The Anniversary Challenge

All Sewn Up

"Hey Brian."

"Hey Sonny Boy. What's all that shit? Doesn't smell like Thai."

"Better not. It's my costume for the Halloween party or it will be when I'm finished with it."

"Why can't you be like everyone else, at this insane time of year, and buy a costume?"

"I did buy a costume. But when I got it back to Daph's it looked like shit. I mean the color and everything looks okay, it just fits like shit. So I thought I'd alter it."

"So the big box?"

"Is Debbie's portable sewing machine."

"Of course it is. Why did you bring here? I'm sure your mommy or Debbie or even Emmett would have jumped at the chance to help you."

"I know but I wanted to do it myself. You know, I can do things for myself."

"Of course you can. Well then, get yourself set up at the table and you'll need an extension cord. You hungry? I'll call out."

"Yeah sure, anything. Thanks."

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"Shit!"

"What's wrong, Martha Stewart?"

"Something's wrong with the machine. The threads are all tangled and when I try to sew, it just comes out of the material. It's like it doesn't catch at all."

"Let me see. Here's your first problem. You have the machine all threaded up wrong. And, yup, you forgot the bobbin and the tension is wrong for the weight of the fabric."

"I got what? A tense bobbin? Brian, what the fuck are you talking about?"

"At least you're using a practice swatch."

"A watch? What's my watch got to do with it?"

"A swatch. Don't you know anything?"

"I know lots of things but apparently not as much as you do when it comes to sewing. Brian, how do you know so much about sewing?"

"I don't, but I know about this machine."

"Care to elaborate?"

"If I must."

"Well..."

"When I was in college, don't touch that; when I was in college I took a theater arts class. I needed the extra credit. I figured it would be a easy A. Memorize some lines, write a few essays; easy. What I didn't know is that when you got a part you also had to make the costume that went with it. It was a big part of the grade. So if I wanted that A..."

"You needed to learn how to sew."

"Yup. I sure as hell wasn't gonna ask Joan for her sewing machine and Lindsey's mom had a super modern one that was way too complicated. I almost gave up. Here; you thread the machine like this."

"Oh."

"What color will you be using?"

"Pale blue."

"Okay, lets prepare the bobbin. You put the empty bobbin here, wind the thread a little then gently press the peddle."

"Wow; go on with your story."

"Um, yeah. I was getting really frustrated, I almost sewed it by hand but that would have taken forever. So I called Debbie. I knew she had to have a machine; she did. I carted all my stuff to her house and she gave me a crash course in home ec."

"Home what?"

"It's a class that they used to teach girls when Debbie went to school. The girls got home economics which included sewing and cooking. The boys got shop."

"They taught boys how to shop?"

"No, you ditz, wood carving and metal working. They called it shop. You know, wood shop?"

"Oh; and Debbie trusted you with her sewing machine?"

"I wasn't always so evil."

"No, just 99% of the time."

"She trusted me and she hung around to supervise. She taught me how to work the machine, what the numbers meant, how to go in reverse. That sort of stuff. I was a quick study. She even trusted me with her precious pinking shears."

"Pink what?"

"Pinking shears. Open the sewing box. Those funny scissors, the ones with the weird teeth."

"What are these used for?"

"Some material, like the stuff your costume is made out of, frays easily. If you use those shears, it stops it from fraying as much."

"I see."

"The bobbin's done. It goes under here. Now we thread the machine. Adjust the tension and..."

"We sew?"

"Not yet, we have to catch the bobbin thread first."

"How?"

"We lift the presser foot and..."

"Pressure foot?"

"Presser foot and with one or two turns of the wheel..."

"Viola!"

"Yup. Hand me that swatch. Line it up, let down the foot, step gently on the peddle, sometimes you have to give the wheel a little help. This is an old machine and..."

"We're off!"

"You try."

"Whoa, that goes fast."

"Careful you don't run out of material, you'll tangle the thread again. The numbers refer to how many stitches per inch. The lowest is for basting, the higher, if you want a tight stitch. When you're done, you flip this lever in the back and it puts it in reverse to secure the seam. When you're done you raise the foot and the needle, pull a little then clip."

"Hey, that's pretty good."

"There ya go, partner."

"Thanks Brian."

"Anytime Sunshine. So what or who are you going as?"

"Prince Charming, and before you say anything, Daphne will be Snow White. And, no, I will not coerce you into coming with us."

"Thank the gods. For a moment I thought I was going to be the wicked queen."

"You'd be good at it."

"I'm sure. Uh, Justin?"

"Yeah, Bri?"

"Where's the rest of your costume?"

"It's in there."

"All I see is the tunic."

"What?! No, here it is."

"This scrap of material?!"

"It's a thong."

"Oh no. You are not going out wearing two inches of material, that tunic barely hits the top of your thighs. Justin, just where is this party?"

"At Babylon."

"Uh, I'm going out for a while, I wont be long."

"Where ya going?"

"To the costume shop."

"Gonna be the wicked queen?"

"No, the wicked henchman. And I'm going to the hardware store."

"For a costume?"

"No, an axe, a real one. If your bubble butt is going to be on display then I'll need a weapon, a big one."

"Later, Bri."

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"Daph? It's me. Yeah, it worked alright. Yup, he's coming with us. He just left to get a costume. Yeah, I know, wait...oh shit."

"Hey little prince, tell Snow White I say hi, later Sunshine."

"Fuck. How does he do that?"

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