Be a Clown

“OK, Taylor,” Brian asked the blond twink as they sat down to an elaborate dinner in the loft. “What’s up? Something is up – I’m sure of that. First I talk to Gus and so then Linz gets all upset - and now this great big unexpected dinner – all out of a clear blue sky? So I’m just wondering how clear that blue sky really is – if you know what I mean.”

“Well, Lindsay did mention to me that you were talking to Gus,” Justin told him, “And that he told you about the carnival down at his school.”

“And about how Daddy Justin and Mommy Lindsay were really important down there – getting stuff ready for it,” Brian went on. “What Gus did not tell me was why nobody had mentioned this carnival to Daddy Brian. Like maybe why you hadn’t said anything - or why Linz hadn’t said anything. I bet Mommy Mel knows all about it - so Daddy Brian is the only one left in the dark. N’est-ce pas – or however it is the French say it? And I also bet that Lindsay called you right away to alert you that your secret was out.”

“Well it’s called the Grandview Carnival Circus, Bri,” Justin offered an explanation for the situation without an excuse. “And they like – have it every year. There’s always this circus theme and they try to raise money for some special project at the school. This year they want to get some new art stuff – a kiln for ceramics and some new easels and a lot of things to improve the program. And like – me and Linz are artists - so they asked us to be the chairpersons this year…”

“And did they ask you not to say anything to Gus’ less important daddy about this year’s big Circus?” Brian wondered. “Do they know - even over at Grandview School - that Daddy Brian is not supposed to know anything about anything? Perish the thought that he might want to participate in some activity at his kid’s school. Not Brian Kinney Who would want him anyhow?”

“Gee whiz, Brian,” Justin complained in return. “There was no way we could ever think that you wouldn’t find out about it – so we weren’t keeping any secrets at all. You know that. There may have been a question of the timing though. First of all, you are way too busy to be involved in all the planning we had to do.”

”Or maybe too dumb, Kiddo,” Brian supposed with a grin. “Not au courant with the current art scene.”

“Hey Bri,” Justin smiled slightly, “If they ever do a Grandview Circus for the French department you’d be a natural for chairman – being so fluent and all….”

“Stick to the subject, Baby,” Brian reminded him. “We were talking about why I was completely excluded from the big arts Circus – not just the planning – the whole thing. Do parents help out at this carnival? Like – I’m a parent. Was I gonna be asked to help – or am I also too busy to do anything at all for my kid?”

“Darn it Bri,” Justin came back. “Nobody’s trying to exclude you – you are like – Gus’ main parent - but you are also a very tough guy to deal with a lot of the time – like maybe now for instance. OK, parents do help and we need help too – but like – the chairpeople at these things dress up for the carnival in clown suits. It’s like an important Circus tradition….”

“So you and Linz will be running around there in clown suits. I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Sunshine. Consider me a volunteer. I’ll be working at the carnival – you can count on me – I’ll be there,” Brian enthused. “Can’t wait. I’ll take some pictures….”

“Brian,” Justin stopped him, “sweetheart. You gotta let me finish. If you wanna know it all, you gotta let me finish. The chairpersons wear clown suits but all the other parent volunteers wear really funny clown hats too. The kids like to see their parents with those clown hats – and there is always a picture of them wearing their hats in the PTA bulletin the next month. Me and Linz designed some really crazy new hats this year. You wouldn’t want to work at the festival and be the only one without a clown hat. Gus would wonder….”

“Wait a minute, Sonny Boy,” Brian interrupted. “First I don’t get told about this Carnival Circus at all – and then you try to discourage me from volunteering – and then you tell me even if I do volunteer anyhow - that I don’t get to wear a clown hat like everybody else….”

“Brian Kinney,” Justin laughed. “There is no way at all that you would ever wear a clown hat in public – no way - and get your picture in the PTA bulletin with the hat on too? I don’t think so.”

“Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do then, Kiddo,” Brian continued. “I just might….”

“I’d love it if you would, BK,” Justin interrupted. “We would all love it. And you’ll be great too. If you’ll do it I’ll try to get you a hat that isn’t all that funny.”

“Geez, Taylor,” Brian objected. “Seems like I can’t win. I finally get to wear a clown’s hat and now you wanna see that I don’t get a funny one. I guess you don’t really want me there at all. I just can’t win.”

“OK, Kinney,” Justin decided. “You do win – if that’s what you call it. Just like always. I’ll personally see that you get the very weirdest clown hat we can design. Everybody will laugh at you. Are you satisfied?”

“Well it took you long enough to get around to treating me fairly, JT,” Brian smiled and looked down at his still untouched plate “But now you took so long my food is cold. You’re gonna have to reheat it.”

“You know what, Mr. Kinney,” Justin winked at him. “Just cause you’ll be wearing the funniest clown hat at the Circus - you don’t really have to try to be funny too.”

So the guys ate their not-so-really-cold food in silence that evening – just exchanging smiles across the table from time to time – and Brian Kinney

felt like he once thought he would never feel. Brian Kinney felt like a winner.

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