W is for Walk

It all started with a walk down Liberty Avenue. The sights and sounds were so foreign, but not unwelcome. He was going to become a part of this no matter what. This was the first time he had visited here and, if he weren’t so determined, he would have turned around and walked the other way. Justin couldn’t decide where to go first. He stopped to look around, to get his bearings, to finally breathe. That’s when he saw HIM, and he knew that this would be one walk he would always remember.

~~

The kiss was sweet, hesitant and oh so romantic. They smiled and said, “Later.” And Justin walked off, away from the jeep, away from the kiss, but with the promise of so much more. Brian watched him walk away, a lightness in his heart that he finally let himself feel. The light suddenly turned dark with one swing of the bat and Brian knew he would never forget that sight of Justin walking away.

~~

He was walking on Liberty Avenue again. The fear of crowds, of a stranger’s touch, was still too real. He held tight to Brian’s arm, his lifeline on the road to recovery. He put an arm around Brian’s waist and then felt a strong arm around his shoulder.  He could relax now. He knew he was protected.

~~

“Come on, Sonny Boy.” He didn’t hear the words, but he could see the person who said them. He was doing it. His steps became more sure as he walked toward Brian, toward the waiting safety of his arms. He didn’t need to hear the words; he could see the pride and pleasure in the hazel eyes.

~~

The heavy loft door opened slowly and closed without the usual bang. He wasn’t sure he was welcomed here this night. A soft light from the bedroom dimly illuminated the living room. Shadows made the situation even more real. He walked slowly to the steps leading to the bedroom and stopped for a moment, unsure if he should enter. There were no sounds, no words. He undressed, leaving his clothes where they fell as he walked the few steps to the side of the bed. He watched the figure in the bed, hoping for a word, but the silence remained. Just as he thought that spending the night on the sofa was probably the best idea, a quiet movement from the bed brought him back to reality. A strong arm had pulled the covers back…an invitation to share the bed one more time. He lay down, back toward the other man and held his breath as the covers were pulled up over his arm. A tear fell from his eye as he took a breath.

~~

He gazed up at the grand staircase and saw the dark-haired violinist greeting his public. He almost hated to interrupt his success but started walking toward him anyway. He had taken just a few steps in his direction. That’s when he saw his boyfriend whispering into the ear of a thin, young man, saw them smile at each other and the discrete way the violinist followed the unknown man out.  Justin looked up, unbelievingly. This was the man who professed his love over dark chocolate and picnics on the floor. Justin turned and walked out of the building and into the cold night air.

~~

The office was quiet, deserted at this late hour. Everyone had gone home except him and the boss, who always worked late. He walked down the dimly lit hallway until he reached the door he had entered many times before. He knocked and walked in, not waiting for an invitation.  The short walk to the desk took just a second or two. He said what he came to say and waited for the reply. There was only one reply he wanted, only one reply he would accept. He watched the hazel eyes and beautiful lips, hoping to ascertain his answer. “…and you’re never to play violin music in my presence again.” He knew what was expected of him and what he could expect from the boss. It was quite a while before they were ready to walk out of the office that night.

~~

Luckily the cop felt bad for Justin and didn’t handcuff him. The walk to the patrol car was short and Justin stood tall, a snub to the man who had him arrested…his own father. Later that evening he walked down the sidewalk with his mother and Ben after his bail was paid. It was cold and the remnants of the winter snow, now all dirty and slushy, made the whole situation even worse. He told his mother what his father had said, that it was Justin’s fault the family broke up because he was gay. She hugged him and told him it wasn’t the truth, that they were having problems long before that. It would take a while for him to believe, but it would happen.

~~

The ride took longer than he thought it would. He wondered where they were going, but Brian wouldn’t tell him. They pulled into a drive in front of a large house and walked up to the door. Brian put a key into the lock and escorted Justin into the house and to the den. A fire was set in the fireplace and it soon took the winter chill off the room. Justin waited for Brian to give him an explanation. What he got was a proposal, one that Brian made sure that Justin knew was from his heart. Justin walked around the sofa and up to the man he had loved for five years.

“Yes, I will marry you.”

They didn’t need to walk any further, at least right then. They settled on the floor where a blanket had been thrown and they showed each other just how much they loved.

~~

As usual, the sex was intense and satisfying. And, for this night, it was also bittersweet. Early in the morning, after very little sleep, Justin walked to the door, what belongings he could carry in a duffel bag. He turned to take one last look around what had been his home for the better part of five years. He could see Brian’s naked body, sprawled out on his…their…bed. He could still feel Brian’s hands and lips on his body. He could still feel Brian inside of him, loving him. He vowed to himself that he would not cry. This was just a new phase of his life, an opportunity he was grateful for but one he also wished hadn’t been presented to him. He knew what he was giving up but not what he would get in return. “I’ll always love you, Brian.” He didn’t say those words out loud. He had said them out loud, in the dark of night, lying in Brian’s arms.

“Later,” he said softly, the familiar word getting lost in the still air. Taking a deep breath, he turned and closed the door. The stairs loomed before him and he started to walk down and to a new life he wasn’t sure he wanted.

Inside the loft, hazel eyes stared at the door. “Later,” he said. “Later, Sunshine.”

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