urinal next to his. Alas, there wasn’t a single hat to be found.

 

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Meanwhile, back at school, the boys, lead by Tyler continued their taunting. Gus’s retard dick, with the hat on it was the joke of the playground. It was Lindsay who noticed her son’s sudden reluctance to go to school. The worried mother wrongly concluded that the newness of Brian’s marriage had Gus feeling left out. Perhaps what he needed was more quality time with his father. To make that time even more special, Tony suggested an evening at The Plaza. A pajama party, if you will, with no women allowed. Just Gus, and the guys.

Unlike Brian’s loft, Tony’s penthouse was like a trip to Disney World. There were fast moving elevators to ride up & down on, game rooms to explore, an indoor swimming pool, and all the pizza, and ice cream you could eat. All Gus had to do was pick up Tony’s red phone, and place his order. You could even order movies. Tonight’s selections were “Madagascar 2” and “Psycho Zombies From Outer Space”.

Justin, Brian, and Gus made themselves comfortable while they waited for Tony to come upstairs. A meeting that lasted longer than anticipated was holding everything up. Finally, Tony dashed through the door. “I’m sorry I’m late. Give me a minute to take a quick shower, and put my pj’s on.” He made a beeline for the master bedroom.

“Hurry up, Tony! I already ordered the pizza,” Gus said.

“What kind did you get?” Tony asked.

“Pineapple.” Brian and Justin frowned.

“Yum, my favorite,” Tony lied.
 

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The warm water of the shower marked the end of a long, exhausting day. Tony closed his eyes, and allowed the spray to massage his face as he psyched himself up for an evening of outer space zombies, pineapple pizza, and a seven year old. This new role of stepfather was one he never anticipated. It was one that he didn’t want to fuck up. Having grown up without parents himself, Tony was determined not to come between Brian, and his son.

While stressing over the finer points of parenting, the strongest member of The Royal Trio was unaware that he had acquired an audience. Curious Gus had managed to slip away from his Pop and Justin long enough to sneak into Tony’s bedroom. With the sound of the water running, Gus eased the bathroom door ajar, and peeked inside. There, behind the glass shower door was the biggest dick he had ever seen. It was dark, and surrounded by thick black hair. It hung way down past Tony’s balls, but most importantly, it had a hat on it.

It was as if the heavens had suddenly opened up. Gus could hear the angels singing, as a bright light shined down upon him. It was all crystal clear to him now. YES! One day he too would have a dick as big as Tony’s.

 

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Recess was over at George Washington Public School. After nearly an hour of snacks, juice boxes, and horseplay Mrs. Beasley’s energetic first grade class lined up for their washroom break. The hijinks continued inside the boys john, where Gus and his classmates engaged in the time honored male tradition of aiming, and pissing on your urinal buddy’s shoes.

“Ha,ha! Look at that retard dick with the hat on it!” Tyler started in again.

“It’s not a hat, stupid. That’s extra room to grow,” Gus said proudly. “Ha,ha! Look at your little pee-wee dick!”

“It’s not a pee-wee!” Tyler objected, as the other boys gathered around to see.

“Pee-wee dick, pee-wee dick! Its got no more room to grow!” Gus took aim, and fired a stream of pee that landed on Tyler’s shoes.

Humiliated, Tyler quickly zipped up his pants, and fled the bathroom.
 

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